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Confessions of a Sugar Addict

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  • #61
    Hey MamaGrok - Thanks for stopping by! You actually were the one who convinced me to try a leptin reset last summer (previously journaled under the title Grokking in Guate) and it was incredible what it did for my cravings. Only problem is it's a lot harder to do a leptin reset when half of your meals are controlled by other people. But, I'm doing what I can.

    As for breakfast, it's usually 3 eggs with some sort of sauteed protein and kale (or spinach). I was doing BP coffee for a while but now I'm trying diary free so ditching that for a few weeks. Breakfast this morning was ground beef with eggs and spinach.

    I honestly think that at this point, as you said primalmontana, it's all about exhaustion. Today I came home from the farm at noon to take a lunch break and slept until 4. Completely necessary, but hard to do with my current schedule. It sucks to get to a point where you realize you can't keep it up, but quitting is never an option for me (i.e. quitting my restaurant job) because I fear the consequences. So, struggle on I must, and just look forward to november when I plan on taking a 2 week sabatical somewhere warm.

    Anyways, quick recap of day because I need to pass out. I finally got my camelbak worked out which is awesome because I drank two liters of water before lunch. Another reason for my binges - dehydration. Now I pretty much have an IV drip of water running into my mouth at all hours of the day. It's fabulous, although makes me feel kind of space age. Dragged RIDICULOUSLY this morning, so took a nap at lunch that lasted 4ish hours, had a banana around noon pre-nap, a few pieces of watermelon afterwards, then went back to the farm and had dinner with my farmer boss and his fam. They are SUPER bread-fiends and also super stuck up and judgemental with regards to eating habits. I picked around the good stuff, panicked for a minute when I realized the cauliflower quiche probably had dairy in it (it did not!) and had 2 organic chicken sausages, sauteed spinach, this cauliflower quiche (it did have baking soda - does baking soda have gluten?), and some homemade pickles and chopped tomatoes. Was pretty tasty. Got home and had a purple sweet potato because I was hungry, and also, I FOUND PURPLE SWEET POTATOES AT THE FARMER'S MARKET! Tomorrow morning, when I have more energy, I will blog about the wonder of purple sweet potatoes, for now it just passed 830 and I need to sleep. Goodnight.

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    • #62
      I think sleep can help a LOT. But sleep can also be so much better when you're not thwarting your health accidentally with eating stuff you don't intend to eat, right?

      Would it be possible to eat just a bit more breakfast? Even Radiant Recovery recommends more than 21g protein, and I think it's one of the keys that helps the most people, whether they do an out-and-out leptin reset or not. Your other two meals wouldn't matter nearly so much, then.

      It took me 65g for a month or two to kill the cravings, and I still need almost that much to keep them totally away. (Did you see my sig? SO excited!) That's 3 eggs plus at least four slices of sausage.

      I sure hope you find the answer for you!!
      5'4" 39yo mother to five sweeties & married to their AMAZING DaddyGrok
      Current Weight: 175lb__________________________________Goal: 135lb
      Deadlift: 240lb________________________________________Back Squat: 165lb
      Bench: 130lb__________________________________________Pre ss: 85lb
      ***Winning a 20-year war against binge eating disorder***

      Comment


      • #63
        Ah...double edged sword mamagrok! (And congrats on the 200+ days binge free!) Totally true, and I notice how much worse I sleep when I eat like crap. Where to start...

        Breakfast today was probably 1/4 lb ground beef with 3 eggs and spinach, and black coffee

        Lunch is planned to be steamed kale with chicken on the bus on my way to work.

        Anyways, quick update: forgot to check on the lard situation at the farmer's market on saturday. Drat. Next week I guess. I DID come home with 3.24 lbs of grass-fed beef heart (she gave me a deal at 12 bucks for it all! Couldn't resist) which I'm still trying to figure out how to cook. Guessing it will be cooked on wednesday when I have some free time.

        okay, time for work. i'm really starting to hate life and these 2 jobs. My mom just came to tell me we're spreading my grandma's ashes in Minnesota in June, and I had to say I can't go because of work. How awful is that? The truth is, I know in my heart I need to quit the restaurant in order to maintain my sanity, but the pay cut along with the fact that I actually really LIKE working there has me sticking it out and being miserable week to week thinking "If only I can make it until Tuesday, I'll get a chance to breath." What I need is my farm boss to tell me to quit or he will have to fire me, or for one of you lovely people to tell me to quit. Although, chances are I still won't do it.

        I thought Guatemala taught me how to enjoy life and not overwork myself, but apparently I've fallen right back into the American work ethic of never-stop-money-is-the-most-important-thing-in-the-world. Gaaaaah

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        • #64
          That sounds like a great breakfast! Any fat?

          Normally I wouldn't press "what works for me" on anyone, ever. But when someone's constant struggle is sugar addiction, and this has worked for everyone I know who's tried it, well, if you're interested, I'm here to help! If not, carry on!

          Work is important, but not because of money. I think if your work is thwarting your ability to eat the way your body needs for you to feel good, that's a great reason for it to go.

          BTW, my favorite ways to make beef heart are
          - as jerky. It tastes just like beef (no special flavor like liver or kidney) and makes a great jerky. Thinly slice, season and/or marinate, and dehydrate
          - in a pot roast. I roughly cut up and throw in the pot with my chuck roast and it cooks down into very tender, thin strands just like the chuck, and is completely indiscernible
          5'4" 39yo mother to five sweeties & married to their AMAZING DaddyGrok
          Current Weight: 175lb__________________________________Goal: 135lb
          Deadlift: 240lb________________________________________Back Squat: 165lb
          Bench: 130lb__________________________________________Pre ss: 85lb
          ***Winning a 20-year war against binge eating disorder***

          Comment


          • #65
            Is there anyway you could ask for a decrease in hours or days at the restaurant? If you enjoy it and they value you as an employee, they may be able to work with you if you explain the situation?

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            • #66
              That's what i've been doing but it keeps being not enough. Every time I think we've workedo ut a solution, things get crazier at the farm and everyone leaves unhappy. Plus I'm just too exhausted to keep it up.

              So here I go. I'm quitting I'm quitting I'm quitting I'm quitting I'm quitting. I am. Or at least cutting down to one shift a week fi they let me. Which they won't. So I'm quitting

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              • #67
                Gah! I did it! I Quit. I called after work to tell them, tried to have the conversation during and just couldn't do it. But I did it, and as terrifying as it is, and as shaky as my legs are now, I know it's what I had to do. I made a commitment at the beginning of this year to not spread myself thin - to commit to fewer things and do them well rather than being mediocre at everything - well, this is a step in that direction. I will find a way to continue speaking spanish, and money will maybe be a little tighter, but I will be happier and what's more, my farm boss, who I greatly want to have confidence in me, will respect me a little more. Yay.

                Now terrifying. Not looking forward to the prospect of going to the farmer's market and not being able to buy til my heart's content, but that's life, and life moves on, and life does NOT Revolve around money and spending it. Who knows, now that I don't work at the restaurant I probably won't be tempted to go out as much afterwards and spend my entire paycheck. And let's be honest, there were a few there I adored, but most I can live without. oh man, changes, scary. This is scarier than entering peace corps. I don't like quitting, I'm not good at it, but maybe I'll be better at farming now that I did quit.

                Anyways, chowed down on chicken and rice and avocado after my shift. The guys in the kitchen love me (not to toot my own horn) which is the hardest part about leaving. I love being adored, and after 2 years in Guatemala, I really miss the constant GOOD attention (not the attention like, hey look at that funny white person, she is so weird and tall).

                Eating was as follows
                B: ground beef with spinach and 3 eggs, black coffee
                12:00: banana
                2:30: one bunch steamed kale with leftover steak, tahini on top (yum)
                4:30: Stress ate a bunch of french fries (but avoided the grilled cheeses)
                9:30: chicken and rice and avocado

                now I have to write a speech and go to bed. So relieved, yet terrified, and still shaking. Yikes

                Comment


                • #68
                  So you quit the restaurant! Reading through this all I thought you'd quit the farm! Shocked. But good for you. You need to relax more. And the less work will probably help you with your weight loss goals. Not to mention the unplanned eating.

                  Now, tell your farm boss you discovered you're allergic to gluten and lactose and go about your primal diet!
                  Primal since March 5, 2012
                  SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



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                  • #69
                    Never would I have quit the farm. Despite it paying significantly less, it's my passion and what I'm planning on pursuing in grad school and beyond (or some facet of it at least). I do need to relax more, and now I'll be able to incorporate the ever so important primal essential - PLAY! Maybe I'll stop the pathway to uninhibited-binge-drinker like most people in the restaurant industry seem to be as well.

                    Anyways, just on lunch break from the farm - leftover steak, bunch of kale with tahini, a little bit of cole slaw, now an apple with almond butter and dark chocolate for desert. More food than I need. I would've been satisfied after the dark chocolate. Oh well, tiny baby steps.

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                    • #70
                      Mamagrok - I guess I've been forgetting to include cooking oil in my meals, but at the moment (as I'm going dairy free) everything is cooked in coconut oil. Had to use olive oil for my steak reheation at lunch just because I didn't want to go all the way to get coconut oil from the basement.

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                      • #71
                        I haven't experimented in a precise way, but I went from 1 to 3T of CO and feel it helps with my satiety (but do it slowly! CO can cause some big die-off (runs) if you go fast!). I know that when I have chicken or fish or other lean meat, I have to have to add sat fat if I want satiety.
                        5'4" 39yo mother to five sweeties & married to their AMAZING DaddyGrok
                        Current Weight: 175lb__________________________________Goal: 135lb
                        Deadlift: 240lb________________________________________Back Squat: 165lb
                        Bench: 130lb__________________________________________Pre ss: 85lb
                        ***Winning a 20-year war against binge eating disorder***

                        Comment


                        • #72
                          That's a really good point. My greatest satiety came when I was doing Bulletproof coffee (coffee blended with 2 tbsp of kerrygold butter) every morning along with my breakfast. Amazing the level of energy I had as well. Unfortuntely I'm on a dairy kick and the one time I tried it with coconut oil I nearly vomitted.

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                          • #73
                            Originally posted by AbigailLyn View Post
                            That's a really good point. My greatest satiety came when I was doing Bulletproof coffee (coffee blended with 2 tbsp of kerrygold butter) every morning along with my breakfast. Amazing the level of energy I had as well. Unfortuntely I'm on a dairy kick and the one time I tried it with coconut oil I nearly vomitted.
                            Glad you said this b/c I was going to suggest using CO in your coffee. lol
                            Primal since March 5, 2012
                            SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



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                            • #74
                              Blech, coconut oil in my coffee. Grossness. Last night my mom used a different coconut oil for cooking - I guess it's better because it's refined in a different way, but it has SUCH a coconut flavor and I could barely enjoy my purple sweet potatoes. Weird. I love coconut, when it's fresh and delicious, but coconut flavored things - blech.

                              So, last night I binged a wee bit. Previously, this would not have been considered a binge, but I've been so good lately that it is. I ate 3 pieces of "dairy free" birthday choco bun at my friend's house. Unfortunately, dairy free means gluten, tofu, rice, vegetable oil laden. Gross. It was actually slightly tasty, but I was annoyed at myself after giving up a fee DELICIOUS un dairy free cookie from the lady we sell arugula to. Bad moves Shmabby.

                              Eating for yesterday looked like this:
                              B: ground beef, spinach, and 3 eggs cooked in veggie oil, black coffee
                              L: steak, bunch of kale with tahini, few bites of cole slaw. Then I got lazy and sat around for a while eating spoonfuls of almond butter, dark chocolate, and a green apple.
                              5:30: banana and cranberries
                              D: pork cutlets, purple sweet potato (horrible disappointment, please don't make me talk about it it's too traumatic), sauteed carrots and onions. Again, lingered afterwards on dark chocolate and almond butter
                              Birthday celebration: half a beer (it's ridiculous, I cannot PHYSICALLY drink more than this anymore) and 3 pieces of "parv" (it's like the kosher neutral food) choco bun. Abigaaaaaaaaaaail

                              Anyways, here are some realizations.
                              1) I overeat because I sit. I was totally satisfied after dark chocolate yesterday, and instead decided to continue with apples and almond butter. Unnecessary! So, keep moving OR bring lunch to the farm so I'm not tempted to overeat. That might eventually be the solution since it will soon get too busy to come home for lunch breaks anyways. Less sitting, more moving.

                              Well...I guess that was my only realization.

                              I'm really proud of myself for quitting this job. It's one of the harder things I've had to do, but I noticed yesterday how much lighter and happier I felt. Maybe the stress will help weight loss goals as well. I realized I get a lot more kicks from doing more meaningful work than bringing people food and dealing with their bullshit (although not to say that servers don't get MAD PROPS from me.) Last night I gave a speech to the kids at the high school in my town receiving service awards, and that's part of the decision that made me quit - realizing I was no longer practicing what I preached and revolving my life around earning money. Yea, poverty sucks, but I did it (sort of) for 2 years and survived, so, deal I say.

                              Anyways, last night I made the fatal mistake of stepping on a scale at my friend's house. I'm almost 140. HOLY SHMUCK MY GOD! What a disgusting number, only because leaving peace corps I was a comfortable 132 and could've still stood to go down a bit. I'm trying to tell myself it's a lot of muscle gain, because on some level I think it is and also my clothes don't fit that differently, but still. I know we're not supposed to obsess over numbers, but I know the number when I feel best and I don't feel like I'm at my best right now.

                              So, here's the deal. One month from this coming Tuesday I turn 25 and I'll be damned if I don't look and feel like a million bucks (because, all my friends are going away this summer and I will probably be drinking tequila with my father. eye roll).

                              We already established that creating hard set rules don't really work for me, so here are my goals for the next 4 weeks
                              1. No grains, with the exception of the free food I get at the restaurant for the next two weeks until I'm done when the latinos in the kitchen cook for me. Because it's delicious, and free, and they're really nice to me and the last thing I'd want to do is offend them on my way out (my way out! Exciting!)
                              2. Get back into a yoga routine - aim for at least 20 minutes a day, even if it's really relaxing morning or evening stuff.
                              3. Start running again, at least twice per week for 20 minutes.
                              4. GET SLEEP!
                              5. Try to keep moving and not overeat. That's where my weight gain is coming from, I know it, so stop it. STOP IT! I'm going to make sure I have no dark chocolate in the house, because usually it's just mindless munching and not actual desire for it. Also, almond butter will be hid.

                              That's it. I think those are goals enough, the rest of my eating is pretty on track so that's okay. It's mostly regaining my sanity now that the opportunity for sanity has returned to my life. Phew, what a relief!

                              Hope you all have a wonderful Wednesday!

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                              • #75
                                Ok, a couple suggestions to get you where you want by your Bday!

                                1. No grains, with the exception of the free food I get at the restaurant for the next two weeks until I'm done when the latinos in the kitchen cook for me. Because it's delicious, and free, and they're really nice to me and the last thing I'd want to do is offend them on my way out (my way out! Exciting
                                PORTIONS PORTIONS PORTIONS! Also, if you know you will be having something at the restaurant, cut back on carbs the rest of the day. I bet that will keep you under 100g. That probably means no more apples and almond butter

                                3. Start running again, at least twice per week for 20 minutes..
                                It seems like you get a lot of moderate activity at the farm, am I right? Unless you really really love running, how about some interval training for about 15 min. Jump rope, jump squats, burpees, pushups, planks, mt climbers, some weighted stuff if you have hand weights. This stuff boosts energy and burns fat all day!

                                My Bday is in a week, 28!! I feel old.... My goal was 135 by then, that's not going to happen. I havnt weighed myself but I can feel it. I also have to start teaching water classes in a week and a half. Ugh, swimsuit season!!

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