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My Journey from Sugar Burner to Fat Burner - jenn26point2's Primal Journal

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  • I'd say invest in some real cheese once in a while
    My Journal: Candy in Primal Wonderland
    My Blog: Candy in Wonderland
    Goal for 2012: keep weight steady (+/- 74 kg): check
    Goal for 2013: lose 10 kg and keep new weight (+/- 65 kg)

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    • I guess it's just the word enzymes haha. I'm a fan of quality Vermont sharp cheddar, having been spoiled by my ex who was from Vermont (his dad was frequently gifted with large blocks of cheese that got passed on to our apartment).
      Depression Lies

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      • Try cheese from Switzerland. Bliss.
        Primal since March 5, 2012
        SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



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        • Hello folks. Today is day 80. Eight freaking days that I have been following Primal. It doesn't seem like it's been that long!

          I discovered something recently... and it's amazing how you all of a sudden discover something that should have been blatently obvious to you... since going Primal I have had MINIMAL sciatic pain. And I only discovered this because I had a sciatic flare this weekend. I went off the path and chose to have a McDonald's breakfast on Saturday. I had the scrambled eggs, sausage and a hash brown. That evening I had a sciatic flare that would not subside no matter how I positioned myself. Finally, the next day after getting back on the Primal path, the pain went away. That just goes to show that PUFAs cause inflammation... my own personal lab experiment right there.

          That's when I discovered that my sciatic issues had gone away. Score! I shared this with my SIL this morning while we were talking about Primal. She took a wrong turn last night and experienced the problems that comes with the wrong turn this morning and asked me about them. We got on the subject of her husband's chronic back pain despite surgery a couple of years ago and her mom's fibro. She thinks it'd be awesome if her mom's fibro could be cured (or at least symptoms avoided) by following Primal. I'd already shared Tomi's journal with her mom (and got no acknowledgement, which doesn't surprise me), but today I shared some other Fibro related threads with SIL to share with MIL. I also included one regarding chronic back pain for her husband.

          I guess at this point I don't care who gets MIL to change her eating patterns - whether it be me or SIL - but at some point I would like to smuggly say "I told you so", even if it's under my breath.

          Anyhow - back to my life since this is MY journal... DH pissed me off last night and I need some advice. I have ZERO sexual drive. Zero... not even enough to partake in solo activities that result in sexual pleasure. I couldn't care less if I have sex. At first I thought it was because of medication. But the deeper I look into it the more I think it's other things - primarily the roles I play in my life. After being a mother, student, chef, and housekeeper, the last thing I want to be is a sex kitten... I've talked to my osteopath about it, and because we thought it was medication related, we switched things around, etc, etc, etc. At the end she said "throw him a bone once in a while, even if you don't want to". So, last night I "threw him a bone" and he turned me down. He doesn't want to have sex unless there's enough foreplay involved that my sexual needs are satisfied too... again, I don't care one way or another... I was just looking to keep him satisfied. When I told him I didn't feel like going to all that work, he said that "just having sex" is then a chore to him and boring. Ok... my response - "well, if that's how you feel, what's one more chore that doesn't get done?" and I rolled over. He got kind of pissy and I don't remember what he said but my response was "What the hell am I supposed to do? You bitch that I don't ever give it up, but when I do you say it's a chore. I don't get it". He didn't respond and shortly after, I could tell he was sleeping.

          So, what's a girl to do when she has no sex drive whatsoever and a husband who makes negative comments even though you make ever effort to at least keep him sexed up? I have looked at supplements that are supposed to increase libido, but so far nothing is changed.

          I can't help but think it has something to do with our lifestyle - the kids, the jobs, the messy house, the constant stress brought on by too much work and not enough time.

          We've tried different things - hotel rooms, toys, movies... after a while they get old. Seriously. I don't want to go to the work of getting there myself. I'd much rather he jump on, do his thing, roll over and go to sleep. I appreciate his desire to satisfy me, but I don't want to exert the energy needed to reach that point. It's too much work and the thought of it exhausts me.

          Of all the reasons for divorce, ours would be sexual differences. seriously, this has put a HUGE strain on our relationship and has created this intense resentment for each other and I don't like it one bit. Any suggestions?

          On a different note, things in the GI world are righted again... must be the Kraft "cheese".
          Primal since March 5, 2012
          SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



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          • Added: this whole time we were looking at my anti-depressants as being the problem, but what if it is actually a testosterone problem caused by my birth control... I have to admit that the use of condoms appeals to me much more than NOT using them b/c they cut down on the mess... TMI, sorry, but it's true.

            This article written by Mark says that birth control inhibits testosterone production in women:

            Testosterone and Women | Mark's Daily Apple

            Maybe if I ditch the birth control and the antidepressants, I'll want sex again?
            Primal since March 5, 2012
            SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



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            • Hrrr... I have no suggestions. I've been there, I suppose. Ultimately he needs to STFU and back off if you don't want sex, but you both need to be happy with the arrangement if it's going to work. If you aren't interested, you aren't interested. "Forcing" yourself just seems damaging, to me. He's going to have to learn to be happy with solo activity until/unless things change. I felt like my sex drive was dipping around the end of my first long-term relationship (2 yrs, 8 mos total, but we knew things were ending by 2 yrs, 3 mos, just didn't have anywhere else to live), but looking back, I realize it's because of the strain on our relationship. I was unhappy and couldn't do anything about it. I loved him, but just wasn't interested in sex very often. I was attracted to other people, though, which was new, and I should have seen it as more of a sign because I know myself and I know that means I'm not invested anymore.

              After him, I had a friend with benefits (that went terribly badly for a number of reasons) and started to "force" myself to have sex with him because his drive was more active than mine and I was sleeping at his place a lot. It was unhealthy for me. I think that relationship instilled a lot of the doubt I have now with Boyfriend. When we first started dating, we were the usual new-relationship sex-monkeys about it and it was great. 5-6 months in and I lost almost all interest (around the time I graduated and he almost . It's been better since then, sometimes, but mostly I consider my sex drive dead. Every now and then, the stars align or I get something right hormonally or whatever, and I am randomly horny, but if it doesn't work out for timing, like I'm at work, then I get pretty disappointed and am not usually interested in doing anything by the time I'm home. We still have sex sometimes, because he can get me going fairly easily, but it's not always satisfying (99% of the time he makes sure I orgasm, but that doesn't mean it's a good one or that I feel like the whole experience was satisfying). He knows I'm sensitive about the topic so we work through it when we can, but if he feels frustrated by me, he doesn't let me know about it.

              Maybe your drive will change. Maybe my drive will change. But I think stress has a lot to do with it so unless our stress management skills or situations change, our SO's just have to deal. Sorry this is pretty long and I hope you don't mind me sharing all over the place here, just thought it might be helpful.
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              • Your drive sounds like my drive... if I ever get struck with that stick, I'm at work... and the effect has worn off by the time I get home.

                Mine is set on getting me there everytime, and bless his heart for caring, but it just seems like a lot of work. I'm so turned off by sex in general b/c of my frustrations related to my drive that I don't even want to read books that have anything to do with sex - 50 Shades of Grey will have to wait b/c I don't even want to read about it... Gay Panda's hand holding books will be ok though.

                Maybe this is something I could talk to my psychiatrist about. And I may talk to my DO tomorrow when I take the kids in for their check ups... maybe I need to consider alternate birth control - like DH getting a vasectomy or something so I can get off the damn birth control. I'm pretty sure we're done having kids anyway.
                Last edited by jenn26point2; 05-23-2012, 11:18 AM. Reason: fingers going faster than brain...
                Primal since March 5, 2012
                SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



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                • I did have a significant change in drive after going off Lexapro and then again going off oral birth control, but of course it went away again, but there are so many stress factors, who knows! Kids are probably in my future so I'm not ready to make an permanent changes, but I would definitely like future hubby to get snipped when we're sure! Takes a lot of pressure off the lady in the relationship, since worrying about pregnancy is arguably a much more personal experience for women than it is for men. Much as I understand Boyfriend's logic in "not worrying about it" because, you know, you deal with it or you don't, he does not understand the way women are raised in this country in regards to pregnancy and fearing our bodies. At least, that's how I see it.
                  Depression Lies

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                  • I would think birth control, and medication, and having young kids, and a full-time outside the home job are all reasons why your drive is low. Fix the ones you can. Condoms instead of pills seems like the quickest one to fix (kids just have that one growing rate).

                    You say you don't want to be a 'sex kitten' as just another job. And your husband isn't into it unless you get pleasure. I'm having to make assumptions from what you wrote, so sorry if this is way off base...have you tried being completely passive? As in, you are not the sex kitten, he is the cabana boy, and has to do all the work. If he gets you there with that, then you would be revved up, and more likely to reciprocate. And if not, well, plenty of guys like seeing the lady come and don't mind pleasuring themselves after (or over). It could be a win-win.

                    Or perhaps you could take turns. One time he's allowed to come, the next time you are. This might be a fun game to get him over the 'not-into-it-unless-you-are'.

                    Don't just give up, though. People DO get divorced over sexual differences. It is worth working on.

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                    • A word from an "older" gal.......... don't let sex issues ruin what is otherwise a good marriage. Fix the issues that effecting your sex drive if you can - get off the antidepressants and the bc pills. Antidepressants are notorious for killing the sex drive - so if you live without them, do it! Tell the hubby its time for the snip snip! Nothing helps a sex life more than being able to be totally spontaneous and not have to worry about getting pg. Just make sure you use condoms for the first 6 months and until you get the all clear from the doctor.

                      Try to change your thinking about sex. Sex is not a chore - its a pleasure! And your husband is unselfish enough to not want to have sex unless you also get pleasure from it. Sex is the "treat" at the end of a hard day! And, a good sex life can make it easier to deal with other stressors in your life!

                      Is there anything hubby can do at home to make you more likely to be ready to be intimate with him? Do you need help with the mundane chores of housekeeping or getting the kids ready for bed? I'm sure if you explained this to him, he would more than eager to step in and give you some help. At least I would hope so -- he sounds like he really cares about your needs.

                      Lastly........ unless you consider your marriage expendable.......... don't even mention the D word - take it from someone who's been through it --- if the marriage is worth hang on to - then hang on to it with every bit of fight you have. (mine wasn't, but the pain of the divorce was almost more than I could take).

                      Good luck.......... and start thinking differently about sex --- laundry is a chore - SEX is pure pleasure.
                      1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                      2. Eat to heal
                      3. Move to live
                      4. Embrace today
                      5. Live with intention
                      6. Respect my body
                      7. Cultivate joy
                      8. Find my passion
                      9. Meditate on peace in my soul

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                      • Originally posted by tomi View Post
                        Is there anything hubby can do at home to make you more likely to be ready to be intimate with him? Do you need help with the mundane chores of housekeeping or getting the kids ready for bed? I'm sure if you explained this to him, he would more than eager to step in and give you some help. At least I would hope so -- he sounds like he really cares about your needs.
                        Been there, done that, had the fight, cried the tears. It didn't get us anywhere except angry with each other.

                        Originally posted by tomi View Post
                        Good luck.......... and start thinking differently about sex --- laundry is a chore - SEX is pure pleasure.
                        If you want it... Problem is that I want to have sex about as badly as I want to do dishes...
                        Primal since March 5, 2012
                        SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



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                        • Really? Who the hell was talking about "places to go"?? Not I... meet my black triangle of death!
                          Primal since March 5, 2012
                          SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



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                          • well, from a menopausal point of view - I totally understand where you're coming from. My libido is about 85% dead! Doc says - "read erotica". 90% of sex for a woman starts in the brain....... 90% of sex for a man starts in the pants. I still say, if you think about it differently, it will change the desire. HOWEVER....... if its the med's killing the desire - any amount of thinking won't change your desire. Talk to your doc.......... talk to your husband. Remember, this is a problem for the both of you, this isn't just something you must deal with on your own.

                            Hope I'm not way off base........ if it helps, I'm not a counselor, but I do have a degree in Psychology and have some experience in this area.
                            1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                            2. Eat to heal
                            3. Move to live
                            4. Embrace today
                            5. Live with intention
                            6. Respect my body
                            7. Cultivate joy
                            8. Find my passion
                            9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                            Comment


                            • from another "older gal"...past manypaws. I've never been a "sex kitten" either...probably much to honey's disappointment. I was raised in an environment where sex was a woman's "duty" & she wasn't supposed to really enjoy it, nor act like she wanted it. What a shame. I was told right before my wedding day that I wouldn't like "it" (yep I was a virgin.) All those wasted years...& I just didn't know any better. The first time I had an orgasm I thought I was going to hell for sure & then he wanted to do it in WHAT position??? Then I knew I was going to hell!!! lol Ideas that are put into our heads growing up set us up for future issues down the road. I don't think you are all that old so this probably isn't the problem...but something to think about maybe.

                              I was on b/c for many years (about 11 yrs, since a couple months before we got married) & maybe that was a big part of the reason too for a lack of desire. I was not on other meds so can't speak to that part of it. But that could play a huge part in squelching your desire.

                              Romance doesn't happen like it does in the romance novels...I wish it did (& I spend alot of time in that world!! lol) A good sexual relationship takes time, patience, understanding & above all communication, in other words, work!! The demands & stresses on couples these days is just overwhelming, with work, family etc. If sex takes a back seat then you lose the intimacy which to me is sooooo important & gives you the "warm fuzzies" toward your partner. Sometimes you may just have to make an "appointment" with each other to have sex. Maybe some morning say you're going to make some time for each other that night...then you have all day to think about: what you might want to wear...that you might want to take a warm relaxing bubble bath before bed...maybe give each other a massage...whatever...you get the idea. Send the kids to grandma's for the night...light a few candles...have a bowl of strawberries & whipped cream on hand (& hey its primal!!) You might find yourself in a more sexy frame of mind when the time comes. Its definitely worth a try.

                              And sometimes if you're just not in the mood then just "do" him. that's worked for us on occasion. He always hesitated cause he says its not fair...but I assured him that I enjoyed giving him pleasure, even if I didn't want to take any for myself. And for that time its all about him & he doesn't have to "worry" about me. You still share the intimacy & the closeness & to me its a win win. Who knows...you might get turned on enough that you decide you want "some" after all!!

                              I'll throw this out there too...weight issues sometimes gets in the way too. It has been a big one for me...after all the size I am now is not the size I was when I was younger. Being as big as I am just doesn't make me feel all that sexy. While they have plus size sexy lingerie I know what I looked like in small lingerie & men are such visual animals. Women are different I think. It doesn't bother me that he has a bit of a belly now...but I think it has bothered him over the years for me to have gotten this big. Each man is different tho...some like big women...I just happen to know mine really doesn't. I know he loves me, but in some of our more frank discussions in the past he has mentioned it bothered him.

                              I don't know if all this helps any or not. I feel for you tho jenn. Sex & desire etc is always something that I have struggled with. I do think it would be a good idea to talk with your doctor about the meds to see if that could be part of the problem. The psychiatrist would be a good one to talk to as well. Physical intimacy is crucial in my opinion for a marriage to work...well for one based on love at least. I know there are marriages for convience but I don't think that's what we're talking about.

                              I wish you all the best sweetie...we are always here for you if you need to talk!!!
                              Goal: Don't worry be happy!

                              Comment


                              • Regular sex is absolutely essential for a healthy marriage, drive or no. I can't say anything about meds, I don't know and I'm totally unqualified. But sex is a gift we give our husbands, and one that they genuinely need. (We need it to, but in a less urgent way.) We have to remember that love is a choice, not a feeling, and we can choose to do this as an act of love, even if desire is not so much part of it. Even through the roughest parts of our marriage, we always made a point of having regular sex. Tell hubby that you love him and that you want to do this for him, and it's not his fault (this is possibly his issue, feeling like he is not man enough to pleasure you, and therefore psyched out by making love to you) if your drive is low. If nothing else, enjoy the cuddling, which is really, really good for your emotional health.

                                Sex should not be approached as a selfish thing. It is an act of giving, and paradoxically, I find I often enjoy it most when I am most concerned about giving joy to my husband. It is getting a bit more challenging, drive-wise, with both of us getting older, but we'll figure it all out.

                                And yes, stress is a desire-killer too. But sex deprivation also causes stress, so there's no point in piling it on.

                                And check out Mark Gungor on Youtube. He is hilarious, and his marriage seminar is available on DVD (I haven't seen the whole thing yet, but we've been enjoying it. Curious to see what he has to say about great sex, which is still to come.)
                                5'2", 55 years, Primal since April. Pre-Primal weight loss, from 216.6 to 157.8
                                Primal low: 140.2 (Dec. 3) Goal weight: 135?
                                Main Primal goal: beating back my CFS enough to function more normally and start writing again

                                More and more, our life has been governed by specialists, who know too little of what lies outside their province to be able to know enough about what takes place within it.
                                - Lewis Mumford

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