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Primal Feet First: In Search of Lost Time or Remembrance of Things Past

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  • That was well done. You now know that you have cleared all the misconceptions and he has chosen to continue on this path. It is good that you set the boundaries for his reentry into your life at a later time. You can't do any better for yourself or for him than that. HUGS
    Primal since 9/24/2010
    "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
    MFP username: MDAPebbles67

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    • Thank you everyone.

      I'm in shit for all shape.
      Distractions are my best friend... I read this and that (here or my books), I listen to some music, I might try to watch a movie while I surf here... and then I just cry.
      And when I stop doing THINGS to try and sleep the never ending thought chasing circular sort of hell in my head is just so loud.
      And I can't be still, and I fidget, and toss, and turn.
      I try hard to make it quiet, and focus, and relax... and it all comes racing back and I lay awake in the dark for hours.
      Then I get up and practice distraction a while longer, hoping that I will eventually be tired enough to sleep.
      That happened today from about 8am to noon.
      And then I woke up and it felt like panic... and the thoughts were running their track before my eyes were even open.

      And when it rains it pours.
      My husband got a call from his mother this morning, her brother in NY had a heart attack and died.
      My husband has to leave and go there with her to his uncle's funeral.
      It's not going to be easy.
      Having him there to touch when I'm trying to be quiet and still and I start to feel the panic rising makes it a little easier to breathe.

      Things to do:
      Dig out my old copies of Zen Mind, Beginners Mind, and Letters to a Young Poet.
      “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
      ~Friedrich Nietzsche
      And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.

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      • Zen? Rilke?

        I love it when my PB friends surprise and amaze me yet again with their coolness.

        Sorry about husband's uncle and the continuing defecatory tsunami tho'.

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        • Oh Cori, hugs.
          my primal journal:
          http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum...Primal-Journal

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          • Popping my head in to say, again, *hugs*. Thinking of you and hoping for the best outcome. Sending love.
            I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

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            • Hugs and love, hun.
              Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
              My Latest Journal

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              • Happy Valentine's Day everyone.

                Much reflection and self examination is being done here... despite my gadding about in other journals.
                I'm sure that soon enough there will be an entirely too long post on the subject.

                For today though all I have to share is this...
                Concerning Love
                ... a wonderfully insightful blog post by an author I appreciate.
                I highly recommend reading it.

                And also this.

                Because Amanda *F* Palmer is AMAZING, because and it's a good reminder that we all should be seeking to show our love, in ways that those who matter to us can hear, and see, and feel... including ourselves.
                “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
                ~Friedrich Nietzsche
                And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.

                Comment


                • So, Your husband is here in upstate NY somewhere near me and you are hanging in my journal discussing sex. Talk about self torture...

                  I hope your day was fine anyway.
                  Primal since 9/24/2010
                  "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

                  Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
                  MFP username: MDAPebbles67

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by Pebbles67 View Post
                    So, Your husband is here in upstate NY somewhere near me and you are hanging in my journal discussing sex. Talk about self torture...

                    I hope your day was fine anyway.
                    LOL... yes, that.

                    But, on the bright side... I DO get to sleep smack in the middle of the bed!
                    “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
                    ~Friedrich Nietzsche
                    And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by cori93437 View Post
                      LOL... yes, that.

                      But, on the bright side... I DO get to sleep smack in the middle of the bed!
                      To be honest, I'm a little jealous of that. The dip in the bed is only good when there's just one person there!
                      Depression Lies

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                      • Originally posted by namelesswonder View Post
                        To be honest, I'm a little jealous of that. The dip in the bed is only good when there's just one person there!
                        Pretty new mattress, and no dip... but I'm a sprawler and will basically sleep catercorner given the opportunity.
                        Also... husband is a shameless cover thief/horder who then doesn't even use them himself... he just prevents me from being fully covered.
                        It's madness!
                        LOL
                        “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
                        ~Friedrich Nietzsche
                        And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.

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                        • NW that is so true. My husband just doesn't keep normal beds hours. He's in late and up several times in the night. I love when he works an overnight. It's like "wow, that's what sleep is."
                          Primal since 9/24/2010
                          "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

                          Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
                          MFP username: MDAPebbles67

                          Comment


                          • 5-HTP usually knocks me out enough to stay out all night. Sometimes I wake when Hulky comes to bed, but I'm usually out again quickly.

                            Hulky is SUCH a sprawler, AND a blanket thief, but it's because he likes to burrow. He actually reserves this blanket for putting over his head. I always have to extract my face, I like to have fresh cool air on it otherwise I feel smothered.
                            Depression Lies

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                            • Much like documentary I'm a sucker for Indie film, and this is probably the last sort of thing one would expect to be watching on a Valentine's Day evening... but I'm glad I did.

                              Lime Salted Love (staring and produced by Kristanna Loken)
                              An exploration of adults from deeply damaging childhoods.
                              (Yes, I was able to see much of myself in this movie, spread over more than one character.)



                              It's a bit of a dark movie (subject matter, obvious), and it's style includes a good deal of non-linear side and flashback shots that swap back and forth between several characters in a sort of stream of consciousness flow that you have to go with... it's just not your average Hollywood point A to point B direct tell.
                              I like that.
                              “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
                              ~Friedrich Nietzsche
                              And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.

                              Comment


                              • Have you ever seen Wristcutters: A Love Story? I think you'd like it.
                                Depression Lies

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