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  • #46
    Haha aw thanks you guys, too cute that you all pop in and keep up with what I'm doing.

    I REACHED MY FIRST GOAL WEIGHT TODAY!!!!!!

    This means I am now lighter than I have been since I was about 15. So like 6 years ago!! I can't even wrap my head around that idea. I got fat and just never really lost any weight before (besides 5lb here and there which I always regained) so this is so amazing for me, and it is all so real to me now, and I know I'm never going back.

    Even though I go through phases where I'm less primal, the principles are so firmly ingrained in my brain I don't even notice how much my habits have changed. Just today I was comparing my grocery trolley to the lady in front of me, and it was surreal. I had been walking around the supermarket worrying and feeling guilty for picking up some tomato sauce with a wheat derivative in the ingredient list, and some tuna with soybean oil in the ingredients, when I almost laughed out loud realising how stupid that is once I saw her trolley compared to mine.
    I don't even notice that I'm not buying bread, grains, cereal, pasta, lollies, biscuits, cookies, chips, etc because I'm too busy worrying about 0.001g of soybean oil hahahahaha

    I love it that my mindset can change like this and I do not feel deprived in the slightest at all, because I don't even realise I'm "missing out".
    Current weight lost: 82.9lb (37.6kg)

    Current PRs:
    Bench: 45kg/99lb
    Squat: 100kg/220lb
    Deadlift: 120kg/265lb

    My blog
    My journal

    Comment


    • #47
      I never wanted my primal journal to turn into any kind of boohoo journal like a teenagers diary but I ahve been thinking about things and need to write them down.

      I think I’ve figured out why I’ve been a bit “off” this week…

      I have been dwelling on the fact that I am not going to be a healthy weight this summer. (In NZ summer is Nov-Feb).

      I started this journey in March and I think I had a lot of dreams about this summer and how I’d be more confident and go on big walks and swim in random places and go for runs and bike rides and just be carefree like I use to be.
      I didn’t really SAY these things out loud but I think in my subconscious, it has really been a “thing”.

      The reality is I had, and still have, a lot of weight to lose. And it’s not realistic to expect that from mid-March to November (7.5 months) I would lose the amount required for me to be a healthy weight. I think the reality of this dawning on me has been creating a few unhappy thoughts and has just been weighing on my mind a bit.

      I try REALLY hard not to put all my hopes on losing weight but honestly, it’s all I’ve got. I know how that sounds, but I’m being truthful. I am happy with myself in almost every way EXCEPT for my weight.

      I need to be happier and more content, even while I am overweight. I know this, and I have known this from the start. But it’s REALLY hard when people tell you, you just need to love yourself and others will too, because honestly, it has been 4 years and I don’t think a single person has seen me the way I see myself in that time. I LIKE myself, I really do. I probably like myself a bit too much. No one would ever describe me as lacking confidence, really. Everyone is selfconscious at times, so my selfconsciousness about my body is not an obvious part of my character. I don’t buy it any more. I don’t get it, I don’t. I know plenty of overweight girls who basically live as if they’re not overweight (which is exactly how it should be, of course)… but for me, it’s like my life STOPPED when I got fat. And there is nothing else to explain it. I have pored over it for hours, and there is absolutely nothing else besides my weight that has created this change. I am MORE confident now than when I was skinny. I am more intelligent. I am funnier. My personality has developed into a better one… yet none of that has made a difference, and my life is still lacking in many ways because of my weight.

      I just don’t know. Like I feel so DONE sometimes. How can people tell you these positive things about loving yourself, when they’re not true?!

      I don’t want to be a negative nancy. Many people have success as overweight people. It just doesn’t work for me for some reason. Don’t let my mood get you down.

      I am writing a more positive post about what these realisations mean for me soon…
      Current weight lost: 82.9lb (37.6kg)

      Current PRs:
      Bench: 45kg/99lb
      Squat: 100kg/220lb
      Deadlift: 120kg/265lb

      My blog
      My journal

      Comment


      • #48
        I forgot I wrote that boohoo diary post....

        Things chugging along slowly as usual. I've stopped calorie counting and am just eating intuitively.

        It's study week here so am pretty inactive, thus I am not eating as much as usual. But my hunger is very low as well so my body obviously realises it's hardly moving.

        CAN'T WAIT FOR EXAMS TO BE OVER. Then summer time and vege gardening and bike rides and mountain walks and other fun outdoor activities can begin.
        Current weight lost: 82.9lb (37.6kg)

        Current PRs:
        Bench: 45kg/99lb
        Squat: 100kg/220lb
        Deadlift: 120kg/265lb

        My blog
        My journal

        Comment


        • #49
          Chin up nixxy, you've come so far. So you won't be the slimmest girl in the beach this year, you certainly have nothing to be ashamed of and putting off getting out there enjoying the great NZ country side/beaches because you aren't a "healthy weight" is a load of crap.

          Get out there, live life and enjoy yourself!
          Arse kicked?.. ;-)

          Good luck with your exams too!
          If you're interested in my (very) occasional updates on how I'm working out and what I'm eating click here.

          Originally posted by tfarny
          If you are new to the PB - please ignore ALL of this stuff, until you've read the book, or at least http://www.marksdailyapple.com/primal-blueprint-101/

          Comment


          • #50
            Originally posted by Misabi View Post
            Chin up nixxy, you've come so far. So you won't be the slimmest girl in the beach this year, you certainly have nothing to be ashamed of and putting off getting out there enjoying the great NZ country side/beaches because you aren't a "healthy weight" is a load of crap.

            Get out there, live life and enjoy yourself!
            Arse kicked?.. ;-)

            Good luck with your exams too!
            Haha thank you for the encouragement!
            It's hard not to be annoyed that I'm losing yet another summer to my lack of confidence though.
            It would help if all my friends weren't so darn skinny. I know that's bad logic but seriously, standing next to 10 girls who all weigh under 70kg and are all taller than me is never a good confidence boost ahahaha.

            I'll enjoy myself either way though
            Current weight lost: 82.9lb (37.6kg)

            Current PRs:
            Bench: 45kg/99lb
            Squat: 100kg/220lb
            Deadlift: 120kg/265lb

            My blog
            My journal

            Comment


            • #51
              your progress pics are amazing! you have come SO far! do not try to dwell on the summer thing so much. I have learned there will always be someone with a better body than me and someone with a worse. You will feel more comfortable than you did last summer Something you may have to address is an issue that I seem to have, I always see myself as the "larger" me. Even though I am only 130-135lbs I see the me that was 160. It is a hard thing to get over mentally. BUT that is something I know I need to get better at, loving me as me.

              keep on doing what your doing!

              Comment


              • #52
                Originally posted by healthyphysique View Post
                your progress pics are amazing! you have come SO far! do not try to dwell on the summer thing so much. I have learned there will always be someone with a better body than me and someone with a worse. You will feel more comfortable than you did last summer Something you may have to address is an issue that I seem to have, I always see myself as the "larger" me. Even though I am only 130-135lbs I see the me that was 160. It is a hard thing to get over mentally. BUT that is something I know I need to get better at, loving me as me.

                keep on doing what your doing!
                Thanks! And that's a good point indeed

                Yes I think I know what you mean about that. Even though you KNOW you've changed, you sort of continue acting as if you haven't. For me that's things like still wearing a cardi with everything... but my backfat is gone now! Lol
                Current weight lost: 82.9lb (37.6kg)

                Current PRs:
                Bench: 45kg/99lb
                Squat: 100kg/220lb
                Deadlift: 120kg/265lb

                My blog
                My journal

                Comment


                • #53
                  Nixxy - you are amazing. Get out on that beach this summer and kick arse !!!!!!! You are happy with your progress, so don't go negitizing that with these thoughts !!!!! Ok - good !!!!
                  I am not sure that negitizing is even a word ?

                  anyway girl - you absolutely rock
                  and all the very best of luck with your exams
                  G x
                  "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

                  ...small steps....

                  Comment


                  • #54
                    Originally posted by NZ primal Gwamma View Post
                    Nixxy - you are amazing. Get out on that beach this summer and kick arse !!!!!!! You are happy with your progress, so don't go negitizing that with these thoughts !!!!! Ok - good !!!!
                    I am not sure that negitizing is even a word ?

                    anyway girl - you absolutely rock
                    and all the very best of luck with your exams
                    G x
                    Hahah thankyou very much!

                    Will do. Absolutely cannot wait for these exams to be done.
                    Current weight lost: 82.9lb (37.6kg)

                    Current PRs:
                    Bench: 45kg/99lb
                    Squat: 100kg/220lb
                    Deadlift: 120kg/265lb

                    My blog
                    My journal

                    Comment


                    • #55
                      Originally posted by nixxy
                      WHAT. Wow. I thought my last 20lb hadn't really changed me much, because my stomach hasn't really shrunk since I was about 240lb.

                      But look at this. LOOK AT THIS. I gained a neck. Look at my arm!!! Oh my goodness. I need to stop thinking about my stomach so much.

                      And this is only 30lb lost... only half of my losses have made this much difference. I am in shock!
                      Right on!! You look like a new person. If i didn't know any better, I would honestly think that it was two different people in the pictures. Keep on rockin'!

                      Comment


                      • #56
                        You are doing fantastic!
                        65lbs gone and counting!!

                        Fat 2 Fit - One Woman's Journey

                        Comment


                        • #57
                          Nixxy, looking good :-)
                          If you're interested in my (very) occasional updates on how I'm working out and what I'm eating click here.

                          Originally posted by tfarny
                          If you are new to the PB - please ignore ALL of this stuff, until you've read the book, or at least http://www.marksdailyapple.com/primal-blueprint-101/

                          Comment


                          • #58
                            Holy holy Nixxy you are looking so good !
                            Keep at it girl and send me some of your positive vibes !!!!
                            G
                            "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

                            ...small steps....

                            Comment


                            • #59
                              Originally posted by nixxy View Post
                              Just today I was comparing my grocery trolley to the lady in front of me, and it was surreal. I had been walking around the supermarket worrying and feeling guilty for picking up some tomato sauce with a wheat derivative in the ingredient list, and some tuna with soybean oil in the ingredients, when I almost laughed out loud realising how stupid that is once I saw her trolley compared to mine.
                              I don't even notice that I'm not buying bread, grains, cereal, pasta, lollies, biscuits, cookies, chips, etc because I'm too busy worrying about 0.001g of soybean oil hahahahaha
                              .
                              Nixxy, lol that is hilarious! It's good to laugh at ourselves, and to share a joke so others can smile too, thanks. And congrats on your fantastic progress to date. Grok on.
                              Annie Ups the Ante
                              http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread117711.html

                              Comment


                              • #60
                                nixxy, my gosh, you are progressing so well. Really, stop worrying about the scales, the pictures show how well you are going. You inspire me!

                                Comment

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