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Confessions of a Sugar Addict

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  • #31
    WELL...since you asked...and also since the farm is lame today because it's raining...

    So, I lived in Guatemala for two years and it has a nasty history of civil war, earthquakes, and a HUGE Poverty gap. Rich get richer, poor get poorer sort of thing. Anyways, in the mid 60s they had a few presidents who were super socialist (and, in my opinion, pretty awesome) and attempted to redistribute some of the land owned by the United Fruit Company (big banana business) to unemployed peasants so they could use it for agriculture purposes. The US then got pissed and covertly supported a coup against the president at the time and replaced him with the standard, selfish, rich prez that followed.

    This is incredibly shortened and abbreviated and probs leaves a lot of holes, but it brought a lot of attention for me to how we don't know everything that goes on when our food is produced elsewhere, and also mostly because I just try to eat local to prevent enivronmental damage and all that jazz. For me, primal is not just for my health but for planetary health, so I try and keep that in mind when making food choices. Woot.

    Just had a delicious lunch followed by a square of dark chocolate and several spoonfuls of peanut butter. Bad choice, but unfortunately when I'm tired I tend to eat things like that. Time for a nap instead maybe


    • #32
      Sounds like something the US would have their hands in.

      enjoy your nap. I'm envious.
      Primal since March 5, 2012
      SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)


      • #33
        Blurg. Blurg blurg blurg blurg blurg

        Exhaustion + stress + messed up birth control + daily depression = inability to recount all the food I've eaten for this journal. Shmo well. At least my binges are now primal - with the exception of peanut butter (blerg) - dark chocolate, almond butter, yogurt with strawberries and walnuts, cole slaw (but home made stuff...mostly just cider vinegar and a bit of organic mayo), green apples with goat cheese (had 2), sweet potatoes. Man was it a binge, I don't think I stopped eating, but better than my previous cookie and pb&j sandwich binges.

        Dinner was grass fed pork with cauliflower and cole slaw. Freaking delicious. Cole slaw, for whatever strange reason (I hate mayo) is like crack to me. I have it for desert. I might have some now.

        Today feels like a hopeless day. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up for. 60 hour + work weeks of two physically exhausting jobs, trying to do everything myself. I think my legs are going to give out eventually and then I will have no mode of transportation. I've been exhausted and depresses all day and I'm not sure why. No, I know why, it's because overcommitting myself means I don't give my all to either commitment, but despite learning this lesson every time I continue to do it. I think this is a huge part of the lifestyle as well - learning how to live more simply and commit to making your life healthy in all aspects. Despite my eating better and getting exercise, my lifestyle is clearly not healthy. There's the mental health aspect I have not been making time for. Yoga and meditation. May get fired from the farm if no one can cover my shift on saturday. Gah!

        Shmanyways, hope everyone else's rainy soggy Tuesday is better than mine


        • #34
          My days have been full of primal binges too. The leptin reset hasn't gone very well so far. Two nights in a row, binged on coconut, heavy whipping cream, raspberries and dark chocolate chips... *sigh*
          Primal since March 5, 2012
          SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)


          • #35
            I worked 3 jobs for awhile and was in school full time. It was overwhelming and exhausting. Luckily, I got pregnant and that forced me to quit a job and cut back on school. My stress levels reduced and I was happier ( I didn't even realize I was unhappy!) Now I am fortunate to only work 15 hrs/week and stay home with my daughter. Although stress is waaay down, I still have bad days. Everyone gets moody and depressed at times, best thing to do is recognize the mood and do something that would make you feel better. Sunshine helps me...hmm, I wonder if it was the rainy day that got you down...?


            • #36
              Well, yesteday was not great, but contrary to previous days when I hate on myself and call myself fat, I'm not super beat up about it. They were (mostly) conscious decisions and the ones that weren't I've developed strategy plans for in the future.

              Anyways, Wednesday night went out to eat with a friend to visit another friend's restaurant. Venezuelan food, yum, and mostly a huge hunk of meat on my plate topped with crab. Also had plantains probably fried in something unfortunate (back in the day they used to use lard before vegetable oils came into the picture. Damn it "progress"!) Anyways, after that alcohol came, free drinks came, and holy bokchoy more alcohol (I need to stop this, it was never an issue until I started working in a restaurant) the night ended with some much need primal exercise and a fairly comical walk of shame.

              ANYWAYS, this led to a day in a fog from lack of sleep, and exhaustion tends to induce binges in me. I thought it would be a great morning to try out IF because I had eaten so much before. Lesson learned, Abby can't IF. A) I love my breakfast and B) BINGE CITY! I mixed some premade meatballs in my eggs which, during the fact, I realized were probably loaded with gluten, and that led to shoving handfulls of cranberries intermixed with spoonfuls of almond butter into my face. A banana was mixed in there along with god knows what else (again, pretty much all still "Technically" primal). Anyways had dinner at the restaurant (the inside of a chicken bbq sandwich and salad), about a sip of beer because we did a tasting (people love me because I gave away the rest and beer is HUGE amongst my coworkers), and then I wanted a cookie, and you know what? I had that cookie - with milk - and it was delicious! That was followed at the end of the night by some Apple cinnamon bread pudding that the chef made especially for the staff, topped with vanilla ice cream, and while I didn't even want to eat it all I did anyways. No regrets, just moving forward. No starting over, just continuing.

              Today I am about to physically kill myself at the farm. No one could cover my shift at the restaurant tomorrow and since it's the only sunny days we're going to have for a while, things need to get planted. Here's to a 13 (hopefully!) hour work day, followed by one tomorrow! I really do love my jobs....


              • #37
                quick question:

                This morning I had scrambled eggs, and I usually smother them with Maya Ik - this Guatemalan hot sauce. Primal or no primal? There are a couple questionable ingredients at the end but I'm not sure if they're an issue

                Water, hot peppers, salt, vinegar, sugar, spices, sodium benzoate and potassium sorbate.

                I could probably just as easily look it up on the internet, guys are generally smarter than google


                • #38
                  Goy vey, i'm physically and mentally just a big blob right now. I need to cut back on work hours but it doesn't seem likely to happen in the near future. Today was a 12 hour day on the farm, followed by a 12 hour day tomorrow joint farm/restaurant, followed by probably an 8 hour day joint farm/restaurant sunday. And it's not 12 hours sitting at a desk at either of my jobs, it's hauling ass for 12 hours straight. Today killed me, necessarily because we only have a few sunny days to get everything in, but Cheeses Crisco I will be sleeping well tonight (sleep in 10 in order to get the 8 hours in).

                  Today I prepared beds and planted 250 feet of beans, 400 heads of lettuce, 100 ft of onions, prepped fields and dug holes for broccoli, cauliflower, and cabbage planting, prepped fields for artichoke planting, laid out lines for raspberries, walked a lot, chased runaway goats, chased runaway chickens, watered, hoed, raked, repeat.

                  Eating-wise it was fabulous!

                  B: BP Coffee and 4 egg scramble with kale and hot sauce
                  L: Big Ass Salad with 1 can tuna, salad mix, red pepper, cucumber, red onion, shredded carrot, and a crap ton of olive oil with a little lemon and balsamic and topped with walnuts. 1.5 chocolate squares after
                  D: Pot Roast - Grass Fed Bottom Round Roast done in some combination of herbs and wine with onions, mushrooms, carrots, and a mashed sweet potato because my body needed fuel. Also Brussels sprouts (num). 1.5 chocolate squares for desert.

                  Pretty proud of this. Just goes to show I absolutely can do it when I put my mind to it. The chocolate wasn't even necessary, more just like force of habit. I also am so grateful I found primal because there's NO WAY I could've done a day like today eating like I used to. BP coffee has been my saving grace as well.

                  I'm done. I can barely stare at the screen, and tried to catch up on some of my favorite journals but my mind is not functioning enough to be able to wittily respond. Shmoly duck.

                  Tomorrow morning I'm opting to have breakfast at pre meal at the restaurant. Saturday and sundays are usually a big pile of eggs and there is always bacon available (here's hoping they don't pull a pancake day). I will bring my coffee with me, but I find I binge most when I don't have time to sit and enjoy my food, and since I'm going into the farm early I will have literally 10 minutes to get ready for the restaurant and don't want to just shove down whatever I can in that time. Good choices.

                  Hope everyone has a fabulous weekend!


                  • #39
                    Blerg. Just blerg.

                    I have gone on a sugar binge this weekend. Yesterday for premeal was french toast, so I didn't eat any. Instead I stole about 8 trips of bacon from the salad toppings (the chef hates when we do this, but make me some freaking eggs!) and then had probably a cup and a half of oj. I don't know which is worse, sugar laden juice or french toast, but eh. Also had a shot of jack daniels because of peer pressure. Thought that was supposed to end in high school.

                    Then, with the exception of an ice coffee with light cream at around 4, lunch was at 4 30 and consisted of massive amounts of dried mango. I was on my way back from work and had to go to my other work and it was the only thing I could eat on the go (probably not, but choices are choices). Also had an apple. Dinner was salmon, sweet potatoes, green beans and almonds, and lots of sour cream on the potatoes, but while cooking I had a banana, lots of almond butter spoonfuls, and a whole host of other munchies because I just couldn't make it. So, in the future, eat when you're hungry so it doesn't get to this level. Stupidity, I knew better. After dinner I had dessert with the family because my Aunt is visiting and I caved. Ice cream with strawberries, blackberries, and some chocolate covered pretzels my mom got from a kid in her class. Needless to say, I ate more than anyone, although probably still not up to my usual binges.

                    This mornign was bad too. I finished off my mango and had a banana and a random brownie I found before the farm at 6 30, then when I got home had my typical coffee and eggs and roast beef, but also had a bit of oatmeal with maple syrup. After church we had a lunch and I had 3 mini brownie things along with the innards of a turkey sandwich and some nasty ass what-kind-of-excuse-for-cheese-is-this processed cheese and a shortbread cookie covered in chocolate. Also grapes. Then I had an apple and goat cheese and some dark chocolate squares, now I'm going to the restaurant where I will have "brunch hash" And some coffee to get me through.

                    Interesting informational tidbits before heading out:

                    My Aunt has been a long term vegetarian, mostly spurred by kidney issues she has from a medical mixup causing her to not be able to eat meat. Supposedly. I don't know the details, but everyone seems to agree on the fact she shouldn't eat meat. Anyways, needless to say since these issues started she's gained a significant amount of weight. Last night my mom told her about my new morning coffee and she tried it. "It's tasty" she said "but I don't need all that butter, I'm trying to take weight off my hips not put it back on." Damn it. It's so difficult to see people you love with medical problems when you think you have the answers (not her kidney issues, but at least the weight stuff). She's always been into processed "healthy" versions of things - low fat crackers, miracle whip, etc - and I hate that I can't help her. I'm sure she looks at me the same way - an impending case for diabetes that needs to go back to my vegetarian ways. I guess we all have our beliefs.

                    Interesting thing number 2:

                    It has been a few ridiculously physical days, and to be honest I've made it through okay and I attribute that largely to the way I'm eating. Last night I came home fairly exhausted but it was not until my fruit binge and the massive amount of ice cream until I REALLY felt it. Muscles drooping and inability to stand up. This morning was the first time in days that I've been tired. Not sure if it's related to eating but can't help but think so. AFter the binge at church I came home an dpassed out and wasn't even able to spend time with the family because I was so tired and out of it. Here's hoping I can make it through the restaurant tonight, and hoping I remember this and don't do it again because I cannot afford to be tired.

                    Happy Sunday!


                    • #40
                      I feel your pain..working like mad and spreading yourself too thin..alcohol and restaurants go hand in well as late late nights and never enough sleep..I was a chef for 10+ years..I know this lifestyle VERY well!
                      I was out for lunch on Sunday at a nice place and I managed a small amount of wheat mixed in with a chocolate torte for was lovely but it all made me incredibly tired and moody afterwards..thought I would continue along the same route today with a brownie and a caramel square..all homemade,no chemicals but still LOADED with sugar!Totally sucks and I think it's coming from stress as it usually smoking to take the stress so food comes to the rescue..both make me feel just as bad but after the pneumonia the food feels the safer bet.
                      Hope today was a better day and tomorrow is even better!


                      • #41
                        You are a very active person. I think you should allow yourself some extra food as the day goes on. bump up your breakfast and add extra meat or an egg or two. Same with lunch... make it big. Instead of 4 oz of steak for dinner, enjoy 8. Of course, if you can't FIT that much into your tum, then break it up to 4 meals a day instead of 3. If you weren't working, physically working, so long each day, I'd tell you to just tough out the binges, but I'm afraid you're binging b/c your body is in a true need for fuel.
                        Primal since March 5, 2012
                        SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)


                        • #42
                          Major binge. STarted out well yesterday, then for some reason when I got to work it seemed a good idea to eat pre meal - ham and cheese sandwiches. Usually I just take out the innards but for some reason, it seemd a good idea to eat it. Then I had some of the rice with the risotto special. Then after work the guys downstairs made me chicken and rice, a huge ass fruit salad, and sent me home with brownie bread pudding. I ate it all. Then I ahd beer. Then I came home and had ice cream, yogurt and strawberries, and two pieces of bread with butter. It was a CHALLENGE to get down that much food. I was in bed practically passed out and almost forced myself to get up for that bread. It was awful. I dont' know what I did it. It's almost like my stress lately has just caused me to view myself as a failure in every way and so why not be a fatty failure as well. It's so unhealthy and I know that, but what to do! Forced failure. Makes me realize the only person standing in the way of my success is me. Everyone else is very supportive and flexible. Gah. Abigaillyn, get your shit together.

                          Trying to figure out how to fix it, and I think a huge part is exhaustion levels. I cave a lot more when I have little sleep and too much work. This weekend was a prime example of that. AT the same time, that's when I need to stick to primal eating the most because I really do feel worlds different in energy, and I realized that yesterday. I didn't fully realize the impact on energy it had had until I fell off the wagon. Last night was a CHALLENGE to get through.

                          I realized that, of any point in my life, I felt best when I was on the Lepting reset. So, small goals, for today that will be my plan. Room for a few drinks tonight, but until then Leptin Reset formula. Blerg


                          • #43
                            I'm having the same struggles. Binging when I don't want to/need to, etc. I've been seeking sugar... sounds like you were too. We'll get back on that wagon. Look! It's even slowed down to let us catch up. Let's go!

                            Primal since March 5, 2012
                            SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)


                            • #44
                              Haha thanks Jenn! Appreciate your advice on eating more too, and I think you're definitely right. I'm getting caught up in this whole IF craze on MDA and trying out new "weight loss" things when the reality is I need to get on track with this diet and meeting my energy needs before I try anything crazy.

                              Maybe I should do some Tabatha sprints today to catch up to that wagon


                              • #45
                                Inspired by Mark's post and think my addiction could be the reason for a lot of my exhaustion lately causing late night binges. Goal for the next week, internet usage only once per day. Also no texting while in the presence of others. IT'S Rude