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My Journey from Sugar Burner to Fat Burner - jenn26point2's Primal Journal

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  • I also wanted to mention in my other post that its not about the quantity of sex, but the quality. We don't have sex frequently here on the prairie...but when we do...it can rock my world(& his!) Even at our age!! Like Judg said it gets a bit more challenging as we get older...especially for the guys...but there's ways around that too. But when we were younger it was more frequent. And I didn't always "feel" like it...but after a bit I could always get into it & he always saw to my satisfaction before his own. Each couple has to decide how much is right for them. Never bought in to the "normal couples have sex 3 times a week" advice that I read one time. Yeah in who's world?? My honey worked a very physical job when we were younger & he was exhausted when he came home from work. And if it was in the dead of summer? Yeah...it was all he could do to make it up the stairs...much less "make it" anywhere else!!! lol So again...the point is...every couple is different. Now as an aside...I had a friend one time whose hubby wanted it every. damn. night. Sometimes twice!! I always wondered if there was a male version of a nymphomaniac...but I digress. Thank the goddess I never had that issue with my dh.

    I also agree with what Judg said about him maybe being a little stressed that its "his fault". Men are way more sensitive I think about "performance" than we are.

    And really to share "intimacy" it doesn't always have to be about sex. Do ya'll hold hands? Hug alot? Kiss? Touch each other (& it doesn't have to be in "sexual" way either.) I think these little things make a woman feel more conducive to being open to sex. I know it does for me. I'm a very touchy feeling kind of person...& he wasn't...in the beginning...unless he wanted a little mattress motion. I've trained him that I need those little things... & sometimes I have to gently "nudge" him to remember to do more of it. Its so easy to get wrapped up in the every day workings of life that you forget the little things.

    Just try & remember why you fell in love with him in the first place!! Remember some of those good times back then. We've been married 38 years...& we've had our shares of ups & downs...but I'm still as much in love with him as I ever was. There is a lyric in an old Clint Black song (I LOVE love songs!! lol) "love isn't something that we're in...its something that we do". I always loved that line. It doesn't happen by osmosis...it has to be worked at.

    ok...I'm done & I hope I haven't said more than I should. Its not easy to share & write all this stuff down. I actually considered going back & deleting my other post, but if it could help in some small way I decided to leave it. This one too.

    {{{{big hugs}}}}
    Goal: Don't worry be happy!

    Comment


    • you're getting some really good advice - from us "older gals". Please know that we have all been through the duldrums and stress of family, jobs and just feeling like you can't give anymore! Keep talking........... to us, but even more, to your husband.
      1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
      2. Eat to heal
      3. Move to live
      4. Embrace today
      5. Live with intention
      6. Respect my body
      7. Cultivate joy
      8. Find my passion
      9. Meditate on peace in my soul

      Comment


      • Being an old gal has to have its occasional upsides... Having made it through a few of these things is one of them.
        5'2", 55 years, Primal since April. Pre-Primal weight loss, from 216.6 to 157.8
        Primal low: 140.2 (Dec. 3) Goal weight: 135?
        Main Primal goal: beating back my CFS enough to function more normally and start writing again

        More and more, our life has been governed by specialists, who know too little of what lies outside their province to be able to know enough about what takes place within it.
        - Lewis Mumford

        Comment


        • amen judg amen!!! *sigh* I'm an olderer gal than you are...guess I'm the oldest in our circle?? oh wait! Pam!!!! How old are you!!??? lol
          Goal: Don't worry be happy!

          Comment


          • I wonder if you have estrogen dominance + stress going on. This article is perfect for you to peruse. The main reason I want you to have a sex drive isn't for your husband's sake - I want you to for yours! Sex is awesome. Your husband is probably mostly confused because he probably can't comprehend not having a sex drive.

            Paleo For Women | Paleo and Sex: How to Have a Ravenous and Kickass Female Libido
            Starting weight: 225
            Current weight: 195
            Goal: One pull-up by December 31, 2012
            Method: Schwarzbein Principle II, program for insulin sensitive/burned-out adrenals
            My Primal Journey


            Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Nutrition Facts For Foods

            Comment


            • It's late so I'm not going to read all the responses right now. I'm just going to put this out there b/c I have to or I'll never get to sleep.

              Recently I've felt disrespected by DH. Our house is a disaster (not hoarders disaster, but definitely not anything I'd feel comfortable with even my sister seeing), money is never plentiful enough, DH hates his job and I don't want to have sex. He's taken a tone with me recently that I absolutely do NOT like and I think that might also be contributing to the whole "I don't want to have sex thing".

              As most of you know, I'm a grad student, full time employee with a 1 hour one-way commute, two young kids, a house to maintain, and a husband who drives a race car. I am busy. And quite frankly, things get set aside b/c I don't have it in me to do anything about it. I started the summer term this week. One class is supposed to be an online class and the other is a lecture style on-campus class. The on-campus class is 1 night a week for 4 hours. I thought this combination would be doable b/c I could do the online class while I was at work and still only be gone one night a week.

              Monday, I discovered that my online class requires us to "meet" online for a web-conference every Monday for 4 hours. When I learned of this, I told DH and told him that I'd need him to monitor the kids b/c I didn't know what it would entail. He got pissed at me and said that maybe this was something I should have looked into before I signed up for the class. Yeah, maybe I should have, but never in my life has an online class required a scheduled meeting time - hence the point of online classes - fitting in where you can fit them. He yelled at me in front of our son. I yelled back telling him to stop being such a jerk all the time. (at this point he'd been in a pissy mood for about a week and I was tired of it).

              Tonight, while I'm at a on-campus class, I get a text message that says "where the fuck are the wipes" then another that said "best get some the next time you feel like spending a half hour at Dollar G". A third said "nevermind, I found them." I stewed over these texts all the way home wondering how I was going to approach them with DH. I decided to tell him that being a jerk isn't going to make the house cleaner, the checkbook heavier, his job better or me want sex more so he can stop being a jerk at any time. He said ok and went to bed.

              I'm not an ex-wife and refuse to be treated as one. 'nuff said. I'm gonna go read and hopefully find sleep. I'll check in tomorrow and read the rest of the responses from earlier today.
              Primal since March 5, 2012
              SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



              Comment


              • Well, I think you were spot on with your response. There is too much going on. Hopefully you and your husband can just stop things for a while and think seriously about priorities and solutions. If what he mainly wants to calm down is sex, talk about what can be done to help you. You need less stress and a proper doctor appointment to see if your hormones need to be balanced out. The solution is ultimately more sleep, less stress, better eating, but if you could get a blood test done to look at what your hormones really are, maybe that would offer something tangible for your husband to understand.

                I'm betting, like I said before, you have estrogen dominance because that kills libido. I have the opposite problem, but taking out dairy and chocolate helps a lot. So maybe you need more dairy and dark chocolate! Plus all the other healthy habits.
                Starting weight: 225
                Current weight: 195
                Goal: One pull-up by December 31, 2012
                Method: Schwarzbein Principle II, program for insulin sensitive/burned-out adrenals
                My Primal Journey


                Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Nutrition Facts For Foods

                Comment


                • Well, that certainly puts a new twist on the whole picture! I'm not sure how to respond except to say - good for you for standing up for yourself!!!! There is definitely more going on here than just a wife not being interested in making love to her husband! Have you and your husband ever talked about counseling?

                  I'm just so sorry to hear things are this unhealthy in your relationship. Please keep talking.............
                  1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                  2. Eat to heal
                  3. Move to live
                  4. Embrace today
                  5. Live with intention
                  6. Respect my body
                  7. Cultivate joy
                  8. Find my passion
                  9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                  Comment


                  • oh jenn...I don't know how you are keeping up with everything you do now!!! Good for you for standing up for yourself. I swear men can be absolute jerks sometimes. And yes we women can too...for any guys that may be reading this!! But we aren't talking about us being jerks!

                    I agree with what Lex said...& the suggestion that Tomi made about counseling is good too. Yes definitely more going on here that just "no desire"...way to much stress...

                    Don't have much advice right now as my own man decided to be an ass tonight. I am so pissed at him I could just spit nails! He doesn't usually make "snide" remarks...but he made a couple of doozies tonight. Gonna take me awhile to get over it.

                    I wish you all the best darlin'!! Just keep hanging in there. Its tough sometimes, I know.
                    {{{hugs}}}
                    Goal: Don't worry be happy!

                    Comment


                    • Thinking about you, Jenn. Hope there is sunshine in your life today.

                      Comment


                      • Hey Jenn: just wanted to stop by and say that I hear where you're coming from, and it sounds like you're trying really hard while spinning all these plates. I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself. <<hugs>>
                        My Leptin Reset Journey


                        Current BF%: 43
                        Goal BF%: 20

                        Comment


                        • Thanks for the link, Lex. I'm reading through the information now.

                          After my request last night, not another word was said. This morning, his text messages have been more pleasant - more information-sharing rather than negative.

                          Counseling would probably be a good idea, but I'm afraid that by bringing it up, we're admitting to a problem we don't want to acknowledge for fear of the problem, ya know? Kind of like "pay no attention to the elephant in the corner" kind of thing. i will talk to my psychiatrist about it when I see her in the next couple of weeks.

                          I know I feel some resentment toward him when it comes to caring for the kids and the house. I feel like most often the job is pushed off onto me rather than both of us. If one of the kids is fussing and I can't get anything done, I have to ask him to step in and take care of it rather than him just jumping in. Unloading and loading the dishwasher can take a hour sometimes b/c I have a kid at my feet asking for this or that or wanting to be held, so the dishes take a back seat. Same with everything else around the house. By the time the kids have gone to bed, I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted and don't give a hoot about dishes (or whatever other chore I've ignored).

                          I tend to just drop whatever I've walked into the house with wherever I can find room for it b/c no sooner than we enter the house and the kids have 6 different requests.

                          "Mom, can I have milk?"
                          "Mom, can I watch cartoons?"
                          "Mom, snack?"
                          "No, Mom! This cartoon!"
                          "Mom, can I have milk?"
                          "Mom, can I eat?"
                          "Mom, what's for dinner?"
                          "Mom, where's Daddy?"
                          "Mom, can I go to Grandma's?"
                          Mom, Mom, Mom!! I swear I'm going to change my name to Dad. They hardly ever say that name!

                          I swear sometimes it feels like I have 4 kids instead of just two... And since I tend to just drop stuff wherever, the house is a mess. mail stacked everywhere. portraits and pictures the kids have drawn and the schools have sent home piled up here and there. Coats on the floor. Purse on the floor. Where the hell did that sippy cup go? Ugh... is this clean?? it's a mad house until about 8 when dinner is done and the kids are getting ready for bed. And on most days, DH is over at his dad's working on the race car until 7 or later.

                          Anyhow, that's my rant for today... My sister is offering me a break and taking the kids tonight to play with her kids so I can go to the races without kids to chase. So glad she did that. Now I can go to the pits and chill with the race team instead of being stuck in the stands and having no idea what's going on. Even though I'll be put to work in the pits, it's rather relaxing since I won't be chasing the wee ones. I think going to the races with the kids is more work than staying home with them. At least at home they can run around and I don't have to worry about them getting snatched or lost.

                          I have some work to do (wth? why is work cutting into my MDA time???) and then I'll be back to follow up on journals. I'm so behind!
                          Primal since March 5, 2012
                          SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



                          Comment


                          • Jenn - I'm going to tell you a story.......

                            When I married the love of my life - we each had children from our first marriages. I had a son, 15, he had 2 daughters 8 and 11. I was THRILLED to be the "mom" to daughters!!!! Until I realized the daughters were not thrilled to have a new woman in their territory. They had been alone with daddy for 2 years, and had totally taken control of the house. The girls RULED! (mind you they were only here every other week - but they ruled 24/7 regardless). The weeks that girls were with their mom our life came to a complete stand still. We didn't eat out, we didn't go out, we didn't take the boat out, we didn't do anything!!! because when they came home and found out we had done things without them they would throw a hissy fit! If we painted a room or moved the furniture or changed anything in yard they would throw a hissy fit! They demanded control of everything and my husband let them have it for the most part. I lived with this for 9 years.......before I said - we FIX this or I'm leaving you. My husband had ignored the problem for so long that he about to lose his wife over it. We eventually started to doing things without them, and they learned to deal with it, but they didn't like it. We found a wonderful counselor and I told my husband he's going to counseling with me and there would be NO discussion about it. His oldest daughter is now 20, youngest is 17 but has pretty much moved on with her life and her interests by now - but oldest daughter is completely hell bent on maintaining control of the house!!! I couldn't take it any longer. It was do or die time. The counselor was working with my husband intensely, trying to help him step up and be the father and husband and take control of things. 8 months after starting counseling, things still hadn't changed much -- 20 year old was demanding that daddy sit next to her on the couch - not me. She was demanding that when he calls home to talk to me and she answers the phone that SHE will give me a message, he doesn't need to talk to me. JUST A LITTLE BIT OF JEALOUSY??? Finally hubby is starting to see. So now...... we're into counseling nearly a year - and I'm painting the upstairs hallway (covering the horrible aqua blue that we let the girls choose when they were 6 years younger) --- the girls come home from their time at moms (yes, they are still doing the "share" thing between homes while in college!) and oldest throws a FIT because we are painting without consulting her. FINALLY hubby takes control........ He tells her she needs to stop worrying about what color paint we put on the walls and worry about her own life! He tells her she doesn't pay the mortgage or maintain the home WE do and she needs to stop obsessing over it! FINALLY.......... the fight was over! When it was time for them to go back to their moms house at the end of the month --- they never came back. They got an apartment together in another town where youngest was going to go to college and oldest was placed for her student teaching.

                            So why am I telling you this story???? Because WE lived with the elephant in the corner for almost TOO long, and it almost broke up our marriage. Hubby wanted to believe we lived in Cinderella and Prince Charming land --- we didn't need a counselor, we just needed to wait for the girls to mature and move on with their own lives! Once I finally put my foot down and let him know that things were going to change or I was going to leave him --- he started to open his eyes and see just how disfunctional our home really was. I forced him to go to counseling and face what was happening in our home. And it paid off big time! We are now stronger than we have ever been. Oldest daughter rarely comes around, and is very mad at daddy - although she won't admit it, but our home is filled with peace!!!

                            When there is a problem in a marriage that is not being addressed...... its is just the same as having a cancer in your body and pretending it isn't there. It grows, and it continues to invade other parts, and kill as it grows and spreads. Don't play the elephant in the corner game. You owe it to your kids to give them a happy stable home - to demonstrate to them what a good healthy marriage looks like. Fight for what is yours.......... fight for what you want. Don't ignore that there is a problem until the problem completely kills off the marriage. FACE IT - head on! You married this man because you wanted to share a life with him --- don't give up that dream. Your problems are fix-able. Find a good counselor and do the hard work it will take to get things right in your home. Do it for your kids, do it for your future. Trust me.......... divorce is REALLY painful, even when you've given up and its all you want. Tell your husband how serious things have gotten and that you need counseling.

                            Hope this helps ............... my heart is just hurting for you. ENJOY your time without the kids! We moms need to have a break now and then! Always more often then what we get!
                            1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                            2. Eat to heal
                            3. Move to live
                            4. Embrace today
                            5. Live with intention
                            6. Respect my body
                            7. Cultivate joy
                            8. Find my passion
                            9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                            Comment


                            • Thanks for your candor, Tomi. I appreciate it and know you're right. I just don't know how to broach the subject. I will ponder it. Thank you.

                              I just ate a lunch I know I'm going to regret... The cafeteria upstairs had next to nothing to offer, so I went with the lemon pepper chicken with rice. Turns out the lemon pepper "sauce" is ranch dressing and lemon pepper seasoning. The chicken crumbled in my mouth b/c it was so dried out that I didn't eat it. only the rice. And now I'm eating a can of pineapple. Carb crazy.

                              B:
                              Lunch meat (Hormel Natural Choice turkey breast - no nitrates or nitrites, no MSG, no icky stuff)
                              Colby Jack cheese
                              Sour cream <-- is sour cream a fermented dairy??

                              Sauerkraut and almonds for a snack later

                              Lemon Pepper white and wild rice blend
                              pineapple

                              Not enough protein!! Might pick up a pack of Hormel turkey on my way home tonight to eat at the track.

                              *****

                              Tonight I have to go to a visitation for my aunt's father-in-law. He died of a stroke Tuesday night. He was a farmer. Raised feed lot cattle and GMO corn/beans. Probably ate his own products... they could have been the cause of the stroke... also had the classic wheat belly going on. I feel terrible for the family b/c it's flat out sad whenever anyone dies for any reason. Cousin is my go-to babysitter whenever I need one. This aunt, cousin and uncle are pretty close to our family. We invite them to all of the kids' birthday parties (even when we don't invite other aunts/uncles of mine and DH's). I'll go and pay my respects b/c they deserve it.

                              The little girls of the mom that died this week were at the preschool graduation. They looked cute in their matching dresses and were having fun like little girls should. Their dad was there doing the video and picture thing. I almost feel bad for talking so badly about him. Maybe he'll be a better dad than I'm expecting. on a side note, whomever told DH that said father was at a race and called someone from the race to say that his wife had fewer than 24 hours was lying. Turns out the wife told him to go to the race b/c she didn't want the tickets going to waste and they didn't realize her time was so short at that point. The doctors never gave her a time period. She had a sarcoma cancer that wrapped around her heart in a matter of weeks. They did radiation, but b/c she'd had radiation in the past, they could only do so much before the radiation alone would kill her so they had to stop.

                              one thing the group talked about in the garage the other night is how anyone they've known who had cancer and had a surgery to remove it had died... but those who avoided the surgery kicked it. One guy's wife was a nurse and set him up with a specific combination of vitamins and supplements. He had had some chemo in the beginning but stopped b/c it wasn't doing anything. A few months ago he was found to be cancer free just from the little bit of chemo and the supplements. So the word in the garage was "once the air gets to it, it takes off and kills you". I wanted to mention sugar, but bit my tongue and just listened instead. What do you think? Any logic behind that??

                              Anyhow, I wanna get a couple more things done before the end of the day. More journals to read - haven't read a single one yet... geesh. I hope all are having a good Friday.
                              Primal since March 5, 2012
                              SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



                              Comment


                              • I'm sure they know that surgery isn't really what's killing these people. They seem to have noted that the victims died anyway. I think I'd take it as an opportunity to ask questions, "Do you think there is any merit with the supplements?" If you've had a positive experience, you could share it, otherwise I tend to avoid speaking up in those kinds of conversations. It's emotional, so it could get heated very easily.

                                I'm having a pretty good Friday! I wanted to thank you for mentioning your concerns on sex because I found everyone's advice helpful as well
                                Depression Lies

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