Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Paleobird's Next Big Adventure

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Originally posted by Paleobird View Post
    According to the neurologist, this is called "Multi Infarct Dementia" caused by a cluster of small strokes.
    That is essentially the same as vascular dementia, which one of my grandfathers has.

    It's horrible to see the physical deterioration, and as for the deterioration in memory ... that is clear to see, yet he has moments of complete lucidity (unlike Alzheimers sufferers) where he comments on his condition with a very clear understanding. Also, he can still recall significant recent events. He is now in a care home (he lived independently up until a few months ago, aged 95). He has said 'I'm not going to leave this place am I?'

    He has been extremely restless which is apparently a sign of this condition, and by all accounts he has responded well to anti-depressants which have a calming effect. But I can't help admiring his energy and strong will to live independently.

    I'm sure that your father appreciates having you there and everything you are doing for him, even when he can't articulate it.
    F 5 ft 3. HW: 196 lbs. Primal SW (May 2011): 182 lbs (42% BF)... W June '12: 160 lbs (29% BF) (UK size 12, US size 8). GW: ~24% BF - have ditched the scales til I fit into a pair of UK size 10 bootcut jeans. Currently aligning towards 'The Perfect Health Diet' having swapped some fat for potatoes.

    Comment


    • I can honestly say that I do not know what you are going though, I can only think of you often and hope that you are doing ok.

      Also, I wasn't meaning to spend that energy now. One of the problems that I see in my care-taking friends is that once the new normal becomes routine (ie, not as much energy as it is now, before it has become routine), then the routine takes over. And that becomes burdensome.

      A friend of mine in a similar situation discovered that finding (via the internet no less) a no-commitment boyfriend who was just there for fun -- going out for drinks, then some physical connection -- was really nice for her. It got her out of that routine, and back into being herself a bit. It decreased the struggle that she was going through, and it kept the routine from being a burden.

      And, it wasn't difficult for her to find what she needed; she was pretty amazed about how it showed up when she first asserted to herself/outloud that it would be nice to have that contact with another.

      You aren't there yet. I don't expect you to be -- of course.

      You are also more vivacious than the average bear, and I think a lot would be lost to you if you got lost in the common pattern of how this routine goes for many women.

      Or perhaps, I'm just trying to put myself in your shoes and my brain goes "oh, that would not be good."

      I'm also sorry if this is all terribly insensitive. I know that you are focused on your dad. I'm mostly focused on you. I really want you to be ok. And I know you are going through a big shift and a big struggle. I don't understand it fully, but I'm trying to.

      Comment


      • That feeling forgotten thing is awful. I'm so sorry, and I know that no amount of "it's just the..." takes the hurt away (although it can make it a little easier to bear). The hardest one for me was that my grandmother died after my grandfather's dementia got serious, and he would sometimes forget she was gone and look for her and then it was like new grief for him again and again. There's no way to make that easy (for him or for the people who have to tell him again and again).

        Please make sure you are getting support in this. My aunt was my grandfather's primary caregiver, and although she is an amazing, compassionate, determined woman, it was so exhausting for her and there was a lot of emotional toll that she didn't deal with until after he passed. We've had some good conversations about the strain that caring for an ailing parent can bring since my mother's illness was also long and difficult, brain tumours being another thing that can really change a person. Getting support and making sure you have respite time is really vital. Even if you can just have a few hours a week for yourself when you can get a caregiver in or something, it's really important to take it. Otherwise your love and caring for the other person can end up eating you up.
        “If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive.” --Audre Lorde

        Owly's Journal

        Comment


        • I so agree with the others Robin. You must look after yourself. You are Dads world, and if you get sick that won't help anybody.... so maybe just a few hours a week, actually an hour per day would be better, so as you can get some fresh air/me time.

          anyway just wanted to say that my thoughts have been with you over these trying times.
          Take care
          Aroha
          G
          "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

          ...small steps....

          Comment


          • Originally posted by paleo-bunny View Post
            That is essentially the same as vascular dementia, which one of my grandfathers has.

            It's horrible to see the physical deterioration, and as for the deterioration in memory ... that is clear to see, yet he has moments of complete lucidity (unlike Alzheimers sufferers) where he comments on his condition with a very clear understanding. Also, he can still recall significant recent events. He is now in a care home (he lived independently up until a few months ago, aged 95). He has said 'I'm not going to leave this place am I?'

            He has been extremely restless which is apparently a sign of this condition, and by all accounts he has responded well to anti-depressants which have a calming effect. But I can't help admiring his energy and strong will to live independently.

            I'm sure that your father appreciates having you there and everything you are doing for him, even when he can't articulate it.
            Yes, now and then things are as clear as a bell. Then the machine slips a cog again. It's foggy first thing then pretty good around midday. Then toward afternoon things start to get confusing and he starts to get really agitated. Today he was convinced that he had left some tools out by a tree he was trimming and that he needed to go get them. (He did trim that tree a few months ago before getting sick and I put away the tool he had left out while he was in the hospital). I had to keep repeating that everything was fine and that I had taken care of the tools. This tree is on an incline that he could not stand up on. Then the minute my back is turned he has put on jeans and is heading out the door to go get his tools. Yikes. I'm going to have to put some kind of locking mechanism from the outside on all the doors.

            Originally posted by zoebird View Post
            I can honestly say that I do not know what you are going though, I can only think of you often and hope that you are doing ok.

            Also, I wasn't meaning to spend that energy now. One of the problems that I see in my care-taking friends is that once the new normal becomes routine (ie, not as much energy as it is now, before it has become routine), then the routine takes over. And that becomes burdensome.

            A friend of mine in a similar situation discovered that finding (via the internet no less) a no-commitment boyfriend who was just there for fun -- going out for drinks, then some physical connection -- was really nice for her. It got her out of that routine, and back into being herself a bit. It decreased the struggle that she was going through, and it kept the routine from being a burden.

            And, it wasn't difficult for her to find what she needed; she was pretty amazed about how it showed up when she first asserted to herself/outloud that it would be nice to have that contact with another.

            You aren't there yet. I don't expect you to be -- of course.

            You are also more vivacious than the average bear, and I think a lot would be lost to you if you got lost in the common pattern of how this routine goes for many women.

            Or perhaps, I'm just trying to put myself in your shoes and my brain goes "oh, that would not be good."

            I'm also sorry if this is all terribly insensitive. I know that you are focused on your dad. I'm mostly focused on you. I really want you to be ok. And I know you are going through a big shift and a big struggle. I don't understand it fully, but I'm trying to.
            Thanks, Zoe. I know what you mean about routines becoming a grind but, in this situation, things are changing so quickly that there is no time to settle into routines and get bored.

            Originally posted by Owly View Post
            That feeling forgotten thing is awful. I'm so sorry, and I know that no amount of "it's just the..." takes the hurt away (although it can make it a little easier to bear). The hardest one for me was that my grandmother died after my grandfather's dementia got serious, and he would sometimes forget she was gone and look for her and then it was like new grief for him again and again. There's no way to make that easy (for him or for the people who have to tell him again and again).

            Please make sure you are getting support in this. My aunt was my grandfather's primary caregiver, and although she is an amazing, compassionate, determined woman, it was so exhausting for her and there was a lot of emotional toll that she didn't deal with until after he passed. We've had some good conversations about the strain that caring for an ailing parent can bring since my mother's illness was also long and difficult, brain tumours being another thing that can really change a person. Getting support and making sure you have respite time is really vital. Even if you can just have a few hours a week for yourself when you can get a caregiver in or something, it's really important to take it. Otherwise your love and caring for the other person can end up eating you up.
            My Dad sometimes doesn't know that my Mom is dead and thinks she has gone to the grocery store or something. When I have to explain it to him it's like all the grief of the first time she died all over again.

            I appreciate everyone's concern for my wellbeing. I am doing my best to take care of myself physically in order to have the strength to face each day. I'm eating really keto and it seems to help balance out my moods. I manage to get a lot of sleep since beddie-bye time around here is right after dinner (He's asleep now). It's like people with little kids who get to bed early and get up early. Not a bad way to go actually.

            So much of my day is just about sitting and talking with him. He needs a lot of things explained every day. I really feel like his energy/life force/whatever you want to call it is slipping away. I just hope, for his sake, that he is able to go in a peaceful, dignified, calm way.

            Originally posted by NZ primal Gwamma View Post
            I so agree with the others Robin. You must look after yourself. You are Dads world, and if you get sick that won't help anybody.... so maybe just a few hours a week, actually an hour per day would be better, so as you can get some fresh air/me time.

            anyway just wanted to say that my thoughts have been with you over these trying times.
            Take care
            Aroha
            G
            Thank you. I promise to get lots of sleep and remember to eat. G'night.

            Comment


            • Sleep well beautiful girl !
              "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

              ...small steps....

              Comment


              • Nothing to add except that You two are in my thoughts and prayers.
                Primal since 9/24/2010
                "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

                Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
                MFP username: MDAPebbles67

                Comment


                • Originally posted by NZ primal Gwamma View Post
                  Sleep well beautiful girl !
                  Originally posted by Pebbles67 View Post
                  Nothing to add except that You two are in my thoughts and prayers.
                  Thank you both.

                  Dad is sleeping more and more. He slept from 8pm to 10 am last night. I don't want to wake him because I figure his body needs the rest. Now he has had breakfast and is having a midday nap.

                  Comment


                  • I had an awesome day yesterday. It was my first "day off" in three weeks. The housekeepers were here to clean plus take care of Dad so I got *out of the house* Wow.

                    I went for a drive and went to IKEA to buy a memory foam mattress topper that is making sleep on the sofa-bed in Dad's living room much more comfortable.

                    Then I drove to the Toyota agency to ask them why my new car suddenly switched to having the speedometer readout in km/hr instead of miles. There is a way to set that preference on the touchscreen but it wasn't responding. I felt like a total dork when they pointed out the little button low on the left side of the steering column, (easy to bump with a knee).

                    Anyway, that mystery solved, I found myself out near the beach which I haven't seen in far too long considering that I live in San Diego. I went for a walk down the boardwalk, stopped in at a seaside bar that had a wave machine and watched hapless tourists getting washing machined while sipping a NorCal margarita (I had to tell the bartender how to make it but he thought it was a cool idea). Pleasantly buzzing, I walked back along the boardwalk and stopped for a frozen banana on a stick covered in chocolate and peanuts. Oh, divine decadence!

                    Then I did the grocery shopping at two different stores and then sat in Starbucks (they have a franchise inside my local Vons) because I still had a half hour to spare before I had to be back. I found out that they do have heavy cream but they don't put it out, you have to ask for it.

                    So, all told I got five hours all to myself. One day a week. This could be a workable system.

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by Paleobird View Post
                      So, all told I got five hours all to myself. One day a week. This could be a workable system.
                      This is important, and I'm glad you're taking full advantage of it. Caregiving is exhausting, mentally and physically, and taking time to yourself is critical.

                      I know you already know that, but I just wanted to throw in my two cents. Treat yo'self!
                      Steph
                      My Primal Meanderings

                      Comment


                      • Oh PB, just got caught up on your journal, no words, wish I could give you a hug. Lots of love to you.

                        Comment


                        • PB that sounds like a day well spent. Love and Light
                          Jackie
                          link to my journal http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread97129.html

                          Comment


                          • Glad to read you finally had a chance to take care of you! Your Dad would approve if he could (and maybe he has already). Hope all was well when you got home to let you know you need to continue to take time for you so that you can continue to give to him.

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by onalark View Post
                              This is important, and I'm glad you're taking full advantage of it. Caregiving is exhausting, mentally and physically, and taking time to yourself is critical.

                              I know you already know that, but I just wanted to throw in my two cents. Treat yo'self!
                              Thanks, Steph. The other time I find I get to myself is early in the morning. Since Dad goes zonk shortly after dinner, I find myself going to sleep early as well. But if I get to sleep at 9 or 10pm I can only sleep until maybe 6am while he won't wake up until about 9 or 10am. Those morning hours are when I go back to my house and take a long shower or clip my toenails or all those other personal things that go by th ewayside when one is caring for another.
                              Hugs to you and the Hubs and Nubbin

                              Originally posted by amazonmagic View Post
                              Oh PB, just got caught up on your journal, no words, wish I could give you a hug. Lots of love to you.
                              Thanks, AM. I appreciate that.

                              Originally posted by jacmac View Post
                              PB that sounds like a day well spent. Love and Light
                              Jackie
                              Thank you, Jackie.

                              Originally posted by Mud Flinger View Post
                              Glad to read you finally had a chance to take care of you! Your Dad would approve if he could (and maybe he has already). Hope all was well when you got home to let you know you need to continue to take time for you so that you can continue to give to him.
                              Things were fine except for my Dad wanting to go out in the front yard where I had told the housekeepers he is not allowed to go. (There is a deck with no railing and a very steep incline off the front edge of the property plus loose rocks and all kinds of other trip hazards.) The housekeeper is diplomatic enough so that she was able to keep it non-confrontational (bless her heart. She is such a dear person.)

                              Sometimes in his more lucid moments Dad does say some really sweet and touching things like how he really appreciates everything I am doing for him and how proud he is to have such a good daughter. It's funny because saying things like that was never really his style all the years I have known him. This seems to be bringing out a softer side in him. He says stuff about how much he has missed my Mom all these years and how much he loved her. He never said those things before. Strange but nice.

                              Then there are times that he has no idea who I am or that he was ever married and had kids. Sigh.

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by Paleobird View Post
                                As far as a boyfriend, I don't have the mental time or energy right now to bother. If I need that kind of stress relief, there are always batteries.
                                1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                                2. Eat to heal
                                3. Move to live
                                4. Embrace today
                                5. Live with intention
                                6. Respect my body
                                7. Cultivate joy
                                8. Find my passion
                                9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                                Comment

                                Working...
                                X