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All Grok'ed up...... with pleasure

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  • All Grok'ed up...... with pleasure

    I almost wasn't going to start this but figured since I just hit a weight I have been trying to see for the last 5 years, I would have to document this somewhere I could get support from people who understand my madness.

    I feel like a crazy person when people look at me when I say no to that piece of cake, bread, or pasta.

    I hit 190 this morning. Yeah that's right 190.
    I been doing the CW and Atkins plus Hard Cardio when I've been able to for about 5 years now. After medical issues, of the female kind i went through a partial of the dreaded female surgery at only 32. After recovering from that I ran 2 5k's 1 10k and in the middle of training for my second 10k had to stop - I had to have foot surgery - I was killing myself slowy and didn't even know it - all the while using the SAD and CW to continue gaining weight - for the past two years I have tried my best to get below 190 - Atkins, Volumetrics and the SAD. i even hired a trainer! She wanted me to eat 6 times a day!!! I can't eat 6 times a day. I physically cannot do it. So I gave up and just figured i'll just keep on running and doing cardio till my body just gives up. And then i remembered PB tucked away in one of my book shelves and thought to myself, it can't be that easy.

    So I pulled it down wiped it off and started to read it, I mean really read it. not just skip to the menu part ( you know you did when you first got it).

    I have never been one to eat breakfast - I'm just not hungry in the morning. So I got my S***T together, and talked myself out of the cookies, cupcakes and dingdong coma. ( not that I ate those but they fit together nicely)

    Coffee: I drink it black - it's taken me a while to get to that in fact I still have to look at it and ponder..... no I will survive drinking black coffee is not hard. no sweetener, no cream, no milk. Fighting cancer is hard.
    Meals: Meat, protein, vegetables (real, from the earth not frozen),
    After Meals: Only at lunch afternoon snack is fruits = Strawberries, blueberries in the raw
    After dinner: Hot teas (non caffeinated)

    I have been IF'ing till dinner time every 3 days or so. It makes me feel good knowing "I" have control over my body and "I" can help myself by giving my digestive tract a rest and lowering my chances of sugar spikes. Reaching into my primal self (please tell me I sound corny!).

    PLAY!!!! I bought a frisbee! My son and I have a blast!
    My DS plays Soccer - He didn't know mom had moves!
    I consider riding my bike 4 miles PLAY too because I enjoy it now.
    I also broke out the BOCCE set.

    HIKES: I go on every other day hikes ( my plantar fascia is messed up right now do to CW exercise regimen so i have to baby it with ice and stretches)

    Lift heavy things: I have been in spring mode cleaning out closets and the garage and also trimming trees around the house. Do laundry baskets counts?

    Inspiring, PB, yes. Me? not yet . but I'm Working on it, one day at a time, at a slow and steady pace.

  • #2
    We are going to the lake today - swimming and knee boarding First time this summer, i will also not be wearing a bathing suit I feel that bad about my body right now.

    I didn't mention in my intro that while on Atkins I suffered from digestive issues because I don't have a gall bladder - i wound up having epiploic-apendigitis about six months before I had my appendix out. I knew right then I had to stop doing Atkins. I wasn't "going" like I was supposed to and the distress it was causing was not only related to that but after 2 weeks I stopped losing all together.
    My body simply needs veggies and fruit.
    I much more happier now and am still reading the PB book. I am also in school for Respiratory Therapy so this is right up my alley with Anatomy and Physiology. I did not get to go play yesterday i was cooking my weeks food for my lunches and because we are going to the lake today I won't be in the mood to cook tonight. Not that I have to eat, but my hubby will. He is still stuck on biscuit and potatoes because momma said so mentality. He knows they are not good for him, but he gets almost ravenous when he eats. It's like watching an animal that's never seen food before and thinks it's going to run away.
    We met at the gym over 12 years ago and we were "fit" by CW standards. i was running about 4 miles a day, at about 6.5-7MPH and didn't think anything of it.
    We both have put on at least 50lbs. We got HAPPY. i capitalize that because I think to myself *are we really?*
    We look and feel like hell, I can't stand wearing shorts let alone a bathing suit and I hope he doesn't take his shirt off in public.
    Isn't that terrible? to not be attracted to yourself so much it effects the way you look at your SO? Maybe it's shallowness, but I love him deeply, I think it's because I know there are healthy bodies under our insulation. i will do it the PB way until he realizes "She might be right, maybe I'll give it a go" thing is he is not a veggie or fruit guy.

    Back to the Lake: taking meat rolls just in case and some cheese cubes. i have cut up Some peppers and will pack a couple of apples just in case i shouldn't be hungry though I am making a spinach omelet sans cheese for breakfast yummers!


    • #3
      Congratulations on hitting your elusive goal! I bet you feel great!

      Stick to it and hope you get to the point you like you're body someday. I struggle with body issues too. I'll tell you what has been told to me....the people at the (fill in place i.e. pool, beach, lake) are not looking at your (fill in body part you don't like i.e. legs, butt), because they are too concerned with feeling insecure about their own (fill in body part i.e. butt, legs, arms). It helps a little to think that way, although I still don't want to wear a swimsuit in public! Maybe someday we'll get there!


      • #4
        Thank you Kim T
        You know my friends did not go with us so it was just me and the hubster so i did wear a bathing suit 1 piece (I know the fish thanked me) but I kept my sun dress on when we were cruising around and at the dock. it didn't make me feel any more comfortable and the hubs knows how I feel and that it does make me uncomfortable, sometimes sad.
        We had a good day I went swimming with out the aid of a flotation device for a long stride away from the boat and back. I was out of breath when I got back. And instead of sitting around and being lazy I told the hubs it was time to go for a ride and i navigated the boat all over the lake I felt great. We stopped and I had 2 of my meat rolls and an apple. Water. I did have a beer well 1/2 a beer it got hot while I was driving. Relaxed in the sun. We came home and I hit my 20% when we out to eat - I did pretty good, but had 2 little casedea thingy's and a chicken bite that were on the appetizer plate. Dinner was the Chicken fondito with veggies - i swapped my potatoes with hubbys veggies. yummers.
        I came home and hubs had fixed me a cookie and milk. We were having asuch a good day I ate the small cookie and drank the 1/2 glass of milk. They were the last in the house. I WILL NOT BUY ANYMORE. if they want them they can buy them.
        So today I will IF till about 3pm-8pm.

        My Insulin sensitivity must be up too b/c I noticed that last night after the cookie or anytime I eat after 8pm my body humms - I know it sounds weird.

        I'm still reading PB.

        Something i want to touch on - last night at dinner there were a couple of ladies that sat down behind me. let me say before I go into this *I understand about food allergies*
        This lady evidently had a food allergy to gluten. it's must have been a severe one because she went so far as to try and get the manager to find a different method to fry something for her in a different fryer that the other foods are not fried in. OK. When this woman got up she had to be pushing 300lbs if not more. Now if you have celiac disease you have digestive issues anyway. Why are still trying to find substitutions for frying things that are breaded even with NON-gluten breading NOT made by your hands. On top of this That was just concerning the appetizer. I found myself wishing I had a copy of PB with me.
        I looked at my husband - when she asked the manager "how come there are no GLUTEN free items on your menu for the appetizer??" - I said out loud to my husband "there are gluten free items on the menu she could use for and appetizer - it's called a SALAD with oil and vinegar dressing" Did she ever stop to think that she may be gluten sensitive due to all the processed crap she was trying to substitute for her sensitivity???
        I truly believe eliminating processed items even for a month: sweeteners, any thing in a bag or box (aside from whole chickens lol) or can (aside from tuna occasionally) they would realize just how REAL food can be.
        if you didn't chop it, cut it, mix it, bake it, flip it, pick it - it's processed.
        My only sin is coffee regularly only because I don't have a grinder. That will be remedied soon.
        That's then of my rant - please forgive me if it offended you like I said I know allergies - I have one well not really and allergy, but a reaction if I drink Red wine or Hard Liquor. My body does not make and enzyme that processes the bi-product of those alcohols. This results in a RED almost like anaphylaxis reaction that is painful on my face dry and hot to the touch. Do I try to find a substitute? NO. I avoid them. I have cut them out of my diet. Why? because that's my body.

        So I am off today (as usual, Mondays are my day off) and I have a meeting with the head of the Respiratory Therapy department to submit my application for the Advanced Respiratory Program this Fall I will finish up my Pre-Program and transfer into the Main Program to start working on my CRT-RRT license. So toodles until tomorrow.

        OH BTW if you can find the Primal casserole recipe with spaghetti squash - bake it. that's all I'm gonna say about that.


        • #5
          What's for dinner?

          using the whole chicken | Jamie Oliver | Food | Recipes (UK)

          Using this to make some yummy shredded chicken - I will take the skin and fry it with some peppers and onions, asparagus too.
          Then i will off to find the recipe for Bone Broth.....

          Meeting went well, I only have 3 more classes to take between now and the end of next spring. GPA is sparkly! her review was good and I got a 95 on my 1st assignment in Sociology. Life today so far so good.
          A hike this afternoon sounds good 4+ miles I will take the back trails home if it doesn't rain.


          • #6
            I did not get to hike yesterday we had some pretty wicked storm clouds roll over us the trees got eery looking and i decided to avoid doing stupid stuff like getting electrocuted. So I tossed around laundry baskets and put away clothes and stripped that chicken and started the bone broth.
            Had some homemade yogurt icecream lastnight. Fruit, yogurt, tiny bit of honey, tiny splash of cream blender, plastic baggy, freezer. good after dinner treat. Not exactly ice cream but I'm no world cook so i will forgive myself there.

            Black coffee today
            2 boiled eggs
            2 ham/turkey rolls (just in case) for snack
            Chicken w/a little shredded cheddar, peppers, tomatoes, and brussels
            Apple for after lunch. (I almost forget to pack my fruit sometimes)

            My husband is getting it - he knows now I will not waiver in the face of a corn chip or bread.
            Sleep = 7 hours I feel okay but could have slept more.

            Will update after while gotta go to work and figure out how to tell the boss I will need to leave at 12 every Wednesday for this upcoming fall semester. Hubby said just let them know, we'll deal with it. i love my hubby.


            • #7
              I admire your resolve and hope I can be as strong. And damn these storms in the east are screwing with my outdoor activity, too. Cheers!
              5' 9" 47 YO F
              PB start June 2, 2012
              Pre PB SW = 180 (no scale at home, Mom's scale January - 153lbs!)
              Current deadlift 245 lbs, squat 165 lbs, bench press 135 lbs

              PB Journal


              • #8
                June68 - lol. I think he just gets "the look" - Oh I am tempted to just gobble them up, but I think to myself: Every day I eat something that isn't helping me get to where I want to be I am one day further from reaching my goal.

                I used to be skinny - I was in the military 128 soaking wet, and b/c of my medium build that was hot - had a kid gained 76lbs with him lost enough to get back down to 138-141 looked good (was starving CW) met hubby, got happy, and content.
                See what I'm getting at. Chips + Bread = content. i don't want to be just content - I want to be friggin estatic and HOT again. happiness will follow lol.
                Today has been easy so far Crappy weather outside again today Thunder and clouds. May do some of those Turkish get ups June you inspire me.


                • #9
                  Sounds like a blast at the lake! Also sounds like you are dialed in and doing very well. Keep it up!


                  • #10
                    The Turkish get-ups are oddly fun. It's like a strange dance. I either need to do more at a time or up the weight at this point.
                    5' 9" 47 YO F
                    PB start June 2, 2012
                    Pre PB SW = 180 (no scale at home, Mom's scale January - 153lbs!)
                    Current deadlift 245 lbs, squat 165 lbs, bench press 135 lbs

                    PB Journal


                    • #11
                      Okay did some turkish get ups and a mini kettle bell work out. nothing major. Some russian squats and thrusts. Just b/c of the clouds again. boo.
                      Had my primal casserole and a sausage (yes i know franken meat, but you see I have Sauerkraut...) If that's the worst thing i have done today then so be it. I was going to have some fruit for dessert but I'm really not hungry. So I was going to fix some tea, and I think I still will Just to end the evening right I really am tired for some odd reason and I think my head may hit the pillow tonight a little earlier than usual.


                      • #12
                        I slept very well last night and woke this morning with out my alarm clock.
                        I actually woke in a good mood.....very rare. lol maybe I'm doing something right.
                        Today I will take some pork rinds with me to taper down my appetite before I IF tomorrow.
                        Boiled eggs
                        Pork rinds
                        Salad for lunch (COBB hold the cheese)
                        For dinner I have pulled out some steak and will make a béarnaise sauce for the top of it. Hubby's favorite.
                        DS thinks because school is out he is going to sit around the house today, not gonna happen.
                        There should be a plug in the back of teens where you can switch out the "sitonyourass-chip" with i am driven and ready to conquer the world chip.
                        Nope he's not spoiled, he just thinks he's entitled to what other people have with out having to work for it. (he has a job but up till now has only been working him on the weekends - i can't wait till he goes full time....does that sound evil?


                        • #13
                          Walked yesterday about 2.4 miles not too bad. I had to turn around in a hurry and come back because there was a skunk in one of the fields and i decided If I kept going there was a good chance he might be in the middle of the road when i came back. I just don't have that much tomato juice at home.

                          had a good dinner lastnight made a veggie Omelet and some Chamomile tea - was craving something sweet but held off.

                          I hope that the after dinner cravings will start to go away soon. I don't want to give in not even for some dark chocolate b/c they might start the whole "well I've already screwed up so WTH, keep on eating" Because Hubs and DS don't eat the way I do and don't limit themselves. DS is as fit as anything. DH well he could stand to miss a few meals. But I won't hold them accountable

                          I didn't make the steak last night i just didn't feel like cooking on the grill after my walk. Time to get ready for work.
                          today is my IF day. I will fast till Dinner time which is about 6pm.

                          have a great day!!

                          Edit to my post: I weighed this morning expecting to not have changed much.... 189.5
                          I haven't seen the 180's in about 4 years. I had to step off and back on again just to make sure.
                          Then I did the happy dance.
                          Yes the scale does mean something to me. When you are almost 200# the downward trend is excellent in weigh and size!
                          I am still IF'ing today.
                          Last edited by cmlloyd; 06-07-2012, 05:56 AM. Reason: Adding my weight....


                          • #14
                            I did not make it till dinner but 3:30 i had some cheddar cheese cubes. It curbed my appetite well.

                            I have been trying to go with out dairy and cheeses, but they sure do make for handy snacks. So I will have my steak tonight with some veggies and a bernaise saude like i was supposed to last night.
                            I will try my hand at making coconut milk too I will let you know how it goes.


                            • #15
                              189 even this morning I am in awe.
                              - I cannot get myself out of weighing every morning. It's been a habit of mine since I started to gain on CW diets and Atkins. I expected to go up and down.
                              Here are some of the things I have tried: WW, Slim in 6, Volumetrics, GI Diet, Meridia (which gave me terrible stomach pains), 50/40/10, nutritionist, personal trainer. The personal trainer got me thinking I cannot eat 6 times a day. it's just not physically possible for me. I would be so full by dinner time I had to ask her which item on my plate would she rather I eat b/c I couldn't eat it all. You had to eat breakfast and not skip anything and you had to be finished by 6pm.

                              I really gave up on it all.
                              Until I started having thes really bad flushing attacks. We couldn't figure it out - they became more often and they actually hurt my face felt like it was HOT to the touch and red I mean look like I just ran 10 miles red. no sweat, no other swelling. Hubs and I thought it was an allergic reaction.
                              I had my allergies tested - none.

                              The only explanation is: Red wine and hard liquor.
                              okay so i eliminate those - going with out isn't so bad so then I remembered PB - and the effects that grains have on your system I thought to myself I wonder if I just eliminated the not necessary stuff from my diet what would happen.

                              I am finally winning my battle - I feel comfortable. no longer bloated and miserable. I don't feel like my body is poisoned. (that's a hard thing to describe but i really did feel "not well"

                              I admire others who have done this and wondered many times when i would finally have the strength to do it and follow through myself. I would try something for a couple of weeks, lose a little weight and stall and go right back up - with out having changed anything. i would get constipated on Atkins so much I would end up drinking senna to get relief.
                              Since I have been doing PB/Paleo no problems. i am so glad I get to have fruits and veggies and don't have to worry about how many carbs was in that, or OMG I had 22 carbs today it's going to SOOOOOO throw me out of ketosis!!!
                              I would literally get beside myself and i swear I heard myself chant "freak out, freak out!"

                              lastnight I had a Ribeye steak with Bearnaise sauce and baked veggies and a bowl of cauliflour soup. can you say KICK ASS??!!

                              Today i am having the left over poached chicken with a touch of cheese and steamed broccoli with butter, and hot sauce.

                              I wake up without my alarm, i don't feel like I got hit by a bus, I have more energy, I play outside, i walk and don't feel guilty about not doing more. This way i generally feel happier and I would like to kick my own ass for not realizing it before.