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waiting for the whoosh - badgergirl's journal

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  • Originally posted by ssn679doc View Post
    Sometimes I think that marriage can be two balloons holding their own strings, but the strings are inter-twined, so they hold one another together.... It is true that sometimes one person is the tree or the post, but when 2 strong willed, independent people marry, it sees like they are two balloons, or maybe 2 dirigibles tied together. Dirigibles, because strong willed people often go against the prevailing winds of society and are more apt to chart their own course
    Most thoughtful that Doc.

    Originally posted by badgergirl View Post
    That is how I feel when I listen to music that has been important to me in the past - as if the self that existed in that moment has come to the fore.

    Right then. String holders and balloons.

    I feel that I am a balloon...perhaps we all do. However, when I look around me, I seem to be holding an awful number of other people's strings (perhaps we all feel that too). To the extent that I am a heavily constrained, earthbound helium balloon who desperately misses the sky. I need to take to the sky.


    And yes, we come full circle. Take to the sky.
    If it wasn't for obligations and stuff I'd say buy yourself a pair of scissors....maybe you could get the scissors anyway and cut a few of they strings to make the sky a little more accessible! I love it, but it's dangerous stuff music....

    Comment


    • Originally posted by Dhansakdave View Post
      If it wasn't for obligations and stuff I'd say buy yourself a pair of scissors....maybe you could get the scissors anyway and cut a few of they strings to make the sky a little more accessible! I love it, but it's dangerous stuff music....
      I would be right there except there are obligations and affections. There are indivuduals who have earned their anchorages and there is one small person who needs his string to be held. I just wish my path to the sky were less encumbered. Or, maybe I just need more people to hold my string. Perhaps this is an Australia thing.
      I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

      Comment


      • Originally posted by badgergirl View Post
        I would be right there except there are obligations and affections. There are indivuduals who have earned their anchorages and there is one small person who needs his string to be held. I just wish my path to the sky were less encumbered. Or, maybe I just need more people to hold my string. Perhaps this is an Australia thing.
        I thing everyone needs some grounding. Family ties, societal norms, moral codes all provide those, in one form or another... Sure taking to the sky is grand... but even birds spend an awful lot of time on the ground...

        Comment


        • Originally posted by ssn679doc View Post
          I thing everyone needs some grounding. Family ties, societal norms, moral codes all provide those, in one form or another... Sure taking to the sky is grand... but even birds spend an awful lot of time on the ground...
          I think we are talking at cross purposes. Or pershaps I am just incredibly selfish. I feel, rightly or wrongly, that life has become one long dedication to other people's needs. I really would like to take to the skies, but I don't because: strings.
          I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

          Comment


          • Originally posted by badgergirl View Post
            I would be right there except there are obligations and affections. There are indivuduals who have earned their anchorages and there is one small person who needs his string to be held. I just wish my path to the sky were less encumbered. Or, maybe I just need more people to hold my string. Perhaps this is an Australia thing.
            Exactly, what's the saying about 'the ties that bind'!

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            • I feel, rightly or wrongly, that life has become one long dedication to other people's needs.
              that is the problem with being someone's mother or partner. or even friend. they all look after me too and I have my need to go feral pretty much under control these days. I still bust out the odd alien capture incident but nothing serious these days. that craziness definitely bubbles back up if I am feeling restricted, judged or pinned down in any way but I am getting better at identifying the triggers and dodging them before it gets too late. but then I also only have this part under control out of respect for everyone else. especially my children who really don't need a flakey mother. I do think it is important for kids to have a mother or role model who does have a backbone and some sense of adventure too. so that is also my excuse and I am sticking to it!

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              • Sorry, folks. My thoughts are still aloft with the balloons. One of the best things about starting work so early is that I get to see hot air balloons drift across the city as the sun rises. Although I have no interest in flying in one, seeing them never fails to lift the spirits. There were five this morning, decorating the daybreak.

                I think I must do it deliberately - tie myself down with other people's strings. Perhaps I don't trust myself to float away without getting lost. Perhaps I don't trust anyone to hold on to me.

                Tomorrow is clueless's last day. I'm down to bake for her and contributed to a generous gift. I also sent her some carefully chosen words about my own experience of breaking down at work and what it eventually led to. Hopefully, she feels less alone and less of a failure to know that others have gone through similar.

                Best friend is having a really, really rough time of it. She wants to cut herself up on the outside to reflect how she feels on the inside. I don't trust her around mirrors at the moment, she's likely to smash them with a fist. I send out tendrils of love, carefully crafted paper boats that bear the freight of my heart. Put down the knife. I say the words knowing that I'd pick up the knife in her shoes. I know the attraction of a honed edge.
                I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

                Comment


                • Originally posted by badgergirl View Post
                  Best friend is having a really, really rough time of it. She wants to cut herself up on the outside to reflect how she feels on the inside. I don't trust her around mirrors at the moment, she's likely to smash them with a fist. I send out tendrils of love, carefully crafted paper boats that bear the freight of my heart. Put down the knife. I say the words knowing that I'd pick up the knife in her shoes. I know the attraction of a honed edge.
                  I'm with you (and her) there.
                  Depression Lies

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                  • Originally posted by namelesswonder View Post
                    I'm with you (and her) there.
                    It's a tightrope, but sometimes a self-harming coping mechanism (in whatever form that takes) makes the difference between coping and breaking down completely...in which case I'd advocate for the self harm and try to minimise the consequences. Do what needs to be done to hold it together in the round. What's another scar in the scheme of things?
                    I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

                    Comment


                    • Put down the knife. I say the words knowing that I'd pick up the knife in her shoes. I know the attraction of a honed edge.
                      I love a good knife. I love knives way more than guns. guns are just for hunting. no tactile appeal at all. altho the pump action shot gun is loads of fun. I still wouldn't slash myself as it holds no comfort. my self destructive urges are more towards nefarious substances. at least they are fun while you are doing them.

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by seaweed View Post
                        I love a good knife. I love knives way more than guns. guns are just for hunting. no tactile appeal at all. altho the pump action shot gun is loads of fun. I still wouldn't slash myself as it holds no comfort. my self destructive urges are more towards nefarious substances. at least they are fun while you are doing them.
                        Best friend shoots deer with a compound bow. She's way more hardcore than me.

                        We are not the same - she tends towards starving herself, exercising to exhaustion, slash and burn: self-punishment through restriction. I tend towards excesses. Obliterate thought by gorging on whatever's at hand.

                        Good job I'm feeling fairly stable myself - no weeping on the train or suicidal impulses, it's so good to be free of those - since I'm holding a lot of other people's strings right now.
                        I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

                        Comment


                        • i am way too much of a wimp to shoot anything alive with a compound bow unless it was something like a rabbit. i hate it when they don't just drop dead immediately. generally they do cavort around a bit and spurt blood but they still die very quickly. with a bow, even a powerful one, they take much longer to die. or you injure them and then have to track them. whilst i have the technology to track a deer ( he has a red nose and a stringy tail ), i just rather wouldn't unless i absolutely have to. i don't do things like shoot the hinds when they have fawns till the fawns are big enough to really survive on their own. or go shoot the stags when they are roaring as they aren't looking and are easy to shoot. pretty freaking boring really!!! our sonnet 118 says it all about me. obliterating thought is the aim. we all just have different means and these days i try very very hard to avoid generating another set of problems whilst obliterating thought.

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                          • No expert on self harming or the mental issues that go with it, so keeping quiet there.

                            BG, read this story in my local rag that made me smile, its about my local pro cricket team changing its name, the pertinant bit is quoted below;

                            "Should we follow Warwickshire's example where they have renamed the T20 team the Birmingham Bears? Should we be the Bristol Badgers or something for T20 cricket?"
                            I'd like to see the kit, if they go for that....

                            Comment


                            • On a much lighter, happier note, I have reason to believe that Pops might start lurking here...

                              Pops: chinchin, chinchilla! This one's for you
                              I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by Dhansakdave View Post
                                No expert on self harming or the mental issues that go with it, so keeping quiet there.

                                BG, read this story in my local rag that made me smile, its about my local pro cricket team changing its name, the pertinant bit is quoted below;



                                I'd like to see the kit, if they go for that....
                                Cricket doesn't say badgers to me or badgers don't say cricket. I cannot imagine badgers being that athletic (maybe Botham-era cricket - all beer and not much skittles).
                                I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

                                Comment

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