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waiting for the whoosh - badgergirl's journal

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  • oh Badger - you wont be going to theres for chrissy dinner then???????
    "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

    ...small steps....

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    • I have just reported my sister in law to the mental health services.

      The line.

      I have crossed it.
      I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

      Comment


      • hhhhmmmmm - yeah but no but yeah but no - the line perhaps needed to be crossed. Sometimes we are too close to see what is happening, and it takes others who are a little further removed to point out the obvious !
        so well done Badger for doing what has to be "the right thing"
        G x
        "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

        ...small steps....

        Comment


        • Aah, that must have been so hard, Badgergirl. I really really hope that she will get the right sort of help, and also that both you and your husband will understand that you did what you had to do. Take care xx
          Annie Ups the Ante
          http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread117711.html

          Comment


          • Hugs, badger. We have a mouse problem in that the little buggers like to take up residence in my cars and garage - the cats take care of anything that might even THINK of eyeballin' the house proper, and a mouse infestation is serious business, as you know. As is hoarding. Keep us informed, will you? Hopefully you could do it with some anonymity?
            I have a mantra that I have spouted for years... "If I eat right, I feel right. If I feel right, I exercise right. If I exercise right, I think right. If I think right, I eat right..." Phil-SC

            Comment


            • The other married-in-to-the-family sister-in-law has backed me up by adding extra information and putting her name on the referral (they don't have kids so no bridges to burn with grandparents). She backed me up to such a degree that they are sending a crisis team out to the parental homestead tomorrow to assess the mad sister. I forget all the noms-de-blog I assigned last time we explored this clusterf*ck, but of the eight sibs-and-spouses I have complete buy-in from two, partial buy-in from three and tentative buy-in/not-all-out-sell-out from two. Husband falls in the partial camp. He's not happy with me. However, he gave the team his mobile number in case they cannot persuade mad sister to open the door. I have not been brave enough to talk to my parents in law, not least because they would put up barriers/block access to mad daughter to prevent assessment.

              My PiL are never going to talk to me again. As back up SiL said: this is going to make for a very interesting Christmas. To which I replied: they are going to crucify me.
              I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

              Comment


              • Badger - hold your head high. You have done this because of your concern for the health, wellbeing and safety of them all. If they don't understand or can't see that - don't stress, however we will find more mattraces at ours, if you catch the red-eye !!!!!
                "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

                ...small steps....

                Comment


                • When times are tough, turn to poetry...
                  The Summer Day

                  Mary Oliver

                  Who made the world?
                  Who made the swan, and the black bear?
                  Who made the grasshopper?
                  This grasshopper, I mean-
                  the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
                  the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
                  who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-
                  who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
                  Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
                  Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
                  I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
                  I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
                  into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
                  how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
                  which is what I have been doing all day.
                  Tell me, what else should I have done?
                  Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
                  Tell me, what is it you plan to do
                  with your one wild and precious life?
                  I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by badgergirl View Post
                    The other married-in-to-the-family sister-in-law has backed me up by adding extra information and putting her name on the referral (they don't have kids so no bridges to burn with grandparents). She backed me up to such a degree that they are sending a crisis team out to the parental homestead tomorrow to assess the mad sister. I forget all the noms-de-blog I assigned last time we explored this clusterf*ck, but of the eight sibs-and-spouses I have complete buy-in from two, partial buy-in from three and tentative buy-in/not-all-out-sell-out from two. Husband falls in the partial camp. He's not happy with me. However, he gave the team his mobile number in case they cannot persuade mad sister to open the door. I have not been brave enough to talk to my parents in law, not least because they would put up barriers/block access to mad daughter to prevent assessment.

                    My PiL are never going to talk to me again. As back up SiL said: this is going to make for a very interesting Christmas. To which I replied: they are going to crucify me.
                    Sorry to hear about your PiL situation.... it is unfortunate that the situation is what it is, but when it comes to the bottom line, you gotta do what you think is right....

                    Comment


                    • Sometimes you got to do what you don't want to do, it don't make it wrong, but at least it starts the business of making it right! The adage of you can't do wrong for doing right, springs to mind.

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by badgergirl View Post
                        When times are tough, turn to poetry...
                        The Summer Day

                        Mary Oliver

                        Who made the world?
                        Who made the swan, and the black bear?
                        Who made the grasshopper?
                        This grasshopper, I mean-
                        the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
                        the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
                        who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-
                        who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
                        Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
                        Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
                        I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
                        I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
                        into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
                        how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
                        which is what I have been doing all day.
                        Tell me, what else should I have done?
                        Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
                        Tell me, what is it you plan to do
                        with your one wild and precious life?
                        Badger thankyou for sharing this poem, it's truly beautiful and emotive. I will think about it next time I'm wandering the mountainside watching red admiral butterflies and listening to bellbirds in the trees above.
                        Annie Ups the Ante
                        http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread117711.html

                        Comment


                        • When I think of it, all the different layers of crazy involved (they keep her in the dark as she's not allowed to turn the lights on in case of fire and there is no natural light in the house; she doesn't have a bed; has to keep what few belongings she has outside...) and I think about the poisonous dynamic between the three of them, MiL and SiL competing for FiL's affection. FiL's chronic gaslighting of both of them. MiL's histronics... There could be a Josef Fritzel story in there and I would not be surprised. Horrified, but not surprised.

                          First step: get her out of the house. The mental health person I spoke to said it sounded like schizophrenia to her. Then get her assessed/medicated. Then start putting in place services to get her living in a supported environment.

                          After the dust settles on that. I'll have to think whether it is worth the horror/loss of relationship to report them to the council and getting the council cleaning service in.

                          One battle at a time.

                          Little did MiL know that her claim that she couldn't think about dealing with the mice until after SiL was out of the house would have such a galvanising effect.
                          I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by Annieh View Post
                            Badger thankyou for sharing this poem, it's truly beautiful and emotive. I will think about it next time I'm wandering the mountainside watching red admiral butterflies and listening to bellbirds in the trees above.
                            xxx
                            I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

                            Comment


                            • Badger, I don't really know what else to say but **HUGS**. Good to hear that you don't have any family actively opposing you, and it seems like one really like-minded soul. As a person who was, in her childhood, on the receiving end of having social services come knocking on her family home door, with police in tow, I can tell you that it is horrifying to have all your shit laid bare, in front of strangers and courts and all - but it got the nonsense stopped, so as an adolescent already I recognized how necessary that was.

                              You done good.
                              I have a mantra that I have spouted for years... "If I eat right, I feel right. If I feel right, I exercise right. If I exercise right, I think right. If I think right, I eat right..." Phil-SC

                              Comment


                              • I should have done this five years ago. It's astonishing how easy it is to lose track of just how bad a situation is when everyone around you is putting up sideshows or telling you that the situation is unsolvable or that the people involved have to want to get help. Mad sister is incapable of getting help. Honestly, I would have gone mad if I'd been subjected to what she has. The thing is when she is removed from that situation by one of the sibs she doesn't miraculously get her shit together (quelle surprise). They give her just enough rope to hang herself all over again, then the sib throws up their hands and ships her back to the homestead of horrors. She's profoundly unwell. She's beyond our ability to help and has been for very, very many years. She's the family scapegoat and is made to carry the crazy for the whole clan.

                                The more I try to see into that festering boil and the more I try to make sense of the disconnect between what I see and what I am told, the more I suspect that FiL has been at the centre of this for decades. No one in the family lays blame at his door, they say the mother is depressed (yeah, and then some), they say she uses crying fits and taking to her room (for days) as a weapon. They're not wrong about any of this. However, despite her manipulative and self-defeating ways and the compulsive shopping and the hoarding (which both parents engage in), she's the parent who occasionally has moments of clarity and recognises that her daughter is sick and needs help. FiL is authoritarian and controlling. He makes catastrophically bad decisions with money and he is often secretive about what he is doing/what is happening. He gaslights. I only have one concrete example of this, but I suspect it's a repeating behaviour. When each sib found a life partner, PiL did everything they could to persuade sib to break the relationship off. When the sibs were little the PiL did everything they could to ensure the children were socially isolated (using Catholicism as a cover). They were mentally and, sometimes, physically abusive to their children. He is creepily paternalistic to his wife and mad daughter, if wife is named 'me' they chose to name mad daughter the equivalent of 'mini-me' - I have always found this disturbing.
                                I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

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