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Fibromyalgia and Fat - Tomi's story

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  • yes he was driving. He got home about 11:30. We talked a little for a about 30 minutes and then I just needed to let him know I was feeling very ignored and taken for granted lately.

    This time of year (March to October) he's at the shop from 6 am to 8 pm Monday - Friday and 6 am to 1 pm on Saturday. I get that - its necessary. He's falling asleep at 9 pm. So I have an hour with him while we eat dinner. Weekends often involve doing things for others and/or yard work. But lately he's been doing other things that have taken him away from me during the rare few hours that we have together. Now - I'm not saying I don't want him to go and have a good time with his friends or his daughters.......... but lately I've been getting the crumbs ............ the tidbits of time that he isn't choosing to give to other people. A couple weeks ago he chose to go with his bible study guys to an all day fishing trip on a Saturday - doing this forced him to work all day Sunday at the shop. So - over a period of 14 days I had maybe 14 hours with him. Then we had the holiday weekend and although we were both at home - we were doing separate things and didn't take a lot of time for each other. This past week has been the same long working hours - last night he went to the football game with his daughter. He had to leave the shop at 6 pm so they could get to the game that was an hours drive away. That means he has to work longer at the shop today to make up for leaving early yesterday. And less time with me.

    His answer is "I'm sorry things are really crazy and busy right now" ............... my response, "work is really crazy and busy right now - how you choose to spend the rest of your time is your choice. And lately you've been choosing to spend that time without me. I get the bits and pieces of time that you don't give to others"

    I try so hard not to be selfish with him. He has lots of other people who love him and want to spend time with him.......... but at what cost? Every minute his gives to someone else is a minute that is taken away from me. How do I reconcile this? I want him to relax and have a good time in his off hours......... but I want him to want to do that with me.

    Is it wrong for me to ask that during the busy season he NOT do things that exclude me? Is that being selfish? I mean - he goes off and does all these fun things............... and leaves me at home.

    He's been so busy that our boat is still sitting in the driveway instead of being up at the lake. The boat is supposed to be our "get away" during this crazy time of year..... but he's been giving so much his time (even helping all our friends get their boat ready to put in the water) that our boat is still on the trailer. The marina opened on May 1st. FIVE weeks ago. I don't see all those friends gathering to help us get our boat ready to launch.

    I'm just frustrated ............. and pissed off that I even have to bring up this kind of crap. It shouldn't be happening. A wife should never have to beg her husband for his time and attention!!!
    1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
    2. Eat to heal
    3. Move to live
    4. Embrace today
    5. Live with intention
    6. Respect my body
    7. Cultivate joy
    8. Find my passion
    9. Meditate on peace in my soul

    Comment


    • Talk things through with hubby. He was having a hard time understanding - but finally got it.

      We got the boat in the lake yesterday and got to spend a few hours up there before heading home again.

      It was strange but nice to not have a dog with us. No mess, no worries. But missed him.

      Hubby has agreed to go loss weight with me. We agreed that we would not drink any alcohol until we BOTH lost 25 pounds. So - here goes!
      1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
      2. Eat to heal
      3. Move to live
      4. Embrace today
      5. Live with intention
      6. Respect my body
      7. Cultivate joy
      8. Find my passion
      9. Meditate on peace in my soul

      Comment


      • Awesome goal! And I am so glad to read you found some quality time together. Excellent news on the shoulder too! I sent some pretty powerful prayers your way for that Have an incredible HEALTHY week girl!
        This is my journal page!
        http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread100547.html

        My life's work: www.questtheawakening.com

        "Sometimes you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right!" The Grateful Dead

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        • I'm glad you and hubby got to talk and get out on the boat.
          Depression Lies

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          • Sounds like a productive weekend. I'm glad you had some together time.
            Female 55
            Starting wt: 198, Goal: 135, Current with PB: 165
            Started at a size 16 down to loose 10

            With PB my asthma has improved, low back pain is gone, & I've got more energy

            My Primal Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread60175.html

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            • Thanks for the thoughts and prayers! It was a good day yesterday

              So I'm wrapping my brain around eating PALEO for this challenge to drop 25 pounds. I will need to get rid of some things and organize things so doing this will be easier. The house is pretty paleo friendly right now - there are no chips or crackers in the house, no ice cream, and the freezer is full of good healthy protein.

              With my gut issues - I won't be doing raw veggies and nuts are probably also a good thing to avoid. So - that leaves meat, foul and fish, eggs, cooked veggies, fruit smoothies and water. Oh, and kombucha.

              Here we go!
              1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
              2. Eat to heal
              3. Move to live
              4. Embrace today
              5. Live with intention
              6. Respect my body
              7. Cultivate joy
              8. Find my passion
              9. Meditate on peace in my soul

              Comment


              • I dumped the remaining cookie dough in the garbage. It was 1/2 okay. I used almond flour --- but it was loaded with brown sugar. OUT GOES THE SUGAR!

                I am going to try tracking what I eat - but not the macros. If I have to write it down - then I'm forced to own it, so tracking will be good to help me stay true. But I'm not going to worry about calories for a bit. Just eat clean and healthy - to satiety but not to full or beyond. I'm getting very good at being able to put the food down once my tummy says - "enough". That is a victory.

                For dinner today I will be having fresh caught Kokanee (thank you neighbor Gary!) and steamed veggies. Breakfast was eggs fried in olive oil. Probably a fruit smoothie somewhere..........

                A few months ago we spent a ridiculous amount of money on new cookware.......... It is made of surgical stainless steel and I absolutely love it! However........... eggs want to stick unless there is a generous portion of butter in the pan. Even with olive oil - there is sticking and scorching. I wonder if I'm cooking them too hot??? I much prefer the taste of butter - but I can get used to the olive oil - its fairly mild. I've considered just poaching the eggs.......... less fat and maybe better for my gut issues.

                On that front............ I'm still doing pretty well! I had some tummy trouble yesterday - nothing major, just multiple trips to the bathroom. I don't know if it was the soy sauce (had sushi on Saturday), or the almond flour in the cookies I made. Since I've established in the past that both are not my friend --- I'm blaming both and putting both back on the stay clear list. I'm now out of almond flour and will not be buying more.

                I did not weigh this morning - but I did weigh on Saturday and was very unhappy with 190 pounds that flashed on the scale. I've gained 10 pounds in 6 weeks. So............. PALEO SAVE ME!!! Hubby and I talked last night - he refuses to say he's on a diet - he hates that word. But he does want to lose weight. He'll be perfect if he takes of 25 pounds. I need to drop 50.

                Shoulder.............. ugh. Doc said - "It will never be what it used to be" I didn't want to hear that. No PT this week cuz I couldn't get in the schedule, but I am on the call list. Bailey is busy and always booked up!!! I'm scheduled out the next 3 weeks with one per week. Doc said 4-6 more weeks of PT. She better start me on strength work soon cuz I am still in bad shape on strength and ROM. It is getting better but it sure feels slow!!
                1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                2. Eat to heal
                3. Move to live
                4. Embrace today
                5. Live with intention
                6. Respect my body
                7. Cultivate joy
                8. Find my passion
                9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                Comment


                • PT called - they had a cancellation today! I'm on my way to PT and then to the office.
                  1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                  2. Eat to heal
                  3. Move to live
                  4. Embrace today
                  5. Live with intention
                  6. Respect my body
                  7. Cultivate joy
                  8. Find my passion
                  9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                  Comment


                  • Tomi, I glad the news from your follow-up doctor's appointment went well. I am also happy you and hubby talked things out and thrilled that he is joining you in the healthy lifestyle arena.

                    Where do you go for PT?

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                    • Hey Marcadav! When is the wedding?

                      He's joining me in losing weight - but I think we will be going about it differently. He isn't convinced the primal/paleo thing works - probably because I haven't been success at it as far as weight loss goes. I'm shooting for a 100% paleo approach now. He will still be eating a SAD and hoping for results.

                      I'm going to Northwest Rehabilitation Associates, Inc. They are on S. Liberty just a bit past the Cancun Bar. I see Bailey - she's great!
                      1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                      2. Eat to heal
                      3. Move to live
                      4. Embrace today
                      5. Live with intention
                      6. Respect my body
                      7. Cultivate joy
                      8. Find my passion
                      9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                      Comment


                      • My dinner is wonderful! 4 Kokanee fillets fried in olive oil and steamed carrots, cauliflower and broccoli. Perfect!

                        I'm going to stay clear of starches for a while - since they tend to mess with my gut and because the Paleo website I was looking at earlier said to avoid white potatoes if you are trying to lose weight. I know that goes against the PHD thinking, but I will see what happens.

                        PT went well today. She's working to isolate the tendonitis issue - I think she has found the cause but there is a weird "snapping" sensation at times that has her puzzled. Its as if a rubber band is being stretched over something - causing very intense pain and discomfort - once it snaps loose the pain is gone. She's thinking it might be in Pectoral tendon, but still isn't sure. She taped me up again because I feel much more stable with the tape. We are beginning to work on strength and stability now! YEAH!!! I'm so excited about this! It will be painful - but will result in having the use of my arm back! I'm beginning to work with resistance bands, but only for the tendonitis issue at this point.

                        Jenn - if you're reading........... I looked up the technique used in ART. My PT does the same thing only it is a passive technique rather than active on my part. She isolates the tendon, presses on it and then gentle moves my arm to stimulate that tendon. A quick look online only shows one ART PTist in Salem.

                        Mondays are notoriously crazy at the boatshop.......... weekend boaters show up in droves because something has failed during their water play sessions. So, hubby will be working late into the evening tonight. Bummer.

                        I still come in the house and expect to see my Zeus-man greeting me. Its really hard to get used to him being gone. I certainly don't miss the hair and slobber -- but I miss his sweetness and goofy personality. Still grieving...........

                        I will take the shampoo and misc other dog grooming things to the Pooch Parlor tomorrow on my way to work. This is the last detail to take care of to start our life of dog-less-ness. (sadness)

                        Ugh............ on fillet left and I am full. Time to put the left overs in the fridge I guess.
                        1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                        2. Eat to heal
                        3. Move to live
                        4. Embrace today
                        5. Live with intention
                        6. Respect my body
                        7. Cultivate joy
                        8. Find my passion
                        9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                        Comment


                        • The wedding is the 27th. They moved into their new home, in W Salem, last week. Things have been hectic to say the least. I even watched their dogs(big) and I'm dog phobic.

                          I'm going to Valley Physical Therapy-Therapeutic Associates in Keizer, over by Inland Shores. My therapist is great too.

                          Lucky you, I've found taping helps too but I get a reaction to tape adhesive at times. I had one last week from being taped at PT. Now taping is off the table unless it's a last resort.

                          Comment


                          • OH too bad you have a reaction - I've found it to be a great help in stabilizing my shoulder!

                            The 27th ............. very close now. These final days will fly by! Didn't you say the wedding is going to be in Cali?
                            1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                            2. Eat to heal
                            3. Move to live
                            4. Embrace today
                            5. Live with intention
                            6. Respect my body
                            7. Cultivate joy
                            8. Find my passion
                            9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                            Comment


                            • Yeah it's really bad as it really help many of my issues-- knee, SI joint, shoulder. The reaction happened when the SI was taped.

                              Yes it's in California. We had her final dress fitting yesterday. As well as a family wedding shower at my house on Saturday.

                              Comment


                              • Tomi,

                                Yes avoid the white potatoes and rice if you want to be truly clean Paleo, but do not avoid sweet potatoes and other starchy vegetables.
                                Primal since 9/24/2010
                                "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

                                Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
                                MFP username: MDAPebbles67

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