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Confessions of a Sugar Addict

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  • Hey Abby, sorry to hear that primal's been so rough for you. It's definitely a lot harder when you don't have full control over your food environment. I don't know if this helps, but you mentioned always thinking about what you can't eat, the "no" list. What about making a "yes" list? Primal foods you can and love to eat. And when I say "yes" list, I mean an "OMFG YES!!!!!" list. Do you have any primal foods that just excite the hell out of you??? This may not work for you, but for me I found that binging on primal foods (not fruits though or nuts though) really helped. If you're going back and forth, your body just doesn't have time to fully adjust to primal and so the cravings remain. Binging on primal foods really helped me make the transition, and ironically has made me stop binging as my body has fully adjusted and the cravings are no longer as strong, plus I'm just eating stuff that fills me. The reason I suggest this is because you mentioned the eating to sometimes be lack of movement or habit... so maybe instead of fighting it, go with it but start new habits with new foods? Anyways just a thought. There's just so much insanely good primal food out there - there's gotta be something there that can match the psychological pleasure of sweets.
    Primal: Because I like to have my steak, and eat it too

    Current Primal Journal
    My Old Primal Journal - Surviving my summer away from home
    Food blog: Sex or Chocolate: I choose STEAK!


    • I can really relate to what you're saying! Definitely not alone.

      I have just tried to do the "yes" list thing as suggested above. I have not yet fully conquered emotional eating, so when it happens, I try to at least do it the primal way. Right now is exam time, and I keep wanting to eat our of boredom/procastination like I use to. I'm trying to be primal about it, so today I had a HUUUUUUGE breakfast (1000 calories, wtf) and haven't been hungry/cravey until about 4pm, at which time I ate a few squares of lindt 85% choc.

      Other days, I do binge a bit on nuts, if there's no alternative. I make up for it by avoiding them for at least 3-4 days afterwards.
      I make an awesome berry smoothie with frozen raspberries, strawberries, boysenberries, and probiotic unsweetened yoghurt. Seriously tastes like icecream/sorbet and usually takes care of any binge urges.
      Sometimes banana and almond butter really hits the spot, but I try not to too often because of the insulin spikes.
      Roast veges also sometimes takes my mind off things pretty well!

      I find it's definitely a carb thing, so primal carb options are important for me to keep in the house. I tried to go off emotional eating or bingeing cold turkey but found myself driving to the supermarket in a frenzy and inhaling a tonne of really bad non primal stuff. I'd rather have little incidents with primal stuff than do that again, until I can work through the issues causing it.

      As for being with friends, I try to organise stuff in advance. DVD nights = dark choc & handful of nuts, or occasionally popcorn (not primal but I make it myself and don't add all the bad stuff to minimise the damage). If we go out I try to just pick the most primal thing and honestly, who cares if you stray a little occasionally.

      It's so hard to shake the all-or-nothing attitude, I definitely empathise. Sometimes I get caught up and really hate myself for eating like even some canned tuna which has vegetable oil in it. I don't know why our minds do it to us, I wish I did, but in the mean time I'm just going to keep trying to convince myself I don't have to be perfect. There hasn't been too much self loathing going on lately, luckily.

      I'll keep an eye on your thread, I really want to see your success, which I know will come. It won't even be a defining "success" moment like I think we sometimes expect but one day you'll realise it's just easier I think! The good times are sure to follow
      Current weight lost: 82.9lb (37.6kg)

      Current PRs:
      Bench: 45kg/99lb
      Squat: 100kg/220lb
      Deadlift: 120kg/265lb

      My blog
      My journal


      • Thanks guys, I appreciate the support so much.

        Was feeling better yesterday. I think these moods mostly come with sleep deprivation, but to be honest I think to avoid that I would have to cut my social life down to zero. I don't know which is worth it more, but I definitely need to start making better decisions in order to ensure that I don't get into those states anymore. Depression sucks.

        His_chick - It's good to know that at least I'm not alone though I feel like it's societal pressures that make everyone hold it in and just pretend like everything's dandy, so at least there's the forum here to be reassured that I'm not crazy and the only one who's ever felt like this!

        primalmontana - If I knew the magic button to stop this rollercoaster I would have pressed it oh so long ago. It's exhausting really, but maybe it's the crazy mindset of NEEDING a rule that's causing it - I feel like before I ate primal I wasn't as aware of my bad eating habits and so yea, maybe occassionally I would eat too much ice cream, but now comes the labeling of it being a "binge" and I think "well, I might as well make it a REAL binge" and eat everything in the refrigerator, whereas before I wouldn't have even thought about it. And oh no! I don't like that you're not happy! Come to boston and spend a few sun soaked days on my farm and get your Vitamin D kick in. You can also hug baby goats which I've found to be a rapid depression reliever

        Jojo - I like the idea of the yes list, but right now I'm sitting here trying to think of what would be on my yes list and I can't. The problem is sweets are what I crave and most sweets are not primal I love my primal meals and look forward to them (can never imagine going back to oatmeal in the morning...sugar crash!) but for snack foods nothing really beats ice cream and cookies. Sweet potatoes? Maybe I can do more with avocado puddingish things like everyone suggests. Anyone have suggestions for good primal crack food? (I think it was you that put coconut oil on chocolate? Interesting...I'm sure that would satiate the cravings quick. Will try).

        Nixxy - ooo that berry smoothie sounds like it could be my ice cream replacement. Roast root veggies too are pretty much my favorite thing ever. I can't do the almond butter though - history teaches me that one spoonful leads to 4 leads to painful stomache! And I will be eager to see when that success moment comes too Thanks for stopping by!

        ANYWAYS yesterday was better. Yoga helped immensely Sunday evening and the day was gorgeous at the farm. I'm happy I'm able to put more of my energy into that now. It's allowing me to expand my interests there and get more into the marketing/sales aspect of things, so yay for positive life decisions.

        Yesterday eating was pretty good too.
        B: ahh I'm forgetting in retrospect. 3 eggs over sauteed spinach, beat greens, onions and some leftover TJ sausage I think. Plus BP coffee.
        L: Met up with a friend for lunch. Had a salad. It was actually quite tasty, a bunch of veggies with mozz, bacon, and grilled chicken. Perfectly primal in my opinion!
        D: Steak, sweet potatoes, green beans and mushrooms. So tasty. I stopped eating the steak when I was full and saved some for breakfast and refused my mother's "Please eat these, I can't, they'll go to waste, starving children in Africa" attempts and feeding me the rest of her green beans. I know that they're vegetables and so eating too much isn't the end of the world, but I'm trying to teach myself to read my hunger signals and stop when I'm full, and she is absolutely infuriating sometimes. I did overindulge on sweet potatoes, but not going to beat myself up for it.

        After dinner I went back to work on the farm for an hour or so and then came home to ice cream. It was a very conscious decision, I was slightly hungry and we had a little bit of the good stuff left over from Sunday. I just need to steer myself away from that nasty Hood crap that has no actual cream in it. After I finished my bowl I had a little more. It was delicious.

        Exhausting day on the farm full of 8 hours of low intensity work (and some high intensity, moving things around, hoeing, etc). Also did some cartwheels and handstands at the end of the day with my best friend (my farmer's daughter - she's 6. She's awesome).

        Much better. The end.

        Pretty high up there. A little tired - I really would love a day when I could stay in bed until 10, but I haven't taken a day off in...2 months? Maybe Sunday I will rest. BP Coffee helps leaps and bounds in the morning.

        Breaking out a little bit on my forehead. Not surprising considering recent sugar frenzies.

        Tonight I am going out for a friend's last night in town. I don't reeeeeally want to as I know I need the sleep, but it'll be nice to meet some new people. I will probably drive so max one drink for me. Driving is a FABULOUS way of controlling alcohol consumption. Maybe I just need to drive places more often...

        Tomorrow is the first CSA pick up day at the farm and it's supposed to pour rain. Cue frustration, but I'm really looking forward to meeting everyone and starting to see the fruits of all our labor. I think we're going to start some restaurant deliveries next week as well so that will be a fun new dimension.

        Posting in the recipe thread for some weed recipes. Have any of you ever tried pigsweed (amaranth leaves, also known as vleeta in Eastern Euro), purslane, or Lamb's Quarter? Good recipes to share? You may end up on my blooog...

        And thanks again so much for the support


        • p.s. I have my first goat milking day today. Not looking forward to it. our goats are dipshits and kick over the milk can every time. Lame. Plus, it means going to the farm even earlier and not getting as much work done. Plus we only get about 2 cups of milk a day from them. What the flip am I going to do with 2 cups of goat's milk?!?!?! I think I want to start making kefir...but 2 cups would not make much.



          • Originally posted by me2 View Post
            OMG get off the pill. Honestly it is not doing anything for you. It actually disrupts your gut and can cause dysbiosis, and then you end up with a leaky gut and advantageous bad bacteria populating your small intestine. Be forewarned that the pill may also be masking any hormonal balances you have. Additionally it takes a full year for your body to recover and hormones to normalize. I totally recommended reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility it will blow your mind, and make you pissed that no one ever taught you about your cycles. Your ladyparts will thank you.
            I give this book every bit of credit for me getting pregnant as quickly as I did with both of my kids. It is also because of this book that I can pinpoint the exACT moment that I got pregnant (knew when I was ovulating, only had sex one time, bam pregnant!)

            However, I am on birth control now (shot) b/c it's easier than keeping track of everything.
            Primal since March 5, 2012
            SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)


            • My guess is right now your out of whack hormones and sugar feeding gut bugs are ruling the show. It is a scientific fact that your brain is connected to your gut, and when the bad guys win things go haywire. I pinky swear that when you completely rid yourself of sugars and starches, take some probiotics or eat tons of fermented foods or both, and commit to being primal (or even better GAPS) you will feel a zillion times better mentally. Take it from me sister, I've been on the roller coaster.

              Or don't trust me, but trust these reputable sources:

              The Gut and Psychology Syndrome Diet (need I say more?)
              Radio Lab-this is not even a health/fitness/paleo podcast, nope this is all about science, and they did an episode on guts.
              Psychology Today-Your Backup Brain
              Last edited by me2; 06-13-2012, 01:19 PM.
              Notebook of a Nutrition Nerd



              • Today was great...until just now.

                B: 4 egg scramble with steak, onions, and avocado (was there spinach in there?), black coffee
                L: made a tuna melt over lettuce from our garden. It was delicious. Little bit of cheese on top, mixed avo in with the tuna, tomatoes on the bottom. Had snap peas, carrots and sweet potato fries on the side. 3 squares dark chocolate
                D: chicken breast leftovers, few green beans, raw carrots, snap peas. 2 square dark chocolate
                Right now: finsihed off the ice cream, but there wasn't enough to satisfy my craving so I had two duncan hines brownies. Had to stop myself from a third. Now I have a raging headache. Also had 1 glass wine out with a friend saying goodbye, and I think that contributed to said headache.

                Sort of a light day at the farm getting ready for tomorrow. Need to do better building exercise into my day more. I think I convince myself that farming's enough and I can eat whatever I want, but the reality is some days I spend all of it on my hands and knees weeding, and that's not much exercise.

                Fairly consistent. I'd give myself a 7

                Feeling good until I went shopping this evening and looked at the mirror. Holy shmuck I've never had rolls this big on my hips. Made me depressed. cue emotional eating

                Still breaking out.

                Me2 - I think you may be right, but for some reason it's really scary to me to cut things out that I love so much. Maybe if I just do it one day at a time, rather than looking 30 days in advance and thinking HOLY SHIT I CANNOT DO THIS!!!

                Okay, so tomorrow I will do no sugar and no sweet potatoes and see what happens. My PRIMAL YES! Excitement food will be raw carrots. They are fairly delicious.

                I also find that it's just habit to finish my meal with chocolate. Usually I eat it too quickly to taste it. Tomorrow I will try no sugar, and I am going to try to meditate every time I sense a craving coming on for 10 minutes. If I still need something at the end, I will eat it. I'm also bringing lunch to the farm tomorrow, so that will help to avoid choco binges.

                Thursday morning I'm going to yoga with my friend. I really need this to be part of my life again, so I'm doing the week trial thing and going to try to go every day. We'll see...

                Also Thursday night I have a date of some sort and we're going out for Thai. It won't be perfectly primal (rice) but I am not going to stress about it and try and enjoy myself.

                Tomorrow starts our first day of having the stand open for CSA, so I have to be there bright and early because my farmer boss is cray cray. Gah lack of sleep is painful.


                • Woohoo! First CSA day down! It was sooooo rewarding to finally harvest things and see the fruits (literally) of our labor, and most people were really impressed! Yay outside praise. Also, for those of you wondering, goat milking yesterday was WILDLY unsuccessful. Most of the milk ended up on the stand and on me, and I ended up smelling like hot, sour milk by the end of the day. Gross.


                  B: 4 egg scramble with garlic scapes, tomato, mozzarella cheese (forgot how good cheese is when it's melty. Probably wasn't a good idea to remind myself) and half an avocado. BP coffee
                  L: leftover chicken breast, 1 bunch kale with tahini (yum), sauteed mushrooms
                  After lunch snack: half a piece of pizza (explanation below)
                  constant munching on snap peas
                  D: eggplant parm, 2 eggs, broccoli. small handful pecans

                  Well, not perfect. Not even close, but I succeeded in my no sugar goal (not no sugar, but no sweets). I really wanted dark chocolate after lunch but left before I could be too tempted. Also, the pizza - when a 6 year old tells you she really wants to share her pizza with you...well...I ate it. It wasn't a caving thing, I totally could've resisted, but sometimes I feel like celebrating food sharing is more necessary. Excuses? Not really, I didn't especially enjoy it, and so I guess I just need to find better ways to say no. Also, we had fresh picked leftover snap peas around the stand all day, and they were SO GOOD! I'm guessing these are kind of high in sugar content, but eh.

                  I am proud of myself for avoiding desert. Right now I'm drinking some tea which I think might have orange peel or something sweet in it, but avoiding chocolate for a whole day is pretty huge for me. I also had a shit ton of coffee throughout the day. Left SUPER jittery and then just recently sort of crashed and don't want to stand up.

                  Also a lot of cheese today. Eggplant parm used to be one of my staples and now is not as it has no protein, but it was delicious. Hm...I see a lot of excuses today...

                  Well, today was light and easy. I was on my feet at the farm all day, but no real farm labor because it was mostly about picking and selling. Have a yoga session at 6 am planned tomorrow which should significantly whoop my ass. Excited for it. Might try to do some planks or stretching at least while I watch So You Think You Can Dance (I love this show).

                  Perky. Lots of caffeine



                  Anywhos, lame day. Tomorrow I have a pseudo date (well...I'm hoping it's not a date...I think he's hoping it is...awkwerd. Was trying to figure out ways to slip in that FRIEND word. My friend suggested showing up with friendship bracelets already woven. I thought getting best friend necklaces (the ones where each person has a half) would've been a good sign. Suggestions welcome below) for thai food. I'm excited about it, I haven't had thai food in probably 3 years. Not sure if I'm going to eat rice or not. I think I will a little.

                  Bah. lame report.


                  • SO I just ate sugar for the first time wince tuesday...2 dark chocolate squares and some yogurt with strawberries and walnuts...and IMMEDIATELY I AM A GAS MACHINE! I swear I could light these babies on fire. They are STANK.

                    8:00: steak and eggs with tomatoes, garlic scapes (yum), and mozzarella. Black coffee
                    3:00: had no time for a lunch break and so was starved. Mom brought me sandwiches from her luncheon at work so I ate the ennards. Mostly luncheon meat, some chicken (that might have been breaded...realized it after), some lettuce, maybe a slice of cheese mixed in there. Don't enjoy not knowing what I'm eating.
                    6:00: Was impatient waiting for dinner so had a little eggplant parm and 3 carrots
                    7:00: cod, green beans, potatoes with sour cream.
                    8:00 2 dark chocolate squares, yogurt with strawberries and walnuts.

                    Too much food today, but primal successes:
                    - mom brought home tons of choco chip cookies from the social. I have not eaten any. The yogurt was in an attempt to steer me away from them. Success
                    - no fruit
                    - didn't eat wrappings from sandwiches

                    hot yoga this morning. 75 minutes. fabulous. felt great. then walked to the farm and spent a hectic morning picking arugula, radishes, and lettuce. Can't wait til I can actually eat some of this stuff. Weeded in the evening.

                    Pretty consistent all day although the sun killed me towards the end and right now I am literally exhausted

                    Mediocre. Good throughout the day but I get tired and depressed at night. Need to just go to bed. I'm feeling really low right now about my situation and lack of social life/sex life.

                    Clearing up

                    Anyways, went to the farmer's market today and spent way too much silly money on things I didn't need. Bought eggs (we have eggs at the farm), garlic scapes (we have garlic scapes at the farm), swiss chard (we have swiss chard at the farm...starting to see a pattern?), and aged raw milk cheddar cheese. I DON'T NEED CHEESE! Especially ridiculously expensive $12 a pound cheese. Chyea.

                    hasta manyana. I'm going to bed.


                    • I make the best breakfasts ever. Thank god I discovered primal. I don't know what the ish I was thinking with my "super satisfying" oatmeal, pumpking and walnut breakfasts (it was good, no denial, but in an hour I was hungry). I just had steak and swiss chard with 3 eggs over easy. Jum.

                      Anyways, this morning update is mostly to say I had an idea this morning and I think I'm going to stick to it. I think today I am going to try to go low carb. Last night as soon as I ate the chocolate I wanted more - then yogurt came and it became SUPER difficult to resist those nasty ass crap store bought choco chip cookies. I just thought it'd be interesting to see how I feel...

                      So, low carb today. I may throw everything into fitday just to see what happens. Not usually into counting calories but would intrigued to see what a typical day looks like for me minus sweet potatoes and chocolate.

                      Gorgeous day to be on the farm. My ass is so sore.


                      • Was just checking out your journal....we sound so similar in our eating habits....finishing off a meal with something sweet. THat's definitely a habit I need to work on cutting out. I also do Moksha yoga! Do you find it helps while doing primal? I am new on the primal bandwagon and haven't done a class yet. I'm hoping that it will help with detoxing....
                        Subbing to your journal!


                        • I have found its easier to fend off cravings when staying low carb. I notice when I'm under 100g- usually around 50 though- I don't really feel like I HAVE to have something sweet. Now, I just need to find a way to keep myself on track for more than 7 days- this seems to be my breaking point...


                          • I like going low carb too. More specifically, I like to keep my carbs to evening only (i.e. dinner). I find that if I don't eat carbs in the AM, I don't crave them as much, and I'm much less likely to graze or binge throughout the day.

                            As for your exercise, Mark says to move frequently. He didn't say exercise had to be formal or strenous our anything like that. He said move frequently. That being said, weeding counts. And if you look it up on myfitnesspal, weeding burns a shit ton of calories!

                            I tend not to check in much on the weekends so have a nice one!!
                            Primal since March 5, 2012
                            SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)


                            • Thanks for stopping by cactusflower! I REALLY need to break myself of the after dinner sweet.

                              Eating a few farm eggs before yoga class. HOLY MOTHER ARE THESE THINGS GOOD! I just got really sad because I thought I was finished, and then I looked down at my plate and saw I still had two bites left! Heavenly...

                              A tidbit from yesterday. Along with nasty sandwiches of which I ate the innards, and the choco chip cookie which I avoided (win), my mom brought me a thing of chobati greek yogurt, vanilla flavored. I thought I'd have it instead of the cookies, but took two bites and almost vommed. It was so chemically and disgusting. In a different age I probably would've just finished it off because it was in front of me. Yesterday I didn't. Win.

                              Today I got invited over to farmer's house for lunch. I say no to them SO MANY TIMES and I just felt bad (his 6 year old daughter is my best friend) and so went. Usually lunch there is the same - bread, cheese, some sort of leftover meat, and a hodge podge of farm veggies. They eat SO MUCH bread and cheese. Cue primal nightmare. Anyways, I went, usually they have a platter of bread on the table which I avoid, but today he just put two rolls on my plate (good rolls from a local baker, but rolls non the less). Cue creativity. A flashback, if you will...

                              My favorite game (well, not my favorite because I never wanted to play, but always fun once I was FORCED to play) in Guatemala I'll call "avoid the crap." See, in Guatemala it's incredibly rude to refuse food anywhere anytime, and people will talk about it for literally the entirety of your 2 year experience (La gringa no come pan!) and everyone will think you're weird, so in the name of "cultural sensitivity" and integration, we were told to never refuse food. At any sort of special event they would bring you food, and the food was usually covered in mayonnaise (not good mayonnaise, artificial nasty crap not an egg in sight mayonnaise), two loaves of bread on the side, with a super sugary fruit drink on the side. My sitemate and I both were repulsed by most of this, so we started playing the game every time of "how can we pretend to look like we're eating this." It usually involved some creative way of tearing off bits and hiding them places when no one was looking, shoving entire sandwiches into our bags when a coworkers head was turned, or covertly switching bowls with someone at the table without them noticing (my favorite). My best memory is of my host family (who liked to eat healthy) and I sitting at a funeral being handed a "hamburguesa" (Which, btw, is not a hamburguesa. 2 slices of bimbo bread slathered in mayonnaise and ketchup with a leaf of lettuce and a 1oz hamburger sliver does not constitute a hamburguesa by any stretch of the imagination). We all were playing the game together and they were especially impressed with how much I could fit in my coat pocket without it being noticeable.

                              So, today I played Avoid the Crap hard core. Anytime anyone walked away from the table, into my shirt went the little loaves of bread, only to be later fed to the birds as I drove the tractor and harrowed the upper field. Genius, AbigailLyn. Pure Genius.

                              That being said, most of my lunch was cheese. Had some arugula and radishes from the farm as well, but that was all they had going. Not sure if that keeps me super low carby as I know cheese is carby. Also ate a few garlic scapes at the farm before realizing I was emitting it through my pores and yogis would probably not like me so much tonight if I continued that pattern.

                              Okay, burnt the crisp out of my back today so going to attempt to put on a sports bra without cringing.

                              Congrats on the 200 jenn! SO EXCITING! I am going to eat an extra huge hunk of meat tonight in your celebration!


                              • You did better than you thought! Most cheese has very few carbs.