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Skinny girl to fat girl and back to skinny girl - for life

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  • thanks so much.
    I have tons of nervous energy lately, mostly due to this situation and I'm burning it off with kettlebell swinging and other heavy lifting. It's crazy. I feel great though in all respects - mentally, physically and emotionally. Plus I am indulging in a little retail therapy, too - new shoes! My old ones either don't fit or just don't look right anymore. I'm not a big shoe person, but I know most women are and my shoes will be on trial so best to make sure they're up to date. My suit should pass muster. Amazing how much of a decision is based on first impressions and I want to wow her. I'm so nutty I have my briefcase/bag already mostly put together - notebook, 2 pens, mini-deodorant, noise-cancelling headphones, hairbrush, sunglasses, lipstick. Oh how I obsess.

    Anyway...shower, bacon then shoes!
    5' 9" 47 YO F
    PB start June 2, 2012
    Pre PB SW = 180 (no scale at home, Mom's scale January - 153lbs!)
    Current deadlift 245 lbs, squat 165 lbs, bench press 135 lbs


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    • Here are my shoes! Calvin Klein Babe. Oy. Shoe names are so silly.



      Mine are matte navy kidskin. They run wicked small and now I have to wear them around the house so I get used to walking in heels again. I've basically lived the last 4 years in slippers, sneakers and hiking boots. Not quite the same.

      I also snagged these because they were on close out and because I dig them.





      Anyway...that's enough girlie stuff for one day!
      Last edited by June68; 11-30-2012, 10:42 AM.
      5' 9" 47 YO F
      PB start June 2, 2012
      Pre PB SW = 180 (no scale at home, Mom's scale January - 153lbs!)
      Current deadlift 245 lbs, squat 165 lbs, bench press 135 lbs


      PB Journal

      Comment


      • I wish I shared your love for shoes... lol I'm not a shoe lover, but I have a collection of old running shoes that drives my husband crazy. He doesn't understand why I keep them around if I'm not running in them. He must not ever look at my feet to see that I retire them into "everyday" shoes...

        Nervous energy... I know that feeling. Have it every day at work when I'm ITCHING for a task...
        Primal since March 5, 2012
        SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



        Comment


        • I don't really love shoes, but I do know they can make or break an outfit and so new shoes seemed like a good idea.

          Bummer though that while the pants fit, the jacket seems big. Maybe because I haven't worn one in a while, but I think it looks too big. Nothing to do about it though...will just shoulder through. At least I'll have good shoes.
          5' 9" 47 YO F
          PB start June 2, 2012
          Pre PB SW = 180 (no scale at home, Mom's scale January - 153lbs!)
          Current deadlift 245 lbs, squat 165 lbs, bench press 135 lbs


          PB Journal

          Comment


          • The shoes make the man, you know.
            Primal since March 5, 2012
            SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



            Comment


            • Who knew eating bacon every day could change a personís life?

              6 months have gone since I went Primal.
              Also 20 pounds.

              So Iíve been thinking about my 6-months of being Primal and some things Iíve learned and experienced. The biggest hurdle for me has been patience and the Primal spin. When the fat didnít instantly start Ďmeltingí off, I questioned its veracity. I was doubtful this Primal thing would really work, but then I realized that its progenitor is an ectomorphic male and of course heíd have it easy in the weight-loss arena. I needed to be mindful of how to apply the same blueprint to a meso/endo woman. Lo and behold, the principles hold, the timeline just needed to expand. So to all those newbies who are waiting for that fat-melting stage, be patient, stick to the primary points of the blueprint. Donít go off the path. Giving it time and being true to the whole plan; thatís what works. YMMV, but thatís how it is with me. Suddenly I can wear pants that in no way fit a month ago when before that it seemed I never would. Patience. Damn itís hard to learn.

              Another big change that is kind of hard to quantify is the nature of my hunger these days. I regularly skip meals and suffer no ill effects. Iím not cranky. Iím not fuzzy-brained. Iím not shakey. Iím not light-headed. Even the stomach pangs themselves are less urgent and agonizing. They just are. I can function, and function well, on 2 meals a day provided they are square in PB territory. High-ish fat and protein with a few nice veggies thrown in. Not eating and not caring or worrying about it is so refreshing. No snack, no problem. Itís very liberating and so is coming home and eating a sumptuous, flavorful and nutritious meal. No guilt. No ĎOMG is this too muchí? No stressing over whether Iíll get fat. No dry, skinless, boneless chicken breast!

              Oh also...especially for newbies...donít overthink it! Donít automatically assume itís not working. The human body isnít a binary machine with switches that you can flick to make instant change. Weíre complex organisms that accumulate adaptations in response to stimuli. Your metabolism and endocrine systems will adapt again, you just need to give them time and the right stimuli to do so. Tweaking the diet all over the place is not the way to reset your systems to optimal. Mangling your exercise program and never truly training your body to do specific tasks well is not the best way to build endurance or strength. Iíve found that by sticking to the PB in a rigorous way was enough change in and of itself that I didnít really want to add or subtract. Give it six months or a year...remember that slow progress is still progress. It takes time to heal your gut, mobilize fat, remap your endocrine system, retrain your brain. Ah...back to that patience thing.

              And itís not that hard. One of the reasons Iím not very active here on MDA is the high level of whining done on this board. So many grown-up children who canít control their actions. Really, if avoiding wheat and sugar is the height of difficulty for you, you donít deserve to be in the gene pool. Yeah, harsh, but fuck me running some people are idiots. For me, this isnít hard. Yeah Iíd love a good stromboli now and again, but knowing the price of that stromboli is all it takes for me not to eat it. And who wants dry crackers and pasta anyway? Itís what you put on top of those things that makes me want them, not the little gluten bombs themselves, so now I just eat the toppings. Simple. But oh no, people have to make drama and struggle out of everything and blow it all out of proportion. Just donít eat it, people. Itís not that hard.

              Ugh. Sorry. I had to get that out. Seriously. And this -

              loose - adj. 1. a. not or no longer held by bonds or restraint b. not confined or tethered etc. 2. detached or detachable from its place 3. not held together or constrained 4. not specially fastened or packaged 5. hanging partly free 6. slack, relaxed, not tense or tight

              lose - v. 1. tr to be deprived of or cease to have 2. tr let or have pass from oneís control or reach

              OMFG! I won't even read a post if the poster doesnít know the difference between the two. There. I said it.

              Phew. Ok. Breathe. Back to positive things.

              Another piece that only surfaced recently is my self-confidence. Itís coming back in pretty much direct proportion to the weight coming off and my health improving. So much so that Iíve been able to really work a job opportunity in a way that I know I wouldnít have been able to a year ago. A year ago none of my professional clothes fit so contemplating a professional job again was out of the question. That left a job that could be done in my fat clothes. The prospect of which was depressing. Knowing I looked like a shlub every time I left the house didnít help. Looking at closets full of beautiful clothes I could no longer wear didnít help. Still I struggled to understand what I was doing wrong. Why wasnít I losing weight if I walked 20 miles a week? Why didnít going to the gym twice a day work? Why wasnít I losing weight if I ate skinless chicken breast 5 days a week and had my whole grain bread and low-fat cookies? Why? They said it would work. Calories in/calories out. Move more/eat less. Why didn't it work? My fault. Hadda be.

              Which leads me to my last thing learned in my 6 months of following the Primal Blueprint. Realizing itís not my fault that I ended up fat and sick. Not blaming myself is such a weight off my shoulders that Iím amazed I carried it around for so long. Iím not defective. Iím not pathetic. Iím not a failure. I was led to believe CWís ďfactsĒ and despite not one of them actually being true in my life experience, I clung to them anyway and didnít question even one. Now, I question. I experiment. I evaluate. And if something seems like hogwash, I ignore it. I stick to what works and I no longer feel like the loser who canít help being fat. Now I understand what mechanisms control fat storage and fat burning. Now I can manage my diet and exercise regime to harness those mechanisms to work for me, not against me. Knowledge is power after all. I can control how my body looks and feels. Iím no longer at the mercy of unknown forces that seem to conspire against me. No longer will I struggle in vain and suffer the consequences. I have control. That is freedom.

              Freedom, baby, yeah!!!

              Anyway...thatís how my first 6 months of Primal living has gone. It's a success and itís my life now. Not a trend, fad or temporary measure. Processed wheat, sugar and weird chemicals arenít good for me and make me fat. No way Iím going back to that. Why would I?
              5' 9" 47 YO F
              PB start June 2, 2012
              Pre PB SW = 180 (no scale at home, Mom's scale January - 153lbs!)
              Current deadlift 245 lbs, squat 165 lbs, bench press 135 lbs


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              • I LOVE this post! LOVE IT!

                I remember in the beginning how you were questioning eating so much fat and battling with your mind over whether or not to continue. I remember you commiting to trust the PB and follow it closely. I'm so glad you did and it has worked so well for you. You're doing it! And doing it well!

                Ditto the lose/loose "confusion". Used to drive me nuts, but I'm working to overlook it when I like the person who's writing.

                What a great success story. I wish I could copy everything you just said and post it to Facebook for all my skeptical friends to see... but I will respect your privacy and not do that.
                Primal since March 5, 2012
                SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



                Comment


                • Thanks Jenn. It's not my most eloquent post, but I'm glad you liked it. I'm sure in 6 months I'll have even more good things to report.

                  While waiting for the next meeting about my job, I'm getting out and shooting, knowing (hoping) I might not have such free time in the future. It's been beautifully foggy and fog is a photographer's best friend.









                  Phew! That's enough of that.
                  5' 9" 47 YO F
                  PB start June 2, 2012
                  Pre PB SW = 180 (no scale at home, Mom's scale January - 153lbs!)
                  Current deadlift 245 lbs, squat 165 lbs, bench press 135 lbs


                  PB Journal

                  Comment


                  • I GOT THE JOB!!

                    Totally worth flying to and from Atlanta in the same day. Basically it was my job to lose when I went down and I was feeling really great and so at the end of our meeting, the COO said they wanted me on the team and so an offer should be coming in the next few days. With some time baked in for negotiation and the Holidays, it shouldn't be long before I'm back working full-time.

                    Emotions are many. Joy. Relief. Satisfaction. Pride. I was a bit wrung out after I got to the airport so it was kind of nice to just sit in a crowd and veg out while waiting for my plane.

                    The knowledge that I'm getting my life back on my terms is amazing. This is the right career move for me and it came at exactly the right time. Having gone Primal 6 months ago, I am at a weight I'm not embarrassed by and my energy level is very high. With my restored confidence I have never felt so on equal footing with my colleagues before or felt I had so much to contribute. This will be a challenging position; a stretch, but not intimidating or outside my abilities and so its pretty perfect. I will finally be the woman I want to be in all respects. Of that I'm determined. I will have the life I want and I'm so over the moon. My ever-patient husband has sighed with relief, I'm sure. He probably thought I'd never work again. But, it's time. A 4-year sabbatical (of sorts) is enough.

                    So wow. What a change it's going to be. A welcome one though. What a perfect Christmas present to myself.
                    5' 9" 47 YO F
                    PB start June 2, 2012
                    Pre PB SW = 180 (no scale at home, Mom's scale January - 153lbs!)
                    Current deadlift 245 lbs, squat 165 lbs, bench press 135 lbs


                    PB Journal

                    Comment


                    • Congratulations!!! I'm so happy for you!


                      And beautiful beautiful pictures! My favorites are the 3rd and 4th.
                      Primal since March 5, 2012
                      SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



                      Comment


                      • Thanks so much Jenn.

                        After a few days of waiting I received their initial offer which isn't what it should be so I'm preparing my counter-offer. Hopefully I'll get a meeting tomorrow and they can take the weekend to come back with a response. It's an interesting dance. I've done my job and sold myself, but now we have to haggle on my price. It's funny, but an understood part of the process and I've been through it before and I'm sure this will work out. Funny to be the horse in the trade.

                        In the mean time I'm keeping on the Primal path. This morning after my kettlebell workout I put on a pair of smallish size 10 pants that I couldn't get over my hips 6 months ago. They're very close to fitting me. Still too tight, but I can get them on and buttoned and they don't look TOO ridiculous. Maybe another 5-7lbs and they'll fit. I never thought I'd see the day. Amazing.

                        My hubby ordered the Jaminet's new edition of their book Perfect Health Diet. I'll get around to reading it eventually. So far what I'm doing fits my goals and so I don't see changing anything diet or exercise-wise for a few months yet. Until I get to a weight I'm really happy with or that my body decides is where I should be. The idea of struggling and suffering against a plateau weight I like and settle into naturally isn't an attractive one. If there's an easy tweak or two, sure, I'll consider it, but starving, measuring etc...is not in the cards. I don't think I'm there yet though. I seem to be continuing to shrink.
                        5' 9" 47 YO F
                        PB start June 2, 2012
                        Pre PB SW = 180 (no scale at home, Mom's scale January - 153lbs!)
                        Current deadlift 245 lbs, squat 165 lbs, bench press 135 lbs


                        PB Journal

                        Comment


                        • I've never haggled for a salary... I know it's possible when you work for a company, but working for the government, you either take it or leave it. But quite honestly, the government overpays a bit. I'm an admin assistant and have tried to get jobs in the corporate world, have asked for the same salary and was told I was asking for too much money. *shrug* I'm the lowest paid person here... and still get paid too much for the "real world". I think I'll stay put (in the public sector, anyway - I have no intentions of staying at this job forever... I've got too much education to stay here). Anyhow, good luck with the haggling!

                          In regard to weight... *sigh* someday I'll get my act together and things will start moving again. You're doing great! Keep it up and you'll be in those 10's sooner than you know it!
                          Primal since March 5, 2012
                          SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



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                          • Seems like the government sector is very different indeed. In my industry it's pretty normal to negotiate your initial package. Since sales people basically never get raises or stay anywhere long, initial salary plus vacation is important to nail down because it never changes.

                            But all is secure, pending a background check which won't be an issue, I'll start my job on January 2. They were able to meet all the points in my counter offer and so it's a done deal. I'm pretty psyched. It's been a long space in between jobs, but worth it now that I've landed one that won't make me want to jump off a bridge. At least not yet.
                            5' 9" 47 YO F
                            PB start June 2, 2012
                            Pre PB SW = 180 (no scale at home, Mom's scale January - 153lbs!)
                            Current deadlift 245 lbs, squat 165 lbs, bench press 135 lbs


                            PB Journal

                            Comment


                            • Well, congratulations and best of luck to you!
                              Primal since March 5, 2012
                              SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



                              Comment


                              • Lately I've been spending less and less time on the boards here and I hadn't planned on updating this, but since something rather momentous has occurred I changed my mind. Like a lot of other folks who switch to Primal, I lost patience with it for a while. I wanted quick results even though intellectually I knew it wasn't possible. Emotionally I wanted it. Needed it even. I didn't give up though and I guess that's the point of this post.

                                Newbies - stick with it. Be strict. Give it time.

                                Ok...the momentous news.

                                The red dress fits.
                                It fits!
                                My size 10 Eddie Bauer cords fit.
                                They fit.

                                A month or two ago, they didn't and I feared I hit a dreaded stall.

                                Turns out I was wrong. I'm still losing and pants I couldn't even get over my hips 6 months ago fit rather well now. My nemesis that was the red dress that I couldn't even button fits beautifully. I'm amazed and so happy that I decided to do a huge closet purge and I have an equally huge bag of things to go to Goodwill. Shoes and all. Some things I held up to me and my husband was shocked at how big some of them were. Like tents. Evidence of my hiding for sure.

                                So if you found this post and are thinking of going back to your old way of life - don't. Not until you've been really honest with yourself. Be strictly Primal for at least 6 months and give all the pieces a chance, not just the food. Ignore the tweaks and the hacks until you've really done the program as intended. Don't give in to sugar, wheat, chemicals or other crap you know is just making you fat and sick. Do eat lots of lovely meat...especially the fatty cuts. Do put butter on stuff. Make shakes with fruit, cream and olive oil. Roast some veggies. Enjoy what you can eat. Sleep. Find a hobby. Go on walks. Swing a kettlebell. Do pushups. Read. Have fun. Crank the stereo. Skip a meal now and again. Do it all. Just do it right and be honest with yourself when you're not. Otherwise it's too easy to just give up. And face it, you've already given up on the CW approach, why make yourself into a failure again?

                                This stuff works. It really does. My red dress is proof!!! My size 10 cords are proof. From size 14/16 to 10 in 6 months. Truly. I NEVER thought that would happen. I practically cried today.

                                I'm strictly Primal, btw. No hacks, tweaks or changes since I started. I eat more seasonally than before, but I'm still probably 25-50g of carbs per day and I drink alcohol a few times a week. I eat bacon and eggs almost every day. Plenty of protien and good fat. Some dairy and caffeine and probably too many pistachos. Nothing insane. I ate some pie crust on Christmas and I did not die, either of wheat poisoning or mental anguish. I exercise a few times a week (ok, sometimes only twice) by swinging a kettlebell and walking or hiking. On Saturday mornings (and sometimes Sunday) I fast until the afternoon. A full night's sleep still eludes me, but I put in the effort. I stay mentally active, do silly stuff and listen to a lot of heavy metal. It's fun and I love my life.

                                Next week I'll be traveling and will make a point to get on the scale in the hotel and I'll report my actual weight. Still no scale at home, which frankly, I think saved my sanity on this journey. Obsessively trying on my old clothes was enough to drive me nuts and I don't think I'll ever buy a scale.

                                So that's my post. Do the program, the whole program. Be strict. Be honest with yourself. Don't give up.

                                Happy New Year to all!
                                Last edited by June68; 01-01-2013, 12:00 PM. Reason: speeling
                                5' 9" 47 YO F
                                PB start June 2, 2012
                                Pre PB SW = 180 (no scale at home, Mom's scale January - 153lbs!)
                                Current deadlift 245 lbs, squat 165 lbs, bench press 135 lbs


                                PB Journal

                                Comment

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