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  • Yeah... and then I open my Pandora and the first song that plays... "Across the Universe" followed by "Wish you were Here"... internet guy would find this hilariously ironic. Go figure... at least this made me smile, not cry. All I can do is laugh at life's little signs and pranks these days. Something is happening. Things are lining up... for what? I guess I will find out soon enough. Then on to the next mystery, on to the next lesson, on to the next adventure ♥

    Comment


    • I actually think that when songs come around they are messages from our subconscious, not the Universe

      Originally posted by Jena View Post
      I love that song too. I just listened to it again and I must say I have a different view on it. Sometimes you can't be with someone you love, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't love again. That's kind of the take I have on it now. I used to think it meant settling, I don't now. Thank you. Its amazing how differently things can look by changing your state of mind. I don't know exactly why, but you have made me feel so much better.

      You're so right. Falling in love is not a decision, staying in love, well that's another story. I guess I just take the next step, stop engaging my thoughts about internet guy and try something with this other guy. If it works out, great, if not, oh well. Things will happen as they are supposed to. I will find my way.

      I am so happy that you found love. I really hope it works out for you. You keep me posted. Some people have no idea how exhausting dating and being a single woman can be. Thank you again so much for your response. It was very helpful and heartwarming.
      You're welcome! I can relate to what you're going through... I really can.

      I understand what you're saying about the song - just in my interpretation I question whether I really loved that person, or whether I was infatuated with the idea of them. You know what I mean? There was a guy that I thought was my soul mate (loooong story) and I used to think of him when I heard this song. But last year I met him again after a long time and saw the situation for what it was. I understood that I had projected a lot of my fears and desires onto him, and how unsuitable he really was for me. Once I let him go (after three years of unrequited love) I met my bf.

      My point is that I think real love is requited. Because otherwise, how can you know that you really know the person? So I dont agree with teh song, but I agree with the subtext I've projected on to it

      It is possible that you're allowing yourself to fall for this guy precisely because he's unavailable? I think this was the case with the former-soul mate I referred to. He lived in a different country and he couldnt do the distance. But I think loving him allowed me to love without really progressing within myself. I see that now. With my current bf, I've had to overcome things that I've always run from with previous partners (I would break up with them before I had to go there).

      And yes, I feel you on how exhausting - and traumatic - being a single woman is. I was actualy going to start a thread about it, because I'm flummaxed at how differently people treat you when they hear you're in a relationship.

      <3
      "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

      In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

      - Ray Peat

      Comment


      • Originally posted by Jena View Post
        Its amazing how differently things can look by changing your state of mind.
        Paleo Diet: 8-25-13 Wt: 185 BF% 27
        Primal Diet (Lower Fat/Carb): 9-27, Wt: 176.4
        Potato Hack Diet (Rotation): 11-12, Wt: 171.2
        Primal Diet (LF/C): 1-23-14, Wt: 159.6
        1-30-2014 - 157 (lowest weight since 2004)
        GAPS/SCD 12-29-2014
        CW: 164 GW: 130-135 CBF%: 24.38
        49 - 5'7.5"
        Macros (PFC) 30/40/30

        Comment


        • Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
          I actually think that when songs come around they are messages from our subconscious, not the Universe



          You're welcome! I can relate to what you're going through... I really can.

          I understand what you're saying about the song - just in my interpretation I question whether I really loved that person, or whether I was infatuated with the idea of them. You know what I mean? There was a guy that I thought was my soul mate (loooong story) and I used to think of him when I heard this song. But last year I met him again after a long time and saw the situation for what it was. I understood that I had projected a lot of my fears and desires onto him, and how unsuitable he really was for me. Once I let him go (after three years of unrequited love) I met my bf.

          My point is that I think real love is requited. Because otherwise, how can you know that you really know the person? So I dont agree with teh song, but I agree with the subtext I've projected on to it

          It is possible that you're allowing yourself to fall for this guy precisely because he's unavailable? I think this was the case with the former-soul mate I referred to. He lived in a different country and he couldnt do the distance. But I think loving him allowed me to love without really progressing within myself. I see that now. With my current bf, I've had to overcome things that I've always run from with previous partners (I would break up with them before I had to go there).

          And yes, I feel you on how exhausting - and traumatic - being a single woman is. I was actualy going to start a thread about it, because I'm flummaxed at how differently people treat you when they hear you're in a relationship.

          <3
          Yep... I think that it is quite possible that I fell for internet guy because, well partly, he is unavailable. On the other hand there is a strong bond there. I am too close to it right now to see things clearly probably. My former "soul mate" the jerk I lived with for 3 years. Yeah... wow. After I got some distance from that I see everything for what it really was. That was not love. He didn't even have the capacity to love, just the ability to fake it.

          I do still believe I love internet guy, but I think that I can move on. More than anything I like him. I like his point of view on things, I like that he tells me how things really are, I like his advice, and I love that we can sense what the other is going to say before it is said. I liked having him in my life, but I can't handle it right now because of the feelings. I emailed him last night, that will be the last time I do so. Omg... I have to get some sleep... I woke up at like 4 am, lol. A couple hours, then time to start my day!

          Yeah... and don't you just despise that pity response when you say you are single, lol. Thanks Bare... you're a cool chick.

          Oh, the song. I do see it differently now because I am projecting what my current situation is onto the lyrics, definitely. Which is the correct view? I don't know. I don't think it matters. And the two songs I heard on Pandora were just so random. Normally I would agree with you, but they weren't even songs that really fit the station, or at least not the station I think I was playing and they are literally the only two songs internet guy and I have discussed in any depth. Its just kind of funny, that and I haven't used my Pandora in months.

          I believe in signs from the universe, but that's just me. I also believe people see what they want to see. I just try to remind myself to be clear of the difference. Aaaaaand... to read those signs clearly

          Comment


          • Originally posted by MsSmith View Post
            Yep... got that one from you

            Comment


            • I am in shock right now. I was supposed to meet up with that guy last night and basically just talk and hang out. The moment I saw him I just knew. I knew he wasn't the one for me. I can't explain how I knew. It just isn't there and not wanting to be alone isn't going to make it be there. And, bam, like a smack in the face, a good one, I met someone. Sparks, fireworks. I actually knew him before last night, but haven't ever really spoken to him. Long story. I forgot how amazing it is to have a conversation with someone in person and feel that way. Just a brief touch of hands makes you all warm and mushy inside. I smiled so much last night my cheeks hurt. We have been texting all day. And I am playing it cool. I am not going to push him away. I am not going to be needy, passive aggressive, or co-dependent. I feel like it is really important this time. I have a friend that also just met someone and tends to push people away too. We have a pact/support group (only three members, lol) to keep each other from repeating past mistakes.

              I don't know why it feels so crucial that I not mess this one up, that's usually the first thing I do. I am not getting my hopes up. I am not going to reveal everything about myself right away. I am not going to play games or text him nonstop. I am not going to act all "crazy chick". I am breaking these patterns starting right now. I'll need all of the reminders and support I can get.

              Sure it very well might not go anywhere with this guy, but if that's the case it will be because it wasn't meant to be, not because I messed it up. No matter what I will not repeat these mistakes. However I part ways with this guy, if I do, it will be with him thinking I am a good person. I am terrified right now. It is the scariest feeling in the world to even think about the possibility of developing feelings for someone, especially someone that is a suitable match for me and is a realistic person to date. I am scared shitless right now.

              Comment


              • Feeling a bit sluggish, then I realized I have only eaten an egg, one piece of sausage, and a cup of coffee since Saturday night. Just devoured a spinach and white cheddar omelette. I wish I would've thought to work out first... it can wait a couple hours I suppose.

                Comment


                • Or maybe I'm getting sick. Now that I've eaten it's all I can do to keep my eyes open. I feel like I hit a brick wall.

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by Jena View Post
                    I believe in signs from the universe, but that's just me. I also believe people see what they want to see. I just try to remind myself to be clear of the difference. Aaaaaand... to read those signs clearly
                    I agree

                    If I can comment on your post about the new guy...


                    Originally posted by Jena View Post
                    I am in shock right now. I was supposed to meet up with that guy last night and basically just talk and hang out. The moment I saw him I just knew. I knew he wasn't the one for me. I can't explain how I knew. It just isn't there and not wanting to be alone isn't going to make it be there. And, bam, like a smack in the face, a good one, I met someone. Sparks, fireworks. I actually knew him before last night, but haven't ever really spoken to him. Long story. I forgot how amazing it is to have a conversation with someone in person and feel that way. Just a brief touch of hands makes you all warm and mushy inside. I smiled so much last night my cheeks hurt. We have been texting all day. And I am playing it cool. I am not going to push him away. I am not going to be needy, passive aggressive, or co-dependent. I feel like it is really important this time. I have a friend that also just met someone and tends to push people away too. We have a pact/support group (only three members, lol) to keep each other from repeating past mistakes.

                    I don't know why it feels so crucial that I not mess this one up, that's usually the first thing I do. I am not getting my hopes up. I am not going to reveal everything about myself right away. I am not going to play games or text him nonstop. I am not going to act all "crazy chick". I am breaking these patterns starting right now. I'll need all of the reminders and support I can get.

                    Sure it very well might not go anywhere with this guy, but if that's the case it will be because it wasn't meant to be, not because I messed it up. No matter what I will not repeat these mistakes. However I part ways with this guy, if I do, it will be with him thinking I am a good person. I am terrified right now. It is the scariest feeling in the world to even think about the possibility of developing feelings for someone, especially someone that is a suitable match for me and is a realistic person to date. I am scared shitless right now.
                    First, the more that you focus on past mistakes, the more import and power they have over you. Being needy, insecure, and insane are (unfortunately) part of falling in love. I didn't realise this until recently, but everyone I've spoken to has attested to it. The key is to tell your brain to shut up. You cant trust the neurosis of your mind in these situations.

                    It's reality that at some stage men will pull back, and at this point you have to sit tight and let them take space. It may not feel better for you, but it's ultimately better for the relationship to let each person have their needs fulfilled.

                    And I completely understand the terror. I am completely terrified 30% of the time with my bf. It was more!!! But we're growing into each other and understanding each other. Unfortunately that is also something that takes time - it cant be rushed. Patience is really key in relationships. Dont ever act on impulse (different from being spontaneous. One comes from fear; the other from openness).

                    Hope you're feeling better!
                    Last edited by YogaBare; 11-11-2013, 10:49 PM.
                    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                    - Ray Peat

                    Comment


                    • Are you OK today, Jena?
                      Paleo Diet: 8-25-13 Wt: 185 BF% 27
                      Primal Diet (Lower Fat/Carb): 9-27, Wt: 176.4
                      Potato Hack Diet (Rotation): 11-12, Wt: 171.2
                      Primal Diet (LF/C): 1-23-14, Wt: 159.6
                      1-30-2014 - 157 (lowest weight since 2004)
                      GAPS/SCD 12-29-2014
                      CW: 164 GW: 130-135 CBF%: 24.38
                      49 - 5'7.5"
                      Macros (PFC) 30/40/30

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by MsSmith View Post
                        Are you OK today, Jena?
                        Yep. Just very busy at work. I will respond more later. I really liked what you had to say about relationships!

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
                          I agree

                          If I can comment on your post about the new guy...




                          First, the more that you focus on past mistakes, the more import and power they have over you. Being needy, insecure, and insane are (unfortunately) part of falling in love. I didn't realise this until recently, but everyone I've spoken to has attested to it. The key is to tell your brain to shut up. You cant trust the neurosis of your mind in these situations.

                          It's reality that at some stage men will pull back, and at this point you have to sit tight and let them take space. It may not feel better for you, but it's ultimately better for the relationship to let each person have their needs fulfilled.

                          And I completely understand the terror. I am completely terrified 30% of the time with my bf. It was more!!! But we're growing into each other and understanding each other. Unfortunately that is also something that takes time - it cant be rushed. Patience is really key in relationships. Dont ever act on impulse (different from being spontaneous. One comes from fear; the other from openness).

                          Hope you're feeling better!
                          I am feeling mostly better, just having some sinus issues. If I want to get anything done when I get home I have to do it before it sit down or its not happening. I had wonderful intentions last night of doing things around the house, but sat down and felt so awful and tired that I ended up reading a book instead, which turned out to be a good thing, because it was a wonderful book.

                          The new guy. Well, we haven't hung out yet. He works second shift and I work first, plus he goes to school during the day, so its difficult. He works this weekend, but we are going to hang out Friday night. We both seem to be looking forward to is, so... so far, so good. For some reason I thought Ms.Smith posted the relationship advice, but now while on my pc, not my phone, I can see everything better.

                          I don't know why I am needy, impatient, and insecure in relationships, but I always have been. But of course if they like me as much as I think I want them to, then I run for the hills every time. I am committed to being patient and relaxed with this guy. He seems really cool and the people we know mutually all have nothing but great things to say about him. And he came right out and said that he liked me. He told my friend that he liked me and thought I was really cool. I am physically attracted to him and he seems to be to me as well so all is good for right now. I am constantly, already, telling my brain to shut up. When it comes to me thinking he didn't answer my text quickly enough, or he didn't say exactly what I wanted him to. I have been able to force it out of my mind. It helps that I have reached out to a few people that I have asked to constantly remind me to keep calm and just let things happen.

                          I still miss my internet friend. I wish I wouldn't have screwed that up. I could really use his guidance on this, but I will manage. I will not act on impulse or fear. I will be patient and realize that he is a very busy person and if he wants to make time for me he will, and if he doesn't then it wasn't meant to be. And I won't question him about his use of time or if he wants to spend it with me or not. I won't ask him to dictate his feelings to me, but rather learn what they are from his actions towards me. I will try not to take everything too personally. And mostly I will remember that the world, especially his world doesn't revolve around me. I have been thinking a lot about how I became so impatient in matters of the heart. I truly think that, as messed up as it sounds, it is that I never had to look for it. I am an only child of two parents that are still together. They have always been amazing to me, they never spoiled me with things, but I never had to wait for attention or affection. It was always in abundance. And I spent a lot of my childhood around adults. I am not saying my parents did anything wrong, but its all I can come up with right now. I don't know if it even matters because I know I have to change no matter why I am this way.

                          How long have you and your bf been together now? My last bf and I were only together for 4 months, but it was super intense. I loved him so much. I still miss him sometimes. He just got me. But some stuff happened that took his attention away from me and I freaked out. There is more to it than that of course, but that's really what it boils down to. My longest relationship was 3 years. We moved in together practically after our first date. It was great at first. He cheated on me once, about a year in, and I forgave him. In my heart I knew he and I weren't meant to be together. He wasn't good enough for me. He pitied himself and had no desire to move forward in his life. I was just comfortable and didn't want to be alone, but at the time I pushed all that into the deepest hiding places in my mind. Fast forward a couple of years and we were talking about marriage. About a week later I knew something was wrong, I asked him if he wanted to end it. He said he wanted some space. I agreed. He stayed with his brother and we kept talking. In reality he was already done with me, had moved in with another girl and is now married to her. He is a terrible person. A pathological liar. He abandoned me, he abandoned his children (with his ex-wife), he stopped talking to most of his family. It took me a while to get used to being alone after him, and I thought I missed him, but I didn't. I just missed having someone there. I have no feelings for him left at all. I have some feelings about him, not good ones, but they aren't for myself. They are anger towards him for what he has done to his kids and ex-wife, all of whom I still have contact with.

                          I really haven't ever had a good relationship, so I guess anything I do even slightly better at this point is an improvement. I do feel some pressure about my age. If I want to have a child, it needs to be somewhat soon. I am not sure I want to, but I guess I want the option. Marriage... I am still on the fence about that. I don't think I have a need to be married, but I would like to spend my life with someone.

                          None of these stories are anything I plan on telling him anytime soon. Along with all the other shitty traumatic things that have happened. I am not hiding anything, but for once I would like to start things on a positive note rather than comparing sad stories, which always seems to be my default.

                          Yikes! On another note, I am pretty sure I just heard a gunshot outside! Time to go make sure I locked the door!

                          Comment


                          • Still alive, hopefully it was just a car or something. I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately and randomly just got messaged about religion on another forum I am on. It was nice. I feel like I have nothing to contribute on that one and mostly just lurk and feel dumb in comparison to everyone else. It was nice to see that someone cares about my opinion and is willing to answer questions. I am the first to admit that I am at a time in my life that I need guidance and support. Goodnight all.

                            Comment


                            • "I will not act on impulse or fear. I will be patient and realize that he is a very busy person and if he wants to make time for me he will, and if he doesn't then it wasn't meant to be. And I won't question him about his use of time or if he wants to spend it with me or not. I won't ask him to dictate his feelings to me, but rather learn what they are from his actions towards me. I will try not to take everything too personally."

                              Profound.
                              Paleo Diet: 8-25-13 Wt: 185 BF% 27
                              Primal Diet (Lower Fat/Carb): 9-27, Wt: 176.4
                              Potato Hack Diet (Rotation): 11-12, Wt: 171.2
                              Primal Diet (LF/C): 1-23-14, Wt: 159.6
                              1-30-2014 - 157 (lowest weight since 2004)
                              GAPS/SCD 12-29-2014
                              CW: 164 GW: 130-135 CBF%: 24.38
                              49 - 5'7.5"
                              Macros (PFC) 30/40/30

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by MsSmith View Post
                                "I will not act on impulse or fear. I will be patient and realize that he is a very busy person and if he wants to make time for me he will, and if he doesn't then it wasn't meant to be. And I won't question him about his use of time or if he wants to spend it with me or not. I won't ask him to dictate his feelings to me, but rather learn what they are from his actions towards me. I will try not to take everything too personally."

                                Profound.
                                Thank you. I repeat it to myself practically hourly.

                                Comment

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