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Diana's Journal

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  • Diana's Journal

    Well, I decided to start this because I need encouragement and hopefully some sort of accountability.

    I really want this to work for me. I lost weight before counting calories and then gained it all back, plus some and almost became bulimic for my efforts. I never want to go back to that again. I am drawn to primal because of the lack of calorie counting and that I tend to feel better on this. I found out about Primal back in January and have been on and off ever since. I seem to be more off than on, though. I do really well for a couple of days and then have a treat and feel crappy about myself. On the 4th I had some fruit tarts my friend made, a couple chips and dip and some potato salad. Then, just under a week later I had a little bit of ramen noodle salad at a bbq.
    After writing these down I don't feel so bad because they seem minor. I haven't had a giant binge in a long time. I don't eat ice cream anymore and the oreo things my boyfriend buys used to tempt me but I'm getting much better at ignoring them.
    I want my boyfriend to try this with me but he's not interested, even though he wants to gain weight. I do my best to cook for us and made some yukon gold mashed potatoes with swiss chard, butter/milk and some cream. I LOVE this food but discovered shortly after eating some that it gives me gas. This, unfortunately, didn't deter me but I wont be finishing them. I don't like being so bloated.

    For exercise I've been doing simple fit for 3 weeks. I was off and on with other exercise but couldn't stick with it. I was just too tired and felt unmotivated. Someone recommended simplefit to me and I really like it. I thought I would do this until I get into a regular routine and exercise doesn't seem so threatening to me and then add on. I bought a nice bike that I want to use to go to work once in a while. I can't use it every day because I don't always work in the same location (biking to the other side of town isn't an option), not always the same hours and I usually work very early in the morning. I don't feel confident biking that early. Heh, I don't really feel confident biking at all but its something I want to do. I'm trying to nail down a dedicated day to go disc golfing with my friend. The local course takes us about 2 hours.
    I'm not loosing weight right now and that's what prompted me to write this. I don't know how much of it is water weight from some of the wheat, or how much of it is muscle but its still depressing. I'm not sure if I eat enough veggies and I'm positive I over eat. Eating is a habit for me sometimes and I dislike that. I've started eating later at night and that's never been good for me.

    I'm just frustrated and unhappy and could use some encouragement.
    January 14th-306.2
    January 21st, lost 2" off my waist.
    January 30th-300.2

    Come to the edge she said.
    No, I'll fall.
    Come to the edge.
    No, it's too high.
    Come to the edge.
    I came
    She pushed
    And I flew

  • #2
    Hi there. You sound like me. I do really well for a couple days and then some event comes along and I eat something not so great. But no one is perfect. I just try and do my best and have the good days outweigh the bad.

    Don't beat yourself up! You will feel so good if you stick with this.

    Comment


    • #3
      Ps...a tip for getting your man on board. Just don't announce it. Cook up some yummy primal things you both will enjoy and say nothing about what might be missing (grains, pasta, starchy potatoes) and nothing about how healthy it is either. Just serve it up and go on with life. If you need to add a potato or something for him but don't cook more than a serving so you are not tempted if it is a food you want to avoid.

      Comment


      • #4
        Thanks very much. Its good to know I'm not the only one.
        Tonight for dinner:
        About a 1.5-2 cups marinated beef cubes
        Sweet peas and pesto
        1 avocado with a bit of ceasar dressing

        I think tomorrow I'll have avocado with the beef. I kind of mixed them together tonight, towards the end of the meal and it was pretty good.
        January 14th-306.2
        January 21st, lost 2" off my waist.
        January 30th-300.2

        Come to the edge she said.
        No, I'll fall.
        Come to the edge.
        No, it's too high.
        Come to the edge.
        I came
        She pushed
        And I flew

        Comment


        • #5
          I was thinking tonight, I think the hardest thing for me is saying no to people and then trying to explain why. "What, you don't want bread/pasta/rice/sugary snacks? Why not?" I feel guilty! Because I don't want to hurt their feelings and I don't have all the words to say why. I know that doesn't make much sense but its the truth. I know I need to be able to say "I don't eat those foods anymore" but I also don't want to deal with all the idiotic questions. I know people who (I feel) are unable to think for themselves. I can imagine them staring at me and thinking "freak", then dismissing what I'm saying as "being difficult" and "being different just to be different" and "not caring who I offend"-this is my boyfriend's family talking and it would be the hardest to explain it to them.
          Ug. Just venting.
          January 14th-306.2
          January 21st, lost 2" off my waist.
          January 30th-300.2

          Come to the edge she said.
          No, I'll fall.
          Come to the edge.
          No, it's too high.
          Come to the edge.
          I came
          She pushed
          And I flew

          Comment


          • #6
            Its been a good couple weeks! I'm pretty pleased with myself. I feel like I'm loosing some weight. I haven't weighed myself, I'm too scared to, but my face looks a little thinner.
            Having lunch with some family today. My friend is starting his own bakery and makes the most delicious coffee cakes ever. I ordered a couple for them. I think I can manage not to eat any. It seems easier to avoid temptation if I "keep my eyes on the prize".
            January 14th-306.2
            January 21st, lost 2" off my waist.
            January 30th-300.2

            Come to the edge she said.
            No, I'll fall.
            Come to the edge.
            No, it's too high.
            Come to the edge.
            I came
            She pushed
            And I flew

            Comment


            • #7
              Its been a good couple weeks! I'm pretty pleased with myself. I feel like I'm loosing some weight. I haven't weighed myself, I'm too scared to, but my face looks a little thinner.
              Having lunch with some family today. We're going out of thai food. My friend started his own bakery and makes the most delicious coffee cakes ever. I ordered a couple for them as gifts. I think I can manage not to eat any. It seems easier to avoid temptation if I "keep my eyes on the prize". I haven't been doing so well long enough that I can justify a treat.
              Breakfast today:
              3 Eggs
              1 cup marinated beef cubes
              Tea?
              January 14th-306.2
              January 21st, lost 2" off my waist.
              January 30th-300.2

              Come to the edge she said.
              No, I'll fall.
              Come to the edge.
              No, it's too high.
              Come to the edge.
              I came
              She pushed
              And I flew

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Asmodeuskraemer View Post
                I was thinking tonight, I think the hardest thing for me is saying no to people and then trying to explain why. "What, you don't want bread/pasta/rice/sugary snacks? Why not?" I feel guilty! Because I don't want to hurt their feelings and I don't have all the words to say why. I know that doesn't make much sense but its the truth. I know I need to be able to say "I don't eat those foods anymore" but I also don't want to deal with all the idiotic questions. I know people who (I feel) are unable to think for themselves. I can imagine them staring at me and thinking "freak", then dismissing what I'm saying as "being difficult" and "being different just to be different" and "not caring who I offend"-this is my boyfriend's family talking and it would be the hardest to explain it to them.
                Ug. Just venting.
                I had the same problem. But what I do when people offer a lot of crap food, is taking a very little bit to show that I appreciate the offer but after that just say "no thanks". Plus you're not actually hurting them. It's them making a problem of your conscious choices.
                well then

                Comment


                • #9
                  I ate coffee cake. I don't regret it and I'm glad for that. I hate the guilt and shame that I used to feel. it was delicious.
                  Family was bizarre, as always but dinner was good. Had a bunch of rice with my curry and that didn't make me feel as weird as the sweet potato I had the other day. I've noticed that Japanese sweet potatoes don't affect me like the normal ones do. Or maybe that's just a thought I'm having, I will have to wait until I can get the Japanese ones again before really making a claim. I did notice that I felt pretty crappy after eating the sweet potato the other day though. I thought that was interesting. But the rice, beyond me being over full, didn't make me feel bad.
                  Well, at least I don't think. I had some serious period cramping after dinner and was rolling around in bed VERY miserable.
                  My jawline is gone today. I'm unhappy about that. Makes me not want to take left overs for lunch. I think I'll leave them for my boyfriend instead.

                  I am unhappy that I over ate. I am upset that I still do that, there's no reason to. Its an old fear that "the food wont be there" later on. It hurts my body, its not good for it and hurting myself isn't something that I want to do.
                  I'm sort of having a dilemma. On one hand, I don't want anymore sugary snacks and things and I think I can easily say no. But on the other hand, my "lower brain" (the part of me with all the bad habits) wants all that junk food. Its an interesting fight that makes it harder, but not impossible, to say no to junk.
                  Last edited by Asmodeuskraemer; 07-16-2012, 03:41 AM.
                  January 14th-306.2
                  January 21st, lost 2" off my waist.
                  January 30th-300.2

                  Come to the edge she said.
                  No, I'll fall.
                  Come to the edge.
                  No, it's too high.
                  Come to the edge.
                  I came
                  She pushed
                  And I flew

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Oooohh my. A customer brought us a box of succulent, enormous, juicy Georgia peaches. I've eaten 5 and I brought 5 more home. I am stuffed to the brim with peach.
                    January 14th-306.2
                    January 21st, lost 2" off my waist.
                    January 30th-300.2

                    Come to the edge she said.
                    No, I'll fall.
                    Come to the edge.
                    No, it's too high.
                    Come to the edge.
                    I came
                    She pushed
                    And I flew

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Workout today: Simplefit L3D1. Today is my light week
                      ...but..

                      I CAN DO PUSH-UPS AGAIN! YEAH! I've been doing knee push-ups for a couple weeks now and since this week is my light week, I decided to challenge myself a little bit. I substituted some lunged for the squats and tried doing a push-up. Then I did another and another!! I did nearly 15 rounds with full push-ups! I'm so f-ing stocked right now!!!

                      I RULE! WOOOOO!
                      January 14th-306.2
                      January 21st, lost 2" off my waist.
                      January 30th-300.2

                      Come to the edge she said.
                      No, I'll fall.
                      Come to the edge.
                      No, it's too high.
                      Come to the edge.
                      I came
                      She pushed
                      And I flew

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Feeling guilty for being fat and over eating and not eating well and not exercising like I should be and blah blah blah. The same old, same old.
                        I'm especially upset that I get to this point and make a resolution to eat better, loose weight, etc and it never seems to stick. Well, I guess I should say "eat less" not "eat better" because my eating is decent. 80/20 when its not almost 100%. Its that I eat too much or when I'm not hungry or both. Listening to my body and giving it what it needs is still something I have to think about and pay attention to. I have to actively DO it, its not second nature. That depresses me because it says how messed up I still am.
                        In other news, those push-ups on monday really made a difference in my muscles. My abs, all the way down past my belly button were sore. Pretty sweet feeling! I couldn't do as many push-ups on wednesday..I made the mistake of eating shortly before exercising...bad idea. I was sluggish the whole way through.
                        I'm going camping next week for 5 days, 4 nights and am pretty excited. Making some bulk jerky for the trip so I don't have to worry too much about what I'll be eating. I know there will be smores and I know I will eat them. Nomz!
                        January 14th-306.2
                        January 21st, lost 2" off my waist.
                        January 30th-300.2

                        Come to the edge she said.
                        No, I'll fall.
                        Come to the edge.
                        No, it's too high.
                        Come to the edge.
                        I came
                        She pushed
                        And I flew

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          The hardest part is sticking with it. I love sugar. I can seem to avoid breads, pasta, potatoes and stuff like that with ease. I'm finding that my body likes rice better than potatoes, so that's kinda cool.
                          But sugar man..sugar. I find myself justifying it, or I just want it and it makes me angry. WHY do I want it? What is wrong with me that I can't not eat that marshmallow, or piece of candy? And then when that starts, it aaaaall comes flooding back. I think the turning point was that stupid coffee cake last weekend. It was delicious but I now see that it triggered me to start eating sugary stuff again.
                          I'm also dealing with bad tendinitis in my right foot, so no sprinting and minimal walking. I still haven't gotten my bike out really. I'm scared to ride it. What if I get too tired and then don't want to do it again? The voice in my head says: "You have a lot of fear holding you back." That voice is right. Why can't I get my bike out, pack a book and bike downtown to read by the lake? Why can't I leave early and bike to work?
                          I'm afraid people will judge me and say things to me. I went for a bike ride a couple weeks ago around my neighborhood. It was really nice. Then some assholes drove by and yelled out the car window "fat girl on a bike". Well, no shit sherlock, I'm a fat girl on a bike. You think I don't know this? People like that have been shaming me for my whole life. That behavior...I think it hits me harder than I want to admit. What those jerks said really hurt and I internalized it, so now I'm scared to get back out there, which is dumb. I want to take care of myself and biking is one of the best ways to get around. I am just afraid of being ridiculed and that's hard to over come. *sigh*
                          January 14th-306.2
                          January 21st, lost 2" off my waist.
                          January 30th-300.2

                          Come to the edge she said.
                          No, I'll fall.
                          Come to the edge.
                          No, it's too high.
                          Come to the edge.
                          I came
                          She pushed
                          And I flew

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I got some sweet slow movement in last night. My friend convinced me to come on a bike ride with her and her boyfriend's mom. We went around the lake, about 11.5 miles and it was great! A beautiful night and an easy route. I gained a lot of my confidence on my bike back. 2 smallish hills and I powered through them. It took us about 2 hours, I think. We stopped for ice cream (I didn't have any) and had a nice, leisurely pace. I'm very happy I went and am really looking forward to going again!
                            Gotta get a better place to store my bike. The basement works but its a pain to get it in and out.
                            Dinner was a hunk-o-hamburger fried in some butter with onions, peppers, Jerusalem artichoke, mushrooms and an avocado. Nomz! Breakfast was the same, no artichoke though.
                            January 14th-306.2
                            January 21st, lost 2" off my waist.
                            January 30th-300.2

                            Come to the edge she said.
                            No, I'll fall.
                            Come to the edge.
                            No, it's too high.
                            Come to the edge.
                            I came
                            She pushed
                            And I flew

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Back from a camping trip last night. Wasn't able to stay primal on that at all. Had gluteny chinese for dinner last night and I noticed on the trip that I'm a bit more puffy and that sucks. Hopefully all the biking and walking we did helped to curb that some. I see that my jawline is gone again.
                              Sometimes, I feel like I can't do this. Actually, I feel like that a lot. I feel like I could give up sugar OR carbs but not both. I'm determined to start eating good again today but I hate this cycle. Its like rinse and repeat all the time...I always mess up and then I always get back on. Why can't I just stay on for good? Maybe this isn't for me? Why should I even bother when I can't do it? I've gotten stronger but haven't lost any weight and I'm still just as big as I was 2 months ago. Anyone have any advice?
                              Last edited by Asmodeuskraemer; 07-30-2012, 04:06 AM.
                              January 14th-306.2
                              January 21st, lost 2" off my waist.
                              January 30th-300.2

                              Come to the edge she said.
                              No, I'll fall.
                              Come to the edge.
                              No, it's too high.
                              Come to the edge.
                              I came
                              She pushed
                              And I flew

                              Comment

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