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The Perils of Periwinkle Pitstop

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  • #31
    Hey,

    I think its a great idea to just focus on healing & not even look at or concern yourself with weight loss. It sounds like you have a lot of physical, hormonal & emotional work in store for yourself, which is a good thing. Eyes wide open. You're clear about your path, & that clarity, in of itself, can be the critical factor signaling real commitment, the beginning of your journey back to true wholeness, health & happiness.

    I'm glad you posted & updated your journal. Thanks Periwinkle.

    You might consider renaming your journal to The Pleasures of Periwinkle Pitstop...
    "Science is not belief but the will to find out." ~ Anonymous
    "Culture of the mind must be subservient to the heart." ~ Gandhi
    "The flogging will continue until morale improves." ~ Unknown

    Comment


    • #32
      Hello Periwinkle! I stumbled onto your journal through another link. I am a PNP with a DNP and working on my PhD. I'm the director of a UT system PNP (AC/PC) on-line program. Boy do I know about working nights. DH is in law enforcement and it's a miricle we have 4 sons (27, 25, 21, 19). Oldest is married. I travel from Houston monthly or more to my full time job 800+ miles away. I've lost 30+ pounds and have another 30 to go. I'm focusing on slow cooker and make ahead meals due to my crazy schedule. Just wanted to say hey to one Texas RN to another. Hang in there! You are doing great.
      Female 55
      Starting wt: 198, Goal: 135, Current with PB: 165
      Started at a size 16 down to loose 10

      With PB my asthma has improved, low back pain is gone, & I've got more energy

      My Primal Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread60175.html

      Comment


      • #33
        Thanks Betorq! I have been lurking, just didnt feel like posting.

        Hi Pedidoc! I started a WHNP program in Fall of 2010 at UTHSC but 2 months in...UTHSC eliminated WHNP, PNP, GeriNP and Psych NP. I was pissed that they accepted me and took my money and then eliminated my program. They told me that if I took 10 grad hours in the Spring 2011 semester, I could stay WHNP, but i was the sole income earner and already pretty stretched going part time. I felt like if they accepted me as a part time WHNP student, then they should allow me to continue as a part time WHNP student and graduate. I was moved into FNP and I did that for the Spring 2011 semester. That spring, my grandfather died at 91 and it just took the heart out of me. FNP wasnt what I wanted and I found it was all I could do to force myself to study, I was burned out from working nights and the low morale of the unit I was working OB/Women's Health on...so I switched to Nursing Education at TWU since it is all online and on a whim, applied for Cy-Fair ISD since I had done some school nursing previously. Now, I like my job, I dont have an addict husband and am much happier...but school hours make it impossible to work on an NP now, and the only WHNP program in Texas in Dallas at TWU. I need to stay here b/c Cy-Fair ISD has a cheap daycare for employees and honestly without that decrease in child care costs, I couldnt afford to be a single mom. So for at least 3 years, Im doing the online Nursing Education MSN and working as a school nurse. I hope to move back to Dallas after that and work on WHNP as a post masters. and teach.

        My weight seems stuck at 174-176 and has been for months, before and after I started primal. I am frustrated, but at the same time, I think primal makes the most nutritional sense and all I can do is make sure I am eating the biggest variety of healthy food...and work towards health and hope the weight works itself out as my body begins to recover. I swear...nurses are some of the unhealthiest people I know. :P
        It's just another day in paradise
        As you stumble to your bed
        You'd give anything to silence
        Those voices ringing in your head
        You thought you could find happiness
        Just over that green hill
        You thought you would be satisfied
        But you never will-
        Learn to be still
        -The Eagles

        Comment


        • #34
          Originally posted by Periwinkle View Post

          My weight seems stuck at 174-176 and has been for months, before and after I started primal. I am frustrated, but at the same time, I think primal makes the most nutritional sense and all I can do is make sure I am eating the biggest variety of healthy food...and work towards health and hope the weight works itself out as my body begins to recover. I swear...nurses are some of the unhealthiest people I know. :P
          It can be frustrating, can't it? I've kept gaining and losing the same 10 pounds all summer. I do know I need to tighten up my diet to get out of the evil 160s. Hence the intensive Google search for slow cooker meals that are paleo. Hang in there, while the pounds aren't moving, the clothes fit better. I do know journaling and keeping track of what I eat helps. I can look back and see moods, schedule, travel and what I ate - then tie it to the why isn't the scale moving question.

          I've been Maternal-Child my whole career. A heavy emphasis on NICU, about 5 years school nursing when the boys were young (hardest thing I ever did - definitely not for wimps). My MSN is as a Maternal-Child CNS with a minor in administration, because that was the closest I could get at the time with the boys (youngest was a toddler at the time). I got my post-MSN PNP at UTMB, but they have since closed all their programs except FNP. I sort of know how you feel - I never wanted a FNP (adults - huge shudder).

          You've made many positive changes in your life and are going in the right direction with your education. Take it easy on yourself. Single parenthood is hard. You are doing a great job, but when you are that close to it personally, you just can't see it.
          Last edited by Pedidoc; 09-03-2012, 08:56 AM.
          Female 55
          Starting wt: 198, Goal: 135, Current with PB: 165
          Started at a size 16 down to loose 10

          With PB my asthma has improved, low back pain is gone, & I've got more energy

          My Primal Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread60175.html

          Comment


          • #35
            I find it interesting to note...that in my culture (by which I mean Periwinkle's culture, not the US culture or Texan culture...) anything with a sauce needs rice and soup and stews require white potatoes. I need to find somthing that I can eat with (or under, so to speak) things with sauces. Like fried sweet potatoes, maybe.

            I made a roast in the crock pot yesterday and saved the juice. I always add a lot of water so that I can have "broth" for soup later. It isnt bone broth since there was no bone...but it is beefy and fatty flavored water that makes a marvelous soup base. I added roast and carrots and a small amount of white potato along with herbs and sea salt and it is a great dinner. I felt like adding a bit of barely would be the right thing to do in Periwinkle culture, but I didnt. I find it interesting to pay attention to my eating habits and how my self-created and family-created and society-created culture dictates what I eat.

            Tomorrow I plan to eat left over soup for breakfast. and roast, asparagus, hard boiled egg, strawberries, and cashews while at work. Dinner will be, I dont know, maybe hamburger and green beans. Some kefir and about 1 cup of milk after the kids go to bed and 8 ounces milk mixed with cocoa powder and a shot of expresso in the AM. 1/2 an ounce of 85% dark chocolate with my after bedtime milk. Would it benefit me to cut out milk and chocolate...yeah, probably. But for now, I am just not there yet.

            It is 8:18 Periwinkle time and both kids are out (no nap and 2 hours at the pool). Their lunches are made and their clothes are ready to go in the am. I just have to put my food together in a grab and go form and Im all set. I love 3 day weekends. I actually got almost caught up.

            Speaking of the pool, I'll vent about this here instead of on facebook. This woman and her kids wandered over to the splash pad area and she was taking pics and she made one of her daughters sit with her under this waterfall mushroom thing and kept telling her to smile for the pic. The poor girl was trying to, but the water kept splashing her in the eyes and the mom grabbed the girl hard by the chin, forced her face up and said: "Look at the fucking camera!" the girl was about 7 at the most. I was dumbfounded. I made sure she saw me shake my head and look at her with disdain, but I didnt start anything since my kids were there and I didnt want them to hear any more language like that or witness Mommy throwing down with some strange lady who attacked me b/c I callled her a fucking white trash bitch...But seriously...who talks like that to their own little girl...with hate. and it made me sick to speculate that she and someone else were taking all of these pics and were going to post them on facebook to show what a great and loving family day they had. Sometime, I just dont understand the world.
            It's just another day in paradise
            As you stumble to your bed
            You'd give anything to silence
            Those voices ringing in your head
            You thought you could find happiness
            Just over that green hill
            You thought you would be satisfied
            But you never will-
            Learn to be still
            -The Eagles

            Comment


            • #36
              Mostly followed my plan from the other night except I didnt boil any eggs. and once I got home I are 2 small hamburgers cooked in water and butter, strawberries drizzled in butter and sprinkled in cocoa, an egg, some milk and chocolate. I kept craving fat.

              today I ate eggs fried in coconut, 1 tall breve latte with whip, cashews, hamburgers, green beans, a couple strawberries. When I got home I ate bacon, sweet potatoes fried with onions and bacon grease, and fried eggs on top. then when the kids were in the bath, I had milk and chocolate.

              I stopped off and got some neck and marrow bones and have bone broth started in the crock pot. I'll let it simmer for 24 hours. I have to admit that I think the cooked marrow looks disgusting. I know people eat it and love it, but it looks like brain jelly or something.

              My soon to be ex has canceled 2 weekends in a row for getting the kids. This was my biggest fear. That he would just abandon them. My 4 year old was crying at daycare and asking the teacher why her daddy had left and would her mommy leave too. That just breaks my heart. Maybe if he got a job or donated plasma, he'd have the money to put gas in his tank. He puts gas in his tank to get to school. I guess mommy fills his tank for school. Yes, he moved back in with his mom. He had a job offer down here near us, but decided to move in with mommy 4 hours away and find somthing part time. I just wish he'd man up for his kids...but I guess if he was capable of that...I wouldnt be divorcing him. So I hate how much this hurts the kids, but I also would like a break now and again. I am in grad school, and I even though I dropped down to 3 hours, I still need a couple of hours of kid free time to work on it. I'll try to do somthing at work tomorrow, but I really need a couple hours alone in a starbucks to get the next two assignments done.

              I also realized that by taking one class at a time, it will be Spring 2014 before I finish up my MSN. and then I have to finish my thesis. and THEN I can start looking for teaching positions. That means at least 2 more years as a school nurse. Maybe 3.

              Sorry, just rambling.
              It's just another day in paradise
              As you stumble to your bed
              You'd give anything to silence
              Those voices ringing in your head
              You thought you could find happiness
              Just over that green hill
              You thought you would be satisfied
              But you never will-
              Learn to be still
              -The Eagles

              Comment


              • #37
                Yikes on that last post. No more posting while sitting in the kids' room getting them to sleep after a long day. Some parts didnt even make sense. :P Usually by 9 pm, I've been up since 5 and I am exhausted.

                Breakfast this am is a grande breve latte. Lunch will be left over beef roast and left over sweet potatoes and pecans and strawberries. I took chicken out to thaw and might make more curry and eat it over sweet potatoes.

                I continually examine my reluctance/inability to give up milk and chocolate for 30 days. I am not ready to take action, but I ponder it from time to time. I am spending this time in my life in reflection, examining my reactions to situations, my relationship to food. I know that when I am tired or stressed, I want to eat. I never ate chocolate before going primal. I first decided to go paleo back in June and did that for 8 days before I convinced myself that raw milk was ok. While on a paleo forum site, someome mentioned 85% dark chocolate as "ok" and I thought...hey....that sounds good. And since then, I have eaten 1-2 ounces a day. I am out of chocolate at the moment. I keep thinking that a Whole30 would be very good for me. I am just not ready to take action on that. I am also not going to buy anymore chocolate until Saturday when I grocery shop again. I ate a lot of it last weekend.
                It's just another day in paradise
                As you stumble to your bed
                You'd give anything to silence
                Those voices ringing in your head
                You thought you could find happiness
                Just over that green hill
                You thought you would be satisfied
                But you never will-
                Learn to be still
                -The Eagles

                Comment


                • #38
                  Been eating primally the last few days, along with my milk and chocolate. But also have been drinking kefir everyday and I hope that it improves my gut health. I have no idea if my gut is unhealthy...but I wouldnt be suprised and good bacteria wouldnt hurt regardless.

                  I have been reading a lot about adrenal fatique. One think that concerns me is how they all harp on getting lots of sleep. One website suggested 10 hours of sleep. Seriously? Im luky to get 4 hours in a row before my 4 year old wakes me up. If I am lucky, she only wakes me once. The earliest I get to bed is 9:45. 4 hours later is 1:45. Then I get to sleep from about 2-5...I am psyching myself up to stop drinking starbucks in the AM. I tried it once last week and I felt wiped all day and 1:30 I broke down and gave one of the office ladies money to bring me back a coffee when she went to Stabucks on her lunch break. I would like to be able to to make some raw milk and 100% bakers cocoa in the AM as my only source of caffeine and then if I ever give up milk...that would go too. But I keep thinking...even if I give up milk and chocolate and caffeine and starting taking adrenal support supplements...It will be 2-3 years before I get a complete nights sleep. Will the best I can do only help my adrenals make it, but not really fix them? that is frustrating...It doesnt mean I wont try every thing I CAN do...but I wish I could do everything the websites say to do and have a complete result instead of just making it a little bit better.

                  On a positive note, I started a pot of Quark going. I have no idea if it will be cheese in a few days...but it is starting to curdle.
                  It's just another day in paradise
                  As you stumble to your bed
                  You'd give anything to silence
                  Those voices ringing in your head
                  You thought you could find happiness
                  Just over that green hill
                  You thought you would be satisfied
                  But you never will-
                  Learn to be still
                  -The Eagles

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Today so far, I have eaten 2 scotch eggs. I fried them last night, but they kind of fell apart. I think next time I will bake them instead. however, I really prefer runny yokes with both bacon and sausage...so I'll probably just do sausage and fried eggs next time. I also made homemade onion soup with bone broth, onions fried in the fat from the bone broth, and grated gruyere cheese. I have eaten 2 bowels for the last 3 days. I guess Im going to have to make bone broth twice a week to feed my new onion soup addiction. With the soup, I also ate 4 strawberries and a double handful of chopped pecans.

                    I am on my 2nd mug of raw milk/2 tablespoons of cocoa/a bit of raw cream. 16 mg of caffeiene is a lot less than I am used to and I feel like I got run over by a truck. I also had bit of almond butter on a spoon. Im planning to fry stew meat, onions, and carrots up in the rest of the bone broth fat for dinner and lunch at work tomorrow. I might throw some green beans in.

                    I was blessed with 40 minutes to lay and half doze in bed while the kids watched Clifford the Big Red Dog about 1-1:40...I could have slept deeply for hours...but 40 min of dozing is nothing to sneeze at.

                    I decided this am that my milk and kefir was now curds and whey and drained some water out and left the rest in the fridge in a dish towel covered collander to drain till tomorrow and I then I guess I'll have quark. I have no idea what it is supposed to taste it, though.

                    I am taking Blue Ice Fish Oil/4 caps a day when I remember. Cal/Mag twice a day when I remember. And sometimes I take GABA. I dont have to take anything to help me sleep anymore. Single Motherhood has cured my insomnia. :P
                    It's just another day in paradise
                    As you stumble to your bed
                    You'd give anything to silence
                    Those voices ringing in your head
                    You thought you could find happiness
                    Just over that green hill
                    You thought you would be satisfied
                    But you never will-
                    Learn to be still
                    -The Eagles

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Today was day 5 of no espresso. Day 1 of no cocoa/milk in the am. My only caffeine came from about an ounce of 85% dark chocolate. I started taking supplements that are supposed to be adrenal supportive. Im willing to give the supplements about 2 months, since that is how many I have in the bottle...with no caffiene. Still flirting with giving up milk, but since I put weight loss on hold, I havent been able to muster the motivation. I love everything about raw milk and I am not convinced it is bad for me. Once I get around to wanting to lose weight again...I'll probably limit and then eliminate milk.

                      Otherwise, eating primally. August 26 is still the last time I had wheat in the form of Chinese food + rice. I kind of remember eating quinoa and rice Labor Day weekend. Pretending that rice and quinoa are seeds and not grains...I havent had a grain in 3.5 weeks.

                      I did have a dream, though...that I accidentally ate some goldfish crackers. They were just there and I was eating them and then I was like OMG I didnt mean to eat those...and I started spitting them out. I dont even like goldfish all that much, especially the rainbow colored ones my kids like...I dont know why I was eating those in the dream and not chocolate cake or somthing.
                      It's just another day in paradise
                      As you stumble to your bed
                      You'd give anything to silence
                      Those voices ringing in your head
                      You thought you could find happiness
                      Just over that green hill
                      You thought you would be satisfied
                      But you never will-
                      Learn to be still
                      -The Eagles

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        So...I think September 8 was the last time I had a significant amount of caffeine with a few exceptions. Sept 21, after getting up at 5:30, working all day, then picking up the kids, and getting on the road for a two hour drive to meet my soon to be ex to hand off the kids, I stopped and got a breve one pump mocha that had a shot of espresso to get me through the 4 hour round trip. This morning, I had a tall Pike's Place with 2 inches of cream. But otherwise, my caffeine intake has been around 8-10 mg a day from either cocoa or chocolate or decaf coffee. I chose real coffee this morning b/c my daughter woke me three times between 12 am and 3 am and my son woke once.

                        In other shocking news, I have not had raw milk since Friday night. Today is day 4 with no milk. Nor have I had chocolate. At this time, I have decided that to eliminate all dairy isnt what I am going for. I plan to eliminate milk, and vastly reduce dairy and caffiene for now. I accept that some mornings I am going to have a tall coffee with cream.

                        I ordered some Brewing cocoa (like Crio Bru) and hope it arrives soon. If I like it, I'll have some of that with raw cream every morning instead of coffee, saving coffee for times when I need caffiene.

                        I am beginning to think, though, that as long as I can not get a full night's sleep, I am just not going to be in optimal health. I have always been the sort who needed 10 hours instead of 8 to feel my best, and now I get 4 hours and then 2 or 3 hours after waking for 20 min...it isnt promoting health for me. I try to remind myself of how much worse I'd feel if I wasnt eating primal, and limiting caffiene and dairy, etc...but it is frustrating to me that my best will only earn me medium results b/c of somthing that is out of my control.

                        I started limiting my daughter's fluids near bedtime. Nothing to drink after 7 pm b/c she was wetting the bed every other night as a reaction to her dad's absence. I really hoped this would result in not waking at night at all...but she still wakes at 12-2 am every night...but at least she stopped wetting the bed.

                        Otherwise, eating primal, taking adrenal supplements, and going to bed before 10 pm every night. The next time I see my OB/GYN (because I dont have a primary care doctor) I'll get my adrenals tested. If that test comes back normal, I dont know what is wrong with me. Other than lack of sleep. Still happy that I havent needed pharmacological assistance to sleep in 2 months.

                        I imagine my divorce will be final the last week of October or the first week in November, which makes me a little sad, but ready to move on. If I didnt believe this was the healthiest choice, I couldnt do it. It's really hard. And it makes me angry still, and may always sometimes, that he chose his addictions over his family.
                        Last edited by Periwinkle; 09-25-2012, 07:21 PM.
                        It's just another day in paradise
                        As you stumble to your bed
                        You'd give anything to silence
                        Those voices ringing in your head
                        You thought you could find happiness
                        Just over that green hill
                        You thought you would be satisfied
                        But you never will-
                        Learn to be still
                        -The Eagles

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          WOW coffee this am and I got so much DONE! I was focused and had energy. This is not good. It makes me want coffee every morning. It is hard to get to work and take care of everything I have to take care of when I feel like I got run over by a truck...which is every morning I dont have caffiene. Maybe caffeine-free and not sleeping a full night are just not going to go hand in hand. I wont know if my adrenals recover, b/c Im exhausted all the time anyway. :P
                          Last edited by Periwinkle; 09-25-2012, 07:22 PM.
                          It's just another day in paradise
                          As you stumble to your bed
                          You'd give anything to silence
                          Those voices ringing in your head
                          You thought you could find happiness
                          Just over that green hill
                          You thought you would be satisfied
                          But you never will-
                          Learn to be still
                          -The Eagles

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            So today is day 7 with no chocolate and no milk. I made no other changes to my diet and I have lost 0 pounds this week. I am stuck stuck stuck at 176. I wasnt trying to lose weight, but it would have been a nice treat. Ah well...we'll see what the scale looks like next week.

                            I did pick the caffeine habit back up. I guess maybe once I get a little more sleep on a regular basis, I'll give it another go. But I am now drinking coffee with raw cream instead of triple grande mochas. I love triple grande mochas. I think I'll save mocha for that 4 hour round trip to drop the kids off, on the rare occasion that my ex wants the kids.

                            My 4 year old slept all night long (well till 4:30 when she climbed in bed with me and went back to sleep) 2 times this week, which is a real blessing. Will continue the "no sippies after 7 rule."

                            I am beginning to think about trying to lose weight and am thinking that I am going to have to do some calorie restriction and some carb restriction. B/c just eating primal hasnt done it. Though, I may just be screwed b/c it will be years before I get "enough" sleep. But at least I dont have random abdominal pain. And I dont have insomnia anymore. Of course, that isnt from primal, that is b/c I just dont get enough sleep. My body is always 15 minutes of inactivity away from a coma.

                            But I am much happier in my new living environment. I finally got a paycheck that reflects the changes to my health insurance after taking my ex off and every year with the school district you get like $50 more a month (oooo big money in education, I get what the teachers get) and the check was about $80 more than I had estimated. So that was a nice suprise. So I got to add a bit more to my grocery budget. But the budget is tight folks. Well...if my ex paid child support, I'd even have money to put in savings, but I didnt budget based on receiving support b/c I saw how he was with his first wife...and next year when the 4 year old turns 5 and goes to Kindergarten, I'll get a $350 dollar raise every month from her quitting daycare. Looking forward to next July. I am glad they are young, b/c I have no money for extra activities right now. (When I mean tight, I mean we dont have cable, no land line...Im talking rent, electric, water, internet, car insurance, groceries, gas, and then a small Misc envelope that coveres things like shoes, clothes, car maintaince...) I have an envelope for groceries and Misc and when the cash is gone...it's gone. So anyway...they dont notice that they dont go to dance classes or T ball or what ever. And by the time they are old enough to do those things, I'll have my MSN, and they wont be in daycare and I can afford an activity for each of them. Single motherhood was harder to get started than I thought it would be, and I knew it would be hard...but I'd do it again in a heartbeat...b/c living with an addict SUCKS.
                            It's just another day in paradise
                            As you stumble to your bed
                            You'd give anything to silence
                            Those voices ringing in your head
                            You thought you could find happiness
                            Just over that green hill
                            You thought you would be satisfied
                            But you never will-
                            Learn to be still
                            -The Eagles

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              We had store bought cake in the break room today for the monthly birthdays. I had 0 desire to eat it. It DID make me want to make a homemade chocolate cupcake with cocoa butter. But I had no desire to eat the cake that was actually in there.
                              It's just another day in paradise
                              As you stumble to your bed
                              You'd give anything to silence
                              Those voices ringing in your head
                              You thought you could find happiness
                              Just over that green hill
                              You thought you would be satisfied
                              But you never will-
                              Learn to be still
                              -The Eagles

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                Dinner tonight was roast pastured chicken, organic wild rice (hey...dont judge) and green beans followed by apples roasted in cinnamon and raw butter and topped with whipped (well actually I just shook it for 10 min) cream. Wild rice doesnt bother me the way white and brown rice or quinoa do. But I still only have it about once every 8 weeks. Planning to make broth with the chicken bones and I got ox tails today to make broth too. Then the kids and I went for a walk and played on the wet playground and then got rained on walking back. good day!
                                It's just another day in paradise
                                As you stumble to your bed
                                You'd give anything to silence
                                Those voices ringing in your head
                                You thought you could find happiness
                                Just over that green hill
                                You thought you would be satisfied
                                But you never will-
                                Learn to be still
                                -The Eagles

                                Comment

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