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My Journey from Sugar Burner to Fat Burner - jenn26point2's Primal Journal

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  • Honestly, Tomi, I have absolutely zero interest in talking to him right now... like none, whatsoever.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



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    • so, I take it that means those were Brads words........ or your interpretation of his words?

      Sorry, Jenn. I hope it gets worked out very soon.
      1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
      2. Eat to heal
      3. Move to live
      4. Embrace today
      5. Live with intention
      6. Respect my body
      7. Cultivate joy
      8. Find my passion
      9. Meditate on peace in my soul

      Comment


      • They were his... no interpretation needed.
        Primal since March 5, 2012
        SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



        Comment


        • Ouch. So he gets his race car tinkering and driving and all that and you, to be a "good mom" get nothing? Um, yeah, so not okay.

          As said by others, you might be better off doing what you can to find some other childcare placement that does not include inlaws. For your own mental health, if nothing else.
          My musings

          The old stuff

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          • *hugs* for the family drama. That all thoroughly suck a sloppy wet one.
            As to Brad's take on it, I'm at a loss. That makes so very little sense. He gets ALLL this him time, but you take you time AT ALL, and it's too much? Sounds like a double standard.
            As to MIL/ SIL, it smells like a giant cop out. Not just the racing track stuff, but the "Oh, I'm pregnant, I can't do my damn job and neither can Mom" stuff too.
            Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
            My Latest Journal

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            • I don't even know what to think or say or do and so I've remained silent, and will remain silent til I figure out how to handle this. The things he wrote in that email were hurtful. And I guess that's the opinion of everyone on that side...
              Last edited by jenn26point2; 04-17-2014, 06:23 AM.
              Primal since March 5, 2012
              SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



              Comment


              • So sorry, Jenn............ the whole thing stinks! and seems totally unfair to me. My opinion....... don't give up the things you do for you. If you give up the things you love and feel are important for enriching your soul and your mind then you will end up resenting those who insisted you give them up. And - if you don't take care of yourself you will have nothing to give to others. Brad needs to know how deeply his words/feelings/thoughts have hurt you. MIL/SIL can go ......... well, you know. Find other daycare for the kids even if it isn't as convenient for you for a while - even if you have to pay a little extra to have transportation for your kids from daycare to school. Next year you can do the latchkey with both kids right?? So, you just need to find an option for the rest of the school year and for the summer.
                1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                2. Eat to heal
                3. Move to live
                4. Embrace today
                5. Live with intention
                6. Respect my body
                7. Cultivate joy
                8. Find my passion
                9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                Comment


                • Brad and I are on speaking terms again... but I'm still pissed and hurt. The problem is that he just says what he thinks and doesn't take the time or effort to soften the blow or think about how what he's saying will make people feel - he has no filter, if you will. This is why I worry about how he'll react to things and tend to keep things from him - he speaks before thinking... I am still not ready to talk to him about what he said b/c I don't feel I'm over the hurt and anger enough to say something without making a bigger mess of it all.

                  MIL/SIL - I have zero interest in speaking to them. Absolutely none. SIL hasn't done anything directly, but she's so much like her mom that I'm sure she's right by her side. She also has a perfect husband who also has no faults per that side of the family...

                  I thought about going over to the garage earlier, but the thought of having to say hi to MIL kept me home. This may continue for quite some time. I've always felt like I was being judged based on how she did/does things and it's always bothered me. Now that I know she thinks I'm such a bad mom that she can't stand to be around me with the kids anymore... well, that just seals the deal. F*ck her and her pristine white horse. I am not perfect. I have never claimed to be perfect. I know I have shortcomings. I know I have things I need to work on. It's hard enough to be fully aware of your shortcomings and not despise yourself for them - I don't need others pointing them out to me and judging me based on them and making me feel even less adequate.

                  My house is often messy - but it's livable... there are always clean dishes to eat off of, clean clothes to wear, and clean beds to sleep in - I'm not concerned by a few pairs of worn socks or toys being scattered about. I forget things constantly and have to have reminders on my phone and calendar and I have to write notes about everything. I'm impatient. My kids faces are frequently messy. There are days I don't do anything with Makenna's hair - and I don't mean I don't do it up nice - I mean somedays I don't even brush it - it all depends on her mood that day. I try but if she throws a fit, I let it go... MIL/SIL made it a point to put her hair up everyday last summer and commented that it was fun to do a girl's hair so I let them do it... didn't realize they found fault in my leaving the hair dos up to them... But my kids are fed. They have clean clothes. They are safe. They get lots of hugs and cuddles and kisses and I love yous. I bathe them and tuck them in every night. I tuck them back in if they wake up at night... I guess if that's not enough, I'm a failure as a mother... guess it's only right that I also be a failure as a wife, gardener, bill payer (b/c wouldn't you know it, the bank sent a "reminder" that our boat payment was due on the 5th and it wasn't me that opened it), and everything else... It seems to me the only thing I AM good at is running and that's subject to interpretation too... I also have no friends and am lonely quite often, so I guess I've got it all going for me, huh? It's a wonder I have anything at all to be happy with...

                  And at this moment in time, I'm having a really difficult time thinking of anything...
                  Primal since March 5, 2012
                  SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



                  Comment


                  • Jenn -- I know this is a hard thing to do....... but turn off the noise in your head that is telling you what OTHERS are thinking or saying about you. THEY don't matter! You're a good mom and wife - stop there. You run because you love it --- stop there. You love your kids and your husband - stop there.

                    Don't let others dictate what you think and feel about yourself. SCREW THEM!

                    Go home tonight and look at the smiles on your kids faces........ feel their hugs and hear their laughter! THAT is all you need to know you are a success in what you do.
                    1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                    2. Eat to heal
                    3. Move to live
                    4. Embrace today
                    5. Live with intention
                    6. Respect my body
                    7. Cultivate joy
                    8. Find my passion
                    9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                    Comment


                    • Remember that invite I sent to all the ladies on my Facebook friends list? SIL initially RSVP'd yes... she has since changed her RSVP to no... That's nice... It's so hard not to care.
                      Primal since March 5, 2012
                      SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



                      Comment


                      • Jenn, I know you are, understandably, feeling raw but please remember your SIL's no, speaks volumes about HER. It says nothing about YOU.

                        Comment


                        • ^ this exactly!! I can't imagine your SIL and myself being friends. Nope!


                          Sent from my iPhone using Marks Daily Apple Forum
                          1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                          2. Eat to heal
                          3. Move to live
                          4. Embrace today
                          5. Live with intention
                          6. Respect my body
                          7. Cultivate joy
                          8. Find my passion
                          9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                          Comment


                          • ..
                            It's not bullshit. You knew we would be there around 5:30-5:45 so I have no idea why you thought leaving at 5 was a good idea when you had to stop at hy-vee and get cash. I wish you had taken the time to let them know you got delayed but that is over now. The time thing was nothing intentional or anything like that.
                            As for not paying attention to the kids, maybe you don't see it but the rest of us do. I have made comments to you and put it in emails to you before that I have a problem with the amount of time you spend on the phone/computer. Every time you get defensive and we fight about it, and the finger pointing stops. Her text is not all based on one night. This has been building for a while because you do the exact same thing whenever we take the kids somewhere whether it be her house, your moms, your dads, anywhere. When we were loading up the car for practice you were standing there on your phone the whole time we loaded. I couldn't care less who called or who texted you, they can wait until you sit down and talk to your children first. This goes clear back to the discussion we had in bed about how I feel you treat me. I see the same thing towards the kids. You don't even fix Makenna's hair in the morning. Do you really think that is ok? What if we had a different daycare? You take on so much stuff and don't leave time for any of us. Now you are going to train for a 2nd marathon, start doing the 31 parties, plant the garden (which will be full of weeds in a month), make dinner when you get home, spend time talking or searching or blogging or whatever you do on the phone/computer, and still have time to be a Mother and Wife. I don't know how you expect that to work. I already know what your response is going to be, you are going to push the blame off on to me and say that what I am saying is all bs and play it off as I am perfect and just criticizing you. It's what you do every time we go through this. I'm not a better person, I have my own list of flaws but the difference is that I can look in the mirror and say that it's my fault and I need to make it better (I have been miserable thinking about how I treated Brady last night and it wasn't all his fault. I got pissed and flew off the handle and I was wrong to do that.) I have been thinking about what to say and how to apologize to him all day.. It doesn't seem like you are willing to do that. Your actions say that you can't because nothing changes. After our talk/argument in bed a few weeks ago, nothing changes. After I send emails trying to tell you how I feel, nothing changes. I'm at a loss on what to do.

                            Just read your 2nd email...

                            Watching them and paying attention to them are 2 different things. If you are playing/talking on your phone then you are not paying attention to them. When you got there did you say hi to them, give them a hug, act happy to see them or anything else? No, because you were on your phone. She has brought this to my attention a couple different times. I tried to keep everyone happy by just talking to you about the phone/computer time but it always turns in to a finger pointing defensive fight. The reason I forwarded you her text was because I am tired of it. I wish she would have just sat down and told you how she felt instead of doing this, which I am going to talk to her about tonight. I'm pretty sure that your mom was the way with you that you are with our kids, maybe that's why you don't see what the rest of us do. It needs to change, I don't care how, but it needs to. I commented on your post about running the QCM and said that you need to decide what you priorities are and I mean that. Sorry to send this all in an email but I am in the "letting it all out" kind of mood. I love you.
                            Primal since March 5, 2012
                            SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



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                            • Geezus, that is a lot. I hope you're doing well enough today... *hugs*

                              How do you feel about his response?
                              Depression Lies

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                              • resentment, hatred, worthless, unappreciated, attacked.
                                Primal since March 5, 2012
                                SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



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