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waiting for the whoosh - badgergirl's journal

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  • I'm planning a non-trite, non-facetious response to this whole one year primal thing... it will come. It's brewing like Yorkshire Tea. A lot has happened this year and at least one thing that was a complete and utter derail. I'm still processing that. The pig fat scar has almost disappeared, but things in my brain...not so much.
    I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

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    • I'm fatter than I was this time last year. Not by much, perhaps, but by enough to make me grind my teeth in annoyance. Fat me is still thin, but not as slender and reed-like as I prefer. However, during the year I was thin, very thin (though not thin *enough* because although I pretend that the only culture I believe is yoghurt, I live in this world and am bombarded by the current aesthetic for bones under skin). Indeed, I got to the bones-under-skin stage and looked fantastic dressed, but rather hollow naked. At the moment my - sorry, explicit body talk - breasts are round and full and my belly is mildly (and sometimes not so mildly) convex. I'm happy, but also cross. I want to get back to where I was when I started. Oh the irony.

      There's this thing that I do whereby if I'm feeling out of control I amplify that by eating to punish myself. Sometimes the only way to judge if something's making me unhappy is to see if my eating is self-destructive. When I thought I'd screwed up my marriage there was a noticeable absence of feeling, but a shed-load of negative eating (three months of it). I took note and started working on fixing my marriage while never acknowledging/recognising any kind of preference either way. Call it a gut reaction, if you will. That in itself was very strange - I saw that I was panicking purely from the binges, but had no emotional response to the situation.

      There have been times this year where I've thought that I've finally cracked it; and there have been times when I've totally lost it. Whatever 'it' is in that construction - diet, sanity. There have been times when the MDA boards have been wonderful and there have been times when reading threads has led to anxiety or knocked me off course. This is irrational. There is no food Jesus. Iodine/cold showers/potatoes/all meat/animal fat/carrot salads...there is no substance messiah. I know this, but I still fall for things - irrational hopes.

      Overall, I'm happy with the general primal/paleo way of life, but it isn't so very different from how I ate before (always home-cooked real foods, usually light on starches).

      I am mildly concerned that overall I think I'm eating less (joules/calories), but am not losing weight. It must be the wine, I suppose. I have a solid two bottles a week habit that I am unwilling to relinquish. Also, because of changes to my commute I can no longer walk for 1.5 hours a day, I've lost about 20 minutes. This has had a bigger negative affect than I thought possible, despite the fact that I've added body weight exercises in.

      I guess I'm signed up to this for life now. I think for year two I am going to concentrate on eating like I've always done, but MDA-approved rather than self-consciously trying to BE PRIMAL. So, stop thinking about macros and just think about meals. Stop trying to eat liver all the time and just enjoy pate. There is such a thing as too many egg breakfasts...

      Food is something, ostensibly, we have control over whereas life is full of things that are uncontrollable. However, our bodies seem to have an agenda all of their own (it comes as no surprise that the three-month binge followed a three-month period of increasing restriction - I'm sure that too played a part in the eatathon). It is possible to binge on meat, at least it is for me.

      I am not a Friday success story, but then there is more to me than what I choose to eat and drink. The semi-religious mania is intoxicating, but leaves a hangover.

      Today I ate two scrambled eggs, a bowl of coq au vin sans the coq - leftovers from the night before, six mini sausages and a plate of courgette noodle carbonara.
      Last edited by badgergirl; 06-08-2013, 02:23 AM.
      I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

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      • Hey badger!

        I am up early for a Saturday as I just saw my two oldest off to a church overnighter, so you get me for company.

        Re the semi-religious mania thing here on the MDA - this is my personal take on it, and not eloquently put, but this same fervor you see here on the MDA is present in the basic American psyche and culture, evident everywhere you look. I cannot remember if you have spent any appreciable time stateside, although I think you have not, albeit have long-term friendships with at least a couple of Yanks, so my advice is, if it does not sit well with your English soul, just ignore it as part of our cultural weirdness. You have been on enough threads here to know that religious discussions themselves are always nearly explosive, and we Americans, more often than not, bring that church-revival, come-and-get-saved feeling to areas of life where other cultures would not.

        As for anything being a messiah, you are right - there are no universal food messiahs. But it sure can feel like one when you are the one who has just found "salvation" from continuing pain and ill-health. If I may offer a better metaphor: try looking at all of the suggestions here as tools in a toolkit, nothing more, regardless of how strident the prophet of x-remedy is.

        No other news at present - just a church talent auction to attend tonight.
        I have a mantra that I have spouted for years... "If I eat right, I feel right. If I feel right, I exercise right. If I exercise right, I think right. If I think right, I eat right..." Phil-SC

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        • Hey Crabby!
          (though I think I prefer to call you Cakes)
          I've spent a fair few months Stateside (always in the North, but both coasts) and worked for an American company for several years in an office full of Yanks. Yes, I'm aware of the cultural tendency towards unbridled (to my Brit eyes) enthusiasm, flag waving and cult-like behaviour. However, my comment was more directed at my own longing for a shortcut or easy fix - I get too easily swept away by the thought of a shortcut into silly extremism.

          On the food and exercise front things have been going quite well. I'm enjoying cooking my own food - husband and I chore swapped, did I mention that? - it's nice to know what I'll be eating and have control of menu planning again instead of both of us feeling anxiety about mealtimes. I've made a fabulous batch of yoghurt, which should keep me in breakfasts until we head off on our hols (ten sleeps). I'm spring cleaning the house in anticipation (because, well, logic doesn't come in to it, but I suppose on returning one sees home with fresh eyes and I really don't want my first thought on coming through the door after three weeks away and a 24-hour flight to be: ugh, what a dirty hovel) and am stiff and sore from moving furniture, vacuuming, mopping and polishing the wooden floors. Next weekend I'm determined to take down the fly screens and clean them and the windows - the dirt on the screens is incredible. In an ideal world I'd do the blinds too, but they're a swine to clean and I doubt I'll have time.

          B: yoghurt, banana
          L: a small bowl of a batch of chili made with pork and beef mince, chorizo, butternut squash, courgette, tomatoes, capsicum, celery, onion, garlic, cinnamon, cumin, honey and two habanero chilies - very yum
          D: pork stirfry
          I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

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          • Yum.

            And Happy Holidays, Badger.
            Annie Ups the Ante
            http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread117711.html

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            • Tonight's stirfry was great too; the pork had absorbed the fennel, sage and garlic. I added the usual suspects for the veg component. The boys had noodles I had extra beansprouts. Tomorrow's dinner is going to be a doozy: chicken thighs wrapped in bacon and slow cooked on a bed of leeks, finished with cream when I get home and a dusting of truffle salt. I enjoy menu planning and cooking whereas husband finds it a high-pressure chore. It feels very good to be back in the saddle. Thinking about food is exciting! I haven't made up my mind about the vegetables I'll serve tomorrow - definitely spinach, maybe with mustard and red capsicum. Hmmm. Sugar snaps? Definitely carrots, too, as they are the small boy's favourite food after chocolate.

              Little Cat A is back from her six-week jaunt around England, Ireland, Scotland, Paris and Dubai tomorrow. Cannot wait. Have baked the co-workers a loaf of banana bread to celebrate her return.
              I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

              Comment


              • Originally posted by badgergirl View Post
                Tonight's stirfry was great too; the pork had absorbed the fennel, sage and garlic. I added the usual suspects for the veg component. The boys had noodles I had extra beansprouts. Tomorrow's dinner is going to be a doozy: chicken thighs wrapped in bacon and slow cooked on a bed of leeks, finished with cream when I get home and a dusting of truffle salt. I enjoy menu planning and cooking whereas husband finds it a high-pressure chore. It feels very good to be back in the saddle. Thinking about food is exciting! I haven't made up my mind about the vegetables I'll serve tomorrow - definitely spinach, maybe with mustard and red capsicum. Hmmm. Sugar snaps? Definitely carrots, too, as they are the small boy's favourite food after chocolate.

                Little Cat A is back from her six-week jaunt around England, Ireland, Scotland, Paris and Dubai tomorrow. Cannot wait. Have baked the co-workers a loaf of banana bread to celebrate her return.
                that sounds pretty tasty!

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                • Ohmygosh - your trip is that close?! You are heading back to the Isle, if I remember - whoooooo!!

                  Cleaning - I do that EXACT same thing, and hubby still mostly doesn't get it. If I were there, I would start those blinds for you. One of my BFFs is a DEMON about household prep before a trip, and I loved rooming with her at high school band camps, and sharing an apartment with her for half a year - we got EVERYTHING done. My SIL, on the other hand, I have personally witnessed more than once, leave her household in a - ahem - "state of disarray". Wet soapy washcloths in the tub, clothes on the floors, crustiness stuck to the stovetop, dishes in the sink, too - she simply leaves. Incredible.

                  I think I have limited memory capacity, badger, because if you told us here when you were in the US, I forgot... What page of your journal is that on, and I shall reread.

                  Glad you are back to cooking. I always get the feeling that you do enjoy it. Our current fad - skinning and boning chicken thighs in order to pound flat the muscle and then cut the skin into strips for pan-fried/rendered "chicken skin chips" (as we dubbed them); Fourth cannot eat poultry unless unless every square centimeter of the skin is totally crispy AND the meat is really done, and this is my solution for doing that without cooking every drop of juice out of the meat. Chicken skin chips get done in the pan first, so the fat renders out, and then we cooked the flattened thigh in that rendered fat.

                  So, badger, gotta go - Third is on summer vacation now, so she can sleep, but Fourth has art camp this week (day camp) and I drive her in each morning this week. Toodles till tonight!
                  I have a mantra that I have spouted for years... "If I eat right, I feel right. If I feel right, I exercise right. If I exercise right, I think right. If I think right, I eat right..." Phil-SC

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                  • Small boy came home from school and asked: do you know the song that says 'I put my hands up in the air sometimes'? Google and youtube. We're not in whole-world-in-his-hands Kansas anymore...

                    Chicken-bacon-leek dinner was FANTASTIC.
                    I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

                    Comment


                    • B: banana, small amount of yummy yoghurt
                      L: two chicken thighs wrapped in bacon, creamy leeks, raw spinach - so, so, so good
                      D: rare steak, vegetables TBA

                      I'm loving cooking for myself. Loving it. Also, in other news, have started a new hexagon-of-doom quilt. It's destined for the in-laws as it's ridiculously chintzy - remember the cream and red florals and stripes? Well, turns out that if you chop them into hexes and sew them back together somehow the floweryness multiplies. Pictures soon as I've now completed seven blocks (so, 49 hexes in groups of seven).

                      I'm considering diamonds in greens and purples next...
                      I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by badgergirl View Post
                        B: banana, small amount of yummy yoghurt
                        L: two chicken thighs wrapped in bacon, creamy leeks, raw spinach - so, so, so good
                        D: rare steak, vegetables TBA

                        I'm loving cooking for myself. Loving it. Also, in other news, have started a new hexagon-of-doom quilt. It's destined for the in-laws as it's ridiculously chintzy - remember the cream and red florals and stripes? Well, turns out that if you chop them into hexes and sew them back together somehow the floweryness multiplies. Pictures soon as I've now completed seven blocks (so, 49 hexes in groups of seven).

                        I'm considering diamonds in greens and purples next...
                        I would go with the diamonds... since thy can be sewn together as strips of cloth and then cut at an angle to form the diamonds.... much faster to piece together that way. Besides, diamonds make Lone Star quilts.... and I love Lone Star quilts!

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                        • Originally posted by ssn679doc View Post
                          I would go with the diamonds... since thy can be sewn together as strips of cloth and then cut at an angle to form the diamonds.... much faster to piece together that way. Besides, diamonds make Lone Star quilts.... and I love Lone Star quilts!
                          Seminole piecing only works if you machine sew, which I don't. I sew by hand on the train because...I'm a masochist, I suppose.
                          I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

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                          • Originally posted by badgergirl View Post
                            Seminole piecing only works if you machine sew, which I don't. I sew by hand on the train because...I'm a masochist, I suppose.
                            You have a point there regarding speed.... my first quilting class was a hand piecing class. I made the blocks for the class, and that was the last of my hand piecing..... I don't have the patience for hand piecing.

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                            • I don't even rotary cut. I dunno why, but I don't find the longer process arduous - indeed, hand sewing is much more relaxing for me than machine sewing. I'm happy with my templates, scissors, needle and thread.
                              I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by badgergirl View Post
                                I don't even rotary cut. I dunno why, but I don't find the longer process arduous - indeed, hand sewing is much more relaxing for me than machine sewing. I'm happy with my templates, scissors, needle and thread.
                                I know there are lots of folks that prefer scissors, needle and thread. I ain't one of em! I think it takes much more skill and manual dexterity to work like that. Big kudos and respect from me there.

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