No announcement yet.

One Night At McCool's

  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #61
    Originally posted by NicMcCool View Post
    I combined January and February into one month, Manuary, so there'd only be 11 months in the year.

    Manuary, the 60 days in the year I'm allowed to wear only a loincloth, grow an even beard-ier beard, and roast whole pigs over firepits in our driveway.
    DIGGING MANUARY!! I hate those months of the year, and I love a good beardy beard, especially on a muscular loin-clothed man who is accompanied by roasted pig.
    Mm... I think I dreamed about that once.... might have to take that up with the Warlord.
    You don't have to be sick to get better.
    Female, 31 years old, 5'8"
    Primal start: 1/2/2012
    My Primal Journal
    Living, loving and learning.


    • #62
      Originally posted by NicMcCool View Post
      Vehicles won't help. I've flipped plenty (3) in my lifetime.
      You can't have mine to flip, though. I still have my first car - a '72 Buick Skylark with a 305 V-8 in Grandpa Green. It needs TLC, but one day I'll get to that.

      The car is amazing. I ran it alongside a Jersey divider once (in NJ) when I fell asleep at the wheel - nothing but a little paint lost.
      I have a mantra that I have spouted for years... "If I eat right, I feel right. If I feel right, I exercise right. If I exercise right, I think right. If I think right, I eat right..." Phil-SC


      • #63
        If I just said LOL, I lied. Do or do not. There is no try.


        • #64
          Originally posted by NicMcCool View Post
          The commute wouldn't be that bad... 2 hours one-way, 3 days a week.
          If I drove and/or had half a cent to my name, I would seriously consider it. As it is, I'm avoiding overdrawing my bank account this month by a whopping $11.80.

          _-J o u r n a l_--------- ---- ---- --- --- -- -- -


          • #65
            Originally posted by justyouraveragecavemen View Post
            "Go For Broke"
            Fat Kine-230/24% @ 6'2"
            Small Kine-168/9%
            Now- 200/8%
            Goal- 210/6%


            • #66
              Originally posted by NicMcCool View Post
              I just watched WAY too much TMNT growing up.
              I don't know whether i should be proud or embarrassed by the fact that I knew this was Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles without having to think about. The show didn't come out until I was over 20...

              Originally posted by NicMcCool View Post
              Each year when a client hits their special day they perform the “Happy Birthday Fuck You” workout (or HBFY). This is not something you look forward to. This isn’t the “let’s relax and do some curls” workout. This is a rite of passage. A string you up by your man hairs and sway in the breeze type workout. Something where A) You WILL hate me. And B) You WILL cry.

              Take the year you were born, in my client’s case 1972.
              You have 1 Hour to complete 1972 reps of your choosing.
              Rules: You have to use a barbell. No shrugs.
              That’s it.

              Yes, there is a reward (and a penalty), but I’ll get to that in a second. First you’re probably wondering how does one go about completing such a workout. Well, dude, you don’t. That’s the point. In all my years of training I’ve had a handful of people finish the workout in time. Getting to your birth year is not necessarily the point. Beating your previous score is.

              ...So there you have it. We don’t celebrate with cake, dude, we celebrate with sweat.
              I effin' LOVE this idea!!!!!


              • #67
                I'm gone for a week and none of you dudes come looking for me? Totes feeling the love, dudes.

                If you hadn't heard Mother Nature is a bitch.

                Like a horrible pee on an unsuspecting person in the shower kind of bitch. Like the Michael Bay of destroying childhood memories kind of bitch.

                Just look at the news headlines “1 million without power after storms”, “Heat wave strikes as hundreds of thousands are powerless”, “Zombies attack, feed on slow sweaty people first”.

                It’s ridic. Totes ridic.

                And yet this past week has been the most fun I’ve had in a very long time – minus the pec strain of course, but we’ll get to that.

                As it turns out Globo Gyms have a kind of pussy policy that says they have to shut their doors if by chance they lose power. That means people paying Globo Gym for the right to sweat in their gym are turned away because the A/C doesn’t work and they may accidentally sweat in their gym. Makes total sense, dude.

                Not only did we stay open, but we picked up about a half dozen new clients. I put out a sign that said we were open from sunup to sundown, because, y’know, no lights. I broke out the old Yamaha genny -- not for A/C or lights, but so I could blast Slayer through my 4 stacks and let the neighborhood know we’re open. Picked up a few trashcans from Home Depot, filled ‘em with ice, bottled water, and chocolate milk, and spray painted “Free Drinks Once You EARN Them” on the sides of the trashcans.

                It was 101 degrees outside and 83 degrees inside, so of course the majority of training happened in the parking lot. Honestly only one client complained the entire week, the blacktop was “too hot” for sled work he said. I had a few who moaned at first, but it’s crazy how someone’s mood changes when they’re doing lifts in the sun.

                We were doing farmers walks in the parking lot with large chunks of a tree that had fallen close to the building. Apparently this is odd to the “normal” folk, so after about 15 minutes we had quite a few onlookers. From that crowd I was able to pull in a few newbies to sign up for training. Ironically (or not, since I still don’t know how to use that word correctly dude) four of them are currently members of Globo Gym and were pissed off they couldn’t get a workout in.

                All in all it was a good week at the office, and that in itself is probably the only reason I’m not taking a chainsaw to a baby pool full of kittens right now.

                Mrs. McCool and I live in an older part of town. The trees are huge. Like Michael Clarke Duncan huge. They’re the Balrog of neighborhood groves. When other trees come into my neighborhood they’re like “Shit, we can walk?!” and then they keep their eyes on the ground so as not to make contact with the larger, older, more gangster trees.

                The trees are also ridiculously heavy.

                In my front yard there’s a large something-or-other tree. I don’t know if it’s maple, or oak, or whatever. It’s a fucking tree, dude. Anyway it’s big, as mentioned earlier, so big in fact that when one of its lower branches broke off and decided to chill on my driveway 3 inches from my Commander, it sat about 30” tall. A little too tall for the Jeep to traverse, so I had to move it. With my bare hands. Because I’m an animal. Like a beaver or some shit.

                The problem was the tree was propped on another branch so it sat at a slight angle. Not thinking it through I grabbed the bottom branch, put my shoulder into the stump and tried to drive the wood on a pivot across my driveway. I got about 11 feet when the momentum caused the entire branch to rotate and as stated before this shit was HEAVY. My arm was caught underneath, my body went over top, and my pec took the brunt of the torque causing a nice little POP and tons of bruising. Within 2 hours I looked like that spoiled chick in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory who turned into a blueberry.

                Not happy.

                Doc said it’s not a tear, just a “very severe strain” and I should “not workout for 6-8 weeks at least”. At which point I grabbed my shirt and stormed out of his office topless. What does he know anyway? He’s tiny.

                I’m sure I’ll write about more shit that happened this week (because there was A LOT), but I have a client coming in 8 minutes and I need to set the chains and turn up Slayer.

                Last edited by NicMcCool; 07-07-2012, 01:52 PM. Reason: Now with a picture!
                I've got of one them journal thingies. One Night At McCool's


                • #68
                  “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
                  ~Friedrich Nietzsche
                  And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.


                  • #69
                    101 Degrees, LOL. That can't be Dublin ROI then. Next time try one of these,


                    Also handy for the Zombie Apocalypse.



                    • #70
                      While not quite as boss as your tree-clearing escapades, I did find it necessary to clear a few large limbs off the sidewalk on my way home from working out last Saturday. That storm wreaked havoc in our neck of the woods too. Thankfully we didn't lose power because our lines are buried, but there are still over 100K in my area without power as of this morning. Crazy.

                      Created by - Free Calorie Counter


                      • #71

                        i almost kinda wish i was a member of your gym

                        i promise my grumbling would have been a barely audible growl, until i could say 'THERE. NOW GIMME MY CHOCOLATE MILK.'
                        yeah you are

                        Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.


                        • #72
                          Originally posted by bloodorchid View Post

                          i almost kinda wish i was a member of your gym

                          i promise my grumbling would have been a barely audible growl, until i could say 'THERE. NOW GIMME MY CHOCOLATE MILK.'
                          The choco cow juice post-workout is like a rite of passage, dude. It's happened more times than I can count; people have some crazy wicked workout and then when rewarded with a jug of the good stuff they start acting like they won the Super Bowl, pouring milk all over their head and face. I'm always like, "Dude! You know you still have to drive home? Now you're gonna be all sticky. Also, stop pretending to be Peyton by the equipment. You're getting chocolate on the bars."
                          I've got of one them journal thingies. One Night At McCool's


                          • #73
                            Mrs. McCool wanted chipotle yesterday. I don't think she even likes the food, she just enjoys watching me get angry...

                            Chipotle dude: What can I get you?
                            Me: A bowl.
                            Chipotle dude: White rice or wheat?
                            Me: Neither.
                            Chipotle dude: ...
                            Me: ...
                            Chipotle dude: You don't want rice?
                            Me: No.
                            Chipotle dude: Ooookay. Black or pinto bea-
                            Me: Neither.
                            Chipotle dude: ...
                            Me: ...
                            Chipotle dude: No rice, no beans?
                            Me: Correct.
                            Chipotle dude: Onions and peppers?
                            Me: Yes. Lots, dude.
                            Chipotle dude: ...
                            Me: More than that.
                            Chipotle dude: I'll have to charge you extra.
                            Me: Whatever.
                            Chipotle dude: What meat?
                            Me: Chicken.
                            Chipotle dude: Chicken.
                            Me: And extra steak.
                            Chipotle dude: You just said chicken.
                            Me: I did. I also said extra steak.
                            Chipotle dude: I'll have to -
                            Me: Charge me extra. I get it.
                            Chipotle dude: Salsa?
                            Me: Red and green.
                            Chipotle dude: Anything else?
                            Me: Lettuce and two scoops of guac.
                            Chipotle dude: Okay. That'll be extra.
                            Me: Also, more steak.
                            Chipotle dude: That'll be ex-
                            Me: If you say extra again I'm coming across this fucking counter, dude.
                            Chipotle dude: ...
                            Me: ...
                            Chipotle dude: To go?

                            Every damn time.
                            I've got of one them journal thingies. One Night At McCool's


                            • #74
                              ROFLMAO @ your Chipotle experience. I also get weird looks from the people at Chipotle when I order a bowl.

                              Created by - Free Calorie Counter


                              • #75
                                Originally posted by Jaradel View Post
                                ROFLMAO @ your Chipotle experience. I also get weird looks from the people at Chipotle when I order a bowl.
                                I generally hate people, dude. I worked in the food industry through college, I know what it's like. I had enough common sense to know that big dudes eat way more food than little dudes, so if gargatuan comes in I get out my pencil sharpener to write down the list of animals I'll have to kill to make his hunger go away.

                                Now when I go to resteraunts I don't care how much it costs as long as there are enough of god's creatures dead on my plate to keep me full for three more hours.
                                I've got of one them journal thingies. One Night At McCool's