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new journal, hopefully of progress

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  • #76
    Brunch: 3 egg omelette with bacon, tomato, cheese. Tea with splash milk

    Intended to buy large black coffee with small splash milk, but walked away before I reaslised I had a skim cappucino. Geez it was sweet.

    Dinner: left over roast as above.


    • #77
      Monday was horrific. An amazing up followed by a crushing blow. I won't elaborate, but I did cry through 2 bottles of wine. I think from the state of affairs, (tmi) I threw up at some point and I sent sme regrettable text messages to the source of my angst. hmmm.

      hangover day wasnt great. BUT my 5-HTP arrived in mail at lunchtime, sucked down two tablets by 5pm and it was hard to assess whether calm was hangover fading or tiredness and the exhausation that comes with bawling your eyes out.

      Today took 5HTP in am, and one when I got home at 930 pm. It is an appetite suppresant, too early to say whether my mood is a product of resignation to new circumstances re man in question or 5HTP mind numbing. anyway lets see. Fortunate timing


      • #78
        anyway, so my first three weeks were followed by a bad week.

        To hard to assess the 5HTP with all the angst, drinking, hangovers and shit food.

        anyway, moving on

        B: boiled egg, large black coffee

        L: rotiserrie chicken and steamed veg

        D: my bolognaise with vegie thingo, with some sour cream. thank god for frozen bolognaise when you get home at 9pm ...and there is bread in the house!


        • #79
          Good primal food decisions today, katemary. When things are rough it's one nice way to give yourself some TLC.
          Annie Ups the Ante


          • #80
            Thanks Annie, good way of looking at it!


            B: cheesy omelette
            L: tiny bit of salad, bit roast chicken, bit of canned salmon with balsamic
            D: few glasses of red, so skipped dinner


            B: boiled egg and long black
            L: GYG beef and guac with salsa and black beans
            D: aargh - stuck at work and someone brought me plate of mini sausage rolls and pies and asian rolls...ate them without thinking, so didnt have anything when got home


            B: omelette with tomato cheese and bacon
            LL: limited options as out - lamb burger and chips. Doh
            D: lamb loin, asparagus, eggplant


            • #81
              Yum, katemary, I love asparagus.
              Annie Ups the Ante


              • #82
                man, I am being hit from all sides by various stress. Can I just have a couple of months of peace, geez my work is stressful enough. I woke up this morning and I could feel the pulse and the surge of anxiety, I thought, I need to sprint, scream, puke, smash a fist in a wall. I just can't catch a break, too many competing conflicting demands, people to keep happy. Coping with alcohol and sometimes crap food follows. Seriously thought this morning about possiility of having a stroke. Sigh, anyway been mostly primal but numbing anxiety, negative thinking and fear with alcohol, hope I can revert back soon.

                I just want to cry and scream for a few days, drink to oblivion a few more, take a couple of months off work............and then despair at throwing away a good career, 7 yrs at uni and shitloads of hardwork. Its hard to win sometimes. I am exhausted...mentally.


                • #83
                  Hugs to you, katemary. Thinking of you today.
                  Annie Ups the Ante


                  • #84
                    Thanks Annieh xx


                    • #85
                      Back to it.

                      B: large long black, boiled egg
                      L: grilled salmon and steamed cauli and brocc
                      D: my tuna bolognaise - onion, garlic, canned tomato (cherry this time, I like!), tuna and peas.

                      Supplement roll call:

                      Mornings - mutlivitamin, krill oil, liver tablets, telfast
                      Evenings - 5HTP, magnesium, liver tablets


                      • #86
                        Mmm, grilled salmon for lunch. How luxurious this primal eating can be
                        Annie Ups the Ante


                        • #87
                          I agree!

                          I just wish I knew what they grilled it in - hopefully the oil is from the fish!


                          Started convict conditioning programme

                          Wall push ups - step one - 10
                          Squats - tummy too big to do step 1 shoulderstand squats!! - step two, jackknife squats - 10
                          Vertical pulls - step one - 10...not sure I am "getting" this one
                          Knee tucks - step one - 10
                          Short bridges - step one - 10
                          wall handstand - havent tried.


                          • #88
                            B: large black coffee with coconut oil, boiled egg
                            L: salmon and avocado and a potato hash thing (baked not fried), large black coffee
                            D: lamb cutlets, baked with truss tomatoes and asparagus. Note to self - cooking time for asparagus not the same as for lamb!

                            felt I haven't had enough fat, so had 2 figs and apricot, choped up with double cream. Bleh - wish I didn't. what a waste of calories.


                            • #89
                              5HTP thoughts

                              I started it about 3 weeks ago when I was going through a pretty horrific time, emotionally, so I don't really have a baseline. My stress was starting to manifest in physical signs like waking with such anxiety, in my chest not my gut, that I had to throw up (or felt like going for a run, if I had the energy) and rashes were appearing and my eyes were swelling. So - bad time for baseline.

                              It is banned here, so limited info about its use. I started taking it in the morning for stress and appetite control, but after further research I have been taking 2 150mg at night. Great vivid dreams - its almost like I am watching in high definition and have a running commentary about it at the same time.

                              I am still dealing with a lot of stress at work and some personal revelations, but I think instead of reacting to everything like my whole being is a raw sore being constantly insulted, I notice something, get a fleeting appropriate emotion of annoyance, hatred, distaste or sadness, and just move on. Its weird.

                              I wish I was not in such a bad state when I started taking it, to have a true baseline, but for now, I think it helps anxiety and depression, not so sure about insomnia (but hot and humid, so unfair time to judge) and jury is out on the appetite suppression.

                              I have a big day tomorrow that may be challenging and will take some to work - happy to pop it half an hour before events turn.

                              anyway, so snapshot of my 5HTP experience so far.


                              • #90
                                I hope things improve for you soon