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waiting for the whoosh - badgergirl's journal

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  • Originally posted by ssn679doc View Post
    Great piecing on your quilt top! All of your corners look very sharp.... awesome job!
    I agree, your quilt is looking lovely. I tried a hexagonal quilt once, it is very higgledy piggledy. Mind you I was only 16 and it was my first project, just way too ambitious. Anyway, it has given me a true appreciation for those who can join those angles so perfectly.

    I do still like my quilt though for the memories in every scrap.
    Annie Ups the Ante


    • Holy Cow badgergirl - that is awesome. I would love to be able to quilt, but have never had the time to learn.
      keep at it !!!!
      "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

      ...small steps....


      • Thank you for all your kind words about the quilt. I'm a strange mix of slapdash, I don't pin or iron, and meticulous tiny, tiny back-stitch by hand. I also plan as I go rather than working it all out in advance. This is only the second full-size quilt I've ever made, so I'm still very much a learner. Finally, I do it all super basic - just a template, a pair of scissors, a needle and thread. No measuring gizmos of fancy-pants cutting techniques.

        In other news. Yesterday was something of a triumph as I did not fall into a vat of something sugary, fatty or floury nor did I get drunk. This despite major provocation from the very misnomered mental wellbeing nurse.

        I cannot really give you the full horror, without exposing myself even more than I usually do, but edited highlights included being asked to describe how I would commit suicide if I was going to (followed by a graphic description of a train suicide she had witnessed); being told that the way I present myself proves that I was sexually assaulted as a baby; being told I am the worst case of homesickness she has ever seen; being questioned about the scars on my neck (they're surgical; what surgery?); being told how healing it was to meet me because when she was in training she had to spend time with the then oldest survivor of my medical condition who was then bedridden and grossly deformed and retarded...isn't it wonderful what treatment can do. I described my eating disorder to which she told me I don't look fat (101 on what not to say to an eating disorder person) and how she wishes she could be anorexic once a month. I described how I felt that my consumption of alcohol was unhealthy and was 'reassured' that as long as I have alcohol free days, I'm fine. No lady, I'm not; I keep it under very strict parameters, but it's not healthy.

        B: yoghurt, banana; walnuts; coffee
        L: cream, chocolate, cake mix (I'm testing a new recipe I tried to keep it under control, but failed a little)
        D: boiled egg, tuna, capers, tomato, raw broc

        I cried a lot when I got home and felt safe enough. I cried on the train this morning. I feel broken, despite - intellectually - disowning everything she said.

        Mental wellbeing nurse. Yeah, right. She's just the route to referral; a hurdle that needs to be cleared.

        Husband's appointment is today. Let's see which of his buttons she pushes.
        Last edited by badgergirl; 11-21-2012, 07:10 PM. Reason: two finallys
        I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.


        • today:
          B: yoghurt, banana, walnuts, coffeee
          L: IF
          D: raw beet, feta, balsamic, 1/2 avo, red capsicum; 2/3 shiraz/cabernet bottle (delayed onset medication - DOMs), spoon of disaster cake
          By Melb Central Station I sat down and wept. Both directions: in and out. Only I would go for relationship counselling and come out destroyed by a mental wellbeing 'professional'... I suppose I should be grateful I'm not mentally retarded and grossly deformed and, also, that no one else can 'read' my infanthood molestation.
          I shouldn't internalise it, I know that, but I do.
          I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.


          • today:
            B: banana, 3 eggs scrambled in cream, a walnut (they're in the freezer door, next to the coffee), coffee
            L: IF
            D: mixed grill (beef rib, sausage, pork) - husband is cooking - and salads (1/2 avo, beet and carrot, Waldorf, green)

            In laws are babysitting tonight. We're off to see Skyfall. Have been waiting ages and am very excited! Shaken and stirred. Also, no weeping today. So that's good.
            Last edited by badgergirl; 11-22-2012, 11:07 PM.
            I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.


            • today:
              B: 4 mini sausages, beef shortrib (leftovers), banana, coffee (yeah, that banana was overkill!)
              L: carrot and beetroot salad (leftovers), banana
              D: chili, sour cream, cheese (the boys: chili nachos)

              I made three Christmas cakes (two small, one large) and two puddings today (the puds will steam tomorrow). Two cakes and one pud have been sold already, the others are stock as cooking every Saturday is beginning to be a bore; alternatively, I can use them with the in laws.

              ETA: Skyfall was a brilliant romp through Bond history and sets up the franchise for another 50 years. Yep, I enjoyed it immensely. Javier Bardem was fantastic - camp as Christmas and twice the fun. Clearly getting the luvvies involved is paying dividends. It was good-quality silliness and Dench, as ever, was superb. Also, jolie laide Craig is very compelling; there was only one moment when I thought he went a bit too Ted Hughes.
              Last edited by badgergirl; 11-23-2012, 08:21 PM.
              I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.


              • B: small fist of walnuts, two tablespoons of peanut butter, coffee
                L: half a strawberry magnum ice cream (yuck, so sweet and chemically); two tablespoons of coffee cake with toffee sauce and choc ganache (yay! husband finally finished it today)
                D: chili, avo, mushrooms, sour cream, cheese

                Went all the way to Ballarat to get a fabric I have run out of. Shop - Eureka Patchwork - was CLOSED. Then went to the comic shop with husband and small boy. On the way out of town decided to double check, even though the shutters were over the windows and - lo! - the owner's husband was in the shop to vacuum. He let me in and found the fabric I needed. EUREKA, indeed! While he was cutting my two metres (not making the same mistake twice) I found two more good-looking bolts and got half a metre each of those too. Cost was much less than I expected. Got in the car and drove off to get the ice cream demanded by the small boy. Unfolded the fabric. Man had misheard me. Not two metres did he cut, but 20cm... Hmmm.
                Last edited by badgergirl; 11-25-2012, 09:05 PM.
                I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.


                • B: yoghurt (fabulous batch this week: perfect balance of creamy and tart with a great texture. I mewed with pleasure.) Two teaspoons of peanut butter, coffee
                  L: IF
                  D: tuna mayo salad, I think (the boys are having fish fingers and emergency vegetables as husband has been struck down with man flu)
                  ETA: dinner was tuna mayo, a painfully unripe avo (I'd started so I finished even though it was *crunchy*), three pineapple rings and three teaspoons of peanut butter.

                  I ran for the train as usual, but my BUTT cramped. Never before has such a thing happened to me. I hobbled the rest of the way, in agony, and watched my train leave the platform just as I arrived. It's still feeling odd now - more than two hours later.

                  The last week or so I started waggling weights again and walking a little bit more. Every day, in every way, I'm getting a little bit better. Hopefully.
                  Last edited by badgergirl; 11-25-2012, 11:47 PM. Reason: actual, rather than planned, food
                  I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.


                  • Today is the new yesterday.
                    B: yoghurt (fabulous batch this week: perfect balance of creamy and tart with a great texture. I mewed with pleasure. AGAIN) One teaspoon of coconut oil - blugh, four walnuts, coffee
                    L: IF
                    D: I dunno. I'm making for myself again as husband is still struggling (manfully) with man flu. It needs to be instant and gratifying. But I should really put some veg in there.
                    D: smoked salmon, three eggs scrambled, button mushrooms, spinach; 3/4 bottle Spanish red; hot cocoa w/coconut oil

                    Also, my derriere is *still* sore. What gives?
                    Last edited by badgergirl; 11-27-2012, 01:42 PM.
                    I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.


                    • Yesterday was beyond bad. Today much, much better.
                      B: yoghurt, coffee
                      D: two teaspoons p'nut butter, Waldorf salad, beet and carrot salad, tuna mayo, handful of mixed nuts
                      It hit 38C today. Too hot for me. Walked for half an hour.
                      I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.


                      • Another good day.
                        B: yoghurt, two teaspoons of p'nut butter, coffee
                        L: a small plate of mixed fruit and two tablespoons of marscapone (thank you, co-workers, for a lovely morning tea)
                        D: pork belly and crackling, butternut squash, courgette and chorizio, green beans in balsamic; Greek-style (sketo me gala) frappe*; large glass of red wine

                        *Greek frappe looks like Guinness, is made with instant (in my case decaf) coffee granules, water and evap milk and is served with ice. Frappes are addictive. They put hairs on your chest! A friend, Socrates (pronounced So-cra-tiss, known as Sock), used to have a sweetened frappe and a spanokopita for breakfast every single day. Oh, and a cigarette. God bless the Greeks.
                        I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.


                        • W/e passed off without too much angst or misbehaviour. All good.
                          From memory...
                          B: yoghurt, pnut butter, nuts, coffee
                          L: tuna mayo
                          D: beef stroganoff, 2/3 bottle red wine
                          B: yoghurt, nuts, coffee
                          L: about 30 chips, lump of cheese (yeah, I know how to live)
                          D: pork and veggies stir-fried with tamarind, lime and chili
                          B: yogurt, pnut butter, coffee
                          L: leftover pork and veggies (about 1.5 cups), small lump of stilton
                          D: 1.5 cup beef and veggies - Thai curry sauce, handful of mixed nuts, yoghurt, dark choc w/almonds

                          In other news, quilt has taken on a new and more-involved shape, after plans A and B just didn't feel right (it's a gift and I want it to speak to the couple I'm making it for). MOAR hexagons...oh dear.
                          I'd wanted side panels of tiny squares...but it seemed too bright/saturated.
                          So, plan B:

                          This worked really well, but didn't chime with who I think the recipients are.
                          So. Plan C. Desperate measures...

                          I've got a lot of sewing to do...
                          Last edited by badgergirl; 12-03-2012, 12:58 AM. Reason: added dinner, choc, photos
                          I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.


                          • B: two eggs scrambled w/cream, a few nuts - less than five, coffee
                            L: small slice of brie, few slices of fruit (a cherry, orange, mango, a strawberry), one cup of last night's thai beef
                            D: I am undecided. Will report back.
                            I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.


                            • Originally posted by badgergirl View Post
                              MOAR hexagons...oh dear.

                              I've got a lot of sewing to do...
                              Yes, it IS a lot of sewing, but the hexagons are the way to go, they look great!
                              Annie Ups the Ante


                              • Last night's D: tuna mayo, leftover beef (so, two dinners, but no snacking - I'm trying to think that this was a good thing)
                                B: two eggs scrambled in cream, handful of mixed nuts, coffee
                                L: sardines and a tomato
                                D: spaghetti sauce (made by husband) and veggies; apple

                                Lack of planning. Lack of investment in cooking time at weekends (yes, patchwork - I'm looking at you). Lack of imagination when buying groceries. Lack of self care. All of which equals a lack of meaningful and worthwhile meals, which makes a badger sad (and more likely to be a bit on the podge side). This weekend I shall make amends since we are not travelling from one end of Victoria to the other in search of fabric for once.

                                I've rediscovered my self-discipline. There were chocs and cakes and snacks at work, but I left well alone. Oddly, I'm not too shame-faced about being right back at the starting line again with a few months of work ahead of me. I had a few rough months and I ate and ate and ate. It's a pattern I'm only too familiar with. Now, as I lose the new lard I shall also be working through the emotional pain that triggered the eating. I'd never before thought of the fat in this way: stored up, slow-release anxiety and pain... puts a new spin on the sense of lightness and euphoria as it leaves. Also, of course, it highlights that FEELING the difficult emotions when they happen would be a far more efficient process than storing them up as adipose tissue. Truly, I let a bad situation get right under my skin.

                                Food for thought, so to speak.
                                Last edited by badgergirl; 12-04-2012, 11:51 PM.
                                I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.