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Primal Feet First: In Search of Lost Time or Remembrance of Things Past

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  • I love my Smartwool ones--I also have the charcoal. I still hope they make them again. I also have a pair of grey and turquoise Sprints, some black suede Treks, and the Performa Janes. My poor Sprints are finally getting holes in them, though. They've made it over two years, so I can't complain too much. Besides, it gives me an excuse to get some new ones!

    I just found a cute pair of black flats that are basically like ballet slippers with a more grippy sole and a patent leather toe. They are pretty much the most comfortable dressy shoes I've ever worn. So awesome.
    “If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive.” --Audre Lorde

    Owly's Journal

    Comment


    • My GBFF(gay best friend fairy ) Resolve and I have been tight as usual and I'm down a few more lbs... which has put me down another 'notch' on scale again. A notch being a 10lb increment. I like that.

      Of course GBFF does do other things too... like encourages me to buy make-up. Which its just weird, but it's happening lately.
      Cleaning out of old products, purchasing of NEW!
      Meh... kind of seriously needed to be done.
      My mascaras were all well over a year old I'm guessing (if not 2-3 years... one of them had no discernible writing left on it). Drying out, flaking, just full of bacteria if nothing else. I had stopped wearing them for a while... now I wear a auburn brown color that darkens them but still makes them go towards red like my hair (so triksy!). Lots of broken blushes, and powders with just a ring around the pan.
      Going red haired has meant at least doing a bit around my eyes to fake it better and not look like a blonde with dyed red hair... and I'm playing around a bit too.
      Likely a bit stress motivated as well. This too shall pass and all.

      He also made me buy chartreuse green base coat and glitter sparkles for my toes...
      Last edited by cori93437; 12-03-2012, 09:45 PM.
      “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
      ~Friedrich Nietzsche
      And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.

      Comment


      • Huh, I had to look up what chartreuse was. As a guy my color palette is blue, black, brown, and more blue. That said, if I had to match a color with glitter sprinkles, well, chartreuse sounds like a winner.

        Comment


        • So, last week was my birthday. I turned 39 on the 28th.
          But this is not a normal *OMG crisis I'm old* post. Quite the opposite.

          There were no big doings for the day. I was kind of sick with laryngitis on it's way to bronchitis, I had a very important first appointment with my new neurologist (who I LOVE so far, another topic-another day), and later I'd be going out to dinner with husband and in-laws, and indulging myself in some Japanese food including sushi.

          At my neuro appointment my new doc decided to be extra diligent and send me for a blood panel since I've been on harsh meds for a while(see... good guy). I go over to the hospital for the blood draw and they have a new check in thing that scans your palm instead of you needing to pull out ID's and things and they send me to the registration to get hooked up.

          A pretty woman about my age, maybe a bit older, conservatively dressed, really great glasses frames, smiles at me and gets started. She is really nice. But hey... it's a PR job, right? Well, before long she had complimented my hair because the length and color is different than on my ID and told me how flattering it is now, then complimented my shirt (just a nice high end charcoal t-shirt) because I guess the color was flattering, then she noted that it was my birthday and my age and told me that I didn't look near that old and how wonderful my skin was, then something else...
          The only way she could have possibly flattered me more would have been if she had just gone ahead and asked me out on a date.

          Through all of it she was casually chatty and professional. Not too overt or pushy anything. And I'm sure my level of comfort with her... and my own flirty smiles... played a role in her level of forwardness. So I don't want to give that idea.


          A little later I had another errand to run. I had to stop in and get my car washed at the full service place cause I'm a spoiled baby like that. I left it out for a quick run through and went in to read while it was done. A well dressed guy, kinda cute too, came in a sat near me after I was in there and a few minutes later asked me the time... I responded in my whisper/laryngitis. And then it was plain he was blatantly striking up a conversation. I told him I was just in for a quick wash as I had plans for going out, and he actually said something about going with me! (No shame in his game at all. He had me chuckling.) I explained it was for my birthday and it was a Family dinner... He commented that it was his birthday in a week or so and he would be 34!! I quickly told him that he was mistaken then because I was 39. And he said something like "I never would have known... you're gorgeous".

          Ahhh... Flattery.
          I like it.
          I know exactly what it is, and I still like it.

          I came home and told my husband that two people had hit on me that day... and some of the details.
          He asked if he needed to "shoot the guy". It's OK though he was mostly joking.

          Later I had dinner with my in-laws who have not seen me for MONTHS... and therefor many Lbs. Neither of them noted either my weight loss or my improved health. And I cringed at it... which is stupid. *When I was in TN most of my own family also did not mention the change in my looks.

          If I can see it and feel it. If my husband can see it and feel it. And if complete strangers can see it and feel it, which is obvious to me at this point (people just don't hit on and really unhealthy people like that), then relying on the *nods* of relatives and those we are trained by society to "look to" for approval is simply ridiculous.


          I relayed this little story about how my birthday went today because I stepped on the scale this morning and felt impatient, and that's not like me.
          My weight has not gone up, it's the same.
          It just went down into a brand new 10lb bracket a day or two ago.
          The fact that I didn't lose ANOTHER Lb today is completely normal.

          I need to relax.

          I'm getting close to one of those BIG *meaningful* NUMBERS. One of those places, those real/imaginary lines, that we sometimes cross that has not been crossed in a very long time.

          I'm just reminding myself how far I've come.
          Slow and steady wins the race.
          I may not cross that line this week, or next week, or even this month.
          And I'm not going to try and crash it off suddenly with potatoes or some other 'hack' just because I'm close because I know that won't be good for ME.
          But I will cross that line.
          And until then, I'm gorgeous just the way I am.
          Last edited by cori93437; 12-05-2012, 12:55 PM.
          “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
          ~Friedrich Nietzsche
          And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.

          Comment


          • Beautiful Post. I am having the same kinds of experiences.

            You seem to be doing so great health wise. Could you tell me what your eating plan looks like these days? I'm still looking for the right combo for me.
            Primal since 9/24/2010
            "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

            Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
            MFP username: MDAPebbles67

            Comment


            • Damned good stuff, Cori. And Paula. I assure you that any thoughts I have of being sandwiched between the both of you are only half in jest.

              I would really like to see how you've tweaked the diet, and to hear more about the new neuro. The change from posts of even just a couple months ago (tone, outlook) is nothing short of remarkable.

              I had some weird +4# bump before Thanksgiving that I haven't gotten rid of, but not too worried. Ye devil wine, no doubt. Don't let that dissuade you from the sandwich idea: it's a sandwich, and yet it's Primal!

              And I'm not going to try and crash it off suddenly with potatoes or some other 'hack' just because I'm close because I know that won't be good for ME.
              I still can't find those secret potatoes.

              The good news is, Ray Peat says you can eat sugar on white bread and all is dandy! Wheat is not the devil's dandruff! Sugar will make you healthy and fascinating and amazing and shiny!

              Comment


              • Oohh la la. You are going to make Canio jealous.

                BTW I loved your comment about secret potatoes.
                I saw your pic and before I got to your words I thought "Uh Oh, somebody is startin' something". Then I read your post and smiled. The reaction wasn't quite as strong as I hoped for, however.
                Primal since 9/24/2010
                "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

                Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
                MFP username: MDAPebbles67

                Comment


                • I had to go out and do some shopping which included stopping by the pet store to get the dogs food...
                  And they had THIS

                  Lovely of loveliest lovelies in the marine section!
                  A for realz Blue Spot Sea Hare!
                  A sweet shaggy speckled fluffy huge 'sea slug' object of SO MUCH of my affection!
                  (like fill up the palm of your hand huge... if you could hold it)

                  Too bad this video doesn't have very good lighting, but you can at least see the glowing blue spots.


                  These guys vary in shagginess and color a bit...
                  The one at the pet store is shaggier than the one in the video, but maybe not quite as shaggy as the one in the pic above.
                  The color is lighter than the one in the video, but not as light as the pic.
                  I can't wait to go back and get it.
                  They couldn't find any price info on it... seriously frustrating ME.
                  Of course the manager seems frustrated too since it didn't appear that he had ordered the creature. And that some of the other fish he was sent were the wrong ones as well... as I was nice enough to point that out to him (no those are not mandarin gobies, those are purple firefish).
                  So... I get to STALK the pet store until they sell me my precious!
                  And I will hug it, and squeeze it, and call it George.
                  “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
                  ~Friedrich Nietzsche
                  And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.

                  Comment


                  • Your Sea Bunny is gorgeous - you bring back the feelings of remembered addiction to the pretties from so long ago. My son is wanting me to set up my old 35 gallon hex in his room ... wanders off pondering a new tankfull of pretties...

                    Comment


                    • what an awesome confirmation that you're the beautiful woman we all know you to be! the flipside of the relatives not saying anything, is that maybe they don't notice because they truly accept you however. Maybe? I don't know.
                      my primal journal:
                      http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum...Primal-Journal

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by Pebbles67 View Post
                        Beautiful Post. I am having the same kinds of experiences.

                        You seem to be doing so great health wise. Could you tell me what your eating plan looks like these days? I'm still looking for the right combo for me.
                        Originally posted by Finnegans Wake View Post
                        Damned good stuff, Cori. And Paula. I assure you that any thoughts I have of being sandwiched between the both of you are only half in jest.

                        I would really like to see how you've tweaked the diet, and to hear more about the new neuro. The change from posts of even just a couple months ago (tone, outlook) is nothing short of remarkable.


                        Thanks Paula and Finne!
                        I do feel good these days. Diet is good, and head is under much better control. I can drive again, I feel more like myself, I can be a little bit independent, and I'm starting to contemplate doing things again. Like creative things. Endeavors even.

                        As far as my actual diet... I'm sometimes a bit reticent about stating exactly what my diet consists of. I guess I worry about the tendency that there can sometimes be on these boards to judge what one is consuming a bit critically. But since I'm not in any public threads right now I'll not worry about it.

                        I tend to fast or at least IF naturally every day.
                        I have never tried to come to this pattern on purpose, it just happened.
                        I have very little appetite early in the day.

                        10-11am- A couple of cups, small 70's sized mugs not huge modern mugs, of coffee with heavy cream 4-5 days a week, water with lime juice the other days.

                        All day long I drink water with lime juice and a bit of liquid stevia sweetener... usually the vanilla creme flavored stevia sometimes mint or berry.
                        Once or twice a week I might eat a cup of greek yoghurt during the day. I get the plain and add vanilla bean paste and a few drops of vanilla stevia to it. (Sometimes I might eat it after dinner.)
                        Once or twice a week I might eat an apple(or seasonal fruit... I'm a very seasonal eater). Might eat it with the yoghurt... might not.

                        Then I eat dinner at about 6.
                        Usually a generous(anything from about 6-10oz and sometimes I get too full to finish it) portion of meat and loads of veg, either cooked or raw, to which I add butter if cooked or avocado and cream dressing I make if it's salad. Some days I have a slightly higher carb veg like winter squash/pumpkin on days husband is having a sweet potato, or baked sweet plantain, but that is not every day.

                        Every once in a while I'll eat some rice, but not often at all. Special occasions only.
                        I find I don't do as well with it or other very high carb stuff like potatoes. Eating high carb or high salt affects my water retention and does cause me to have noticeable fluctuations in my intracranial pressure, so it's a game of balance.
                        The baked sweet plantains are pretty carby, but I love them, they are like having dessert, and only eat a small portion. It's a give and take.

                        I eat a pretty normal sized dinner... not really bigger than when I used to eat more meals. When I eat in company with other people it feels/looks like eat what they do or even less sometimes. I don't stress about tracking macros, counting things, etc. Some days I eat more. If I feel like I have been eating really light a few days in a row I'll add some extra fat for calories, but I generally don't worry about it too much.

                        Tonight I ate more than usual... TWO lobster tails and about 4oz of a big NY Strip that belonged to husband, and an entire 12oz bag of broccoli, carrots, sugar snap peas, and water chestnuts tossed in a Tbs of butter. Stuffed! It was delicious.
                        I've got to admit I like my veg. I don't always use frozen, but they are handy sometimes.

                        A couple of days ago I barely finished a 6oz pork chop though... but I did slurp down a whole load of fresh asparagus cooked steamed in prosecco that was then reduced and made into a sauce with a couple Tbs of butter. I think I had a cup of yoghurt a couple hours later though.


                        About every other week (sometimes once a week, if hormones show up... LOL) I have a treat with my husband.
                        We'll each get a nice slice of cheesecake at the specialty bakery near us, or we'll get ice cream (frozen custard) at a individually owned business near us where they make their own stuff fresh every day. Good stuff!
                        Kind of a carb up from the sugar? A splurge...
                        Keeps me sane.
                        I only eat something sugary like that after a good dinner though, other wise it goes straight to my head and I don't feel well.
                        I don't think I could eat something just plain sugary. I think the fatty thing mediates it.

                        Let's see... there are a bunch of things I don't eat anymore really. Chocolate... quitting chocolate was a lot easier than I thought. Tomato sauces. Okra... But all of that is irrelevant. That's just to avoid kidney stones due to my medications. I still eat a wide variety of vegetables.

                        I don't know. Not too complicated. I just do what I do.

                        Oh, and I walk. But mostly on the treadmill in my house because I sometimes still get some mild neuro weirdness when walking very far, so I don't go trekking alone. And I still break my walking into blocks a lot. It works... I honestly don't know if I'll ever be able to do a sprint again. Trying to pick up the pace too much is NOT a good idea. LOL
                        And I do some yoga and body weight stuff... still not anything ground breaking, but I'm OK with that.
                        I need to get on some weights more... dumbells and such... and see how that goes. Straining tends to raise my head pressure badly so... it seems that light weights and lots of reps may be it... not so much Lifting Heavy Things. It'll be OK I think... tone things up some.

                        The most important thing, as far as my brain is concerned, is that I pay attention. Is the tinnitus getting louder? Is the pressure rising? Eyes aching more? Neck aching more? Seeing pulse or throbbing in vision... I have lots of little cues. There are lots of things that help... drinking more water to help ensure I'm not retaining any, a cup of coffee, an extra dose of my med if I've eaten dinner out in a restaurant and know I've eaten a lot of salt...

                        As far as my diet and weight loss. I think that not being in a hurry helps. I'm not one of the women on this forum with my mind set on some "DIET" goal NUMBER in my mind that I need to race toward or that is my main focus. I simply want to be healthier. Losing weight is just a part of that journey. Journey being the key word there. I do not in anyway believe that there is an end to the road I'm on. That when I get to "x" point that I'll be done, and that my goal will be met. Each and every day is simply another day of me living with my situation as best as I can, and pursuing a future with my situation that is as positive as it can possibly be. Cured? Controlled? Whatever. I think I've got this.


                        Originally posted by Mud Flinger View Post
                        Your Sea Bunny is gorgeous - you bring back the feelings of remembered addiction to the pretties from so long ago. My son is wanting me to set up my old 35 gallon hex in his room ... wanders off pondering a new tankfull of pretties...


                        I think I'm about ready to upgrade my tank to a 150 tall.
                        I've been flip flopping about what size tank I want to upgrade to... tall is a pain, but I'm already used to standing on a stool to do do everything and I like the tall look.
                        Need more water...

                        I'm also thinking my 65 hex would make a good species display for a big green carpet nem in the middle with my old O. clown pair after a tear down and thorough cleanup. I've read lots of tank horror stories about those big carpets eating lots of fish... a focus display would be cool I think. Toss some Chromis in there for schooling movement and they could be snacks when they get too nosy too!

                        I'd also prefer a gold stripe maroon pair for the upgraded tank. I still love Clowns... though I haven't grown quite as enamored as most of the reefing world with the crazy colors they are breeding these days. An all white Clown... I just dunno? Meh.

                        I'm also a bit obsessed with stocking the new digs with mated and symbiotic pairs once I get it done. Lots of smaller fishes.
                        Ahh... the DREAMS.
                        “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
                        ~Friedrich Nietzsche
                        And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.

                        Comment


                        • Rammstein just released a new Mein Herz Brennt (My Heart Burns) video!
                          http://www.rammstein.de/en
                          Gawwwwwdddd, I LOVE Till Lindemann!

                          A translation...

                          Now, dear children, pay attention
                          I am the voice from the pillow
                          I have brought you something
                          I ripped it from my chest

                          With this heart I have the power
                          To blackmail the eyelids
                          I sing until the day awakes
                          A bright light on the heavens
                          My heart burns

                          They come to you in the night
                          Demons, ghosts, black fairies
                          They creep out of the cellar shaft
                          And will look under your bedding

                          Now, dear children, pay attention
                          I am the voice from the pillow
                          I have brought you something
                          A bright light on the heavens
                          My heart burns

                          They come to you in the night
                          And steal your small hot tears
                          They wait until the moon awakes
                          And put them in my cold veins

                          Now, dear children, pay attention
                          I am the voice from the pillow
                          I sing until the day awakes
                          A bright light on the heavens
                          My heart burns


                          Yeah... I LOVE Till.
                          I've always loved the odd ones.
                          I suppose "love" is a bit strong, but I'm drawn to this type.
                          The voice is a big part of it.
                          I don't speak German, yet his music speaks to me.
                          I'm a sucker for a good voice, and a guy who can express personal suffering/feeling in his music.
                          I'm a sucker for it.
                          And thus Till Lindemann can set my heart a flutter...
                          Last edited by cori93437; 12-07-2012, 03:31 AM.
                          “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
                          ~Friedrich Nietzsche
                          And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.

                          Comment


                          • Thanks for sharing Cori.
                            I have been moving toward VLC, high fat due to a very severe eating disorder. I will probably end up eating much like you with one "Meal" a day and fatty snacks. I'm doing a "fat fast" for the next few days to try and break a binge cycle.
                            Primal since 9/24/2010
                            "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

                            Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
                            MFP username: MDAPebbles67

                            Comment


                            • Such a good journal. Posts about being hit on, sea slug/bunny/creature/things, Rammstein...it has it all. Awesome stuff Cori.

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by Pebbles67 View Post
                                Thanks for sharing Cori.
                                I have been moving toward VLC, high fat due to a very severe eating disorder. I will probably end up eating much like you with one "Meal" a day and fatty snacks. I'm doing a "fat fast" for the next few days to try and break a binge cycle.
                                You know... There was a while when I got caught up in really worrying about the numbers. Am I eating enough x/y/and z? Enough or too many calories? It felt like not enough some days... compared to what people were saying to eat. Shouldn't I eat some carbs every night? Shouldn't I eat more than once a day... force some breakfast in even though I don't really want it so my metabolism gets going for the day...
                                So many threads, SO many opinions.
                                I was counting stuff to try and stay on the safe side.
                                I was trying to eat more to keep my calories from going low on my not hungry days.
                                I was sometimes forcing myself to eat early in the day despite it making me feel a little queasy.
                                And then I said no.

                                I just started listening to what my body wanted me to give it within my boundaries of acceptable foods, when it wants it. Since doing that I have not felt like bingeing even once, and I feel better.

                                I'm certainly not saying that my schedule is for everyone, I think we each have a comfort level.
                                I think that the measuring thing is a good learning too for a while, but that it creates a negative stressful mentality overtime and that worrying rat race doesn't work all that well in many cases.
                                One case in point. Leida. She drives herself mad. Has been doing so for MONTHS... hell YEARS?... measuring, restricting, doing whatever, jumping through hoops being obsessed... Not cool. And no results either. She gains and loses the same weight over and over I believe. A yo-yo of disappointment and frustration.

                                And I also think it comes down to my last paragraph in the earlier post... this is a journey. Mentally you have to get your most comfortable walking shoes on, or just toss them all together, and get ready for a long leisurely stroll. You aren't going to "win" a race that is literally going to last the rest of your life...

                                (of course this is the perspective of a nearly 40 y/o chronically ill woman who honestly does't care if she ever sees her "6-pack" or looks exactly like a magazine fitness model)
                                Last edited by cori93437; 12-07-2012, 11:27 AM.
                                “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
                                ~Friedrich Nietzsche
                                And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.

                                Comment

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