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Primal Journal (sjmc)

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  • #16
    It's been quite some time since I've written here. I graduated and moved to Amsterdam to study logic. I weigh more now, which I hate. I don't cook nearly as much here. For one thing, there's no oven. For another, I'm a weirdo and only use the kitchen early in the morning before my flatmate gets up. (But damn, my old meals look great, don't they?)

    I don't have any particular goal like I did the first time around. I'd love to be my skinny old self, but I've been wishing that for about two years now. I still eat once a day, most days. Maybe I shouldn't, since it doesn't seem to "work" for me, but it works for me.

    This morning after two instant espressos and an episode of Ally McBeal (I go through Robert Downey Jr. cycles, and in working my way through some of his earlier work, including a stint on the show, I discovered that it's a freaking great show), I headed to the gym.

    3 rounds of:
    Row 1 km
    10 push ups
    Run 1 km
    10 push ups

    For the meal, around 1, I had a mozzarella salad with lots of greens, an avocado and balsamic, and sliced cheese and chicken roll ups. A little while ago I also had a mug of shredded coconut with cinnamon for no good reason. But it was really good.

    Now I'm going to go giant picture crazy !!! First up, some of the eats that I have made using my shitty stovetop and/or microwave (Note all the tupperware. Cook in the morning, eat in the afternoon. I'm serious about my reclusiveness):

    Mashed cauliflower with mushrooms; coconut four dusted chicken and avocado.

    Beef, kale, and broccoli coconut curry with a hard-boiled egg.

    Return of the avocado cake.

    And now some miscellany. I had a Secret Sinterklaas exchange with some friends, wrapped my gift from scratch beautifully, and got scolded for showing up without it hidden (what?).

    My best doodles: The squares one lay dormant in my drawer for a few months, and I only recently finished it. The triangles were made during an especially boring AI class last year.

    Conclude mega post. = D


    • #17
      Felt good at the gym today. Every few days I've been doing this new routine where I go back and forth between the treadmill and the rower. Today it was:

      2 km running, 10 push ups
      1 km rowing, 10 push ups
      1 km running, 10 push ups
      1 km rowing, 10 push ups
      1 km running, 10 push ups

      I felt strong rowing. After the second go on the rower I had that great, totally spent, 'my face has a heartbeat' feeling. On the push ups I tried the "cambered hand" style that I read about recently (three areas of the hand touch the ground, instead of even distribution across palm and fingers ... hard to explain in few words, google) and liked it.

      Finished up with 3x10 lat raises with 6 kg, some of those 'front raises' (??), and a few more bouts of push ups interspersed. Fought the urge to do dips, since I can really tell when I do them too often. And two days in a row would be too often.

      Then cycled to the outdoor market and got a loooot of tasty grilled chicken and cheapo strawberries that I ate at home along with an avocado cake (one avocado, 2 eggs, cocoa powder).

      Now I've got some yogi aztec tea and a new episode of Grey's Anatomy to watch on the internet. Ahhhhh.


      • #18
        Did dips the other day. Probably about 40 (I should count...) Best set was 8.

        3 km row
        3 km run
        1 km row
        1 km run
        1 km row

        I decided a final km running to make 10 total was not worth completely ripping open the small tear developing on the side of my foot. Maybe next time I'm going for distance I'll wear socks . The rowing felt great, I picked it up big time during the choruses listening to my iPod. After a while I'm consistently sweating so much that holding onto the handle is tricky business.


        • #19
          I accidentally woke up at 5 this morning. I was also hella hungry since I'd eaten at noon the day before. I don't think it would've been an issue except that my stomach might have been confused as to why on earth I was up at all. I couldn't fall back asleep, so I watched an episode of The West Wing. I really enjoyed the Newsroom, and I read that Newsroom fans will like The West Wing since Aaron Sorkins wrote the first four seasons. It's basically the same show. First plot device: have someone's ex-girlfriend get hired behind his back. Much later when Josh's secretary Donna started telling him to "gather ye rosebuds" I flipped out. Anyway, I'm lovin' it. What a cast!

          So I just piddled around until the gym opened. Sometime after my two cups of coffee I realized I had been singing this joke youTube song in my head. It's about dogs that like socks, and it has this crazy double kick drum. It's not where your brain is supposed to be at that time of day. Or ever, really.

          At the gym:
          4 X 2X10 lat pull downs at 40 kg
          40 dips, best set was 9
          10 minutes on that cardio machine that feels like running through sand, in the air. (?) (not an elliptical)

          Confession: I watched the entirety of the first season of The West Wing in 2 days.


          • #20
            OK. Trying hard for awhile. Countin' calories 'n shit.

            Yesterday I poached 1 kg of chicken breasts, micro'd 1 kg of sweet potatoes, hard boiled 10 eggs, and cooked a head of broccoli. I'm gonna see if I can make this last at least 4 days (cooking more veggies of course, I've got a cabbage hanging around). Today I ate all the broccoli, one of the chicken breasts (200 g), one of the sweet potatoes (250 g), and 2 of the eggs. Cronometer tells me that that's 690 calories. It's an even split between fat and protein 40%, with 20% fat at just 17 g. I was chewing for an hour and a half.

            This morning I had two "cappuccinos" which I put in quotes because they are small ones out of an unmanned machine and I'm not going to bother counting them so, uh, shoot me. Around 1 o'clock I went to the gym and ran for 30 minutes and did 50 push ups while stretching. I ate at 3. Will eat again at 5 tomorrow, most likely.

            I think tomorrow I will also go ahead and pick up some fruit, maybe some non-fat yogurt to dip it in too, as long as I'm doing this whole calorie restriction thing and not worrying about carbs. Though, look at me, hehe, so low calorie that I'm eating 40% carbs and still at only 70g of them. We'll see how long that lasts though. The fact is that I've just been getting fatter and fatter for two years and if there's something "the matter" with me this won't make it any worse.

            West Wing season 6 is SO GOOD.


            • #21
              Repeat food day. Two small milky coffees while working this morning (they are free at the building we just moved to. FREE.) Biked to and from class, 10 km total (working up a sweat on the way back, since I have back-to-back class). Some douche behind me was smacking his gum around. The other day this other douche had a cold that kept him from breathing through his nose. Then the asshole ate an apple. I seriously worry that one day I am going to totally lose my shit at one of these people. I get unhealthily worked up on the inside at people's nasty noises. But I'm like the Hulk, I just can't turn it off.

              So then it was off to the gym (forgot a hair tie. damnit damnit damnit. luckily I live 5 minutes away). 20 minutes on the treadmill. I felt great, and ignored the fact that the blister under my toe had riiippppped. Ow. 20 tricep dips for the hell of it.

              I ate the same meal as yesterday, but subbed 1/3 of a smallish cabbage for the vegetable. Again it was 1.5 hours of straight chewing. I didn't WANT anymore. Although the sweet potato is damn tasty. Looking at 670 calories, again pretty much a 40/40/20 C/P/F split. Began eating at 6:30 so between a 26 and 27.5 hour fast depending how you clock it.


              • #22
                Four-hour class this morning, so rather a lot of caffeine. Biking to and fro again. To the gym for 2 km of hard rowing (approximately 9 minutes. I am super short). I dropped by the Albert Heijn and every single thing I bought was on bonus. Well not the eggs. But I buy the cheap ones anyway because I feel incessant guilt over spending my parents' money.

                I ate exactly the same thing as yesterday, plus a 250 g container of romaatjes, at around 3 pm. Last night I awoke at around 3 am to use the bathroom and I was unbelievably hungry. It was incredibly uncomfortable. So I watched an episode of The West Wing, the one from season 6 about Cuba where we get another glimpse of a sloshed Leo. I *hated* that scene. Somehow drunk Leo comes off as really salacious to me, I think? (for no good reason, just a creep vibe). There's something weird about John Spencer having to try to act too hard -- like when he has his heart attack. That was crazy. It was like what a child would do if you asked her to pretend to die.


                • #23
                  Did not experience overpowering hunger today and actually slept pretty well. And the days are getting long here which makes me sooo much happier. Waking up to sunlight is the best. Got some work done today, after crushing five games of sub-100 second expert minesweeper. Then to the gym -- ran 30 minutes. There are probably three or so layers to the blister under my toe now. Then some dips (about 20) interspersed with lat pulldowns (4 x 8 x 40 kg plus one of those 'add ons' ??).

                  Ate the same as yesterday but with apple swapped for tomatoes, at 2 pm. So more carbs, and slightly more calories total (750 calories, 90 g carbs). The chicken breasts I poached on Sunday are pretty dry now ... chewing was quite the endeavor. Excited to have broccoli tomorrow instead of cabbage. LAWL.


                  • #24
                    Mmmkay today cycled to and from classes, ran 20 minutes at the gym and did about 50 push ups (the first set I knocked out 18 and it felt amazing). I ate at 4. Last of the chicken (which I think had something slimy growing on it, that smelled yeasty... I washed it and ate it anyway... so far so good...), 500 g of broccoli (oh mah god, too much), 375 g of potatoes (since that was 1/4 of the 1.5 kg I had boiled and placed in equal amounts in two tupperwares... I can't measure unless I can eye it with fractions!), 2 eggs, and an apple. So full. I ate the potatoes but I didn't enjoy them. Next time mustard. I wish I had gotten another bag of sweet potatoes!

                    Calories at 920 today. I'm not even a fan of the potatoes and the apple. Boring. But I still have 1100 g of potatoes and 4 apples to eat. = (

                    I have a paper to write this weekend, so it would be quite a pain in the ass if I get distractedly hungry. We have finally been issued our "droppel keys" to get into the new building after hours, so I'll take my work to the computer lab and hook up an IV to the free coffee machine.

                    Oh by the way the broccoli is covered in "vindaloo" spice from Penzy's. Vindaloo spice on all the things.


                    • #25
                      I had the building all to myself this morning and got some work done. At the gym I rowed 5k for the first time ever. Felt pretty good. Going to Albert Heijn afterward was awful because it was so busy and I hate crowds.

                      At around 2 I had another 375 g of potatoes w/ mustard this time, 2 eggs, 250 g tomatoes, 250 g strawberries, and 500 g of greek yogurt. Bleh. Gross. Not tasty. And all it had was the foil cover! I *li-trally* had to eat it all. And I was low on protein even according to Cronometer's standards. Well it is what it is. At least I'll have tea later. And poach new chicken in the morning. 840 calories. I want some freaking beef but it is le expensive (actually it's probably just that my brain is still primed for interpreting prices as "per pound" so I see the costs and recoil unnecessarily). Maybe I'll just have a butt-ton of eggs for protein tomorrow. I wanted to get canned fish at the store today but did not care to crouch and read labels with all these people up in mah space.


                      • #26
                        Worked a few hours this morning, then a nice stroll to the store to pick up red cabbage, sweet potatoes, and sardines for the coming days, and *emergency* toilet paper. I went to campus super early this morning just so I could potty there and leave my roommate the dredges of a roll... I hope everything went OK for her. Ahaha.

                        No strenuous work today... I did bust out 20 push ups in a row though, ! Just under 1000 calories and quite full. Trying to keep portions that are easy to count has led to me endeavoring to eat too much food (i.e. there were 6 breasts to the kg package I bought, so I'll eat them in 2's instead of 1 since 1 isn't enough --> too much chicken; I can eyeball half a tupperware of potatoes --> too many potatoes). Hmm.

                        Must read about Kant and the formality of logic.
                        Must not watch The West Wing all evening.


                        • #27
                          Worked at campus for about 5 hours this morning, mega-caffeinated, then ran 20 minutes at the gym and did 30 dips. (Yesterday later in the evening I did another set of 20 consecutive push ups -- eff yeah!)

                          At 4 pm I had remaining potatoes and mustard (they're under there), with broccoli, can of sardines, and an egg. You can bet that olive-oily, fishy mush was duhlicious. Oh and an apple. I ate it first, and good thing, because it was kind of mealy. Calories 820.

                          Well hello there, moderately photogenic food! You've been gone a few days.

                          Now to find out if Toby goes to jail for leaking the story about a US military space shuttle DON'T TELL MEH!


                          • #28
                            Woke at seven (YAY SUNLIGHT) and boiled red cabbage and micro'd sweet potatoes. The "cabbage water" is SO dark but it doesn't taste as good as other veggie water so I bottled it and put it in the fridge. Worked in the morning (I drank several "wiener melange" from the coffee machine, which are like cappuccinos but chocolate-y. There is an option to add sugar, which I decline, but still I don't think I can pretend that these guys don't count). Then class. And class. Two FAST kilometers on the rower at the gym. I like working out at the end of the day, right before eating, and going straight to school early in the morning ... but the bros. The bros at the gym in the afternoon. Get up and move away from the equipment I'm eyeing while you look at your phone for five minutes in between sets.

                            Ate at 6. Calories 730. There's cabbage under them hills of mushy mushy canned spinach. <3 canned spinach.

                            Ugh apples, go away. I don't want you without spoonfuls of peanut butter. Yeah... that happened the weekend before I came back at this journal with such a vengeance.


                            • #29
                              Boring day. Long class in the morning, no real workout on the agenda (which you may interpret as: just not really feelin' it today and will sweat some buckets tomorrow)--push ups throughout the evening, probably. 775 calories at 2 pm. Those are 3 leaves of red cabbage under the chicken. I wrapped up the chicken and dipped in dijon mosterd and was on the verge of tears the whole time. This was some very potent stuff.

                              Also I stopped at Albert Heijn on the way home to see if there were any veggies on sale, and the price of broccoli and brussels sprouts just keeps going up and up and up. Wtf. I'm regretting having bought the red cabbage. It just doesn't taste very good and it takes for-freaking-ever to eat a cabbage.


                              • #30
                                Ran 30 minutes at the gym (felt great) and lat pulls 4 x 10.
                                Ate 820 calories at around 2 pm. The plantain is approximately 240 kg with the peel ... nearly 300 calories. I guess it's just got more sugar than a sweet potato. Very tasty. I didn't know they're such a PITA to peel. I got a little messy. Then I got really messy, cause I ate it all with my hands. I don't know why, but it was nice.

                                Next Saturday (1 week plus a few days from now) my best friend from college is staying with me for a few days. It will be a natural time to have a period of eating more (like a lot more, I imagine) as we'll be eating out, and she is one of those people who gets "hangry" haha. She'll let me skip breakfast I'm sure but I'm not going to make her feel like a freak eating lunch alone. I'm excited to have rijstaffel (Indonesian), some Surinamese, get some traditional stamppot, drink alotta beer, too, since I pretty much never take myself out to eat. I have had kapsalon (low quality frozen french fries fried in gross oil topped with cheese, shwarma, and mayonnaise from a Turkish fast food place) a few times, whilst nursing a hangover. I'm such a cliche.

                                Wondering if I should give myself a high-calorie day this weekend or just wait. That's code for "I've caught myself day dreaming about using dates and rice cakes as spoons for peanut butter."