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"Your dad is so fat".... Primal Papa's Journal.

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  • Hey just checking in. Dont get discrouraged. I cant remember your current level of exercise (I know you are giving this your all and its fantastic), but maybe your extra weight is new muscle? If it is not dont get discouraged. Either consider increasing your exercise level (this might not be possble with work, family etc), but also think of eating mroe to fuel your metabolism and thus burn more calories.

    Here is what I ateyesterday (alot of chicken when usually I would have more variety but here is my food intake so you can compare - to a point of course)

    1. Fratatta with black pudding and goats cheese
    2. Two chicken thighs + apple
    3. Three egg omelette with basil, banana.
    4. Sweet potato with a homemade chicken curry (my amazing wife stripped down some chicken and mixed it with some herbs, cocunut milk, peppers etc.
    5. Pan fried chicken breast + salad
    6. More chicken curry
    7. One chicken thigh, grapes, homemade chicken liver pate and oat cakes.

    There was also a couple mugs of honey and lemon, as well as plenty fizzy water and a G-Bar (gluten,dairy, wheat free pumpkin seed bar containing about 9G's protein).

    Like I said alot of chicken. I would usually have more fish in there but you get the idea.

    Richard
    It isn't the mountains ahead that wear you out....Its the grain of sand in your shoe.

    Comment


    • So, I would like to get something off my chest at the risk of alienating some of you.

      I have never had a great relationship with my mother. She is 71 years old. My dad died when he was 42. My mom never remarried, or even dated much after my dad died. I think they kept it well hidden from me, but listening to things my mom has said over the years makes me think that maybe she didn't really like my father, and now she is telling me that I am just like him.

      OK, so she is 71 and can't drive anymore. She lives in a low cost place with all old people BY HER CHOICE. I once bought her a house to live in, and she lived there for 2 years before moving to the old folk's place. She said she couldn't afford to live in the house. I paid the mortgage, but she was responsible for everything else.

      So, about 4 months ago she gave up her car. She really had no choice because she became a menace on the roads, as she could no longer make good judgments. When she would visit me it would not be uncommon for her to park 3 - 5 FEET from the curb because she couldn't tell how far away she was from the curb.

      I live 20 minutes from her. My brother lives an hour away, but works 20 minutes away from where she lives.

      Without a car, she CAN arrange transportation - FREE - through where she lives, but she almost never will, instead, calling me to take her places 80% of the time, and my brother 20% of the time. I totally understand her reluctance to use the free transportation service that can be arranged. They are frequently late, and you must fit what you want into their schedule. It stinks, but it is free.

      So, my mom asks me to do a lot for her.... take her places, help her around her apartment, and the like..... I AM 100% OK WITH THAT.

      What I am not OK with is the way she always tries to take advantage of me by asking me for "about an hour of your time", but then wanting me to stay and do 2 - 3 hours of work. I blame myself for this because I let her get her way so often before... So the last time I went to help her prior to yesterday was about 10 days ago. We got into a fight because as always, she didn't tell me the complete truth when it came to what she wanted from me.

      All I ask is that she tell me what she wants done so I can set aside the appropriate amount of time to help her, while leaving me the rest of the day to do what I have planned for myself.

      OK, so yesterday we got into a BIG fight, and I told her I was done helping her anymore since she can't respect y time. Here is how this went, and how it always goes:

      I called her up 3 days ago to see if she wanted me to take her to the bank the next day. She said yes, but that she would call me at about 1PM after she came home with her friend from shopping. At 1PM, no call..... at 2 PM, no call.... at 3 PM I call her house and leave her a message on her machine that I wasn't coming at all because she was already 2 hours late, and I had things to do. At 6PM she called me, and for a change she was in a really good mood. She said she was out having a great day with a friend she hadn't seen in years. She didn't call me though, to tell me she wasn't going to be available for our bank run. She does not have a cell phone. I bought her one and paid for it, but she lost it, and I canceled her plan, since she made LITERALLY 3 calls in 2 years.

      At that point she apologized and said she should have called. Then she asked me for "about an hour of my time the next day" to go to the bank, and help her out. I agreed. I arrived at her home 3 minutes later than I said I would be there. She later brought this up, saying I was late getting her.


      Sorry, this is LONG, but I need to get it off my chest, and maybe you will agree with me - or not.


      So, I said I was taking her to the bank, and then would come back and help her around her apartment. We get out on the road and she asks if I have time to take her to Aldi's ( a low cost SMALL grocery store ). I have seen her go to this store often, and she usually buys like 3 or 4 things and is done, so I agreed. When we went into the store, she said "Go take care of your banking, and come back and get me".... My bank is in the parking lot of the same shopping center. So, I went and did my banking. Ten minutes later I go back to pick her up and she is still in only the 2nd aisle. And she has about 15 items in the cart. She THEN tells me that she is stocking up and will be a while..... 30 minutes later she is ready to check out..... So ALREADY I have given her an hour of time, and we have not yet gone to the bank, nor done the things she wanted me to do at her apartment.

      So, as she is about to check out, I ask her why she needs to go to the bank, but I already know - she wants spending money.... So I tell her that we don't need to go to the bank, and that she can get money back from the cashier when checking out.... I ask her how much money she wants, and she says "Thirty Dollars".... which of course we know that most places dole out money in increments of 20. I again tell her that she can get the money from the store upon checkout, but it needs to be $20 or $40, not $30. She then says AGAIN that she wants to go to the bank to get the money.

      At that point I tell he NO we are not going to the bank to get money, and that she can get it right at the store and save us 20 minutes. She says that she want to use the bank for the withdrawal, and not the store. I tell her it isn't going to happen., and that I have things to do, and need to get moving. So when she checks out, she uses her debit card, and DOESN"T TAKE OUT THE MONEY. And then says "Well, I messed up, and now we MUST go to the bank". She didn't "mess up". She did what she did because she wanted to.

      So I knew that, because that is just the way she is. So I refused to take her to the bank, because her bank was 10 minutes further away, and that was going to be about 2 hours of my time, and I still had not done what she needed at her place. I told her that I don't mind helping her but please respect my time. We have the same "chat" every time I go to help her, and it usually gets loud.

      I took her home, unloaded her groceries, and did the things I told her I would. I also told her that I am done taking her places, as she doesn't respect my time.

      Honestly, she does this ALL THE TIME..... asks me for an hour of time, but then when I get there, she wants 2 - 3 hours of my time. And she doesn't think I should get upset. She doesn't get that I have my own plans too.

      So I told her I was done with this.... as I was leaving she said "You're exactly like your father".
      Last edited by Primal Papa; 11-16-2012, 06:35 AM.
      Start Date 9.24.12
      Starting weight 285ish ( scale is acting funny so I don't trust it, but 285 is close )
      CW - 271 pounds
      First Goal - 255 by 2013
      Main Goal - To be healthy for my family... I have an awesome family.
      Other Goal - to get off some medications
      Final goal - to get to about 180 pounds by 2014
      NEW GOAL - When I can start a new journal called "Your dad is not so fat!"

      Your Dad is So Fat

      Comment


      • I'm glad you were able to get that off your chest. Your reactions seem very reasonable. It is the curse of unreasonable people that they can wear on us until we begin to doubt ourselves. You have every right to expect common courtesy from your mom. Good for you for standing up to a bully.

        (And too many of us have mother issues to get on you.)

        Hugs.

        Comment


        • I have a lot of mother issues myself. This is the book I'm reading Who's Pulling Your Strings? by Harriet B. Braiker, PH.D. It's really opened my eyes and made me realize a lot of things. Check it out and I'm also going to start exploring my mother and relationship issues.
          Georgette

          Comment


          • Originally posted by Primal Papa View Post
            I made this w/o a recipe, but this should be close:

            Beanless Chili:

            4 ounces of bacon grease
            2 pounds of diced stew meat
            2 chopped onions
            2 diced jalapenos
            2 cloves of garlic, chopped
            about 36 ounces of fresh tomatoes, processed in my cuisinart until just barely chunky. I didn't skin or de-seed them.
            3 TBS of chili seasoning
            1 TBS of chili powder
            2 TBS of maple syrup... yes, maple syrup.....
            salt and pepper


            Sear the diced stew meat in the bacon grease and set aside. You may have to do it in batches. I did.

            Saute the onions, garlic, and jalapenos in the remaining grease - there won't be much left. Be careful not to let anything burn.

            Now take EVERYTHING and put it in a dutch oven if you have one. Cook in a 325 degree oven for 2 - 2.5 hours.

            Now, since rice isn't rally primal, here is what I did: I riced a big head of cauliflower and put the stew over it.... It was good, but I am not sure I would do it again. It took a few bites to adjust to chili and caulilflower in the same bite. The chili was really tasty, tho.

            I am sure you could easily adapt to stove top use, but I didn't want to have to be stirring all day.
            I'm a bit late since I didn't have internet the last few days...but this sounds very tasty. I might leave out the cauliflower though...
            Most people don't realize how much energy it takes for me to pretend to be normal.

            If I wanted to listen to an asshole, I'd fart.

            Twibble's Twibbly Wibbly

            Comment


            • Originally posted by Twibble View Post
              I'm a bit late since I didn't have internet the last few days...but this sounds very tasty. I might leave out the cauliflower though...
              i might do the same, that said, if you make a curry and put it over cauliflower that is the bomb. Great looking recipe PP.

              Comment


              • Originally posted by canio6 View Post
                i might do the same, that said, if you make a curry and put it over cauliflower that is the bomb. Great looking recipe PP.
                If I turn it into a curry, I better like it, 'cause my husband will refuse to eat it. He doesn't like curry for some strange reason.
                Most people don't realize how much energy it takes for me to pretend to be normal.

                If I wanted to listen to an asshole, I'd fart.

                Twibble's Twibbly Wibbly

                Comment


                • Originally posted by irishfoxy
                  I;m going to start out by being clear that I'm not saying you're wrong... but what if she's just lonely and wants to spend time with you?.....
                  Not a chance. Oh, she may be lonely, but she doesn't want to spend time with me.... we argue every time we see each other. That can't be pleasant. I sure as hell know it isn't pleasant for me.
                  Start Date 9.24.12
                  Starting weight 285ish ( scale is acting funny so I don't trust it, but 285 is close )
                  CW - 271 pounds
                  First Goal - 255 by 2013
                  Main Goal - To be healthy for my family... I have an awesome family.
                  Other Goal - to get off some medications
                  Final goal - to get to about 180 pounds by 2014
                  NEW GOAL - When I can start a new journal called "Your dad is not so fat!"

                  Your Dad is So Fat

                  Comment


                  • The cauliflower was only because I wanted to avoid rice.... by all means, if you use rice, then go ahead and use rice. Being diabetic, I try to use low glycemic foods when I can.
                    Start Date 9.24.12
                    Starting weight 285ish ( scale is acting funny so I don't trust it, but 285 is close )
                    CW - 271 pounds
                    First Goal - 255 by 2013
                    Main Goal - To be healthy for my family... I have an awesome family.
                    Other Goal - to get off some medications
                    Final goal - to get to about 180 pounds by 2014
                    NEW GOAL - When I can start a new journal called "Your dad is not so fat!"

                    Your Dad is So Fat

                    Comment


                    • On an entirely non primal, non venting post, have any of you seen the BBC version of a show called Misfits?

                      This show should totally be a show I hate, yet I am strangely compelled to watch it. Here is the premise:

                      A bunch of young adults who have been in trouble with the law are required to do community service. Not a single one of them is a particularly likeable character. While doing community service a crazy storm hit, granting each of them a superpower. What they don't know is that they aren't the only ones with superpowers.

                      So basically, it is Heroes, but way more risque". I would say it is R rated.... lots of bad language, some nudity, and lots of drinking and drug use.It is definitely more suited for the British youth, than a 50 year old guy from Philly. The show can actually be annoying, but just when you think you won't watch anymore, something truly hilarious or compelling draws you back in.

                      If you have Hulu+, I think you should really check t out.
                      Start Date 9.24.12
                      Starting weight 285ish ( scale is acting funny so I don't trust it, but 285 is close )
                      CW - 271 pounds
                      First Goal - 255 by 2013
                      Main Goal - To be healthy for my family... I have an awesome family.
                      Other Goal - to get off some medications
                      Final goal - to get to about 180 pounds by 2014
                      NEW GOAL - When I can start a new journal called "Your dad is not so fat!"

                      Your Dad is So Fat

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by irishfoxy
                        I;m going to start out by being clear that I'm not saying you're wrong...

                        You know when she says "an hour of your time" it will really be 3 or 4 hours, so why not simply book that amount of time with her and do whatever she wants? She may be difficult and stubborn and hard to deal with, but she is your mom, and I'm sure you care about her.
                        This is what I was going to say too. I equate parents that need care to children who need care... they have no sense of time anymore. They have no priorities or regular responsibilities like those of us "in the middle" of life. Maybe if you do like some parents do with children and say "mom. We have already used up 30 minutes of time. You have 30 minutes left" and keep giving her reminders of how much time has been used, maybe she'll eventually stop wasting your time like this.

                        BUT... being an adult who knows what she's like, instead of limiting her to an hour and then getting angry with her, maybe you should just plan for it to take longer than she says. You KNOW it'll take 2-3 hours to do everything she has asked you to do, so why not plan for 2-3 hours and just avoid the fight. Seems like the adult thing to do, in my opinion.

                        And like IrishFoxy said... she's not going to be around forever, just as our kids won't stay little forever. Just treat her like a child b/c really, from what I am hearing and learning from all the others who have mom issues, they are just like children.

                        At any rate... I hope you can find a solution to the problem. Until then, feel free to vent.
                        Primal since March 5, 2012
                        SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by geostump View Post
                          I have a lot of mother issues myself. This is the book I'm reading Who's Pulling Your Strings? by Harriet B. Braiker, PH.D. It's really opened my eyes and made me realize a lot of things. Check it out and I'm also going to start exploring my mother and relationship issues.
                          To give you an idea of manipulative, my mom once came to my home when nobody was there and left a starter kit of "Ally", the weight loss pills, on my kitchen table.
                          Start Date 9.24.12
                          Starting weight 285ish ( scale is acting funny so I don't trust it, but 285 is close )
                          CW - 271 pounds
                          First Goal - 255 by 2013
                          Main Goal - To be healthy for my family... I have an awesome family.
                          Other Goal - to get off some medications
                          Final goal - to get to about 180 pounds by 2014
                          NEW GOAL - When I can start a new journal called "Your dad is not so fat!"

                          Your Dad is So Fat

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by jenn26point2 View Post

                            BUT... being an adult who knows what she's like, instead of limiting her to an hour and then getting angry with her, maybe you should just plan for it to take longer than she says. You KNOW it'll take 2-3 hours to do everything she has asked you to do, so why not plan for 2-3 hours and just avoid the fight. Seems like the adult thing to do, in my opinion.
                            Well, I see the point, but that doesn't agree with my personality. And what I mean by that is I expect people to be honest and forthcoming, mother or not. And I expect people to do what they can to mitigate wasting other people's time. Here is an example: She will call me and ask me over to do stuff, but when I get there she doesn't remember or know what she wants done. I have asked her to simply write it all down for when I get there... she won't do it.

                            As to whether I will miss her when she's gone? Maybe. Like I said in the OP, we have NEVER had a good relationship.
                            Start Date 9.24.12
                            Starting weight 285ish ( scale is acting funny so I don't trust it, but 285 is close )
                            CW - 271 pounds
                            First Goal - 255 by 2013
                            Main Goal - To be healthy for my family... I have an awesome family.
                            Other Goal - to get off some medications
                            Final goal - to get to about 180 pounds by 2014
                            NEW GOAL - When I can start a new journal called "Your dad is not so fat!"

                            Your Dad is So Fat

                            Comment


                            • Primal Papa, I completely understand your point of view, and I agree with what you did. People like that, whether they're relatives or coworkers, are toxic. That kind of thing adds to your stress levels--which may be part of why you're having a hard time losing weight.

                              My parents were divorced and I refused to see my original father after I turned 18, when the court ordered visitation no longer applied to me. He wanted to reconcile about 6 years later, and I gave it a try, but he was still as poisonous as he had been before. I tried the reconciliation thing for about two months, but couldn't take the stress and psychological terrorism, so I refused to see him after that. I didn't speak to him for over twenty years, and then only talked to him on the phone once when he was on his deathbed. He had not changed one bit, and was still horrible to me. The only reason I talked to him then was because my brother asked me to, so I did it for my brother's sake.

                              I was not there when he died, nor did I go to his funeral. I have never regretted "disowning" him.

                              You have to do what's right for your own health--physical and mental. Don't let your mother's passive-aggressive manipulative ways add stress to your life.

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by Primal Papa View Post
                                To give you an idea of manipulative, my mom once came to my home when nobody was there and left a starter kit of "Ally", the weight loss pills, on my kitchen table.
                                Mine told me that the dress I was trying on for my brother's wedding would look great!...if I wore a girdle with it.

                                Luckily, she's lightened up A LOT.
                                Most people don't realize how much energy it takes for me to pretend to be normal.

                                If I wanted to listen to an asshole, I'd fart.

                                Twibble's Twibbly Wibbly

                                Comment

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