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Fibromyalgia and Fat - Tomi's story

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  • I'm a firm believer that you catch more flies with honey and bullshit than piss and vinegar. Win their hearts and they have no choice but to follow.
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Latest Journal

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    • Originally posted by tomi View Post
      Today I will walk on treadmill........... and do some arm work for strength.

      Nice side effect of the new gut meds. Increased libido. Hubby has been quite satisfied by this! As have I!
      oh too funny!! At least you have hubby! I on the other hand...
      You know all those things you wanted to do: You should go do them.

      Age 48
      height 5'3
      SW 215 lbs
      CW 180 lbs (whole foods/primal eating)
      LW 172 lbs
      GW 125ish lbs

      Comment


      • THose poor babies!! It makes sense now why she wanted to be a teacher. I hate it when people become teachers just to have someone they can control. School is horrible enough as it is. I just pray they have good homes to go to and don't go home to horrible ppl too. That is just so sad. And that SD's mother actually made fun of her for being a Christian. That explains a whole lot too. What a sad situation. I pray that she finds peace.
        You know all those things you wanted to do: You should go do them.

        Age 48
        height 5'3
        SW 215 lbs
        CW 180 lbs (whole foods/primal eating)
        LW 172 lbs
        GW 125ish lbs

        Comment


        • P.S.- I think of this as a safe place to post some of the crazy (as evidenced by some of my recent posts!). Dont' apologize. Sometimes you need a place to dump.
          You know all those things you wanted to do: You should go do them.

          Age 48
          height 5'3
          SW 215 lbs
          CW 180 lbs (whole foods/primal eating)
          LW 172 lbs
          GW 125ish lbs

          Comment


          • Originally posted by valmason01 View Post
            P.S.- I think of this as a safe place to post some of the crazy (as evidenced by some of my recent posts!). Dont' apologize. Sometimes you need a place to dump.
            I'm with Val. I wish I'd gotten to take a peek at the crazy post. To get a deeper, more personal, glimpse of Ms. Tomi.
            Primal since March 5, 2012
            SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



            Comment


            • I think you know me pretty well. I'm about as honest as it gets in this journal.

              I feel like I'm in a weird place inside my head right now. I know its tied to having the stress of oldest SD off my shoulders. Maybe my brain just needs to figure out what to do with the energy that used to be put into worrying and being hurt and angry over her behavior. I'm beginning to see that her behavior and her presence in our home was an enormous strain on my emotions - I mean more so than I ever realized. I will just give myself time to let in all settle into place. She's only been gone for 10 days. I think getting started on the painting of my new spare room will help me adjust. After both girls were out of the house for 6 months I completely cleaned out the hall bathroom (their bathroom) and repainted and hung a new curtain. It took them and the negative energy out of the space and made me feel much better. For a long time I would walk past the bathroom and it would bring an instant smile to my face. It was a symbol that as the adults, and the owners of our home that hubby and I were finally laying claim to spaces that the girls were given claim over. First the upstairs hallway -- we had allowed them the freedom to choose the paint color for the hallway, thinking it would satisfy their need to have some control over the house - it didn't work - they wanted control over everything except our bedroom!! (and it was hideous! something about this color) Anyway - I felt so much better once that hallway was painted! Then the bathroom! Next comes oldest SDs room - and when youngest is done with college and has started her life I will do the same in that room. It will feel good to be able to walk through the entire house and know what we have total control of every space. Since I moved into this house in 2001 we have not had control over the house, not completely. Lets just say - we knew if we did anything without the approval of the girls we would have a huge fight on our hands. So, it was easier to just leave things be for the most part. We did slowly change things -- but everything we did resulted in a huge fight. I've never known 2 more strong willed children in my entire life!

              I think I have PTSD because of those girls!!!

              I hope I'm not sounding like I hate my SDs or anything. Not at all - but I do hate the negative energy that their presence brought into our home. And I'm anxious to open all the windows and let it all out!!! Since they don't live here anymore laying claim to their spaces will be very liberating! For honesties sake........ I can't say that I really like either one of them. But I chose to love them. They have unfortunately inherited more of their mothers personality. She taught them to never say you're sorry, and if you think someone is about to hurt you........ then you hurt them first. She told both the girls, never let a boy dump you, always dump him first. Really nice stuff to teach your children, huh? I can't believe hubby married that woman - she's just evil.

              ......................... blah! need to cleanse my brain pallet! How do I wash all this negativity out of my head!!! I need to focus on the future ................ I need to stop going back and reliving the horrible dark things that happened in this house and start focusing on the wonderful peaceful and joyful things that are to come. Life is forward............ Remember the movie "The Langoliers" ??? I need to imagine those little critters eating all the bad times that have been had between us and the girls

              the langoliers.bmp

              I'm thinking I will buy kombucha to have something yummy to drink before bed. I poured the rum down the sink and asked hubby not to buy any more. So, as long as there is no rum in the house I can work on breaking my very bad, very undesirable and very unhealthy habit.

              The house is in pretty good shape food-wise. There are no non-primal things that call to me when I'm hungry or bored

              I haven't started the auto-immune protocol yet. I decided to wait until I get a handle on just eating clean primal. Taking your advice on this one.
              Last edited by tomi; 08-20-2014, 10:46 AM.
              1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
              2. Eat to heal
              3. Move to live
              4. Embrace today
              5. Live with intention
              6. Respect my body
              7. Cultivate joy
              8. Find my passion
              9. Meditate on peace in my soul

              Comment


              • Didn't get to the store today.

                Need to make a list.

                I think my weight is starting to come down. Will know on Friday when I do my weekly weigh in.

                Got something in the mail today for SD. I put "wrong address" and then wrote the right address on it. I put a little not on the back to SD asking how she's doing, then told her she could do her change of address at www.usps.com. After this month, any mail that she gets here will go into a box and she can gather it up when she comes home for the Christmas break.

                Tomorrow is an early day at work since the dietitian will be in at 1:00. I hate early days. My gut is still not trustworthy and it freaks me out to think about having to be someplace before noon. I'm increasing my dose of Cholestyramine to 2 packets twice a day as of today. Hopefully I will good results in the next couple days.
                1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                2. Eat to heal
                3. Move to live
                4. Embrace today
                5. Live with intention
                6. Respect my body
                7. Cultivate joy
                8. Find my passion
                9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                Comment


                • Didn't get to the store today.

                  Need to make a list.

                  I think my weight is starting to come down. Will know on Friday when I do my weekly weigh in.

                  Got something in the mail today for SD. I put "wrong address" and then wrote the right address on it. I put a little not on the back to SD asking how she's doing, then told her she could do her change of address at www.usps.com. After this month, any mail that she gets here will go into a box and she can gather it up when she comes home for the Christmas break.

                  Tomorrow is an early day at work since the dietitian will be in at 1:00. I hate early days. My gut is still not trustworthy and it freaks me out to think about having to be someplace before noon. I'm increasing my dose of Cholestyramine to 2 packets twice a day as of today. Hopefully I will good results in the next couple days.
                  1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                  2. Eat to heal
                  3. Move to live
                  4. Embrace today
                  5. Live with intention
                  6. Respect my body
                  7. Cultivate joy
                  8. Find my passion
                  9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                  Comment


                  • Good idea regarding SD's mail. Hopefully they'll forward it for her.

                    I think it's going to take quite a bit of time for you to recover from the turmoil that your SDs created in your life for all those years. I would think of it like divorce. No matter how abusive, you don't get over your spouse and what hell he caused as soon as he's out the door, so why would you get over the hell your SDs caused right away? You invested yourself deeply with these girls and now all of a sudden the chaos and turmoil are (mostly) gone. It's like having the radio up really really loud and all of a sudden the sound stops. It's requires an adjustment period and will take time to move on. Talking about it is a good way to move on.
                    Primal since March 5, 2012
                    SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



                    Comment


                    • Jenn - I love that analysis. Not only the liking to a divorce (dead on) but also the radio thing. Excellent way to think about it. Thank you. I never had a break from the noise in my head concerning the girls. Never! If I rearranged the kitchen cupboard I would pay for it......... My hands were tied unless I chose to take the consequences. So every waking moment the stress of dealing with the girls was present in my mind. Now its over, or at least fading into the passed.

                      I will let it sink in slowly and not push myself to be over the emotions to quickly. I need to heal. But for sure the first thing I need to do is paint that room. Even now -- 3 years after the last night the girls spent in our home, when I go into the bathroom that they shared I feel like I'm in a space I don't belong. 13 years I've lived in this house and there are 3 rooms where I was absolutely not welcome. I need to change the emotions that are attached to those rooms. I need to let go of the rejection that I feel when I enter those rooms. I need to claim my home, all of it.
                      1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                      2. Eat to heal
                      3. Move to live
                      4. Embrace today
                      5. Live with intention
                      6. Respect my body
                      7. Cultivate joy
                      8. Find my passion
                      9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                      Comment


                      • stepped on the scale this morning and yes, it is coming down.
                        1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                        2. Eat to heal
                        3. Move to live
                        4. Embrace today
                        5. Live with intention
                        6. Respect my body
                        7. Cultivate joy
                        8. Find my passion
                        9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by tomi View Post
                          stepped on the scale this morning and yes, it is coming down.
                          Way to go!
                          Female 55
                          Starting wt: 198, Goal: 135, Current with PB: 165
                          Started at a size 16 down to loose 10

                          With PB my asthma has improved, low back pain is gone, & I've got more energy

                          My Primal Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread60175.html

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by tomi View Post
                            stepped on the scale this morning and yes, it is coming down.
                            That is awesome. Did you decide if you were going to stick with daily or go back to weekly?

                            Comment


                            • I decided not to decide I'm just going to relax about it. Friday will be my tracking day - other than that I'd do whatever feels right day to day.
                              1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                              2. Eat to heal
                              3. Move to live
                              4. Embrace today
                              5. Live with intention
                              6. Respect my body
                              7. Cultivate joy
                              8. Find my passion
                              9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by tomi View Post
                                stepped on the scale this morning and yes, it is coming down.

                                woohoo!!

                                Sounds like you are on your way to healing. living in a stressful family environment wreaks havoc on your health both physical and mental. I pray this time allows all of you to heal. Yea Tomi!
                                You know all those things you wanted to do: You should go do them.

                                Age 48
                                height 5'3
                                SW 215 lbs
                                CW 180 lbs (whole foods/primal eating)
                                LW 172 lbs
                                GW 125ish lbs

                                Comment

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