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Sonofab**ch!! (Candice's Journal)

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  • Sonofab**ch!! (Candice's Journal)

    One of the first posts I read on this website described these forums as being partly like an AA, because a great many of you are coming from carb/sugar addiction yourselves. Please. Amateurs. I've eaten boxes of donuts bigger than you for breakfast.

    I'm sick of starting over. I'm sick of "one last time." I'm sick of "tomorrow I'll do better." I'm sick of never finishing anything. I'm sick of knowing that I am capable of looking and feeling so much better, but feeling like I will always fail.

    Tomorrow it begins. At the best and worst time for me, because this is law school exam week... which I normally supplement with twice my weight in junk food. Well, not this semester. (Except for tonight, when I polished off a bag of granola in one sitting while studying).

    I feel really, really, really bad for anyone who comes near me in the next 30 days without adequate safety precautions.

    --C

  • #2
    Been there! Used to eat a whole pizza to myself and still be hungry. You'll do fine, this is healing time.
    Crohn's, doing SCD

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    • #3
      Me too! The hell of it is that I love working out and have a fitness goal in mind. But my diet is completely out of control. It is the monster of self-sabotage that I'm up against here.

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      • #4
        And thank you for sharing. It's very, very good to know that I'm not the only one.

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        • #5
          Day 1
          Mood: Bitchy
          Well as anyone could have predicted, the granola-binge left me lethargic and crappy all day. Went to the gym at about 3, sweated out some anger and carbs.

          Meal 1 (post workout): Salad (spinach, vegetables, eggs, chicken, sunflower seeds, vinegar)

          I had 2 cups of coffee with almond milk before then, don't know if I should log those or not.

          Snack: Jello Fat Free/Sugar Free Pudding made with Almond Milk
          Last edited by CanTasm; 05-01-2012, 05:02 PM.

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          • #6
            I shall continue following your journal with caution and a bicycle helmet...
            If I just said LOL, I lied. Do or do not. There is no try.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by justyouraveragecavemen View Post
              I shall continue following your journal with caution and a bicycle helmet...
              LOL! Follow at your own peril. I swear a.lot. And I don't really know what I'm doing yet so expect to be inundated with useless information about myself

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              • #8
                Umm...knock, knock...
                Yeah, um.....hi
                Mind if I pop my head around the corner for a second?
                Yes, oh, OK, I'll stay back
                here.

                I know you're feeling bitchy today, but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone and that things WILL get better.
                You're second paragraph, above, reminded me of the saying I painted on my garage/gym wall this weekend:

                "If you're tired of starting over, stop giving up!"


                I thought maybe knowing that there are others out there that have tried and failed over and over, might help. We're all in this together!
                5'10" HW 264 (9/15/2011) PSW 238 (4/9/2012) CW 231 GW 165

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                • #9
                  Yes it does help! And thank you so much for the words of wisdom. I feel safe here.

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                  • #10
                    Primalize your pantry/fridge- do not stock granola, grains, most dairy etc unless u tolerate it. Force yourself to pay for junk like pizza & pastries outside your house & eat it in full view of others. The world is starting to catch on & the staff wherever you go may get a chuckle at your expense. Ha,ha, the chubby pastry girl is here again etc.
                    Set limits for yourself & develop a plan of how you will get through the week. Learn to like primal basics like salad, eggs, meat etc. Intermittent fasting might help because it automatically sets a limit & gives you a chance to do better each meal. Consider taking Bach essences to develop emotional willpower from within. Stop thinking in terms of "starting over", this phrase is getting on my last nerve, instead think of how you will keep going. There is an element of primal that is really just routines & habits- at some point you will be able to do it in your sleep.

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                    • #11
                      Primalize your pantry/fridge- do not stock granola, grains, most dairy etc unless u tolerate it. Force yourself to pay for junk like pizza & pastries outside your house & eat it in full view of others. The world is starting to catch on & the staff wherever you go may get a chuckle at your expense. Ha,ha, the chubby pastry girl is here again etc.
                      Set limits for yourself & develop a plan of how you will get through the week. Learn to like primal basics like salad, eggs, meat etc. Intermittent fasting might help because it automatically sets a limit & gives you a chance to do better each meal. Consider taking Bach essences to develop emotional willpower from within. Stop thinking in terms of "starting over", this phrase is getting on my last nerve, instead think of how you will keep going. There is an element of primal that is really just routines & habits- at some point you will be able to do it in your sleep.

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                      • #12
                        heheh you ARE fierce!

                        Good advice about paying for the junk... usually I do the opposite and save it for when I'm home alone. Good advice all around.

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                        • #13
                          Definitely in need of a support group for addicts. Binges happen, and I definitely agree with fiercehunter - reframing it as "Moving on" instead of "Starting over" helps you realize that it's an ongoing journey, not something you throw to the wind and then start all over again. The starting over mindset has led me to a lot worse binges because I'm like "Fruck it, I'll start again tomorrow, mighta s well finish the pie now" whereas moving on makes it more of a continual, constant journey. I don't know, just thoughts.

                          Also, careful with the almond milk. I was loving the idea of being primal with almond milk in my morning coffee (Trader Joe's and everything so it HAS To be good for you) only to read the label two weeks later and find out it was full of all sorts of sugary syrup crap. Damn it labels! (Although actually thank you labels, but could you be a little larger and on the front of every item with the ingredients in bold that are crappy for me?)

                          Best of luck!

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                          • #14
                            Thanks for the tips... keep them coming!

                            I am definitely a label-reader, never been one to use that as an excuse to eat bad. (Except of course, when I'm having a binge... then I turn a blind eye to the label, don't even look at it all. Ignorance is bliss, huh?) I got annoyed with soy milk quite some time ago because it seemed no matter what brand I selected, it had all kinds of nasty fillers in it. I'm pretty happy with the almond milk I use, at any rate it's the least of all evils, and only 40 cals per cup.

                            I am going to readjust my thinking to reflect "Moving On" instead of "Starting Over." I think you all have an excellent attitude about recovering after a slip. Too often I just say "eff it" and completely sabotage myself.

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                            • #15
                              Day 2
                              Mood: Tired, but not bitchy
                              Pretty sure I'm coming down with the carb flu!

                              Meal 1:
                              Protein Smoothie

                              Snacks:
                              2 Lara Bars (I was at school for longer than expected and had a hunger emergency)
                              Apple

                              Meal 2:
                              Pretty much the same salad I had last night.
                              (One thing I have going for me is that I love, LOVE salad. I don't think I could ever get tired of salad, or fresh vegetables in general.)

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