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Primal for Life - my journal

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  • Haven't updated in a bit, but not much to update! Good news is the scales are down following a 5:2 fasting regime - maybe 61.5kg? Can't really complain about that! So I a going to stick with 5:2, as 4:3 felt too much like a diet - and it felt like I was ALWAYS fasting. Fasting today actually, but number 2 for the week.

    Have worked from home all week, due to rain and wind :/ Who can be bothered going into the uni to sit in a dirty room with annoying people, when I can sit in my study with the heater and mainline coffees?!

    Not much bike riding has been happening, due to weather. But I have been good and getting on the treadmill and walking instead. I don't use it much now that I am not running every morning, but it really is handy for wet weather days, and really cold Winter days. It is too big an investment just for that, but as I already got my money's worth on it for almost 2 years of running, that doesn't matter so much!


    • Finally the weather cleared a bit this morning and I got a bike ride in! Although my back was covered in muddy water by the time I got home :/

      Scales are still down - around 61kg this morning. I seem to be fluctuating 61-62kg, which means I am still losing, as before I was fluctuating 62-63kg, and before that 63-64kg, etc.

      I still can't quite believe that this is working??!! And on 5:2??!! Ah well, don't knock it!

      I am slightly concerned that when I reach my goal, in 3kg time, I still won't be happy. My pants are looser, but when I look at some photos I took last year, and some I took yesterday, visually there is very little difference :/ I have a lot of trouble with my thighs - no matter how much I lose they remain soft and flabby, I don't seem to be able to tone them up!


      • Still fluctuating down to 61 up to 62. Can't complain really. 4 months to Hawaii. And my smallest pair of jeans fit again. I can't believe that as recently as January they weren't fitting - as in, not even getting all the way up my thighs!


        • OK, I know I should be working hard, but I just went through my wardrobe trying stuff one. So excited! I am currently wearing a pair of very unforgiving Esprit pants - no stretch! - that I haven't worn in over two years. All my 'fat' pants that I was forced to buy last winter, due to the thyroid etc weight gain, are now way too big on me - literally falling off me, including the awful huge tent sized shorts that I bought under duress. Some of the 'smaller' fat pants, that I bought but were a bit tight during my worst period, are also too big.

          BUT, best of all - a pair of 3/4 that were tight in Hawaii, didn't fit after, are finally once again baggy and loose, and a pair of shorts I bought in Hawaii - mid desperation about half way through the trip when I realised all my stuff my getting tight - are now baggy too! I remember putting those 3/4 on in Hawaii and being devastated that they were tight after only a week and a half over there, where once they had hung off me (like they do now).

          I have put it all in a bag and away in my wardrobe - don't want to jinx myself yet, it's less stress to have them there as a safety net for the time being. But I have a whole new wardrobe back! I have more than one pair of pants to wear!

          It was only January that all this 'fat' clothing fit me!


          • OK, I think I just had an epiphany, of sorts, after a bad weekend (binged). I'm going to stop counting my calories on feast days. Obviously I will have to count on fast days, to be within 500 calories. My binges are often as a result of the week being 'bad' already, so may as well go the whole hog and start a fresh the week after. I focus too much on the success or failure of a week, and my emotions are tied to it.

            So I just took a big step, and deleted my myfitnesspal ap. I don't need an ap to work out fast day calories. I will still write down what I eat, so I can monitor how often I am having treats etc, and to avoid mindless eating, but I won't write down the calories. I will focus on nutritious foods, not foods that give me the lowest calories for the biggest volume.


            • I just read the word Hawaii in this thread. I was there in 2011, wish I were still there. Then, I was 35 pounds lighter than I am today. That's what I really wish I were still at.

              Congrats on your reporting clothes fitting better!
              Follow my progress at ->Journal: My Body Revival


              • Yeah I went in 2011, for my honeymoon, and it was divine. loved hawaii - great food, great weather, friendly people!

                Well, after my binge on teh weekend, I was 60kg yesterday. Who knows what's happening? but as I am trying to reduce my focus on the scales, I have put them in teh cupboard. I accept that i can't 'go a month' without weighing, so I am just going to aim for weekly weights for now.


                • Not weighing myself is so hard! I weighed on Saturday, and maintained the 60kg without calorie counting, so that's good! Now I just have to stay off them til next Saturday. I keep getting urges to run and get them out of the cupboard. Interesting, similar to my urges to overeat. Which makes me think both are unhealthily linked to too much focus on my weight.

                  I am loving this new book I have, 'Eating Less'. Speaks so much sense. Although the author says not to talk about it, but I can't help it. One good point she makes is that when people quit smoking, the focus on the behaviour - stopping the smoking, rather than the symptoms (i.e. I really need to stop coughing). But when people try to lose weight, they focus on the symptom (i.e. the weight), rather than the behaviour (eating too much/the wrong diet).

                  I love that it is about actively making the effort to change the way your mind works. To recognise the false brain signals that drive you to overeat, or eat the wrong thing, about them being false survival messages. And how by being conscious of your thought process when you eat, of recognising the addictive desire to eat, you can then 'chose' to eat something (or not) And apparently giving your brain a 'choice', as opposed to 'I have to eat this' or 'I can't eat that', makes all the difference.

                  Not sure if I am explaining this well.

                  Unfortunately one of the MAJOR keys is NOT making weight loss your number 1 priority. Which is hard when you've spent the last 20 years hating your appearance and being conviced that you're too fat. But I think like anything this takes time. And it really spoke to me because I was already starting to think, what if this last 2 kilos isn't enough? What if I still feel fat then? Do I lose more? Do I start to hate another part of my body?

                  Alteratively, if I could have positive self esteem, self worth and true happiness without losing another kilo - wouldn't this be better? Wouldn't it be better to not care what others think of me? And to be happy from the inside?

                  These are my goals now. I don't need to lose any more weight from a health perspective, I exercise daily, ALL my clothes now fit. So now I just need to work on being happy with how I am. As I said, this will take time, so I don't think I can let go of weighing myself for the time being, but if I can limit it to weekly, then that's a start.
                  Last edited by lucy1984; 06-10-2013, 04:56 PM.


                  • Favourite nugget of gold from the book so far:
                    -Feeling addictive desire (in the form of hunger, cravings, desire, compulsion to eat) need not be a negative thing. Instead of reacting to it with stress and fear (fear of hunger, fear of binging etc), recognise that feeling this addictive desire is a positive thing. Because only when you feel addicitive desire can you work through it, and begin to control it, rather than it control you. When you feel addicitve desire it means you haven't been feeding it.

                    I am loving this book! The link is
                    I know no one really reads this, my one friend seems to have disappeared, but just incase any other people with food issues should come across this post! It's not anti-primal, in fact completely compatable with and complementary to a healthy eating regime.


                    • It's a slow process, and I don't want to get ahead of myself, but I think this method for dealing with overeating is slowly working. Obviously a long way to go yet, but by 'choosing' to not overeat, and 'choosing' not to feed my addictive desire, I am ever so slightly starting to feel a bit more in control, and feel the urges weaken. Only slightly. And there will still be times in the future obviously when it's really hard and I will probably overeat, but I now believe that it is possible to really weaken the power of these addictive desires.


                      • I'm reading! And can totally relate


                        • woo! Glad to hear it!

                          I must say, there must DEFINITELY be something to this combo of 5:2 and the 'Eating Less' techniques. I haven't been counting calories on my feast days, and still lost a half a kilo this week! I have never been this light, Officially. So unexpected, I really thought it'd be a STS. And I went to lunch with my mum today, and fully checked out the cake stand and didn't eat any - not because I was denying myself and using massive willpower to resist it,but because I literally was like, 'meh, not interested in ANY of that cake'. WTF? Can the conscious focusing on my addictive desires, aka the CBT approaches in that book, actually be working???


                          • I'm off to lunch again today, this time with my husband and some of his friends. I am going to put these new techniques into practice again.

                            Namely - I can order whatever I want off the menu.
                            I can choose food that will enhance my health, or detriment it.
                            I can choose food that satiates my addictive desire, and strengthens the hold that desire has over me, or I can choose food (type and amount) that allows me to weaken my addictive desire, and put me back in control of what I eat.
                            I can have cake if I wish - but by choosing to eat cake, I also choose to reinforce my addictice desire.
                            By not choosing cake, I choose higher self esteem, positivity, long term control over my eating, and will further weaken the strength of my addictive desires.
                            If I do choose to eat cake, then this is not the end of the world, and I will not use it as justification to overeat for the rest of the day.
                            I can choose to feel addictive desire and not satiate it.

                            I need to remember to think all of this when I am looking at the menu haha!


                            • Have you read Rational Recovery? It is specifically for alcohol addiction but can be pretty easily applied to food. Sounds quite similar to the stuff you have posted.

                              I'm interested in this 5:2 thing... but am nervous about those 500 calorie days b/c they may set me up for an awful binge the next day. I assume you aren't really having trouble with this?


                              • Originally posted by lorichka6 View Post
                                Have you read Rational Recovery? It is specifically for alcohol addiction but can be pretty easily applied to food. Sounds quite similar to the stuff you have posted.

                                I'm interested in this 5:2 thing... but am nervous about those 500 calorie days b/c they may set me up for an awful binge the next day. I assume you aren't really having trouble with this?
                                No I haven't read that one, but you're probably right it's probably similar. I think it's based loosley around Cognitive Behavioural Therapy - being conscious of the problem and thinking through it etc (OK, so not a psychologist - that explanation of CBT is probably abysmal!).

                                Yeah I was worried that the 5:2 would lead me to binge - as I do binge occasionally - but I found I didn't binge any more frequently being on 5:2 than when I was on daily calorie restriction. I.e. if I'm gonna binge, I will use any excuse. Dieting, fasting, not dieting, not fasting. All a reason to binge! I think I probably ate a bit too much on the non-fast days, at first, but got that under control by being more mindful of what I was eating. So yes I do sometimes have trouble with binging - that's what made me start the CBT book and method. The author says that binging is basically a result of dieting and restriction and deprivation, and losing the feeling that you have a choice in what you eat.

                                Meanwhile, totally didn't have cake yesterday. Wasn't even tempted. I think it's because I am *finally* losing weight, that it now makes sense to me to stick to my healthy eating. Before with the out of whack thyroid, it literally didn't matter what I did, I couldn't lose - so I was like, what the f*ck, may as well eat the cake if I am going to gain weight anyway! Now I have a different outlook. And I am saying to myself, 'I choose not to feed my addictive desire' - because ultimately I want to be in control of my food, not the other way round, and the only way to do that is to continually practice reinforcing the idea of NOT satiating my addictive desire for food. Only by not reinforcing it do I have a hope of it ever fading.