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  • Oh God, am not doing well. Am doing bad. Just had a bunch of cookies, a bunch of old fake crab meat and a huge bunch of salami, washed down with a beer, for dinner. What is going on? Why can I not get back in the groove? Have been failing on the job since Farmers Markets shut down. Now have extremely stressful time as kids always around and have to be driven to ballet, choir etc....was sitting today two hours in cold car waiting for kid while typing CV for job application, then watched ballet performance in overcrowded horrid venue, then back to clean house and cook for unappreciative and negative husband...then spent the next two hours crying becasue am so fed up. Do not want kids or husband or this miserable house or anything to do with anything. Want peace and quiet.

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    • had big old fight with unrepentant husband but at least got him out of the house. Put the kids in front of Willy Wonka to have time to calm myself. Hungry but don't want to eat. Had cup of Crio Bru with cream, which made my eyes itchy, even though was purposly drunk in order to avoid eye swelling caused by coffee. Hm. Maybe is reaction to mold, as both coffee and crio were standing on the counter for long time. Anyway, threw the Bru away, don't like it anyway.

      Will just starve myself to death. That will teach him. Ha!

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      • Read Michelle/Ruby's Journal and is so inspiring! Immeadiately recognized wisdom of going cold turkey, cut cals to 1500 and walked 8000 steps yesterday. Consequence is a pretty much completely sleepless night with a total of 2 h sleep as was too stubborn to eat some carbs. Then had plate of butternut squash and chicken at 4 am, with bulletproof coffee, and spent next hour miserable on the loo. So today 1 had to eat more, as sleep is v important, and 2 was too tired to marshal the kids into walk (would have gone by myself though).

        Got two jogging strollers from freecycle, a single and a double, and will start running (very slowly as am phenomenally out of shape). Also would like to have treadmill for winter, but must not be greedy and is not very pretty either.

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        • Ugh, no sleep again as kid was throwing up all night, then other kid was up early.
          Had bacon, farmer's cheese and kale smoothie with banan and blueberries for brkfst, a can of sardines around 11, and ground beef with veggies for dinner, followed by sweet potatoes. Calories around 1600. No excercise, but tomorrow will start running (slowly).

          Weighed 68 kg today!! Down from 70 a very few days ago, so almost 4 lbs down. Very good news, haven't seen that number in a while now. Ruby-inspired cold turkey track seems to work! Also exzema receding quickly. Am a bit sick even, and v stressed out.

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          • Yes well, the day after back to 69, then back to 70. Together with DH stress and normal stress and xmas stress it made me cave against better knowledge and have disgusting day of bad food. Now am feeling better about DH, but coming week will still be very stressful. Stress stress stress. How do normal people do it??

            Anyway, am fed up with all bad food and want oysters and salad.

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            • Also is very cryptic as restricted calories quite a lot, 1500ish, I think. So that makes me gain weight? Hmpf.

              Went clothes shopping yesterday as last ditch effort to reverse suicidal depression and look bigger than ever in my life. I think the constant toggling between Primal and SAD is really pulling a number on my waist. *Sigh* Why is it so hard now? I used to have willpower of steel! Now it's all used up between kids and writing and marriage-work. Cannot change priorities as everything seems so urgent.

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              • Okay. Had a marvellous, normal day, with not much stress. Eating semi-good. Simply too many cookies in the house, and people keep shoving candy into and on my kids, showering them with Gingerbread houses and huge bags of chocolates. Cannot think of plan of attack for weightloss or even correct spelling of it. Maybe soups? Nono, must just try and slog on until life becomes calm and zen-like and I can fill up on will power again.

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                • Ohmy, chistmas was total disaster. Don't know why we can't have a good time like we do before and after the 25th. Ohwell. Ate cookies and had alcohol every day out of sheer despair and because they were around. But it so bad for me that even dh recognizes need to keep me away from gluten and took cookies away to eat at own discretion away from me. That is actually very good.

                  Yesterday was good eating (B: lox and kale smoothie, l: beef soup, d: duck and dandelion greens), but had two gins after traumatic haircut. Asked for Ginnifer Goodwin Pixie and got horror wig as one might find on american newsperson in the 80s. So now have to put clips in hair even more than before and still looks annoying. Grrr.

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                  • Have been good at food choices (if not amounts) but still have a drink in the evening.
                    Also went to doc and he says that (since going primal, but he doesn't know) i have been gaining weight and my blood pressure has been going up a lot. Not officially high yet, but he said to watch, which freaks me out. I've always been 'healthy' without effort, and really really don't want to join the other crowd. So have decided to eat way more veggies and way less meat, though obviously still some, cut out the salt and extra-slathered on fats (butter), and get moving more. Also will have normal amounts of dairy, which I cut down quite a bit in between, and will have non-wheat non-gluten grains in moderation, like taff or whatever it's called. Will cut out alcohol soon, but don't have strength right now.

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                    • Yesterday was mostly paleo- besides alcohol and one cookie. Still sick. Have been sick for very long now, low level always but its getting to me. Also do not sleep great as cannot breathe through nose at all and kids wake up a lot as are sick too. I'm very fed up with everything re: eating. Also do not have strength to do sports and no money to buy equipment and too cold to go outside. I wished I had a couple hours every week to at least get soe writing done.

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