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Fibromyalgia and Fat - Tomi's story

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  • Yes - you're wise for being so young!

    I know what words to use - I just don't know if I really want to go there. In all honesty I'm wondering how much of his words are really true. Is he right in saying that its never enough for me? Am I demanding and bitchy? I guess that's what I'm trying to figure out and why I haven't talked to him about it. Do I want to say "your words hurt me deeply" ........ or do I need to say "your words were painful to me, but true and I'm very sorry". The other thing that he said is that I'm the one who eats all the junk food in the house........... now I KNOW that isn't true cuz I keep track of everything I eat - or did up until a month ago. So, that's HIS denial kicking in. When he made that statement I told him we won't be having any more junk food in the house if we're going to be pointing fingers at each other.

    So I'm really just trying to work out how I need to approach this. It might just be one of those conversations that is best left alone. If I open the conversation I had better know where I want to take it. If he really didn't mean the words he said I know he'll apologize - but, the words were said and can't be unheard now. They went from his mouth to my memory.

    We'll work it out............. we always do.
    1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
    2. Eat to heal
    3. Move to live
    4. Embrace today
    5. Live with intention
    6. Respect my body
    7. Cultivate joy
    8. Find my passion
    9. Meditate on peace in my soul

    Comment


    • I hope you find a way to express your feelings to him, Tomi.
      Primal since March 5, 2012
      SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



      Comment


      • I think it's best to start the conversation even if you don't have all the answers right away. I would hope that he would be willing to help you figure it all out, with kindness and patience.
        Depression Lies

        Comment


        • I sent him this text:

          The other night you said "its never enough for you". If you truly feel that way then I am deeply sorry. I want us both to move into the coming years with the best health possible. I don't want to be a nagging shrew about it. Those words have deeply hurt me.

          waiting for a response............. He's probably waiting until he can call me.
          1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
          2. Eat to heal
          3. Move to live
          4. Embrace today
          5. Live with intention
          6. Respect my body
          7. Cultivate joy
          8. Find my passion
          9. Meditate on peace in my soul

          Comment


          • hubby called. Said he was sorry and in a round about way said he didn't mean what he said and needed to handle frustrating situations better.
            1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
            2. Eat to heal
            3. Move to live
            4. Embrace today
            5. Live with intention
            6. Respect my body
            7. Cultivate joy
            8. Find my passion
            9. Meditate on peace in my soul

            Comment


            • Told you he didn't mean it.
              Of all the paths you take in life, make sure a few of them are dirt.

              Comment


              • I sure wish he'd choose his words better. I always try my best to NOT say things that I will need to apologize for later. Why let words fly out of your mouth that are going to hurt others if you don't truly mean them? Unless the objective is to hurt and nothing more. I just don't understand that kind of thinking.

                He's not that kind of person. He bends over backwards to be kind to people and to always be helpful and uplifting........... but with me, he tends to be a little more raw. I guess with me he doesn't feel he has to "be" anything so sometimes the unpleasant parts leak out. Whatever............ I guess its over and I need to move forward.

                My tummy is a mess today. But after what I ate yesterday there is really no way to pinpoint the cause. I ate the Melaleuca Bars (2) and I ate grapes and zucchini. The brown sugar was an insulin spiker - but it wasn't the cause of the gastric distress. So - could be the combo of the 3 since they are all fructose bombs. Zucchini and grapes are both on the lower fructose list - but maybe I just can't handle even a small amount? Or, the combined amount was just too much. The box for the bars says it has 6grams of sugar alcohols - and I ate 2 bars. I should have read the label before I ate them -- I KNOW polyols are a definite NO NO. Stupid.......... stupid............. stupid. I was emotionally compromised yesterday and just didn't care --- now today I'm paying for it. I think I'm gonna go back to bed. My gut feels like I have a little critter in there scratching and kicking to try to get out. I wish I knew of something healing and soothing that I could put in there to help calm the storm.
                1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                2. Eat to heal
                3. Move to live
                4. Embrace today
                5. Live with intention
                6. Respect my body
                7. Cultivate joy
                8. Find my passion
                9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                Comment


                • Ginger or peppermint tea?
                  Depression Lies

                  Comment


                  • You might want to think about writing things out. And taking the approach, I don't know if you meant what you said but I don't think I can get past our conversation until I let you know how it affected me. When you said xyz I felt 123
                    (and it needs to be a feeling not a "you statement").

                    If you think there was truth to the words he said you can say I can see why you said xxx and while it hurt to hear it, I will work on not doing/saying that.

                    Finally, if this tiff was related to your lifestyle(primal) and wanting your hubby to get on board I think you would be better served by dropping it. We can only change ourselves and we need to accept people as they are. The same is true for others accepting us.

                    If some of hubby's choices impact your goals in a negative way you first have to decide, for yourself, what you will and will not do. Then own your choices. Finally, hubby will learn to honor your boundaries when he sees you aren't going to be swayed.

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by tomi View Post
                      I sure wish he'd choose his words better. I always try my best to NOT say things that I will need to apologize for later. Why let words fly out of your mouth that are going to hurt others if you don't truly mean them? Unless the objective is to hurt and nothing more. I just don't understand that kind of thinking.

                      He's not that kind of person. He bends over backwards to be kind to people and to always be helpful and uplifting........... but with me, he tends to be a little more raw. I guess with me he doesn't feel he has to "be" anything so sometimes the unpleasant parts leak out. Whatever............ I guess its over and I need to move forward.

                      My tummy is a mess today. But after what I ate yesterday there is really no way to pinpoint the cause. I ate the Melaleuca Bars (2) and I ate grapes and zucchini. The brown sugar was an insulin spiker - but it wasn't the cause of the gastric distress. So - could be the combo of the 3 since they are all fructose bombs. Zucchini and grapes are both on the lower fructose list - but maybe I just can't handle even a small amount? Or, the combined amount was just too much. The box for the bars says it has 6grams of sugar alcohols - and I ate 2 bars. I should have read the label before I ate them -- I KNOW polyols are a definite NO NO. Stupid.......... stupid............. stupid. I was emotionally compromised yesterday and just didn't care --- now today I'm paying for it. I think I'm gonna go back to bed. My gut feels like I have a little critter in there scratching and kicking to try to get out. I wish I knew of something healing and soothing that I could put in there to help calm the storm.
                      Hang in there, regroup and keep going. Glad to know that your hubby called and you were able to express some of what you are feeling. Sending hugs ....
                      Everything's shiny, Cap'n. Not to fret.




                      Comment


                      • Thanks for the advice and care. I know he'll be kind of loving when he gets home tonight and he'll be sorry that his words hurt my feelings.

                        I tried to go back to sleep but I was freezing cold and just couldn't fall asleep so I got dressing and came back down to the living room where I started the pellet stove to warm my bones. When I have these tummy attacks I have a very hard time getting warm - maybe all the blood is pulled inward to try to heal the aching gut and spazing intestines. I took 2 anti-diarrhea pills and things have started to calm down. Its almost time to go get showered so I can go to work today.

                        I ate 3 eggs when I got up cuz my stomach was very hungry. Now I'm hungry again so I will have to find something to eat. I have some left over chicken to warm up.
                        1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                        2. Eat to heal
                        3. Move to live
                        4. Embrace today
                        5. Live with intention
                        6. Respect my body
                        7. Cultivate joy
                        8. Find my passion
                        9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                        Comment


                        • ate the chicken and now feeling a bit yucky again. Need to work today so need to be functional. maybe the pills I took earlier will keep the diarrhea at bay at least until I can do my work and come home. UGH.............. I did this to myself and I'm so pissed off about it!
                          1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                          2. Eat to heal
                          3. Move to live
                          4. Embrace today
                          5. Live with intention
                          6. Respect my body
                          7. Cultivate joy
                          8. Find my passion
                          9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                          Comment


                          • made it through the day with only a few tummy aches and no need to run for the bathroom. I'm munching on some left over Halibut. I took out steaks for dinner - but I'd rather go out. Just I'm so tired I don't want to cook. I've had 4 nights of poor sleep and its really catching up with me. Tomorrow is my early day in the office so I need to sleep soundly tonight.

                            I found out I'll have some time off at the end of the month due to programming upgrades. I have the opportunity of taking the entire week off if I want to - but I think I will work at least one day just so things don't get too backed up. It would be nice not to have to work on my birthday this year.

                            We're having a patio/fire pit gathering this weekend. Inviting our employees and their families, and some friends, and some of my family. Should be fun and the weather is supposed to be wonderful! Hubby and I are going shopping tonight for the food. We're going to slow roast a pork butt or shoulder and make a couple organic whole chickens. I'm the only one primal so the food will all be standard picnic fare. And since my gut is so sensitive these days I will do my best to eat only what I know won't give me troubles. I'm making my beef/bacon/bean casserole and potato salad. Dessert is smores made over the fire pit and a primal dessert of some sort. We're really looking forward to it.

                            I guess I'm starting to feel better about the conversation I had with hubby. He realizes he needs to choose his words more carefully. I'm still feeling a bit hurt, but I need to shake it off.
                            1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                            2. Eat to heal
                            3. Move to live
                            4. Embrace today
                            5. Live with intention
                            6. Respect my body
                            7. Cultivate joy
                            8. Find my passion
                            9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by marcadav View Post

                              Finally, if this tiff was related to your lifestyle(primal) and wanting your hubby to get on board I think you would be better served by dropping it. We can only change ourselves and we need to accept people as they are. The same is true for others accepting us.

                              If some of hubby's choices impact your goals in a negative way you first have to decide, for yourself, what you will and will not do. Then own your choices. Finally, hubby will learn to honor your boundaries when he sees you aren't going to be swayed.
                              ^^ THIS ^^

                              Perfect and exactly what you need to do. I have the feeling this was about primal and wanting hubby to get on board. You said yourself that if you force it, he'll fight and resist with all he's got. I think you'll need to lay off and let him come to it when he's ready.
                              Primal since March 5, 2012
                              SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



                              Comment


                              • things are back to normal between hubby and me.

                                gotta get ready for the gathering tomorrow night so I won't be on the computer much - hope everyone has a great day!
                                1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                                2. Eat to heal
                                3. Move to live
                                4. Embrace today
                                5. Live with intention
                                6. Respect my body
                                7. Cultivate joy
                                8. Find my passion
                                9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                                Comment

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