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My Journey from Sugar Burner to Fat Burner - jenn26point2's Primal Journal

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  • I told myself that my MIL doesn't matter. Her problems are not my problems and I won't let her problems (or her inflexibility, closemindedness or ignorance) bring me down.

    With my paper, I did what I could... I emailed my professor to explain to him that I'm struggling with it and would like more time. It was like immediately after I asked for the extra time, even without hearing back from him yet, the ideas came to me and I was able to outline my paper.

    I think stepping back and looking at things as they are and not what I see them as being, keeping them in perspective, if you will, is what helped. I can't help MIL if she doesn't want the help. If I can't get my paper done on time, I can't get it done... the world isn't going to come crashing to a halt and it won't make me any less of a person if I can't convert one person who desperately needs it to paleo or if I don't turn the paper in by midnight tonight.

    I'll just continue working on me and screw everyone else. lol

    Then I ate some almonds - I think the almonds actually did all the work.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



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    • Originally posted by jenn26point2 View Post
      I'll just continue working on me and screw everyone else. lol
      Here, here!
      Depression Lies

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      • When people feel threatened, even a helpful mention feels like force-feeding to them. They aren't right, but that doesn't change anything.

        If my MIL gets hostile, I will stop talking about it altogether. She probably won't get hostile, but I rather doubt she'll change anything. You never know though, she's more open-minded than her husband. But there's no way she will read anything about it; her comprehension of written English is very, very low.

        We can still love these people, but we have to accept that we make them do what is good for them. We go through similar things with our kids, and more so as they get older and we no longer have the obligation, or even the right, to make decisions for them. It is a very difficult thing to learn. BTW, I found my MIL very difficult to handle when I was younger. We've both learned to get along better with each other over the years. Now she considers herself blessed by who her kids have married. Not that she ever disliked me, but it took her a while to get over trying to make me into her idea of a perfect DIL. Luckily we lived out of town... And I had a lot of rough edges that needed smoothing too, to be quite honest. That said, I never invite her over to our place. She's a housework freak, and I have CFS, and she just cannot wrap her head around the fact that I am incapable, not unwilling, of living up to her standards, or even mine for that matter. So she doesn't get invited. FIL neither, of course, although the reasons are slightly different there. DH is in perfect agreement; he knows how difficult they can be, more for him really. Better to visit them; we can find a reason to leave more easily than a reason to get them to leave. It's a tricky thing, learning to love prickly people, but it can be done.
        5'2", 55 years, Primal since April. Pre-Primal weight loss, from 216.6 to 157.8
        Primal low: 140.2 (Dec. 3) Goal weight: 135?
        Main Primal goal: beating back my CFS enough to function more normally and start writing again

        More and more, our life has been governed by specialists, who know too little of what lies outside their province to be able to know enough about what takes place within it.
        - Lewis Mumford

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        • When she was first diagnosed, I had never heard of fibro before, so I started researching what it was. Of course, I learned that a 'clean diet' can help it, so I mentioned this to her. Her response was "it doesn't work for all". I should have taken the hint then that she wasn't going to change her diet, even to test out the hypothesis that it COULD help... She did, however, give up beer... she was a more enjoyable person (from my perspective) when she was still drinking beer.

          I agree with the guest thing... I don't keep as clean a house as MIL either and I cringe everytime she stops by...
          Primal since March 5, 2012
          SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



          Comment


          • Originally posted by jenn26point2 View Post
            Judg, I don't feel what I did was force feeding. I found 3 great articles from a Paleo based facebook group that I shared on my wall and tagged her in thinking they'd be of interest to her. She indicated she wasn't interested so I said "well... disregard then. Just thought I'd share what I stumbled upon". She has since commented the she deserves some credit after spending 3+ years researching, going to mayo, blah blah blah..." and ended with "wasn't meant to offend". I won't respond, b/c like I said, I'm over trying to help her.

            I wish you luck with your MIL. I think I'm done advocating. I'm just going to live the life and enjoy it and internally shake my head at all the fools who won't listen. Such a shame how ignorance seems to be a way of life now.

            Tomi or Kim, if either of you would be interested in the links I found, I'll be glad to share them with you. Not sure if they'll be of any benefit to you, Judg, given you have a different health complication, but you're welcome to them as well.
            I'd be interested in the links, please! I'd add you to my Fb, but I post a lot in Dutch, don't know if you would mind...
            My Journal: Candy in Primal Wonderland
            My Blog: Candy in Wonderland
            Goal for 2012: keep weight steady (+/- 74 kg): check
            Goal for 2013: lose 10 kg and keep new weight (+/- 65 kg)

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            • I don't mind if you post in Dutch... unless you want me to know what's going on, that is. lol I could just message them to you if you want to message me. my FB account can be found here: www.facebook.com/jstyler3b
              Primal since March 5, 2012
              SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



              Comment


              • I'd like to have the links thank you!

                You're doing the right thing by letting go of trying to help MIL when she obviously isn't looking for any help. Like my sister, who is 400 pounds, and can barely function due to the weight, the pain, stiffness and fatigue. And then the brain fog! I thought I could be an example for her - show her what is possible by cleaning up the diet and actually moving my body even when I don't want to. But, now she says - "well, I've had this thing for 10 years longer than you have so there is much more damage". Whatever...... Stay in your miserable state and watch me run circles around you! Makes me mad that she would choose to stay in that pit of pain and dispair when there is another option. No, its not easy to completely change the way you eat and see food --- and to force yourself to get outside and walk when its so much easier to sit on the couch and eat oreos - spiking your already diabetic bloodstream with sugar! Further killing your pancrease. Whatever. Yes, I still get angry about it - but its her life, and I need to respect that she must live with the choices she makes. I can't force her to get well, even though I have the formula. She's 66 years old, and I don't expect her to do anything except try to lose some weight with CW - on her diabetic diet that still allows for too many carbs. Honestly I expect her heart will give out in the near future. Its sad........ but its her life.
                1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                2. Eat to heal
                3. Move to live
                4. Embrace today
                5. Live with intention
                6. Respect my body
                7. Cultivate joy
                8. Find my passion
                9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                Comment


                • I would be interested in the links too. Always looking for information.

                  I think, as sad as it is to say, that some people do enjoy being sick. They like the attention and excuses. They don't know how to relate in any other way. They want the sympathy. The girl I worked with would have a splint on a wrist one week, a sling on a shoulder the next, a brace on her ankle after that. It was constant. She would drag around like she was near death. I understand, I've been there, although I have been accused of not truly having fibro too.

                  I found that I NEEDED to move. I started doing Kung fu and Muay Thai kickboxing at my heaviest weight of 230 after I was told to walk and do water aerobics, which did nothing for me and even made me worse at times. I found that I loved to hit pads and do knife drills and forms and figured I was in pain if I did classes, or didn't do classes, so I chose to move. That was before dietary changes.

                  Anyway, the girl would ask for links, I'd send them, months later she'd ask again, I'd send it, and on and on. I got healthier in front of her, dropping 55 pounds (I didn't stay that low), working out, feeling great, but she wallowed in the misery, pain, horrible weight gain (probably 80 pounds while I worked there), and said she couldn't change her eating.

                  I think people that have been ill for so long can't imagine life without the illness. It's scary. Who will they be? They won't have an excuse to not be active. They won't have pity and attention. They can't wrap their head around something so completely opposite of who and what they have become.

                  Anyway, back to your regularly scheduled journal! Which I still stalk and enjoy!

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                  • I'll message you on FB if you prefer to send the links there.

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                    • KimT is really on to something. It's like excons who re-offend deliberately to get back to the only environment they know how to function in. I've seen people do that in other ways too. Succeeding means taking personal responsibility, launching into the unknown, FACING THE POSSIBILITY OF TRYING AND FAILING, when they have life as it is all figured out. That can be very scary for people. People in general, especially after becoming adults, actively resist change until the status quo has become too painful to bear. It has been a huge battle for me to at once learn to live with the limitations of chronic fatigue and yet not accept them as inevitable. If I don't accept the limitations, I push too hard and do more damage than good. If I do accept them, I am doomed to never get better. The space between the two is very narrow. And maybe these people are facing their own psychological tightrope. If they're not even conscious of it, it is that much more frightening, so they retreat into the known.
                      5'2", 55 years, Primal since April. Pre-Primal weight loss, from 216.6 to 157.8
                      Primal low: 140.2 (Dec. 3) Goal weight: 135?
                      Main Primal goal: beating back my CFS enough to function more normally and start writing again

                      More and more, our life has been governed by specialists, who know too little of what lies outside their province to be able to know enough about what takes place within it.
                      - Lewis Mumford

                      Comment


                      • Judg - I'm right there with you on trying to find the balance. I want so much to be able to do whatever my heart desires and not be limited by the impending pain and fatigue! I'm not there yet - but hopeful that as I continue to eat properly, and move in a way that is respectful to my needs I will keep getting better. The past 2 days I over did a little so today is rest and recovery day. Tomorrow I will venture out and walk again.

                        We all must deal or not deal with what life gives us in our personal way.
                        1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                        2. Eat to heal
                        3. Move to live
                        4. Embrace today
                        5. Live with intention
                        6. Respect my body
                        7. Cultivate joy
                        8. Find my passion
                        9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                        Comment


                        • Tomi, if I may, I think you increased your walking distance too much, too soon. When I started I began with 5 minutes/day and increased by minutes not miles. So, I would suggest if you are comfortable walking one mile then just add a few more minutes to that mile. After a few days, if no discomfort, add a few more minutes. Just keep adding a few minutes every few days or once a week. Before you know it you will be doing your 3 miles, comfortably.

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                          • Jenn - sorry for highjack........

                            Marcadav --- you're right. I tend to dive in rather than wade in! I too started with a 5 minute walk and worked my way up to 2 miles. I jumped to the 3 miles only to fullfill my desire to walk for 5 hours a week. I could walk slower and go less distance. But I walk at a comfortable pace. I was shocked to see that I had walked from Wallace House Park to Cummings Elementary and back in 1 hour! And today I'm taking it easy........ Thanks for the concern and guidance - I will take it easier tomorrow and cover less distance for sure!

                            OKAY - Jenn........... back to you!
                            1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                            2. Eat to heal
                            3. Move to live
                            4. Embrace today
                            5. Live with intention
                            6. Respect my body
                            7. Cultivate joy
                            8. Find my passion
                            9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                            Comment


                            • "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure." -Marianne Williamson

                              We know how to be sick/fat/afraid/whatever. Being healthy/strong/brave/whatever is too overwhelming for some of us. And all of us, sometimes. I am just glad that I am doing a little better, bit by bit. I try to be compassionate...but it can be hard!

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                              • My boss's flight should be landing any minute now, and then he'll be coming into the office... I wonder if he'll say anything remotely close to an apology...

                                Busy day today. I have GOT to finish up this paper, so I'm not going to be here. I must restrain myself and stay away from the message boards today. I MUST get this paper done!! I don't want to be working on it this weekend. So, with that, ladies (and any gents), I bid you a good weekend.

                                (Yeah, right... who am I kidding?? I'll pop in at least two more times. lol)
                                Primal since March 5, 2012
                                SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



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