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the cavewitch's primal journal/journey

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  • the cavewitch's primal journal/journey

    i have reached rock-bottom. i was in a car accident about 6 weeks ago and since december have just been eating through every large latin emotion that i have. i went to the doctor for my annual girly check up and i now tip the scale at over 150 lbs. now I KNOW that that isn't very large, but i'm 5'3 and i am most comfortable between 120 and 125. i'm really not sure how it all happened (okay, okay...i'm actually positive how it all happened but it's easier sometimes to pretend all that weight was just waiting in the bushes one night and jumped onto my bones.).

    the worst part for me, though, is that i had gone primal this past summer and was getting in phenomenal shape, my bouts of depression were fading away, and my energy level was through the roof (even wore a thong bikini to the beach!!!!) and now, this.

    i could totally psychoanalyze myself, but we all know the story. it's been told a million times with slightly different details. of course, i was in total denial until the doctor incident and then i went to see a friend of mine who is a personal trainer. he is not very tall, granted, but i'm only 5'3 and somehow i felt like a large, formless giant. my amazing dancer legs were just flabby, nearly shapeless things holding up a dumpy body (the rack is still formidable, thank goddess!) and for the first time IN MY LIFE, my belly folds over itself instead of just looking a little poochy.

    and then, there is the totally out-of-shapeness going on. i am breathless walking to the kitchen for more cupcakes. is time....primal, let's hang out okay? i know that we had a great relationship and i went back to my old loves, but you know they never did treat me as well as you. so can we take it slow and get to know each other again?

    as for the practical plan of it all:

    1. i will eat purely primal 80-90% of the time.

    2. i will drink my herbal infusions for maximum nourishment (

    3. i will go for walks, lift heavy things, sprint once in a while, and play a whole lot.

    4. i will keep myself accountable with entries here of what i eat and what activities i do during the day.

    5. i will celebrate the earth and her cycles.

    6. i will keep it simple.

    GROK ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • #2

    Welcome Sister!

    You'll have tons of support here, and let me be the first to say "Well Met."

    It sounds like you've been through a rough time. Life WILL turn around. You just have to start out with small steps. Eventually small steps turn into bounding leaps. You're going to be just fine.

    I love your list. Very well balanced.

    Be Well,

    Diana Renata Paganus


    • #3

      blessed be, girl!

      i've been reading your blog and your thread here and you are so awesome! i'm a little verklemp that you commented on my post.... i just need to know how to hunt squirrel (and how to cook it) dog would be so bummed if i caught one first though.


      i didn't post anything yesterday. it was my son and i's first official no electronics day. we've decided to do that every sunday. it was, well, it was incredible, really.

      SO...i woke up yesterday and had a couple tiny tangerines, ate some leftover snapper and zuchinni in a lemon/butter/mustard sauce.

      i made a cashew/flax/dark cocoa protein shake around 3 and then whipped up some coconut curry chicken with spinach. yum.

      i was also wonderfully active! kenai (my familiar and most awesome dog EVER...really he's got the certificate) went for a long walk. we found an amazing patch of chickweed which i will be back to harvest tomorrow for a salad, extract and vinegar (told you it was huge). then, we went to the beach. i was hoping to get some surfing in but it was f l a t. then, i tilled the huge garden plot for my first ever garden (urban homestead here i come!). i rented a gas powered tiller and it was the smallest they had, but it was like trying to control a pack of sled dogs and getting them all to dig in the same spot! there was definitely a mustard and epsom salt bath at the end of the day!

      today was some of my fish stock with miso for breakfast.

      i had an apple around 11:30 and leftover curry chicken for lunch with a quart of oatstraw infusion.

      i had two small tangerines around 5ish.

      then...dinner. it was so good that i'm still tearing up a little that i got full. and seriously, FULL. i could hear my brain screaming to stop, but my mouth was being a total hedonist. i made a primal shepherd's pie with ground turkey with mushrooms and parsnips, turnip, rutabega, and carrots blended smooth with coconut milk. i poured that over the turkey/shiitake/crimini mushrooms that i had sauteed in red palm oil and garlic with tons of thyme, then put a few chunks of butter on top and baked in the oven until it got golden brown. i ate it with a side of saurkraut and a dap of plain full-fat organic yogurt. i drank down a quart of comfrey/mint infusion and feel NOURISHED and FED!

      my one consolation about being full is that i made a huge batch and will have plenty for tomorrow...and seriously one must enjoy a shepherd's pie completely, shepherd isn't as easy to come by as it once was.

      so far, two days in, i can't remember anymore why i would eat any other way. there is such a difference in the quality of food. it really is the difference between just fueling up and getting nourished.


      • #4

        and OH YEAH...two squares of dark chocolate with chili and cocoa nibs and three kumquat at some point in the day today.


        • #5

          Oooh... I love the idea of a day without electronics. That would be so hard for me. I'd feel like I were being punished. I don't know what I would do without my AM news, facebook, MDA, and a gazillion other do-dads I use every day. You've inspired me though. I really have to do it one of these days. Probably the same day I decide to make the 20-mile trek to my parents' house on foot.

          All of your food sounds so yummy, and lots of vareity! Mmm... kumquat. I should grab some as a treat soon. Odd little fruits they are.

          LOL- your description of the tiller is spot on! My dad has a really old one- older than me. It doesn't shift quite like it's supposed to, so when he gets to the end of a row and tries to shift before turning, sometimes it goes into high gear and takes off across the yard without him. Eventually it tips over and he can catch up to it. I'm terrified of the thing. Self-propelled machines are just creepy- lol.

          Shepherds pie has been on my to-do list too. It's been too long since I made it, but it sounds so good. That comfrey/mint infusion sounds really good too. I think I'm gonna go make myself a cup of tea. Wish I had some peppermint on hand.

          You're absolutely right. The quality of food makes all the difference in the world. It really, truly makes you feel GOOD.


          • #6

            today was an awesome/crappy day. i started my new job....gardening on an island near the beach (okay that was dumb...of COURSE and island is going to be near the beach.

            anyhoo: LOVED it. i even dug up a sleeping turtle. i just buried him again after checking to see if he was actually alive. that was really cool.

            so, i worked in the sun, slowly, using my whole body and sweat a bit, grunted a few times at the exertion but was really happier than a pig in shit.

            i had a couple tangerines around noon, a kiwi at 12:30 and shrimp salad with huge chunks of red bell pepper, cucumbers, and spiciness with an asian coleslaw (cabbage/carrots with sesame oil, ume plum vinegar and black sesame seeds) as well as one square of dark chocolate with chilis and cocoa nibs and two little blueberry/dark chocolate/raw honey thingies dusted with gold dust from this awesome organic cafe near the beach. i had all that mess around 4ish.

            tonight, i broiled some root veg and squash with a ton of garlic and seared a hunk of beef that has been marinating since friday. i seared it in bacon fat and it was still blue on the inside. YUM!

            i didn't make infusions last night cuz i almost burned down the house. i've been working on a beautiful fish stock since friday and for SOME reason i turned the oven to high and then promptly forgot all about it. stock evaporated and charcoal fish heads....crap.

            of course the best part of the day was bringing my son's 14th b-day present home: THIRTEEN CHICKS (like the laying hen kind...not the female human kind) so they are peacefully chirping.

            the shit part of the day is that i think my one year relationship just came to an end...just like that over the phone. AUGH....why must it be so hard?

            i've not been doing well on the SLEEP part of the PB lately. so i am going to try and remedy that RIGHT NOW.

            good night groks.


            • #7

              Oh wow, that's so neat about the turtle! I'd have taken advantage of a very Primal situation though. Turtle is amazingly yummy.

              Aww, what a bummer about the fish stock! I hate it when that happens. It's usually when you're trying to do something really good too.

              Thirteen chicks! Yay! They're just so darn cute when they're little. Too bad they don't stay that way.

              So sorry to hear about your relationship. I hope things take a turn for the better. Get some rest. Sleep is very important.


              • #8

                again...feeling that i'm burning the candle a little too hard. yesterday worked really hard clearing a yard. i was hauling trees, dragging logs, and had to have words with a vine. it was glorious. i was truly truly truly not made for indoor living.

                i ate some waldorf chicken salad and some full fat greek yogurt for breakfast along with a cup of coffee with coconut milk and oatstraw infusion. i came home after work and ate some south african beef/lamb sausage with squash and my nettle infusion.

                then the shite hit the fan. in my defense (why do i put myself on trail in the firt place?) it was my son's 14th birthday and we were all having so much fun. three slices of pizza, ice cream cake, reisling, chocolate-chip oatmeal cookies and digestive distress later (oh yeah, and a ROCKINGLY GOOD cream soda) i fell into some kind of sugar coma and couldn't even get off the couch to get into my bed. not proud. but whatever, it was good.

                today: fish stock (the last of the old batch) and miso soup for breakfast, half an orange and some almonds for a snack, exotic root vegetable chips and antipasto from the olive bar for lunch and a really good (if i may say so myself) ginger, garlic, shiitake and seaweed soup with a coconut and chicken broth for dinner....and the last remaining chocolate chip oatmeal cookies. what? they would have just SAT there so lonely....

                i also had my oatstraw and red clover infusions.

                it was so torrentially downpourish today, so i mostly read, ran errands, and loaded up my car with rose bushes and berry bushes for the yard.

                the kid and i are reading "possum living" and loving it.

                and now.....BEDTIME! woohoo! (is it a sign of aging that bedtime gets a woohoo?)


                • #9

                  spent most of the day outdoors today. glorious!

                  a large cup of coffee with raw total honey (like with the propolis bla bla bla) and lots of coconut milk this morning

                  a LARGE helping of waldorf chicken salad around 3ish, some root veggie chips and steamed broccoli and sauteed veal (with a roux/lemon sauce) (i didn't cook) for dinner followed by strawberries and whipped cream: also had a kombucha with greens earlier.

                  i saw my trainer today and already my body is feeling so much stronger.

                  i am so much happier when it is warm outside and there is sun.


                  • #10

                    Waldorf salad is the BEST. Mmm... strawberries and whipped cream.

                    Thank goodness for spring. It's about time. I can't wait to go out and nap in the sun.


                    • #11

                      mmm...slept in today. then, had the biggest yogurt craving. SO....full fat greek smothered in blueberries, raw cocoa nibs and chia seeds. my toes curl in pleasure just thinking about it!

                      then.....drumroll...i discovered garlic chips. WHOLE CLOVES OF GARLIC fried. i will NEVER get kissed again, but they make it almost worth it.

                      two squares of dark chocolate with ginger and wasabi.

                      late lunch/early dinner: slaw with super thin sliced kumquat and granny smith apples with a couple spoonfuls of guacamole and some smoked turkey breast.

                      had a kombucha with greens and then some coconut ice cream sweetened with agave.

                      worked steady and slow this morning. got 4 rose bushes in and cleared out a patch for herbs. took a nice nap and then went to work at the health food store.

                      i hear you about napping in the sun. there is nothing more decadent and lovely.


                      • #12

                        Oh wow... that yogurt sounds divine! I wish yogurt didn't give me bubble guts. Maybe if I tried home-made, raw or something. Where do you get your cocoa nibs and what are chia seeds like? I used to love mixing pomegranate seeds in my yogurt, and raisins and apples.

                        Garlic chips eh? Sounds delicious. I'm having this craving for roasted garlic, but don't have any in the house. My parents' neighbor always gives them a bushel basket of garlic at the end of the harvest. I'm hoping to get a share this year.

                        No napping in the sun today. Chilly and grey out there. Ugh.


                        • #13

                          chia seeds are so awesome. they are such a phenom. source of omega 3. you should be able to find them at your health food store. they can be soaked in a little water and used as an egg substitute...although why would you want to, right?

                          and the yogurt was divine. the cocoa nibs are from the health food store where i work. you should be able to find some.

                          a whole bushel basket of garlic? o.m.goddess. yeah, baby, yeah!


                          second no electronics day a great success.

                          i actually treated myself to a spa day sunday. i've been working SO physically hard, the massage was so awesome. i had the same yogurt extravaganza for breakfast but had cherries instead of blueberries. for the second meal of the day, we roasted sausages over the fireplace. i ate them with pork rinds and guacamole, more garlic chips, and plenty of saurkraut, relish, horseradish mustard and some ketchup. polished off some chocolate afterwards. i also drank a belgian lambic. YUM. and made some "soda" with sparkling water and elderberry juice.

                          today, hmmm...breakfast was a handful of curry cashew nuts and some blackberry kefir.

                          i had a kombucha. then......oh, the humanity! a burger i haven't eaten there in a VERY long time. i blame it on my lack of time and planning today.

                          interestingly enough, about 30-45 minutes after consumption, i had a crushing wave of depression hit me. SO WEIRD!

                          then, a small slice of crustless lime cheesecake.

                          later, some waldorf chicken salad (okay...i'm a little obsessed) and a handful of dark chocolate covered cashews.

                          i shoveled and lugged and dumped several wheelbarrows full of compost and dirt to prepare my first garden bed this afternoon when i got home.

                          i'm posting before i'm done eating today, i think. i just got a little hungry. maybe some more pork rinds and guac?

                          and OH...diana. i can only do yogurt in the dairy family. (well, and kefir) dairy has to be fermented. does even the plain, full fat bug your gut?


                          • #14

                            Chia seeds are on my shopping list for next time I go to the Co-Op in Ithaca. Gonna check my local Wegmans first and see what their price is.

                            Minus the burger, your food all sounds wonderfully yummy. Especially the cheesecake. *drool*

                            I can't wait to get out and garden. I'm living vicariously through you right now- lol.

                            Dairy is funny for me. Ice cream, milk and yogurt all give me bubble guts. I can do hard cheeses and butter. Cream cheese, ricotta and softer cheeses are somewhere in the middle. I tolerate them. I think I'll try making some yogurt out of raw goats milk this spring. Even the goats milk made me gurgle, but maybe if I make it into yogurt it'll be ok. Otherwise, I'm going to attempt making cheese out of it.

                            So do you brew your own kombucha too?


                            • #15

                              i had a shit week last week. i just wallowed in my own self-pity and sadness. relationships gone awry really suck.

                              so last week was a blur of cupcakes and soda and pizza and fast food. of course, one of the side effects of this type of diet is increased depression for me. sugar and i REALLY don't agree. what is it about being so angry and sad that makes me want to hurt myself instead of the person that i'm angry at? i really feel so guilty if i hurt anyone by my actions.


                              anyway, i tried to get back on the primal train today.

                              so, this morning had a green smoothie and some curry cashews and tamari almonds. had a double shot of espresso with cream and honey. i also had my oatstraw infusion.

                              later, i had waldorf chicken salad with asian slaw and three little blueberry/chocolate/raw honey thingies from one of my favorite little restaurants.

                              i polished off some fries that my son couldn't. i had my comfrey mint infusion.

                              i wore my vibrams all day. i love love love those shoes!

                              i planted a couple creeping junipers, a few ferns, and some basil.

                              i feel so sad. it's hard to break that cycle of being sad and wanting to feel comforted and eating "comforting" foods (mac and cheese, ice cream, pizza, cupcakes (wow do i have a thing for cupcakes!) ) which only make me feel worse. i am convinced that that much sugar drives down my mood.

                              okay...bla bla bla. i was just supposed to be reporting what i ate and did, right?

                              diana, no i don't brew my own kombucha, but i understand that you sell scobys. as soon as i have the coop built and the chickens squared away, i would love to get one from you.