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Primal Journal of a lifelong seeker... phaselow

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  • #46
    And now:

    Only had 2 decafs with ghee/heavy cream until Noon because I just couldn't have another day of eating hospice-like food. It doesn't work well with me.

    Lunch:

    4oz of left over fatty rib eye
    2pc bacon

    Dinner:

    2c kabocha squash mixed with about 4oz pork roast (mostly fat)

    Cannot give up my winter squash. It is the only carb I ate today, period. Maybe 40 grams total for the day max?

    Nothing much to say. Ethan had his testicles removed today. He's a dog.

    I'm spending a lot of time gone in the mornings. I've got to figure out what to do about eating breakfast. I don't like eating when I first get up, but I also don't like to fast for 17-18 hours each day. I don't do well with mobile breakfasts like trail mix or beef jerky. I honestly do best eating steak or salmon; even more than eggs. I'm not at work at a desk. I guess I can fill a thermos with eggs and see how it lasts? I want to eat around 10am but typically can't until 11 or 12. By then I am so hungry... and home alone with the entire pantry at my disposal... and I make poor choices.

    What's a girl to do?
    sigpic
    Age 48
    Start date: 7-5-12
    5'3"
    121lbs
    GOAL: to live to be a healthy and active 100


    "In health there is freedom. Health is the first of all liberties."
    Henri Frederic Amiel

    Comment


    • #47
      Well, this morning I decided to eat a protein rich breakfast instead of my typical long fast. In addition to my decaf with ghee/cream, I also had:

      1 egg omelette with 1 pc bacon
      small chunk of left over cider braised pork shoulder roast

      We will see if that protein lump in the morning sets me up for the day. Too little protein is definitely my downfall. It seems I ate a fatty enough breakfast to satiate. I am full now. I didn't get much sleep last night due to a UTI, but now I feel better with 2 doses abx so off to get another hour of sleep. Kids on bus. Dog fed. I'm full. Went to gym. Had a pathetic workout, but I completed it. Finisher on rowing machine felt good but stamina was low.

      Lunch:

      Rest of pork and most of onion/apple mixture. Maybe 8oz meat? A ton!

      Snack:

      Dark chocolate I was baking and just had to sample.
      1t peanut butter

      So, the eating breakfast today did not help my appetite. I think I just eat a lot!

      Dinner:

      2-3 oz extra sharp cheddar and mild cheddar cheese

      I was over at my MIL's house, which was full of baked goods and casseroles brought by well meaning friends and neighbors. I only at the cheese. The chaotic vigil continues as my MIL declines. I am so proud of her for getting out of inpatient hospice. I can see a contentment now that she is home. Tough to watch the life drain. She has that terminal restlessness we've heard about; she just moves around and around the house which means someone always has to move around with her. Purposeless walking... perhaps movement is how she can still feel alive? Everyone wants her to rest. This cancer makes me realize I have a better chance of not being in her shoes if I eat well. Will this help stop my cheating ways?
      Last edited by PHaselow; 10-10-2012, 07:40 PM.
      sigpic
      Age 48
      Start date: 7-5-12
      5'3"
      121lbs
      GOAL: to live to be a healthy and active 100


      "In health there is freedom. Health is the first of all liberties."
      Henri Frederic Amiel

      Comment


      • #48
        Originally posted by PHaselow View Post
        Ethan had his testicles removed today. He's a dog.
        ROFL !! I'm glad to hear it! Did you see in the news that a British rugby player ruptured a testicle during a game, and after the game was over, went to the hospital, where they removed it. He tweeted after he left the hospital, "Seriously feel like I've left something?"

        Originally posted by PHaselow View Post
        I'm spending a lot of time gone in the mornings. I've got to figure out what to do about eating breakfast.

        ...(snip)...

        What's a girl to do?
        How about hard boiled eggs and beef jerky or veg/fruit? When I'm not sure what my morning schedule is going to be like, I'll put a couple of hard boiled eggs in a ziplock, grab some beef jerky, and/or some baby carrots or a small apple.

        Comment


        • #49
          Originally posted by Goldie View Post
          ROFL !! I'm glad to hear it! Did you see in the news that a British rugby player ruptured a testicle during a game, and after the game was over, went to the hospital, where they removed it. He tweeted after he left the hospital, "Seriously feel like I've left something?"



          How about hard boiled eggs and beef jerky or veg/fruit? When I'm not sure what my morning schedule is going to be like, I'll put a couple of hard boiled eggs in a ziplock, grab some beef jerky, and/or some baby carrots or a small apple.
          Augh. I don't even have testicles and that makes me squeamish.

          I tried the beef jerky. I don't think it was enough food in my stomach. I use the jerky for afternoon snacks, but I do need something heavier when I break that fast. I will get a dozen eggs and hard boil them up for my busy mornings. Now that it is getting colder, I can leave them in the car.

          thanks
          sigpic
          Age 48
          Start date: 7-5-12
          5'3"
          121lbs
          GOAL: to live to be a healthy and active 100


          "In health there is freedom. Health is the first of all liberties."
          Henri Frederic Amiel

          Comment


          • #50
            A little stress reduction today!

            Got my new clothes washer, and I get to spend an entire morning at home (ALONE) to catch up on a week's worth of laundry for a family of 5. The others are at MIL's house to care for her. The machine even plays a catchy tune at the end of the cycle; very soothing.

            Fasted from 7PM-11:30AM except for 2 mugs of decaf with ghee/heavy cream

            Lunch:

            8oz lamb leg steak; marinated in olive oil/rosemary/honey/tamari
            1 square 75% raw chocolate bar

            We will see how today goes. It is almost 1PM, and I am not ravenous. I think eating that much protein did it. Is that OK to gorge on meat like that? I feel the need to eat only vegetables for dinner. My thoughts about food are still 'off'. I do love that I don't want baked goods at all anymore. I don't even want my beloved caramel apple, although I'm not about the test it by bringing one into the house.

            Dinner:

            small serving rotisserie chicken
            lots of orange winter squash

            After reading Mark's Fall Foods/Seasonal Eating post today, I decided I was going to keep on indulging in my winter squash and forget about fearing those carbs. Honestly, it is the only carbs I've eaten today, but it was probably a boat load (all at once). Very sweet without any seasoning. I ate half of a pretty large ambercup squash. Close to 3 cups of the stuff. 60g

            Bring on that winter fat.
            Last edited by PHaselow; 10-11-2012, 04:33 PM.
            sigpic
            Age 48
            Start date: 7-5-12
            5'3"
            121lbs
            GOAL: to live to be a healthy and active 100


            "In health there is freedom. Health is the first of all liberties."
            Henri Frederic Amiel

            Comment


            • #51
              Hey there!
              Well I'm catching up. After being out of town last week I've fallen pretty behind on everything there is to do and didn't want to get lost in MDA-land which I can easily do for hours!

              Looks like you're having some challenges...I totally hear you on the half-assing...WIth those of us who struggle with binge eating and sugar, it doesn't work. Been there, done it too many times to realize that as much as I detest all or none thinking, I have to go all in in order to gain the effects I really want: high energy, no cravings, satiety, the ability to turn down bread.

              So I've been doing this since Monday, and I am doing it perfectly. I've logged over 30000 steps so far. I've done two strength training workouts. Tomorrow will be another strength. My diet has been around 70% fat, 20% protein, 10% carbs-from vegetables only. Dairy very limited. I find that if I have a decent dinner with plenty of fat, fasting for 16 hours until the next day, and doing my workouts in the fasted state is really pretty easy.

              I am having some low carb flu symptoms. But already my sleep is improved. I did find myself totally exhausted yesterday-the kind of exhaustion where my brain is giving the signal for my legs to move but they just won't. I know that will pass.

              Have I had thoughts of gorging myself on cookies? Meh..for a second or two and then I've forgotten it. IT's more like I feel overwhelmed at the thought of not doing that ever again and wonder if I am gonna be able to swing this. Then I remember-I can do it TODAY. That's all I have to worry about. Today. THe longer I do this, the better I will get at it, and the less tempted I will be to ever go back to my old ways. Wish my luck, pray for me, throw a coin in a fountain for me...whatever it is you do, I'll take it!

              So for you...We can do this. You can do it! Search your heart. When we really want something, we realize that any of the obstacles we claim are there, getting in our way, are just excuses. Ouch. It hurts. But it's true. I hate realizing that myself. Everything we do in life is really about avoiding pain, or gaining pleasure. I'd rather go through some of the pain now, so I can have more pleasure later. When I was binging, I was exchanging such temporary pleasure for excruciating pain later. Not worth it. No more.

              I'm sorry to hear about your MIL. That would be really tough, but at the same time, I'm glad for her that she gets to rest at home. With people who care about here there. I guess that's what we all would want, isn't it?

              I'll keep you in my prayers and positive thoughts too.

              Oh-haven't gotten those grass-fed farm products yet! Making do with the grass-fed/organic I'm finding in my grocery stores for now. Not ideal, but better than pink slime.

              Ciao!
              Last edited by DreamHealth; 10-12-2012, 09:57 AM.

              Comment


              • #52
                Originally posted by DreamHealth View Post
                Hey there!
                Well I'm catching up. After being out of town last week I've fallen pretty behind on everything there is to do and didn't want to get lost in MDA-land which I can easily do for hours!

                Looks like you're having some challenges...I totally hear you on the half-assing...WIth those of us who struggle with binge eating and sugar, it doesn't work. Been there, done it too many times to realize that as much as I detest all or none thinking, I have to go all in in order to gain the effects I really want: high energy, no cravings, satiety, the ability to turn down bread.

                So I've been doing this since Monday, and I am doing it perfectly. I've logged over 30000 steps so far. I've done two strength training workouts. Tomorrow will be another strength. My diet has been around 70% fat, 20% protein, 10% carbs-from vegetables only. Dairy very limited. I find that if I have a decent dinner with plenty of fat, fasting for 16 hours until the next day, and doing my workouts in the fasted state is really pretty easy.

                I am having some low carb flu symptoms. But already my sleep is improved. I did find myself totally exhausted yesterday-the kind of exhaustion where my brain is giving the signal for my legs to move but they just won't. I know that will pass.

                Have I had thoughts of gorging myself on cookies? Meh..for a second or two and then I've forgotten it. IT's more like I feel overwhelmed at the thought of not doing that ever again and wonder if I am gonna be able to swing this. Then I remember-I can do it TODAY. That's all I have to worry about. Today. THe longer I do this, the better I will get at it, and the less tempted I will be to ever go back to my old ways. Wish my luck, pray for me, throw a coin in a fountain for me...whatever it is you do, I'll take it!

                So for you...We can do this. You can do it! Search your heart. When we really want something, we realize that any of the obstacles we claim are there, getting in our way, are just excuses. Ouch. It hurts. But it's true. I hate realizing that myself. Everything we do in life is really about avoiding pain, or gaining pleasure. I'd rather go through some of the pain now, so I can have more pleasure later. When I was binging, I was exchanging such temporary pleasure for excruciating pain later. Not worth it. No more.

                I'm sorry to hear about your MIL. That would be really tough, but at the same time, I'm glad for her that she gets to rest at home. With people who care about here there. I guess that's what we all would want, isn't it?

                I'll keep you in my prayers and positive thoughts too.

                Oh-haven't gotten those grass-fed farm products yet! Making do with the grass-fed/organic I'm finding in my grocery stores for now. Not ideal, but better than pink slime.

                Ciao!
                I am proud of you for your awesome start! It feels so good to feel good.
                sigpic
                Age 48
                Start date: 7-5-12
                5'3"
                121lbs
                GOAL: to live to be a healthy and active 100


                "In health there is freedom. Health is the first of all liberties."
                Henri Frederic Amiel

                Comment


                • #53
                  Friday:

                  Fasted from 7PM-11:30AM except for the standard decaf with ghee/cream

                  Spent the morning with MIL. Resisted being offered baked goods and other non-primal food every 5 minutes by FIL. He just doesn't know what to do with himself. Poor guy.

                  Lunch:

                  12oz lamb leg steak. So good! Marinated in oil/soy/honey/rosemary
                  1/3 bar raw 75% chocolate bar

                  Just had to have some feel good food.

                  Snack:

                  about 1/2 c curry chicken salad and smoked salmon spread

                  I find I have no interest in bread or crackers. It has been that way for a while now. No need for a cracker for the salmon spread or bread for the chicken salad. The thought almost makes me nauseous.

                  Dinner:

                  rest of squash; maybe 1 cup
                  few macadamia nuts
                  couple bites of roasted chicken

                  Just not hungry. Not going to eat just for the sake of eating.

                  Snack:

                  1T marrow from my beef stock bones. Saving the rest for another day. The broth looks great. Breakfast! Can't wait for the looks from my husband, brother-in-law and sister-in-law; all MDs.
                  Last edited by PHaselow; 10-12-2012, 07:38 PM.
                  sigpic
                  Age 48
                  Start date: 7-5-12
                  5'3"
                  121lbs
                  GOAL: to live to be a healthy and active 100


                  "In health there is freedom. Health is the first of all liberties."
                  Henri Frederic Amiel

                  Comment


                  • #54
                    Dreary, rainy Saturday.

                    After giving advice to another member about whether or not to eat a special non-primal meal prepared by a loved one, I decided to take part in having breakfast at my MIL's house. Someone had made grandma's chocolate chip fig coffee cake. I ate it.

                    Sadly, my carb cravings are here full force! I am now home alone to battle them as I prep the closets for shelving systems scheduled for Monday.

                    Breakfast:

                    decaf with ghee/heavy whipping cream
                    3"x3" square of cake mentioned above


                    Lunch:

                    1c curried chicken salad (chicken, mayo, curry powder, onion, celery, raisins, cashews)
                    2 spoonfuls smoked salmon
                    Probably 2T coconut oil chocolate 'frosting' that i made my son. He decided he'd rather just have the CO mixed into a bit of hot chocolate, so I didn't want the frosting to go to waste. I guess I got 1T coconut oil which is good! The sugar? Not so much.

                    Off to work on the closet. I have to keep busy today or else I'll graze for carbs.

                    Snack: felt the need for protein. I think the marrow will fill me up (or make me nauseous like it usually does; too rich)

                    4oz rotisserie chicken with 1T marrow
                    few pieces dried dates

                    Dinner:

                    Well, decided to again indulge. I had a few ounces of really good milk chocolate. I haven't had milk chocolate in a long time since dark chocolate is my thing. We were all at MIL's house and bonding over wine and chocolate. I don't like how red wine hits me the next day, so I stuck to the chocolate. Tossed 3 cashews in to the mix and I guess we'll call that dinner!
                    Last edited by PHaselow; 10-13-2012, 04:54 PM.
                    sigpic
                    Age 48
                    Start date: 7-5-12
                    5'3"
                    121lbs
                    GOAL: to live to be a healthy and active 100


                    "In health there is freedom. Health is the first of all liberties."
                    Henri Frederic Amiel

                    Comment


                    • #55
                      Protein day!

                      Had a large mug of cacao "coffee" with ghee/heavy cream. I think it bothered my stomach a bit. Typically, I've mixed it with ground decaf.

                      Lunch:

                      3 slices Boars Head deli turkey
                      1T soy free mayo with lemon
                      1 oz extra sharp cheddar
                      1 rotisserie chicken leg

                      Snack:

                      1 chocolate covered cashew (giggle giggle snort); resisted the urge to bond with family again this day during our hospice vigil.

                      Dinner:

                      Massive bowl of broccoli slaw with 1/3 c cashews, 1 pc crumbled bacon and dressing of warm marrow/bacon grease and soy free mayo. Per bag of slaw, it is about 20g carbs. Only other carb today was the single chocolate covered cashew.

                      Between the MIL vigil and a persistent UTI, I have not been active since Monday morning. I hope I feel well enough to work out tomorrow. I cannot even walk fast; too much pain. Trying another antibiotic to see if that does the trick. Never had this happen before (antibiotic resistance). Yay, me.
                      Last edited by PHaselow; 10-14-2012, 04:00 PM.
                      sigpic
                      Age 48
                      Start date: 7-5-12
                      5'3"
                      121lbs
                      GOAL: to live to be a healthy and active 100


                      "In health there is freedom. Health is the first of all liberties."
                      Henri Frederic Amiel

                      Comment


                      • #56
                        Mondays. Mondays.

                        I had a rough night. I'm taking Bactrim for a possible UTI and I think I'm reacting badly to it: restlessness, agitation, insomnia, anxiety woke me up out of a dead sleep. The usual me would have shoved my face into a bag of chocolate chips to try to relieve the anxiety. Instead I just drank some warm water and tried to think happy thoughts instead of wondering if I was going into septic shock. The Internet is a nasty friend at 2am.

                        So I live to eat another Primal meal:

                        decaf with ghee/heavy cream. I think this will be my last cup for a bit to see if the coffee is aggravating the UTI symptoms.

                        Lunch:

                        +Large bowl of broccoli slaw with 1/4c cashews and small handful of raisins. Tossed with warm bacon grease/marrow/macadamia oil/soy free mayo (little bit) dressing and sea salt.
                        +1c bone broth. I skimmed all of the fat this time. It tastes very 'mineraly' with an undertone of vinegar. Not bad; needed salt.
                        +2T coconut butter

                        Snack:

                        I guess I saved my chocolate binge for today.
                        +3oz white and dark chocolate, approximately. The white crap was actually yogurt chips (gross. I ate 'em)

                        Starting to see the "no protein for first meal = binge later" connection. I did have some cooked salmon in the fridge, but it is farmed and I just didn't want it in my body. I have to start making sure I always have hard boiled eggs or leftover meat dishes on hand for that first meal (usually around 11am).

                        Dinner:

                        About a cup of mixed vegetables sauteed in butter. Not hungry. I think yucky yogurt chocolate will do that to a person.

                        Seems I am getting enough fat. Seems I am not getting enough protein. Carbs (outside of the chocolate frenzy) was well in check. I never crave gluten or even other grains at all. Did go to therapy with my husband tonight and he really ticked me off. I had to resist a misery binge. I'm surprised I stuck with just the vegetables. I must be maturing!
                        Last edited by PHaselow; 10-15-2012, 07:09 PM.
                        sigpic
                        Age 48
                        Start date: 7-5-12
                        5'3"
                        121lbs
                        GOAL: to live to be a healthy and active 100


                        "In health there is freedom. Health is the first of all liberties."
                        Henri Frederic Amiel

                        Comment


                        • #57
                          Feeling so much better, physically, today. That infection just needed a few days of antibiotics to turn the corner, I guess. New lease on life!

                          Had some decaf with ghee/heavy cream (screw the dropping coffee idea; I love it)

                          Lunch:

                          2-3 oz Boars Head deli turkey
                          1c BBQ pulled pork
                          Few bites of egg with parmesan

                          Again, eating a lot at MIL's house while we are holding the death vigil. Neighbors are so kind to bring the food. I am doing OK with avoiding the bread and baked goods. Probably quite a bit of sugar in the BBQ sauce, but it was GOOD. Eating solid protein for lunch seems to help squelch my appetite.

                          Snack/dinner:

                          10 almonds
                          1/4 c Paleo People 'granola' mixed with maybe few TBSP crumbs from a decadent chocolate granola!
                          Small piece of meat lasagna (picked a bit through the noodles and left most of that on plate)
                          1/4c amber cup squash with butter
                          Last edited by PHaselow; 10-16-2012, 04:27 PM.
                          sigpic
                          Age 48
                          Start date: 7-5-12
                          5'3"
                          121lbs
                          GOAL: to live to be a healthy and active 100


                          "In health there is freedom. Health is the first of all liberties."
                          Henri Frederic Amiel

                          Comment


                          • #58
                            Originally posted by PHaselow View Post
                            Mondays. Mondays.

                            I had a rough night. I'm taking Bactrim for a possible UTI and I think I'm reacting badly to it: restlessness, agitation, insomnia, anxiety woke me up out of a dead sleep. The usual me would have shoved my face into a bag of chocolate chips to try to relieve the anxiety. Instead I just drank some warm water and tried to think happy thoughts instead of wondering if I was going into septic shock. The Internet is a nasty friend at 2am.
                            ..... I'm surprised I stuck with just the vegetables. I must be maturing!
                            Haha this is great! Glad to hear you were able to resist some binges. Are your binges full on large amounts or do you consider a binge just when you eat a few things that are not primal? I guess technically a binge is not based on amount but rather the feeling that goes with the eating, that uncontrollable aspect. I have found that it takes me a day or two to recover with a binge... during those couple days I have to slightly give in to a few bad things so I don't go full out eating, then eventually I subside back into what I consider a good normal diet.

                            You seem to be doing well! Best wishes in handling the MIL situation, I can only imagine how difficult that is
                            "Never regret. If it's good, its wonderful. If it's bad its experience"
                            -Victoria Hold
                            F/Age 23 height 5' 3"
                            HW 134
                            CW 126
                            GW 120

                            Comment


                            • #59
                              Originally posted by freedom.please View Post
                              Haha this is great! Glad to hear you were able to resist some binges. Are your binges full on large amounts or do you consider a binge just when you eat a few things that are not primal? I guess technically a binge is not based on amount but rather the feeling that goes with the eating, that uncontrollable aspect. I have found that it takes me a day or two to recover with a binge... during those couple days I have to slightly give in to a few bad things so I don't go full out eating, then eventually I subside back into what I consider a good normal diet.

                              You seem to be doing well! Best wishes in handling the MIL situation, I can only imagine how difficult that is
                              For me, a binge is about the reason behind eating (or lack of). The absence of awareness. Even if it is a bowl of chocolate chips and a few tablespoons of peanut butter. I, too, typically have one bad day and then a few small cheat days afterwards and then back to Primal.

                              It is very hard to stay Primal when at another person's home all day; especially under stressful situations. Everyone is offering and bringing food. You are sitting around. Waiting. Bored. Sometimes having fun reminiscing. Social eating.

                              I also haven't been able to exercise for 8 days because of this bladder/UTI. I can't move much without pressure or pain. I was hoping the Bactrim would kill the spasms but it hasn't yet. Getting restless and frustrated.
                              sigpic
                              Age 48
                              Start date: 7-5-12
                              5'3"
                              121lbs
                              GOAL: to live to be a healthy and active 100


                              "In health there is freedom. Health is the first of all liberties."
                              Henri Frederic Amiel

                              Comment


                              • #60
                                Sorry to hear about your frustration, I realized my previous post probably did not sound very empathetic. I hope things turn around and I would like to add that I think considering the situation you are handling it extremely well. Feel better, you sound like a very tough gal
                                "Never regret. If it's good, its wonderful. If it's bad its experience"
                                -Victoria Hold
                                F/Age 23 height 5' 3"
                                HW 134
                                CW 126
                                GW 120

                                Comment

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