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Well, I've done it now. K is coming over for dinner on Wednesday. Not sure I am ready for this level but here it is. I mean, it's really intimate to have someone in your home! Especially my home, which is small and cozy and totally full of my stuff, like cats and paintings and books. I don't think I've mentioned that K lives in an extremely lovely home, large, new, stylish, on a lake. I live in a tiny apartment over a garage with a bathroom that is smaller than most people's pantry. I am on the ocean, which makes up for a little but not much.
Cue culminating music ......
I am loving this Siobhan, Like I am having the romance myself. Remember be yourself and he is probably just as nervous.
Thinking of cueing up Frank Sinatra...really gets me in the mood...I am fricking terrified.
Almost unbelievable timing with listening to Brown's TED talk and no sooner had I washed my face and pulled myself together when the phone rang. If you believe in such things the universe was aligning for me. Now there is no way K could have known what I had been doing, but he verbalized so many of the things she articulates so well - you have to put yourself out there. You have to make yourself available. Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change. And I am a textbook case of walling oneself off. Yeah, I could get hurt here. Really bad. There is a lot at stake, getting involved with a co-worker in a small workplace. But I have to do it.
I think I have mentioned that K is the complete opposite of me, outgoing, social, always cheerful, open, generous, giving. Whilst I spend a lot of time staring into the abyss and it stares into me. He is quite attractive, boyish looking with rosy cheeks and piercing sky blue eyes. So why hasn't this paragon been snapped up? Well, he told me that his daughter is now at the age where she is starting to pull away - she will be 12 next month. She is becoming more independent and is developing her own life. He feels he can focus more on his own life now. And he has dated, but (blush) never anyone with my intelligence and wit. Never really met a woman who regularly quoted Nietzsche. And looked good doing it. (Many more blushes. But what the hell, this is my journal.)
Okay, seriously sharing too much! But that TED talk is in the front of my brain!
Whew, major spring cleaning! My whole car was filled with trash and made a trip to the dump. Actually we call it a 'transfer station.' I think that means that our garbage becomes someone else's problem. Anyway, I emptied it out and then filled it again with books and things for the thrift shop. I am maybe 75% finished, although it depends on how ambitious I get with the furniture moving. I am thinking this desk belongs across the room, but ay yi yi that is a project. Also probably too heavy for little old me to tackle. I do have to relocate the junk that has accumulated on the plant stands and put them outside where they live in the warmer months (loose term.)
Feeling really good that I am channeling this nervous energy into something positive. Also called an old friend and had a good talk. Got to do that more often!
More serious spring cleaning today. Almost an unbelievable amount. Moved all the furniture except the washer and dryer and thoroughly swept all the corners. Took stuff off the walls and put it back. Haven't broke anything yet but it's early days.
Hey Hey Hey! There is a pileated woodpecker at my feeder!!! I AM SERIOUS! He is HUGE!!!!
Hmmm. Wondering if the woodpecker is some sort of metaphor, or perhaps a foreshadowing...huge woodpecker...hmmmm.
Cannot believe how nice the place looks. Seriously it has not been this clean or looked this nice since I moved in, two years ago in July. Embarrassing!
Already got in a disagreement with my mom over my recent dating activities. She has decided he has too much baggage (a young daughter) and is not a good marriage prospect (he has never been married.) I guess this is just how mothers think sometimes. I responded that I have no intention of marrying anyone as I have a really bad record in that regard, his daughter is by all counts a nice girl and could be a lot of fun, and anyway we have only had a couple of meals and seen a film so it is a little early to be making plans. So of course my mom was really annoyed with me. Why did I even bother to tell her? It's a whole lot more fun to be choosing undies for the big day.