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  • So sorry for your loss, PB, he sounded like a fabulous man and dad. I'm so glad it wasn't a long suffering time for him.
    He was blessed to have you. Take care of yourself, big hug.

    Comment


    • We did the same for my Sister, made sure that my Mom signed over the house to her while she was still alive. Fortunately I was able to get concensus from the siblings (6 of us). She did the lion's share of the care-taking so it seemed fair. Still when the end came there were a few grunts and murmurs. Since then, however, everybody has let bygones be bygones. Time helps with that.

      I'm sorry to hear about your sister's anger. It's a tense situation at best and with her hubby's health issues looming on top of your Dad's passing, I could imagine the stress getting to anybody. Hopefully she'll settle a bit in time.

      I remember going through my Mom's things after she passed. She still felt attached to them somehow and I felt close to her.

      David
      Height: 5' 10"
      Starting Weight: 292
      Starting Primal Weight: 275
      Current weight: 224
      Goal weight: 172
      Body Fat 30.5

      Comment


      • I would wager that your sister's anger has nothing to do with property and everything to do with what you were able to have and give to your dad in these final years. In grief, it probably all caught up to her. And then the property is now symbolic of that outwardly.

        It's also good that she is home with her husband, so she can deal with her grief and anger independent of you. Likewise, it gives you peace to move through the final arrangements and moving forward. It gives you space to breathe, and find your footing in this new way of life.

        Comment


        • Originally posted by Sabine View Post
          Most definitely. Our job stress looks like it is ending, so I'm ready to turn my focus back to health again. Glad to see you 'up and about'. Hugs.
          Probably not til after the holidays. If I tell anyone I'm not eating right now they will start panicking that I'm falling apart. I'm actually feeling remarkably calm about the whole process.

          Originally posted by JudyCr View Post
          So sorry for your loss, PB, he sounded like a fabulous man and dad. I'm so glad it wasn't a long suffering time for him.
          He was blessed to have you. Take care of yourself, big hug.
          Thank you, Judy. He was great dad and a great friend.

          Originally posted by DCarr10760 View Post
          We did the same for my Sister, made sure that my Mom signed over the house to her while she was still alive. Fortunately I was able to get concensus from the siblings (6 of us). She did the lion's share of the care-taking so it seemed fair. Still when the end came there were a few grunts and murmurs. Since then, however, everybody has let bygones be bygones. Time helps with that.

          I'm sorry to hear about your sister's anger. It's a tense situation at best and with her hubby's health issues looming on top of your Dad's passing, I could imagine the stress getting to anybody. Hopefully she'll settle a bit in time.

          I remember going through my Mom's things after she passed. She still felt attached to them somehow and I felt close to her.

          David
          Yeah, my sister went a bit beyond grunts and murmurs. But she probably will settle down given some time. It seems like packing up his things is like a gradual way of letting him go, bag by bag and box by box.

          Originally posted by zoebird View Post
          I would wager that your sister's anger has nothing to do with property and everything to do with what you were able to have and give to your dad in these final years. In grief, it probably all caught up to her. And then the property is now symbolic of that outwardly.

          It's also good that she is home with her husband, so she can deal with her grief and anger independent of you. Likewise, it gives you peace to move through the final arrangements and moving forward. It gives you space to breathe, and find your footing in this new way of life.
          That's an interesting way to look at it and I think you're probably spot on. She realizes that he and I had a bond that was a whole 'nother level than what she and he had. In the last 2 decades, she has seen him maybe once a year.
          It is definitely calmer around here without her. She has a way of dramatizing everything that can be rather overbearing at times.

          Comment


          • You learn some interesting things about a person when you clean out their closets.

            My Dad had a Speedo bathing suit. Who knew? And a French artiste style black beret. My folks were a little too old to have been hippies. They were more of the "beatnik" generation. Interesting mental images. Smoky jazz cafes.

            Boy, when a person lives in the same place for 60 years, they sure can accumulate a lot of "stuff". Every drawer, shelf, and closet just keeps pouring it out. I'm finally starting to see the end of it. Just some books and dishes left.

            I'm starting to think more and more that I want to sell the houses and bank the money and then live really well in an upscale rental where, if there is a plumbing issue, you call the building supervisor. And, if you want to go off globe trotting, you just have your mail stopped, turn the key, and walk away.

            After my Mom died, I think my Dad just sort of crawled into this house and turned into a hermit. I don't want to live my older years that way. I still want to climb Machu Picchu and the pyramids. And countless other destinations.

            Comment


            • Originally posted by Paleobird View Post
              I'm starting to think more and more that I want to sell the houses and bank the money and then live really well in an upscale rental where, if there is a plumbing issue, you call the building supervisor. And, if you want to go off globe trotting, you just have your mail stopped, turn the key, and walk away.
              If I had no kids and the financial means this is exactly what I would do. I hate feeling tied down to anything, I don't even really have any attachment to things/stuff. If I had to be brutal I think I could whittle down my truly valued possessions to a cardboard box. I swear when my kids leave home, that's exactly what I will do - sell everything, put the box in a friend's garage and take off.

              I envy you your freedom.
              My Journal

              Comment


              • I think it's a viable option.

                Financially speaking, you can diversify how you bank it with diverse investments and live off dividends, lowering your tax rate in the process as well, and also being able to walk away at any time. Not just to go and travel (knowing everything is secure), but also if you just want to move to another location that might be better for you.

                DH and I talked about this the other day. We actually really like renting. The place we had our eye on from day 1 when we came here has some available. Unfortunately, it's currently beyond our means, but it's not that far. So, in a little while, we'll be able to move there. It has about 70 million amenities (parking in town being a huge one), and is a two block walk to work. It's a 15 minute drive to DS's school. Seriously, it's golden.

                Owning it would be a hassle unless someone's looking at that as a long-term financial investment (in terms of running a property business). I used to have a lot of interest in that, but now that I know several people who run property businesses and I've seen it from the inside, I say to myself: no thanks!

                I'd rather just have a nice, comfortable place to live with a good view that would be easy to walk away form if needed.

                Comment


                • Originally posted by NourishedEm View Post
                  If I had no kids and the financial means this is exactly what I would do. I hate feeling tied down to anything, I don't even really have any attachment to things/stuff. If I had to be brutal I think I could whittle down my truly valued possessions to a cardboard box. I swear when my kids leave home, that's exactly what I will do - sell everything, put the box in a friend's garage and take off.

                  I envy you your freedom.
                  While I'm in tossing things out mode with my Dad's stuff, it is getting me motivated to do the same with my own. I have lived in this house for ten years and I am already accumulating way more than I need or actually use.

                  Originally posted by zoebird View Post
                  I think it's a viable option.

                  Financially speaking, you can diversify how you bank it with diverse investments and live off dividends, lowering your tax rate in the process as well, and also being able to walk away at any time. Not just to go and travel (knowing everything is secure), but also if you just want to move to another location that might be better for you.

                  DH and I talked about this the other day. We actually really like renting. The place we had our eye on from day 1 when we came here has some available. Unfortunately, it's currently beyond our means, but it's not that far. So, in a little while, we'll be able to move there. It has about 70 million amenities (parking in town being a huge one), and is a two block walk to work. It's a 15 minute drive to DS's school. Seriously, it's golden.

                  Owning it would be a hassle unless someone's looking at that as a long-term financial investment (in terms of running a property business). I used to have a lot of interest in that, but now that I know several people who run property businesses and I've seen it from the inside, I say to myself: no thanks!

                  I'd rather just have a nice, comfortable place to live with a good view that would be easy to walk away form if needed.
                  Yeah, I'm already living off dividends, I would just be able to live substantially *better* off of dividends with the money from the house invested too. And, with a satellite uplink, you can keep an eye on your investments from anywhere in the world.

                  I have considered staying here and renting out my Dad's place but then I really think that being a landlord would be more hassle than it's worth.

                  I've also thought about extended length tourism as a way to spend the coming years. Say live for a year in one place, maybe teach some English just to get an "in" with the local community. If I liked it I might stay another year or I might move on to another place. Learn a few more languages along the way, have some grand passionate romances, and, if I ever find that "perfect" spot, maybe settle down for a while.

                  The piano bar piano player from my Caribbean cruise last spring has invited me to come along on his next cruise in March. The cruise line lets crew bring a friend for free. That sounds like fun. He and I had a grand flirtation going but we didn't do anything about it because there are strict rules about that that could cost him his job. But, if I were officially registered as his "friend on board", then it would not be a problem (unless of course we kept the folks in the next stateroom awake every night ).
                  Last edited by Paleobird; 11-10-2012, 10:25 PM.

                  Comment


                  • PB, I don't stop in often, but I read your journal in bits and pieces.

                    I wish you and your family peace, and serenity.
                    Start Date 9.24.12
                    Starting weight 285ish ( scale is acting funny so I don't trust it, but 285 is close )
                    CW - 271 pounds
                    First Goal - 255 by 2013
                    Main Goal - To be healthy for my family... I have an awesome family.
                    Other Goal - to get off some medications
                    Final goal - to get to about 180 pounds by 2014
                    NEW GOAL - When I can start a new journal called "Your dad is not so fat!"

                    Your Dad is So Fat

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by Primal Papa View Post
                      PB, I don't stop in often, but I read your journal in bits and pieces.
                      I wish you and your family peace, and serenity.
                      Thanks, Papa.
                      Wow! 14 lbs in what 6-7 weeks? Not bad at all. Keep it up. You will make those goals.

                      Comment


                      • ^^^A spambot and not even a very original one. That's about the third time that particular quote has been skimmed and used by the spammer hordes.

                        Comment


                        • Being a landlord is a challenge. I just do it via subleasing in my current business, and it's hard.

                          I think it sounds like a really viable option -- traveling and living for a place for a year or so. It's definitely an adventure.

                          Also, glad to hear about your cruise-friend. I think that's a great idea.

                          Comment


                          • Paleobird,

                            I've been out of town and off the board for a bit... just back catching up before I'm off again.

                            So sorry for your loss. My absence has been for similar family reasons. It's sad because those we love will be missed, but to me it's also a good thing because they no longer have to suffer from the infirmities and indignities of the illnesses of age.

                            Maybe you know that with my brain issues I have followed your posts and story around MDA a good bit, and you have really motivated me and pointed me towards research that is important to my health concerns. My own health continues to recover because I have seen what can come from simply sticking to your guns day by day.

                            I'm glad to see you moving forward in such a positive way.
                            Always inspirational!

                            Cori.
                            “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
                            ~Friedrich Nietzsche
                            And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by zoebird View Post
                              Being a landlord is a challenge. I just do it via subleasing in my current business, and it's hard.

                              I think it sounds like a really viable option -- traveling and living for a place for a year or so. It's definitely an adventure.

                              Also, glad to hear about your cruise-friend. I think that's a great idea.
                              The house is not even listed yet and I already have two potential buyers interested. My parents and my houses are kind of a unique property. It's three buildings, my house, Dad's house, and a guest house in between, all sort of stair-stepping up a hillside. It is mid century modern style architecture with lots of redwood and glass.

                              I sold some of Dad's mid century modern furniture to a shop that specializes in just that and the owner of that shop is quite a fan of the original architect. A friend of his is one of the potential buyers. He is going to come by next week to take a look at it.

                              The other potential buyers are the couple who live across the street on our little cul de sac here. Both of them are "artistic types", he is a photographer and she is a painter. So they both have to rent studio space every month. Dad's house would lend itself beautifully to being an art studio, lots of natural light. They could both have space there and trade off being with their young son. The guy was saying, "Yeah, it would give me the chance to be home for dinner and then be able to go get some more work done". Sometimes when he is on a deadline, he doesn't get home until late in the evening. They are going to talk to their respective parents and see if they can between all of them, come up with the money to buy it. Then the two sets of grandparents would always have guest rooms available when they come to visit.

                              They could rent out what is now my part of the space to help defray the cost too. Then the lady proposed an interesting idea that I am considering. What if they bought it and took over the responsibility of the maintenance but I stayed on as a renter? Hmm. I will have to think about that one. It would be easy in that I wouldn't have to move my stuff.

                              Otoh, I'm not sure I want to stay here. I am feeling the need for a clean break and "moving on". Must think further on this.

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by cori93437 View Post
                                Paleobird,

                                I've been out of town and off the board for a bit... just back catching up before I'm off again.

                                So sorry for your loss. My absence has been for similar family reasons. It's sad because those we love will be missed, but to me it's also a good thing because they no longer have to suffer from the infirmities and indignities of the illnesses of age.

                                Maybe you know that with my brain issues I have followed your posts and story around MDA a good bit, and you have really motivated me and pointed me towards research that is important to my health concerns. My own health continues to recover because I have seen what can come from simply sticking to your guns day by day.

                                I'm glad to see you moving forward in such a positive way.
                                Always inspirational!

                                Cori.
                                Hi Cori, good to "see" you.

                                It seems like a lot of us are dealing with similar family situations. I definitely think that my Dad did not want to linger and deliberately shut down in order to get it over with. Adult diapers are no way to live.

                                I'm so glad that your brain issues are doing better.

                                Yep, folks around here can chase after the latest potato if that makes them happy. I know what works. Consistently. Long term.

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