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Fibromyalgia and Fat - Tomi's story

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  • I want to have complete control over food - not the other way around.

    I want to have a healthy gut and not be sick unless I catch a virus.

    I want to be healthy and strong.

    I want to be able to hike for miles.

    I want to be able to ride my bike for hours.

    I want to be able to walk up the long hill or climb the long stairs from the marina and not be winded and tired.

    I want to be a healthy weight from a medical stand point.

    I want to be a healthy weight from an aesthetic stand point.

    I want to be able to stand naked in front of my husband and not feel self-conscious or embarrassed.

    I want to be able to wear a swim suit on the boat and not feel self-conscious or embarrassed.

    I want to be able to buy clothes that will flatter my figure and that I will feel good wearing.

    I want to stand in front of the mirror and be able to smile at what I see.
    Last edited by tomi; 05-09-2014, 11:10 AM.
    1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
    2. Eat to heal
    3. Move to live
    4. Embrace today
    5. Live with intention
    6. Respect my body
    7. Cultivate joy
    8. Find my passion
    9. Meditate on peace in my soul

    Comment


    • Originally posted by namelesswonder View Post
      It may be easier for your husband not to see/understand the things that you're struggling with because he isn't with you during the day or when you're eating (sometimes? most of the time?). Does he know the misery you're going through in the bathroom? Hulky is much more supportive and helps me stick to things when I tell him when something is wrong (like my knees hurting the other day, he made me lie down and elevated my legs & gave me an ice pack), instead of just whining about it. I try to limit my whining until I'm legitimately distressed.

      I think it's important for your husband to understand that even if he doesn't see you drinking as a problem, it is a problem for you. That is what is important. Can you ask him to help enforce a no-rum-for-Tomi rule? Even if it was just for a couple of months, it's a totally reasonable and healthy trial to do, in respect to any diet or health plan.
      Hubby is supportive and sensitive - but I think he isn't seeing the entire picture. He thinks I'm fine the way I am, physically. He understands that I want to lose weight, but he doesn't think its that big of a deal. As for the bathroom problems - he knows, but I'm always sick when he's a work, by evening things calms down and I'm fine. He works Saturday mornings so, sunday morning is usually the only time he will see me sick. He is starting to understand that it is a serious issue. I tend to not eat the junk food when he's around - I'm stronger when I'm not alone. Except for when we go to the boat or are on vacation - that seems to be my free to what ever time. If I eat ice cream or m&ms or whatever at home, it is generally during the day when I'm alone. I've talked to him about the rum being an issue for me and he's starting to be more sensitive about that as well.

      He's coming around and is starting to be more a help than a hindrance. Progress is slow, but I do see changes.
      1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
      2. Eat to heal
      3. Move to live
      4. Embrace today
      5. Live with intention
      6. Respect my body
      7. Cultivate joy
      8. Find my passion
      9. Meditate on peace in my soul

      Comment


      • Yesterday I did 25 jumps with out missing! Today 32 jumps, then another 30! I'm getting better everyday.

        I am seeing great improvements in my physical strength and stamina. The jump rope was a good investment and its very good exercise (thanks Honeybuns!) I can easily do the jump rope, a little weights on the bowflex, and a 10 minute Barre3 workout.

        Its 12:45 and I need to leave for work. I haven't eaten because I ran out of eggs and forgot to get more yesterday. I was going to cook a steak but decided to save them for dinner tonight. So - I'm going to work fasting. I have some pulled pork I will take in case I need to eat something at my desk.

        hope everyone is having a wonderful day!
        Last edited by tomi; 07-17-2013, 12:54 PM.
        1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
        2. Eat to heal
        3. Move to live
        4. Embrace today
        5. Live with intention
        6. Respect my body
        7. Cultivate joy
        8. Find my passion
        9. Meditate on peace in my soul

        Comment


        • Go Tomi!
          My Journal: Candy in Primal Wonderland
          My Blog: Candy in Wonderland
          Goal for 2012: keep weight steady (+/- 74 kg): check
          Goal for 2013: lose 10 kg and keep new weight (+/- 65 kg)

          Comment


          • Originally posted by tomi View Post
            I started this journal with the intention of working through some difficult areas of my life - my poor eating habits which have lead to my gut issues and to my weight problems. I also started it with the hopes of having others help me. So, thank you all for the honesty and the time you take to set me straight. And for the encouragement when I'm doing well.

            I've read through Marcadav's tough love post several times now. I have to say at first I was a bit hurt -- not by Marcadav, but by the truth of it all. It spelled out my failures and weaknesses pretty clearly, and nothing hurts more than looking the ugly truth square in the face.

            I have been less than committed to this venture. Food obviously carries some power over me --- foods that are bad for me carry the most power. I don't binge on apples or sweet potatoes. I eat chocolate (sugar) -- cookies (wheat) -- ice cream (dairy) -- rum/diet coke (just total crap). And in my own defense I don't "binge" at all, but it obviously doesn't take much to set my system off and make me sick. Those are the foods that cause me to stumble and fall flat on my face - and send me running to the bathroom. Those are the foods that are keeping me fat and feeling sluggish and bloated. Those are the foods that I need to eliminate from my diet completely.

            I want to be successful - I want to break the power those things have over me. If they weren't in the house it would be much easier. I think I play these head games with myself............ I'll buy stuff for "hubby" knowing full well if I buy it I will eat it too. I guess I should stop buying things that I want to stop eating, and if hubby wants them he can stop at the store and get them himself. For the boat I will take cut up melons. I'll take a bag of mixed nuts w/o peanuts. I'll take jerky and carrot sticks. If hubby wants chips or other snacks he'll have to buy them himself. I won't buy ice cream anymore. Hubby will complain that we "don't have anything good to eat around here". Sorry........

            I sent him a text and asked him not to buy any more rum for a month so I can get my gut healed. My hope is that after a month he'll get out of the habit of wanting it also. I have noticed that the majority of the time its me initiating having a drink. I have talked to him about my concerns that I may have a problem with alcohol. He says I don't. Honestly, I think I do in that its become a habit. I'm not physically addicted at all - but I do enjoy the taste and the relaxation it gives. I can easily not drink it if I set my mind to it - but I have it way more than I'm comfortable with. Does that make sense? I guess if I'm drinking more than I'm comfortable with then I need to stop. Its become a habit that could become a real problem.

            Big Girl Panties!!!! Face my demons.......... fight them off. Thanks for helping me be honest.
            Tomi, I'm sorry my words hurt you. I simply see a great deal of myself in your struggles and want to help you develop a plan that is sustainable.

            Comment


            • Your words didn't hurt ---- the truth inside them hurt.
              1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
              2. Eat to heal
              3. Move to live
              4. Embrace today
              5. Live with intention
              6. Respect my body
              7. Cultivate joy
              8. Find my passion
              9. Meditate on peace in my soul

              Comment


              • I started the day off pretty good. No tummy issues, I did my daily workout. Went to work with pulled pork - 20 minutes after eating the pork I started to get a little tummy ache. 2 hours after I was having pretty nasty burning and crapping. Good thing my day was short and I was able to come home. I was going to stop at the store after work - but now I will have to wait until my tummy settles down. It feels like there is an angry tiger in there!

                Tomorrow is my early day at the office - and then I'm off until Wednesday. The office is closed Monday/Tuesday. I will work Wednesday and then I'm taking off Thursday because its my birthday. No plans - just don't feel like spending my birthday at the office. The doc and the manager are both out for the entire week. I need to take care of a few things for the manager, plus my own work. My paycheck this month is going to be very small. Maybe no extra on the mortgage next month

                I need to start researching car rentals for our Phoenix trip. Hubby wants a convertible. My manager told me he has used a company called Fox in Phoenix and it was very reasonably priced.

                Blah......... feeling pretty nasty. I need to get eggs before the day is over.

                Later: I started feeling better so I went to the store and bought some eggs and stuff I will need for the company we're having on Friday. My tummy was still hurting while I was at the store I decided I had better eat something so at 7:30 I fried some eggs and hash browns in butter. Waiting to see if there will be any trouble in the tummy. I was hungry so I ate a lot of potatoes. Picture a large helping of restaurant hash browns. I'm quite full now.

                So food today: About a cup of pulled pork. 2 eggs and a large helping of hash browns fried in butter. Lots of butter.

                Hubby is working late again. I think he's working on his friends boat, and doesn't want to tell me for fear I will get angry at him. Even after being married for nearly 12 years he still thinks I will react the way his ex did. Not sure how to break him of that. I just keep saying........... Honey, I'm not Beth.

                I have a lump on my thumb knuckle. I also have similar lumps on my pinky knuckles and my index finger knuckles. I think I have the beginning stages of rheumatoid arthritis. My mom has it.
                pinky pic.jpg

                I hope my fingers don't get all twisted and lumpy as I age.

                Hubby just texted that he's on the way home. Only 15 hours today. I don't know how he does it - and he always comes home in a good mood and ready to help me cook dinner I do love that man.
                Last edited by tomi; 07-17-2013, 08:43 PM.
                1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                2. Eat to heal
                3. Move to live
                4. Embrace today
                5. Live with intention
                6. Respect my body
                7. Cultivate joy
                8. Find my passion
                9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                Comment


                • It is good to see you taking control of things and making some positive changes! But very sorry about the bad belly today.

                  FWIW - my own experiences with alcohol have given me a different perspecive on addiction and abuse. There are different degrees, and both emotional and physical dependence. (You're thinking, 'I know this already, duh.") But knowing it and applying it to your own experience are very different. I have been totally emotionally dependent on alcohol in the form of wine at various stages. Not a lot. 1 or 2 glasses a day. But I HAD to have it. It was terrible to realize what a hold it had on me. And it was terrible to realize that it was totally up to me to end it, and that no one could do it for me, or even help very much. These days the wine sits in the fridge, a glass or two a week instead of every day. But I know that I could fall down that rabbit hole again. I used to think, "Why is it so terrible?" I allowed for the calories and carbs. But when you consider that I could have been eating nutrient dense real food instead of drinking empty calories, it was rather terrible.
                  My Primal Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread53052.html

                  "Freedom from fear" could be said to sum up the whole philosophy of human rights. - Dag Hammarskjold

                  Comment


                  • Tomi, those lumps look like heberden's nodes and are associated with osteoarthritis, not rheumatioid arthritis. Heberdens are found on the joint closest to the fingertip. If the nodes are on the middle joint they are called Bouchard's nodes.
                    Heberden's and Bouchard's nodes
                    Do Heberden's Nodes and Bouchard's Nodes Affect Finger Dexterity?

                    I have them and they tend to swell when I eat crap, especially wheat.

                    Comment


                    • Siobhan --- you're right about the emotional addiction. I have felt some of that. I think for me its more of a "spoiled brat" living in side me that says "BUT I WANT IT"!! The same goes for the ice cream and m&m's. Once I decide I'm not going to have it I can very easily forget its there. But yes, it is definitely a habit I want to break.

                      Right now - there's no rum to reach for which makes it very much a safe environment. I don't want it if its not within reach.

                      Marcadav -- thanks for that info! I've never heard of that but will definitely do some reading on it when I get home. And YES, I have noticed that mine tend to swell and hurt when I eat junk!

                      Lessons............. always learning lessons.

                      Have to work early today so no time to go through the journals Will have to catch up with everyone this afternoon.

                      Cyber hugs all around!
                      1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                      2. Eat to heal
                      3. Move to live
                      4. Embrace today
                      5. Live with intention
                      6. Respect my body
                      7. Cultivate joy
                      8. Find my passion
                      9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by marcadav View Post
                        Tomi, those lumps look like heberden's nodes and are associated with osteoarthritis, not rheumatioid arthritis. Heberdens are found on the joint closest to the fingertip. If the nodes are on the middle joint they are called Bouchard's nodes.
                        Heberden's and Bouchard's nodes
                        Do Heberden's Nodes and Bouchard's Nodes Affect Finger Dexterity?

                        I have them and they tend to swell when I eat crap, especially wheat.
                        Read about those nodes and it certainly seems to be the same thing that I have. Its comforting to know that they don't seem to effect hand dexterity at all Thanks again for the info.
                        1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                        2. Eat to heal
                        3. Move to live
                        4. Embrace today
                        5. Live with intention
                        6. Respect my body
                        7. Cultivate joy
                        8. Find my passion
                        9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                        Comment


                        • Work today was totally frustrating! the manager gave me the task of setting up all our insurance payments by means of electronic funds transfer. I was able to do all but one on my own. That one required his attention. He did what he thought was the correct method to set it up - but he put the doctor (owner of the clinic) down as the Administrator. By doing that it locked out everyone else until the Administrator went into the website and designated "users". The doc didn't want anything to do with that - We've been going round and round about this for a couple months now. Today the Rep for that insurance company was in the office and she helped up get it figured out - but it took lots more hours and energy than was necessary - had he set it up correctly the first time - or made a simple phone call to find out why we didn't have administrative access to the site. He instead kept pushing it off on me to find out what the problem was. GRRRRR.............. She made a phone call and requested the account be deleted so we could go back in and open a new account with the office manage as the administrator, and the biller and myself as users on the account. All I'm doing is putting in the bank info.......... the manager could do that himself in about 1 minute. GRRRR!

                          If he'd spend more time on clinic business and less time on planning their next vacation to Spain! He and the doc are partners, so business/pleasure/personal gets a bit muddy at the office.

                          I don't mean to make him sound awful - I actually really like him, and since the doc is more of a brother to me than a boss it makes him almost family as well. Like a brother-in-law I guess.

                          Anyway............ I need to purge all thoughts of the office because I am now off work until WEDNESDAY! FOUR full days with no responsibilities outside of my own home. This is not mom week so I don't have to think about doing that. I will work most of the day on Wednesday and that's all - just one day of work next week. I'm excited about that! next Thursday is my birthday and I didn't want to have to go to work so I'm happy to be FREE on that day!

                          So........ it is now 2:30 pm. I haven't eaten since 7 pm yesterday - I suppose I should take care of that. I'm feeling a bit empty and light headed so I'm sure my blood sugar is dropping.

                          We're planning a hike on Saturday - I thing I mentioned that a few days ago. I wonder if we'll make the entire 10 mile hike to see all 7 waterfalls. I would like to as I've never done it before. There are shorter hikes at this park - I think the shortest is 2.5 miles and it goes to 2 waterfalls. I'm looking forward to it. I need to get some food planned. Nuts, jerky, smoked salmon, fruit. I think I will take a diarrhea pill Saturday morning just to be sure my bowels won't ruin this trip. I'm sure hubby will have to work for a bit in the morning so we won't actually get going until at least noon. The 10 mile hike is supposed to be doable in a 1/2 day. We shall see............... Need to remember camera.

                          My weight is all over the place. One day its 188 the next 185 - up and down. I want to get it back under 180. I'm sure with my new resolve to no cheat and not have any alcohol I will see some progress. I need to do my workout today too - but first...... I need some food.
                          1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                          2. Eat to heal
                          3. Move to live
                          4. Embrace today
                          5. Live with intention
                          6. Respect my body
                          7. Cultivate joy
                          8. Find my passion
                          9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                          Comment


                          • When my weight was all over the place like that someone told me it sounded like inflammation. You know, they were right. After tracking for three months the weight swings corresponded to things that bothered my system.
                            Of all the paths you take in life, make sure a few of them are dirt.

                            Comment


                            • yup.............. I've been eating poorly for a couple weeks straight.

                              Just read Mark's post on the 6 week challenge. It was very inspiring. Since we are going on vacation mid-October I'm setting out on a 14 week challenge. I'm going to eat primal, but with fodmaps limitations. No alcohol. Some form of movement daily - jump rope, barre3, weights, bike, hike, kayak.

                              I want to go on vacation with a healthy gut, a strong body (for those Arizona dessert hikes), and hopefully wearing smaller clothes. I won't need to go shopping cuz I have a closet full of smaller sizes.

                              I have my tools in place and I think I'm ready to go. I think my biggest struggle is going to be keeping rum out of the house - and not eating junk when we're at the lake. I'm completely out of the habit of weighing/measuring food. I haven't done that for about 2 months. I still like to step on the scale daily, and that isn't going to change. I've gotten into the habit of eating meals when my body says its hungry - and stopping when I'm less than FULL. The snacking will have to stop - as one of the primal "rules" is no snacking between meals.

                              Here we go.................... 91 days until vacation.

                              Friday is my weigh day - so I will report every Friday on my weight and movement for the week. I don't plan on having any cheats - but if I do I will own up to it.

                              As for the birthday and reunion - I think I can navigate those without too much trouble. I don't like cake anymore - I might make a primal cheesecake or just have no dessert. The reunion is an informal gathering, no catering, no tickets to buy or dinner to pay for so I am not being forced to eat anything. Its being held at a small sports bar in the town I grew up in - and I don't like to drink at social gatherings so that's not an issue.
                              1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                              2. Eat to heal
                              3. Move to live
                              4. Embrace today
                              5. Live with intention
                              6. Respect my body
                              7. Cultivate joy
                              8. Find my passion
                              9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                              Comment


                              • so - I went 20 hours without eating - then ate 4 eggs and 3 slices of bacon. Two hours later my gut was cramping and I had to occupy the bathroom for about 20 minutes. How is it possible that I'm 50 pounds over weight when every time I eat I have diarrhea? That baffles me.

                                I need to remember THIS is why I'm trying to eat clean and heal my gut. I need to remember that every time I put sugar, wheat, alcohol or fructose in my mouth this is what is going to happen, and the healing is delayed again.
                                1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                                2. Eat to heal
                                3. Move to live
                                4. Embrace today
                                5. Live with intention
                                6. Respect my body
                                7. Cultivate joy
                                8. Find my passion
                                9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                                Comment

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