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Georgette Redux: A new primal journal

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  • Originally posted by Pebbles67 View Post
    I am now doing a Paleo leptin reset. Wanted to clean up my act even further. Glad to have you back.
    Let me ask you something, Paula. Did you take the reset as far as not working out for the first 6 weeks? I'm trying to figure out if I should work out or give my body time to adjust.

    My reasons for going back to the reset are as follows: Even after being on the prednisone, my asthma is still flaring up on me; my sleep is total crap and most days, that is all I want to do; I'm tired of feeling like I am pregnant when I am not. I am surprised that no one has asked me when the baby is due.
    Georgette

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    • Because I was exercising before starting the reset in September, I just kept doing that routine.

      Due to poor eating during the holidays, I have to start over again. If I don't use my gym membership, my husband will make me cancel it. So I am back there at least 4 days a week starting tomorrow.
      Primal since 9/24/2010
      "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

      Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
      MFP username: MDAPebbles67

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      • Due to the crazy ass Arctic Vortex,we haven't seen any patients since last Thursday. Our first patient will be in today at 4.

        I started the lepton reset yesterday. Seemed to do alright with it. I'm not eating the BAB within 30 minutes of waking, more like an hour. I'm not nearly as hungry as I have been so I'll take it
        Georgette

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        • This has been rather interesting weekend. Caitlyn has been on me about starting therapy. She's got some issues with anxiety, dealing with people/life and some other things. The first session is always with the parents or as in my case, parent. Clint was out doing a side job. I'm actually quite grateful he wasn't there. The therapist was asking me about mine and Clint's relationships with our parents. I said his was happy other than step dads and I really wasn't wanting to discuss mine. I told her it was okay. I never really felt like I fit in anywhere and always felt that I wasn't wanted or loved. She asked me about now and I said my parents are gone. It really doesn't matter at this point. I kept trying to get her to talk about Caitlyn, but she kept asking me about my happiness. I said I live day by day. I'm not really happy nor sad, just neutral. She seems to think I'm sad. She wants me to think of what will make happy in life and nothing really seems to come to mind. I try not to think about it so much but it seems like I have to. The only thing I can think of is just being alone with a couple of dogs living by the ocean would make me happy. I'm not sure what to say or think about this. I know she will probably have a hay day with that answer, but I really can't think of anything else to make me happy in life. She asked me about friends and I said none(at least not IRL). I hate calling people and stuff. She wants me as a client, I just don't think I can do this. I really think if I did this when I was Caitlyn's age, it could have worked, but now, I feel like it's too late.
          Georgette

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          • Wow, that is uncomfortable. Was Caitlyn there with you?

            I think therapy could be useful at any age. Going through life unhappy is no way to live. It causes one to seek out false pleasures like food, drugs or other potentially harmful things.

            Hugs my friend.
            Primal since 9/24/2010
            "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

            Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
            MFP username: MDAPebbles67

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            • Originally posted by Pebbles67 View Post
              Wow, that is uncomfortable. Was Caitlyn there with you?

              I think therapy could be useful at any age. Going through life unhappy is no way to live. It causes one to seek out false pleasures like food, drugs or other potentially harmful things.

              Hugs my friend.
              No, Caitlyn wasn't there.

              I go through fleeting moments of happiness. I just can't get them to be consistent enough for anything to work. I want to join a gym, but with Caitlyn starting therapy and potentially myself, that would take the money for a membership.
              Georgette

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              • I've been thinking I should even try hypnosis for weight loss. Just something to try changing my thought patterns when it comes to food. I really feel like if I don't do something now about losing fat, it will never happen. Working out at home is nearly impossible now unless I were to get up at 5am and I'm having enough issues getting up at 630am. Just not sure how I'm going to do anything. A lot was easier when I had an on site gym at work. I got nothing now.

                We went out to dinner for Caitlyn's birthday this evening and Clint wanted a picture of him and I taken. Oh lord, I look horrible! I know Clint thinks I look just fine, but I look horrid. I absolutely want to skip work tomorrow for this photo shoot thing that is happening in my office. I just don't want to do it.
                Georgette

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                • Originally posted by geostump View Post
                  This has been rather interesting weekend. Caitlyn has been on me about starting therapy. She's got some issues with anxiety, dealing with people/life and some other things. The first session is always with the parents or as in my case, parent. Clint was out doing a side job. I'm actually quite grateful he wasn't there. The therapist was asking me about mine and Clint's relationships with our parents. I said his was happy other than step dads and I really wasn't wanting to discuss mine. I told her it was okay. I never really felt like I fit in anywhere and always felt that I wasn't wanted or loved. She asked me about now and I said my parents are gone. It really doesn't matter at this point. I kept trying to get her to talk about Caitlyn, but she kept asking me about my happiness. I said I live day by day. I'm not really happy nor sad, just neutral. She seems to think I'm sad. She wants me to think of what will make happy in life and nothing really seems to come to mind. I try not to think about it so much but it seems like I have to. The only thing I can think of is just being alone with a couple of dogs living by the ocean would make me happy. I'm not sure what to say or think about this. I know she will probably have a hay day with that answer, but I really can't think of anything else to make me happy in life. She asked me about friends and I said none(at least not IRL). I hate calling people and stuff. She wants me as a client, I just don't think I can do this. I really think if I did this when I was Caitlyn's age, it could have worked, but now, I feel like it's too late.
                  Geo, from my experience, it's never too late. I felt like you--never wanted or loved. Therapy taught me to see that the way I was treated was at the root of that issue. It also helped me to see how it impacted the choices I made as an adult-- especially in choosing a spouse.

                  I am a much better person today because of therapy. In fact, without my fantastic therapist, I don't know how I would have gotten through the secrets, lies, and betrayals that ended my marriage and created havoc for years after.

                  Therapy helped me realize my internal self worth. I now know, to the core of my being, that I am worthy--just as I am. I deserve respect, kindness, understanding, consideration and love just as I am- not only when I am/doing as others think I should.

                  I would rather be healthy alone than sick with someone else. Especially if being with someone means being less than/different than I truly am.

                  I believe my children (now adults) benefited from my growth through therapy. They have been put through a lot because of the secrets and lies. However, they KNOW they can turn to and count on me to be truthful, real, and as protective as possible.

                  If memory serves me right, I first went into therapy in 1998. I was 42 at the time. I continued for over 10 years, as needed, with my turmoil years being 2002-08. I know that if I, need what I call, "my head shrunk", I can and will get the help I need to be the best me I can be.

                  Fear kept me from therapy for too long. Fear of finding out I was as crazy as others had said. Fear of not being able to see and change the issues that needed attending to. Fear that I was to old to change, be better. I felt the fear and took the chance anyway. I, and more importantly, my children benefited, beyond expectations, from taking that chance.

                  You, too, can feel the fear and take the chance. The chance that therapy may/can/will change your life. It is NEVER to late.

                  And, I have also done individual and joint therapy with and about my children. I understand the need therapists have too get to the root of the child's issues. Your willingness to take a leap of faith, get out of fear, may help your children more than you can imagine.

                  I hope this helps. Feel free to PM me if you want/need more info.

                  Comment


                  • My first question is this: Is it normal to feel like total absolute shit after a session? I literally felt like I had been beaten to the pulp and all I wanted to do was hide and cry. When she asked me about my relationship with my mom, I basically said I never felt loved and that I felt unwanted. I also told her about my mom almost aborting me. She said that something must have changed her mind and my response was, "my oldest sister miscarried. That's why it never happened." I never heard "I love yous" or anything of the sort. Mom only told me that she was "proud of me" twice. The second time was right before she died. It may have been too little too late. I always craved those three little words and I never got them. The therapist said that what our perception shows is our reality. So by mom never saying she loved me, I thought that she didn't. I never mentioned some of the things mom would say to me. I could not do it.
                    Georgette

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by geostump View Post
                      My first question is this: Is it normal to feel like total absolute shit after a session? I literally felt like I had been beaten to the pulp and all I wanted to do was hide and cry. When she asked me about my relationship with my mom, I basically said I never felt loved and that I felt unwanted. I also told her about my mom almost aborting me. She said that something must have changed her mind and my response was, "my oldest sister miscarried. That's why it never happened." I never heard "I love yous" or anything of the sort. Mom only told me that she was "proud of me" twice. The second time was right before she died. It may have been too little too late. I always craved those three little words and I never got them. The therapist said that what our perception shows is our reality. So by mom never saying she loved me, I thought that she didn't. I never mentioned some of the things mom would say to me. I could not do it.
                      Yes, therapy can feel like you've been beaten to a pulp. But if you are willing to open your soul/reality to someone you can trust and depend on, then there is the possibility of them showing you the fallacy of your belief system --- that the flaw is within you.

                      When I first went to my most helpful therapist and gave him a letter I had written to my parents,after reading it, he asked what I wanted from him. I said I wanted to know if it was me or them that needed help. And, if it was me I wanted to change.

                      He asked, " Who do you think? Is it you or them? I said, while I'm not innocent, I think it's them. He said, I agree, now we just need to get you to believe it.

                      I, too, never got those words. I, however, gave my mother forgiveness on her deathbed. I honored my father's words that he didn't need me in his life until the day he died. On that day I went into the room where his body was, not for him, but to support my sister's and other family members deal with his death.

                      I knew, through therapy, that their beliefs/choices were about them-- their struggles, loss, fears-- and that it had nothing to do with me.. I was just their target.

                      If you decide to continue with therapy, and I think it will help you tremendously, I encourage you to be a completely open book. You have nothing to gain from holding your secrets in and everything to gain from letting the secrets out.

                      You are not what your parents led you to believe. You are so much more. Therapy can help you realize that fact. Embrace it. Embracing that fact cannot only help you become a better person, it can help your children break the cycle and have ,what every parent should want for their children, a better self image than we ever dreamed of.

                      Again, if I can help you feel free to ask.

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                      • Marcadav said it better than I could have. Especially initially therapy can be somewhat heart-breaking. If you stay with it and stay open (not hiding things can be hard, but it's the only way to really know if it's going to make a difference), it can really help.
                        Depression Lies

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                        • Here is something I've been thinking about. Can you be depressed without actually feeling depressed. Reason why I am asking is this: I've been on the therapists website and reading about depression. I have most of the feelings of depression without actually feeling depressed. I just think I'm feeling like "this is how it's going to be for me so I may of well get used to it."
                          Georgette

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                          • That is a feeling that I recognize. I think that maybe the therapy and eating primally could help a lot. I am considering therapy as well. I'm here for you and with you if you need to talk. PM me if you want.
                            Primal since 9/24/2010
                            "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

                            Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
                            MFP username: MDAPebbles67

                            Comment


                            • Yes. That was my usual state for quite a while. Just going through the routine, no real emotion attached to any of it. I had a FAR more pessimistic outlook on life and was far more harsh on myself than I rightfully should have been. THat is actually a hallmark of dysthymia: you don't know you're depressed because your "normal" IS depressed.
                              Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                              My Latest Journal

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                              • Originally posted by naiadknight View Post
                                Yes. That was my usual state for quite a while. Just going through the routine, no real emotion attached to any of it. I had a FAR more pessimistic outlook on life and was far more harsh on myself than I rightfully should have been. THat is actually a hallmark of dysthymia: you don't know you're depressed because your "normal" IS depressed.
                                I'm going to look into dysthymia. It almost seems to be where I fall into place. For me, my typical depressive state is constant crying and I am pretty close to suicidal. That is what I consider depression. My "normal" is going through my daily motions, I do find humor in a lot things. My sense of humor doesn't go away and my sleep is hit or miss at best. I'm considering changing supplements as well. I want to add 5-htp back as well as magnesium, and fish oil.
                                Georgette

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