Went to church this morning and came home with very mixed feelings. We had a guest pastor, who was excellent and clearly put a lot of work into his sermon. It was, as usual, poorly attended. Lots of people don't come when our regular pastor isn't there. While it is a free country, and I absolutely don't want anyone to feel coerced to attend, I find this distressing. Our regular pastor is very charismatic and church attendance is way, way up since she came here. But the downside of having a charismatic pastor is that people seem attached to her rather than really committed to worship. She is a personal friend, a truly wonderful person, and I feel like a traitor sometimes, wishing that people were more spiritual and would show up even if it isn't a big social event. (I'm talking about church members here, not those who don't attend ever.) I often think of changing churches as I don't feel my needs are being met in my current church, although I owe a great deal to the church - my home, my friends. Things just aren't working out. I talked with the choir director today and today her that I am going to have a problem attending the Thursday night rehearsals, although I can come to the Sunday AM rehearsals (one hour before church). She was pretty cool to that idea. I feel weird about being in the choir and then not being in the choir. So many things I can't participate in because of my schedule, but no one seems to care. I don't expect them to schedule around me, but lately it seems like 95% of stuff is not do-able for me. The person I feel was my best friend here has been very cool towards me also, which I attributed to summer and how busy she is with houseguests and visiting family. So I'm thinking very hard about packing it in, finding a new church and going there strictly for worship, not getting involved in other aspects. I have often been drawn to the Episcopalian faith, as I enjoy ritual and structure. Maybe it is time.
No announcement yet.
Primal Journal - Siobhan