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Here I am at work. I am really glad I had a few days to pull myself together and am ready to hit the ground running now. I am still a little freaked about this whole new romance thing, which is so silly but I can't help it. It has been a really, really, really long time since I felt anything like this. I mean decades. Never felt like this about Ex, sad to say. Or I should say I was never that excited about the possibilities with him because everything was problematic from the beginning. So this is weird weird weird.
Okay, it's gonna get kinda gross here so you might not want to read further. I started to get a little worried about actually having sex again and if it might be painful. So I am taking some steps to make it pleasure and not pain. Obviously I am not the only woman of a certain age who has these issues as many products are available and hopefully they work. Since the sex is indefinitely in the future, I have time to get things in order. Also I am trying to make it fun, which is pretty easy to do.
Food-wise I am doing fine, not too hungry these days for the obvious reason. Actually keep forgetting to eat. Haven't stepped on the scale, must do that one day soon.
Had a weird night. Went to work, where all was stable, and starting going around with a card for my co-worker with cancer - I'll call him A. So I ask someone to sign it, and she said, "Is that for A or is it for B?" B is a great guy, adored by everyone, really a super human being. His daughter was in a truly horrific car accident and she is alive but it is as bad as it could be. I had a bit of a meltdown, by myself luckily, I made my way back into my office and sequestered myself in a back room, praying that my pager didn't go off. Cried for maybe half an hour, and by some miracle my pager remained silent. Also found out that A has taken a turn for the worse but is refusing to go into hospital. It's all bad at this point. So anyway, cried for ages, then pulled myself together, washed up, caked on some makeup and did my med rounds.
Spent about three hours as part of a team to decide what to do with a problematic patient, although as the patient did not have respiratory problems I was fairly useless. It is interesting, though.
Slept great this morning and woke up pretty fresh around 1 PM after 4 hours or so. It is sunny and not too cold. If I were truly primal I would be running about on the hiking trail, but instead I am tapping away at this computer.
Nothing new to report on K. He has his daughter and a friend of hers for the weekend, so he is pretty incommunicado. Had a couple of texts from him, none of them declaring his undying love. (I hope you can hear the sarcastic humor there.)
I hope there are some stars visible tonight as I plan to spend some time looking at them, pondering their origin, and wishing on them.
Wishing on a few stars here over the UK for you and A and B so tragic. Just think though you have friends and support across the globe. Sometimes this technology works for humanity even though it is a long way from the original paleo people xxxx
Yes, I am sure the two are related. He obviously knew something was very wrong, and his attempt was either a request for help or a path of avoidance. I am still struggling with lots of conflicting emotions, one of them being anger as he seems hellbent on making this as difficult as possible. Yesterday, despite many offers of assistance, he tried to drive some distance to a pain clinic (after taking the max amount of pills already) and went off the road. Was unconscious in his car for awhile, then woke up and continued driving to the clinic, never mind that his cell phone was red-hot with many calls from anxious friends and relatives. Got to the pain clinic and it was closed. Was going to drive home; luckily his daughter intercepted him.
And continuing in the lighter vein, I got some stuff called Luvena that is a prebiotic moisturizer/long lasting lubricant. The directions suggest using it every three days or as often as every day if necessary (def not necessary right now!) Anyway after only one application I have noticed a dramatic difference and may use it even if I don't become sexually active. I was surprised at the difference - these changes happen gradually and one doesn't realize how advanced they are until they suddenly go away. I will check out the Pink because I would like to have something like that on hand.
If possible, find yourself a mentor. If you can't find an actual person, find inspiration in a famous past or present wise person. Obviously, don't go too overboard. But if you can find someone who has already trodden your path, learned a great deal, and is willing to share, by all means take advantage of that.
Major pool fail today. Is this break week again? Does anyone ever go to school anymore? Not only was the pool jammed with three people in every lane (and mostly fooling around and not swimming), the sauna had 7 people in it (it is not that big) and the locker room was filthy and smelly. Not that we should live in a germ-free environment, but really, there are limits. I went in the sauna for awhile, very unpleasant sitting almost touching a young girl who nattered away about boring nothings. (Hate conversation in the sauna even if it is not inane.) A lane in the pool opened up, but as I kicked off my flip flops I saw two big globs of hair. Turned and left!
Work tonight. Haven't heard from K today. Will see him tomorrow morning when he comes in to work. I hope it doesn't feel weird. It shouldn't, I mean, what is there to feel weird about? I'm crazy. Really, I am normally very level-headed about these matters - probably too level-headed, as in Ice Queen. Kinda feeling off my timing.
Here I am at work. Got drilled a new orifice by the hospitalist for something that is not even remotely my fault. (I have no control over the nuclear imaging machine breaking down, or notifiying anyone when it does, particularly during the day.) But it is good to be able to feel self-righteous indignation.
Feeling a little down, which is normal after my high spirits of last week. That is what I am telling myself anyway.