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Fibromyalgia and Fat - Tomi's story

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  • Ok --- here's something that really sucks!!!! My vitamin D has SOYBEAN OIL! Better find a different source for that now!
    1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
    2. Eat to heal
    3. Move to live
    4. Embrace today
    5. Live with intention
    6. Respect my body
    7. Cultivate joy
    8. Find my passion
    9. Meditate on peace in my soul

    Comment


    • shoulder pain -- getting worse! It hurts the most when I'm doing my desk work.......... opening envelopes and sorting mail, doing things that keep my elbow close to my torso and my hand slightly elevated above the waist - like at boob level. And when I have to reach out across my desk in that position it is VERY painful!

      I sent a message via NextMD Patient Portal for an appointment. Time to get a diagnosis. I need to check with my insurance to see if they will cover the testing (ultra-sound, MRI).

      Our insurance broker says most likely our policy will be discontinued but there are LOTS of offerings available. Hopefully we won't be getting hosed!! We will have one less employee, but his portion was only $265/mth. If we can stay in the same price range we are right now I will be a very happy girl.

      I'm really wanting to have a clean break from the guy we let go - however, he is a part of the men's bible study that hubby goes to on Mondays - and his girlfriend is in the Thursday night women's study at my house. I feel like a terrible person because I am hoping they both decide its not worth the 25 mile drive from where they live. His girlfriend is a nice person, but she's one of those people who just march to a different beat than most of us. She talks about totally unrelated things in the middle of the bible study - and I swear she thinks she's pulling off some kind of filibuster or something! She'll start down one rabbit trail and then veer off into another and then another and another.......... we have to be very cleaver in how we stop her talking and get the conversation back on track. She refuses to prepare ahead of time because she says with her ONE writing class she doesn't have time! She doesn't work and she lives with her parents. She doesn't drive so boyfriend or mom takes her everywhere. I actually feel like I need a drink to relax after she leaves! I've talked to one other woman who has seriously considered quitting because she is so flustered by this girl! And I can see the frustration on the faces of the other women too. In all honesty I am only a part of this study for one reason.......... One young mom needs a group of women to mentor and lead her. She is the only reason. She's a brand new baby believer and she wants help in learning about the bible. So, I agreed to help get a group going. but I was sorta pushed into it by hubby and the men's bbs leader. So - feeling a bit upset still about that.

      I'm just venting................ but feel free to comment or guide. I want to have a loving heart towards this girl that is so clueless! but its becoming harder and harder each week!
      1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
      2. Eat to heal
      3. Move to live
      4. Embrace today
      5. Live with intention
      6. Respect my body
      7. Cultivate joy
      8. Find my passion
      9. Meditate on peace in my soul

      Comment


      • Sorry to hear that you're not feeling well. Who woulda thought to look in a supplement for soy! Man that crap is in everything these days! Shouldn't be too surprised tho. I had a couple of supplements that I found had gluten in it. Why in the world would they need to add that stuff! I guess vitamins/supplements are considered processed too. I just don't think there is any way you can not be "contaminated" by ingesting something or the other in this day & time!

        Hope you get to feeling better.

        When the young lady gets off track can someone very kindly say "we need to stay on topic here...but that may be a good topic for later?" Maybe after hearing it enough she might get a clue? Hard to handle these kinds of situations for sure.
        Last edited by theprimalcajun; 11-26-2013, 02:28 PM.
        Goal: Don't worry be happy!

        Comment


        • Ugh. Sorry Tomi
          Primal since 9/24/2010
          "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

          Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
          MFP username: MDAPebbles67

          Comment


          • Some people just aren't blessed with the ability to not get distracted or find their way down rabbit holes when they're trying to join a conversation or contribute. Try to tap into your Christian attribute of tolerance, understanding and love instead of being annoyed by her. She's probably just trying to fit in. Not everyone is blessed with a one-track mind.
            Last edited by jenn26point2; 11-26-2013, 02:57 PM.
            Primal since March 5, 2012
            SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



            Comment


            • I understand she struggles -- both socially and intellectually. She's not mental disabled or anything - but she's a little slow. Its not that I don't have compassion, its just getting so frustrating and when others are wanting to quit because of the constant disruptions then it starts to be more than just a frustration. It becomes a problem. Another problem is because she doesn't drive she is dependent on another member of the group to bring her - and that is becoming a bit of a burden to others. If she was really seeking to learn and grow it would be totally different - but I think she's a part of the group just for the social aspect. Its very evident by the way she comments and runs off on her rabbit trails. She just wants to talk and tell us about her life and her brothers and her uncles and her classmates. Who's an alcoholic, who's committed suicide, who's gay or divorced or insane. Its just one of those awkward social things that are really hard to navigate. None of us want or need to know all this stuff. Seriously I want to suggest to her that she seek a good counselor to help her deal with it all. None of us have the experience or the training to tell her what she should do about all the troubles in her life.

              I know I sound just awful......... and I'm not proud of my annoyance with her. But there is a time and place for all things - and she clearly has no understanding or comprehension of what is appropriate. We're gathering to study the bible and to discuss basic biblical principles -- not discuss how to deal with her brothers drinking or her uncles suicide or the baby she gave up for adoption. No matter what verse we're on she can somehow bring it back to something that has happened in her family. I really think she believes this bbs group is for her own benefit and to be the center of attention. None of the rest of us share personal information, we stay on topic.

              Just a frustration I and the others will have to figure out how to deal with I guess. We're off this week cuz of Thanksgiving so I don't have to think about it for another week
              1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
              2. Eat to heal
              3. Move to live
              4. Embrace today
              5. Live with intention
              6. Respect my body
              7. Cultivate joy
              8. Find my passion
              9. Meditate on peace in my soul

              Comment


              • If *I* were to join a bible study group, I would join it to

                #1 Learn about what the bible says.
                #2 Learn how to apply the bible's teachings to my own life.
                #3 Branch out and meet new people.

                I don't think she's doing anything wrong. I think if you don't want the sidebar discussions, the "oh, this totally applies to my life" remarks, and you ONLY want to study what the bible says and not how it applies to life, then you should probably note that on your ads and flyers when you are recruiting members b/c I can't think of a single person in the world who would study the bible and not consider how it applies and get excited and want to share the application when they find it. Maybe it's just me... but seriously... it's a SOCIAL group. If you can't share life stories and ask the group what verses would apply, then what the heck is the point? To just STUDY what it says? Then why create a group? Why not just study what it says on your own time?

                And as far as asking for rides... if she's asking for rides to the group meetings, it shows she's interested, commited and dedicated to the group. If she wasn't commited, dedicated and interested in the group, she'd use not having a ride as an excuse to miss yet another meeting.

                Sorry if I seem to be on the defense with this, but I see a lot of me in her (or her in me, however that actually works) and it's not fair to her if she has a genuine valid interest in the bible and is being excluded b/c she is a bit too chatty or is vocal when she finds it applies. Quite honestly, I find it to be rude. *I* think that shows she's paying attention and actually LEARNING, GROWING if you will, through this group. The intent of a bible study group should be to watch people grow as they learn the teachings of the bible... much like school. If someone takes a college class and isn't allowed to discuss how it applies or ask questions, then what the hell is the point? You can read a textbook (or the bible) just as easily without going through all the fuss of "coming together" on a weekly basis to do so. Those people who want to drop out of the group, or maybe in some cases DID drop, aren't really all that interested in what was being taught or weren't all that interested in learning if her active participation bothers them. I think you all just need to lighten up a bit...

                Just my $0.02. It's not much, so take it or leave it.
                Last edited by jenn26point2; 11-27-2013, 11:45 AM.
                Primal since March 5, 2012
                SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



                Comment


                • Jenn- your inbox is full.


                  As for your post, I agree. While I can see how the young lady in question would get annoying, Jesus hung out with the less desirable crowd - tax collectors, lowly fishermen, and sinners. He made them all better through teaching them how to live like he did. Tomi - use the Bible study to lift her up. Beyond that, yes, what Jenn said. She's a smart lady.

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by canio6 View Post
                    Jenn- your inbox is full.
                    Fixed.
                    Primal since March 5, 2012
                    SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



                    Comment


                    • sorry I brought it up. I keep my rudeness to myself from now on.
                      1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                      2. Eat to heal
                      3. Move to live
                      4. Embrace today
                      5. Live with intention
                      6. Respect my body
                      7. Cultivate joy
                      8. Find my passion
                      9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                      Comment


                      • Unfortunately, the bible study is held at Tomi's house.
                        Primal since 9/24/2010
                        "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

                        Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
                        MFP username: MDAPebbles67

                        Comment


                        • Every group has a person like this. It is not rude of you to express your inner feelings about this here, in your journal. Hopefully you can do as canio said and tolerate her behavior to be of help to her.
                          Primal since 9/24/2010
                          "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

                          Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
                          MFP username: MDAPebbles67

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by Pebbles67 View Post
                            Every group has a person like this. It is not rude of you to express your inner feelings about this here, in your journal. Hopefully you can do as canio said and tolerate her behavior to be of help to her.
                            I didn't mean to imply that it's rude to express it here - just that I find it rude to exclude her or treat her poorly or cut her off or whatever b/c she's that way. It's obvious the group provides something she needs or she wouldn't keep coming back, which says something positive about the group as a whole.
                            Primal since March 5, 2012
                            SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



                            Comment


                            • Agreed, hopefully as the group's hostess, Tomi needs to take the high road. Ironing out group dynamics without hurting feelings is a monumental task. I would say prayers are in order.
                              Primal since 9/24/2010
                              "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

                              Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
                              MFP username: MDAPebbles67

                              Comment


                              • You're assuming I have excluded her, treated her poorly and cut her off. None of which is true. We (6 women) gather for an hour once a week - we've been doing this for 7 weeks. Of the hour that we are together - this girl uses at a minimum of 20 minutes to talk about people in her life that have nothing to do with what we are studying, even the context is not related. She even ask us to not meet for 3 weeks in a row because she was unable to attend - and since we didn't want her miss out on anything we complied. She's not engaged in the conversation unless its about her - she picks at her hair and looks around the room, or goes the bathroom. She plays with the dog and gets him all excited and he's LARGE and NOISY. I've tried putting him outside and she constantly asks if she can bring him in because he's whining. We have been more than kind and generous to her. The problem is the frustration the rest of us are feeling because of her constant "this is all about ME" thinking. We're not there to counsel her or to be her sounding board. She has other outlets for that need. This isn't a support group. She isn't trying to apply what we're studying to her life - she just wants to talk and talk and talk............. and nothing that she says makes any sense or has any direction, and she'll go from one thing to another to another to another. We all sit there and listen and once there is a lull in her talking someone will chime in with some kind words that will bring it back to the topic at hand. We'll be in the middle of a conversation about a verse and she'll say "I have a question" and then proceed to tell us about someone she met at school who follows her around like a lost puppy and she doesn't know why she attracts these kinds of people. WHAT? Where did that come from? This is constantly happening.

                                I'm not sure why I have to defend myself here - but obviously you assume I'm the bad guy and shame on me for expressing my frustration.

                                I think I've been MORE than kind and generous every week. I've been patient to a fault.
                                1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                                2. Eat to heal
                                3. Move to live
                                4. Embrace today
                                5. Live with intention
                                6. Respect my body
                                7. Cultivate joy
                                8. Find my passion
                                9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                                Comment

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