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Georgette Redux: A new primal journal

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  • I don't think I'll ever see HS weight again, but I would freak to be within 50 pounds!
    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread70684.html

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    • High school was 1994 and I weighed I think 150-160. I think that weight is fairly attainable, will just look a hell of a lot different on me. Clint thinks my body is closer to where it was when we met. Showing different progress. Monday, I plan on starting to workout. I think taking 2-3 weeks and keying in on food was a good thing for me to do. My goal is to get out of bed at 6AM and do my workout. Will be interesting to see how this goes.

      Been reading more of the book on manipulation. It's been an eye opener to say the least. I fall into the "loss of self" and "emotophobe" categories meaning that those who have manipulated me in the past have helped me to lose my personality in a sense and that I am scared to show negative emotions around others. I also do have a fear of being alone which ties in with this. It hurts so much to know that this was done by people who are/were supposed to love me. I'm to the point now, that when people try to manipulate me, I just stop having anything to do with them. What's ironic, when I look back, I see where this has happened to me in other aspects of my life. I'll use this for an example. Last night, while I was in bed, almost asleep, Clint asks me to make him a peanut butter sandwich. I told him no, I'm in bed, comfortable and if he wants one bad enough, he can get himself out of bed to make it. He started begging me to and I wouldn't. So in retaliation, he wouldn't touch me at all and wouldn't let me touch him. The sad part of reading the book is that it says I shouldn't expect the manipulator to change, that I have to change. Guess I'm working on that part of the road. Wondering where it will take me...
      Georgette

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      • FYI, I am off dairy (and artificial sweeteners) as of today so I feel your pain.
        Primal since 9/24/2010
        "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

        Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
        MFP username: MDAPebbles67

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        • Originally posted by Pebbles67 View Post
          FYI, I am off dairy (and artificial sweeteners) as of today so I feel your pain.
          Good luck!

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          • Originally posted by geostump View Post
            The sad part of reading the book is that it says I shouldn't expect the manipulator to change, that I have to change. Guess I'm working on that part of the road. Wondering where it will take me...
            Just to relate my experience, take it as you will, I am an overfunctioner, who created an underfunctioner. And I was PISSED when I realized that once again I had to lead the change, that I had to do the work that would allow the other person to stop underfunctioning. It just seemed so unfair. But IU had to come to terms with taking the responsibility for my part in creating or allowing certain things into my life. Not 100%, but even if it was only 2%, that was my part. Once I did that, I felt empowered and the anger fell away. I stopped overfunctioning, I didn't point it out, or talk about it. If called out on not making dinner (or whatever), I calmly explained that I was putting self care first and I needed rest and that there was plenty to eat in the fridge. I didn't get mad, I didn't ever mention the overfunctioning until over a year later. I just took care of myself and set forth my boundaries.

            Self realization and care seem so intolerable at first. But over time, the changes that I reaped were worth all the anger. Expectations on me as the primary caretaker of all things house no longer exist. We split more chores than ever before. We also have increased our communication in a healthy and playful way. And I no longer think of leaving all the time to be alone and not responsible for everything. Now I get to be happy and in a good marriage. All because I changed what I could and set all of us free!
            My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread70684.html

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            • For me, most of issues with the crap I dealt with from my mother made me get to where I thought no one would ever love me for who I am. I used to break my back to make EVERYONE happy(except for myself). I never thought I deserved to be happy. I still feel that way at times but I am realizing that I do deserve to be happy. I'm not a bad person, just a bit fucked up is the nicest way to put. I think I'm so nice and a pushover because I know how easily I can go into being the manipulator and I won't do that to anyone. Especially my daughters. I don't want them to have the pain that I have. I have moments where I feel the words that mom used to tell me build up and I could tell them the same things. I do my best to leave the room or I just cry. Like last night, when Clint wouldn't touch me, I didn't cry. Instead, I just rolled over and fell asleep. I've had a terrible headache all day and I keep wondering if it has to do with the stuff from last night.
              Georgette

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              • Paula, giving up dairy has been easy. I just ate pizza tonight so I am trying to see how that will effect me. I took a lactaid, so I am hoping not too negatively.
                Georgette

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                • Making my Thanksgiving shopping list. Gonna do the turkey, roasted garlic mashed potatoes with gravy, sweet potato casserole, green bean casserole, oyster stuffing, Clint gets a pumpkin pie from work(we ate the one from last year the night before) and an apple pie. I may make some steamed broccoli. I think that's enough for 5 people and 2 dogs. Figured the dogs will enjoy the 2 bags of guts from the bird. My mom used to do that for our old dog, Kris and he would go nuts. I'm going to let the girls help me with making dishes this year so that means I am going to start prepping stuff tomorrow. If I chop up the celery, carrots and onion for the stuffing today or tomorrow, should that keep through Thursday? I was going to put them in ziploc baggies and let them stay in there. Also going to cook up a bunch of bacon today or tomorrow and do the same with it for quick and easy breakfasts.
                  Georgette

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                  • Had another cold feet fit last night. Now, before someone says take Niacin, I can't. Even no flush Niacin causes my roasacea to flare up and it took a week to get that under control which means I had to quit taking it. I put 3 pairs of socks on my feet and they were still frozen. I got out of bed, went to the tub and put hot water on my feet. Clint was out with friends when this happened. So I have my feet under the spigot trying to warm them up and I noticed the skin under my big toe was blue. I was crying it hurt so bad. Clint comes home as I start drying my feet off, helps me gets my socks on and gets me back in bed. He starts warming me back up and then Bandit comes in and lays on my other side doing the same thing to me. I woke up pretty much in the same position.

                    For the past week, my sleep has been shit. Idk if its work stressing me, but I'm having trouble staying asleep. I've been taking magnesium and I'm not sure if that's helping at all. Also been getting lots of headaches and have made close friends with Advil again. This sucks.
                    Georgette

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                    • Words that I never want to hear ever again(or at least until AFTER I have finished my coffee: Mom, there's a bird in the bathroom. I shit you not. And for this woman who doesn't like birds(unless they are edible), that is not a good time.
                      Georgette

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                      • Originally posted by canio6 View Post
                        Well, I was 180 pounds and 'fat' in high school. 180 pounds sound pretty good right now though.
                        i am at my hs weight, but i dont remember being this pudgy.
                        sigh
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                        • Yeah,, birds get freaky in enclosed spaces. I don't blame you.
                          Primal since 9/24/2010
                          "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

                          Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
                          MFP username: MDAPebbles67

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                          • Originally posted by Pebbles67 View Post
                            Yeah,, birds get freaky in enclosed spaces. I don't blame you.
                            This is what was funny. The bird was sitting on the shower curtain rod minding its own business. I have a phobia to birds in enclosed places. Something happened to me with a bird when I was 3 or 4 and its freaked me out ever since. When Heather told me this, I thought she was joking. I go back to the bathroom, open the bathroom door, see the bird, scream, slam the door, run outside past Caitlyn's friend that I give a ride to school to daily, tears streaming down my face and hyperventilating. Clint is in the car and sees me, rolls down the window and I tell him what's wrong. Took him 10 minutes, but he got the bird out. Like I said, the only good bird is one on a plate.
                            Georgette

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                            • Sleep is still bad, Magnesium doesn't help much. I didn't take it at all last night and slept like a baby. Was told by a co-worker I look exhausted. Not sure what to do. I'm so tired I could cry.
                              Georgette

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                              • I know...my sleep has been crap lately too.
                                Primal since 9/24/2010
                                "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

                                Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
                                MFP username: MDAPebbles67

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