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waiting for the whoosh - badgergirl's journal

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  • didn't update yesterday...let's see:
    B: yoghurt, sultanas, coffee
    L: leftover frittata
    D: chili, sour cream, cheese

    Went to the local shops for a mooch and because best friend insisted I buy myself a little something-something with my payrise. Came back with an armful of clothes...for small boy.

    Bought best friend a tiny something-something instead:


    After some thought, decided that I'd like a pair for myself too (don't usually do earrings, but these are *too* AWESOME to forego). Nope, no more available. Spent several hours down the Etsy rabbithole looking at ugly sharktooth jewellery until I began to doubt my sanity.

    Today:
    B: eggs (shared with small boy - probably 1.5), coffee, few tanas (kiddie crack as us mums used to call them)
    L: roast pork (fennel seeds and garlic), crackling, roast snips, roast carrot, roast beets and roast brussels (= heaven)

    made a soup of the leftover carrots and snips - coconut milk, turmeric, cumin, chili, ginger, fenugreek

    D: chili (boys are having nachos)

    Husband has introduced the small boy to the joys of tabletop miniatures and roleplay. I am both filled with love and alienated - my life with XY geeks.

    Made yoghurt - possibly the best batch I've ever done. Looking forward to breakfast tomorrow. I've just finished plowing through I, Claudius and - light relief - am now rereading Love in a Cold Climate.
    I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

    Comment


    • It runs in the family

      *trigger warning: suicide, depression, mental illness*

      We have a situation. Husband is one of five - two brothers, three sisters. He's somewhere in the middle. His eldest sister (the second-eldest child) has never been an independent adult. She has good days and bad days, but on even her best days it is clear that she has severe mental health issues. I'm not sure labels help, but if you want them: borderline personality disorder, OCD and anorexia. She is often enraging - as is common with BPD, I understand.

      Over the years she has lived with every sibling except husband, often for many months - at least once for years. She has periodically returned to their parents' house. After husband's older brother got married (very late in life, much to our happy surprise), he sold his house while she was in it and she moved back in with M&D for 'two nights'. That was two and a half years ago. They never cleared a space for her (they are hoarders - full-on, documentary-on-telly hoarders). She slept on a bedroll on the floor amongst the boxes, clutter, dog hair and mess.

      She sometimes moved out, but she's never worked and so the house shares she secured were chaotic. Their father took it upon himself to insist she leave. She sometimes found jobs, or almost did, again, father would talk her out of them. She has an MA in music, but in the 11 years I've been on the scene has never held down a job.

      Husband's mother has pitched a fit. They are kicking her out. She has two weeks, but she has to stay on the veranda (it is still winter here and not warm or dry). They tell her that no parents would continue to be responsible for an adult child. Father does not believe in mental illness. Rebelliously, I tell husband that we would always care for small boy, no matter what. We would make room for him in our home, support him to achieve a level of independence, even if that level wasn't as advanced as we might hope. Gordon Bennet! He's five and a half and I'm teaching him to make his own meals and encouraging every tiny step towards caring for himself in a loving and supportive manner. They, and all five have suffered from this, went out of their way to isolate their children and keep them deskilled: can't cook, can't budget, can't make friends, don't understand social interactions or maintain friendships, don't understand networking or the world of work. But what is a mild idiosyncrasy in husband that he has worked hard to overcome is a full-scale disability in sister.

      To have her live with us would be the end of any semblance of family life we might have. Self-preservation says we cannot do it. Although, this is not an easy thing to be selfish about. Ultimately, I say to myself, I can care for and support husband and child; I cannot support and care for husband's sister.

      We know, all of us in-laws and the siblings, what the parents are doing with this move. Hell, the parents know what they are doing. She will be homeless. She does not have the wherewithal to get social services on her side. She can't even get it together to sign on when she has a roof over her head, let alone fight the battle to get housing assistance.

      Two weeks and then we will be on guard for the call. The call from the police or the hospital. We all know it. We're all complicit in it. Perhaps, excepting the parents, me most of all. I told husband to school his brother on what it means to be married - spouse before family - as his wife contacted me and asked how she should deal with sister moving in. They live deep in the bush and wife has lupus. They are on the list for fostering children. Sister could well be the end of his marriage if older brother isn't careful.

      And then I read this.

      And. It doesn't change a thing. Just makes it more real.
      I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

      Comment


      • Badger, I agree with you. 100%. More than 100%. And I don't think you are being "complicit" in any way, shape, or form. What you are is a caring, feeling human being who is also doing what you know in every aspect of your existence to be the right thing for your family.

        When one has a spouse and children, one has decided these people will be nurtured and protected first. You cannot do that and also be the truly selfless nun devoted to the salvation of others, for the spouse and child will end up as collateral damage. And you as well.

        Perhaps, hopefully, one day sooner rather than later, some physician will be touched by the hand of God and will gain insight into how to truly help and treat BPD. But that ain't you, or your SIL. And the fact that you are not that person does not make you personally guilty of anything.
        I have a mantra that I have spouted for years... "If I eat right, I feel right. If I feel right, I exercise right. If I exercise right, I think right. If I think right, I eat right..." Phil-SC

        Comment


        • Thanks, Crabby. Support is appreciated. Husband is incandescent with his parents for this and all their other failings and is making Vesuvius noises about never speaking to them again (to me, obviously, not to them). Makes my family look almost normal...
          I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

          Comment


          • B: yoghurt of the gods, coffee
            L: carrot soup of divinity
            D: pork rubbed with cumin, cinnamon, chili and doused in lime juice fried off with green beans, red capsicum, onion, garlic and spinach; more yoghurt of the gods

            No sleep last night. A few things... dog yiffing in his sleep and getting up and down; text messages arriving in the wee hours (phone is kept by the bed as it's the alarm) from oldest sister... and. Oh dear. Well. I did something rather rash while I was in my Cinders cups the other night, wondering how much of my attraction to bacon man was merely the sizzle and how much was actually the person (and, yes, try as I might I cannot get that fracker out of my thoughts).

            So. I did what anyone with impulse control issues would do in the circumstances…





            …and joined an online lesbian dating agency.

            I woke up on Saturday with a hangover and, apparently, what looks to be a girlfriend. You are welcome to put your head in your hands. This is full-on facepalm territory.

            I'm a little unsure how I want this one to play out. Thrilled, terrified and mildly amused.
            I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

            Comment


            • Originally posted by badgergirl View Post
              B: yoghurt of the gods, coffee
              L: carrot soup of divinity
              D: pork rubbed with cumin, cinnamon, chili and doused in lime juice fried off with green beans, red capsicum, onion, garlic and spinach; more yoghurt of the gods

              No sleep last night. A few things... dog yiffing in his sleep and getting up and down; text messages arriving in the wee hours (phone is kept by the bed as it's the alarm) from oldest sister... and. Oh dear. Well. I did something rather rash while I was in my Cinders cups the other night, wondering how much of my attraction to bacon man was merely the sizzle and how much was actually the person (and, yes, try as I might I cannot get that fracker out of my thoughts).

              So. I did what anyone with impulse control issues would do in the circumstances…





              …and joined an online lesbian dating agency.

              I woke up on Saturday with a hangover and, apparently, what looks to be a girlfriend. You are welcome to put your head in your hands. This is full-on facepalm territory.

              I'm a little unsure how I want this one to play out. Thrilled, terrified and mildly amused.
              If nothing else, this should be "entertaning" to watch how it unfolds.........

              Comment


              • Originally posted by ssn679doc View Post
                If nothing else, this should be "entertaning" to watch how it unfolds.........
                Strictly pay-per-view. The offers and likes are flooding in now. Gordon Effing Bennett. I wonder if husband will find this as amusing as the time I pulled the most jaw-droppingly beautiful Swedish student on the Jolly Sailor dancefloor. She looked like this:
                I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

                Comment


                • 'Wow' is all I can say about the family issue, wish you good luck with that one.

                  Originally posted by ssn679doc View Post
                  If nothing else, this should be "entertaning" to watch how it unfolds.........
                  And, oh yes, can't wait for the next installment of this one....

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by Dhansakdave View Post
                    'Wow' is all I can say about the family issue, wish you good luck with that one.



                    And, oh yes, can't wait for the next installment of this one....
                    Even if it is "Pay per view".....

                    Comment


                    • Ah well, we'll see. It might be allowed to die a natural death. As tempting as her offer was, frankly, I was terrified. I've been out of the loop a very long time and haven't had sex with a lassie for eighteen years or so. She'd eat me alive.
                      I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by badgergirl View Post
                        As tempting as her offer was, frankly, I was terrified. I've been out of the loop a very long time and haven't had sex with a lassie for eighteen years or so. She'd eat me alive.
                        Aplogies now, but it wouldn't it be like riding a bike....An' what a way to go.....

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by Dhansakdave View Post
                          Aplogies now, but it would be like riding a bike wouldn't it....An' what a way to go.....
                          Er, no. Not exactly. I discovered - your mileage may vary - that life got a lot better when one's partners were over 30. My girl on girl experience was exactly that. I suspect I am sadly lacking in the skillz.

                          And, as it happens, I never learned to ride a bike, either.
                          I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by badgergirl View Post
                            haven't had sex with a lassie for eighteen years or so..
                            I know the feeling.....

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by badgergirl View Post
                              Er, no. Not exactly. I discovered - your mileage may vary - that life got a lot better when one's partners were over 30. My girl on girl experience was exactly that. I suspect I am sadly lacking in the skillz.
                              Didn't have that many partners pre 30 and that tailed off dramatically post 30 and the less said about post 40 the better, so I'll take you're word for that!

                              Originally posted by ssn679doc View Post
                              I know the feeling.....
                              Tell me about it!

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by Dhansakdave View Post
                                Tell me about it!
                                Well, I if I had any bawdy stories of sex with lassies, I'd gladly share them... but there are none, so's it'd be a boring bit of tale telling.... sad really....

                                Comment

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