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My Journey from Sugar Burner to Fat Burner - jenn26point2's Primal Journal

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  • How about a visual of a pie chart, showing how much of the monthly (or total) debt is 'his', 'yours', 'family'? You've shown him the numbers before, and it doesn't seem to make an impact--is he more of a visual thinkier? Mechanical-minded people aften are.

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    • Probably. I'll play around with it and see what I can come up with - might even work out how much is spent on RACING.
      Primal since March 5, 2012
      SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



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      • Jenn you will get that argument alot...especially from a lot of older canners... that "well I've always done it this way/that way & no body has never gotten sick". I'm not sure I understand that reasoning...botulism/food poisoning from not processed correctly food can actually kill. Why take the chance of making someone seriously sick? Especially a member of your family...including a child? For me I'd rather not take those kinds of chances, when its just as easy to it properly. When some of the older ones have said that to me in the past, I just smile & say "ah well, I'm paranoid & am gonna follow the guidelines in the book, but thank you." These are just my feelings, every one has to make their own decisions.

        I sure hope you can make your hubby see what has to be done. Does the race car bring in any money? It doesnt look like its supporting itself. Forgive me if I'm overstepping my bounds here...but WHY does he have a race car? Is it for a future investment? He already has fishing as a hobby...what hobbies do you have? Chances are they aren't that expensive. Again coming from the "old school", there have been times in our past that we barely had money for groceries & the bills much less hobbies! Our obligations have always come first. We barely get by now...he loves to smoke cigars...if he runs out of "his" spending money, then he doesn't smoke a cigar! And I'm damn sure not gonna buy any from the "household" money. Again it's all about priorities...& it sounds like you have yours in order, he needs to grow up I think. I think you've mentioned that you were against the race car to begin with, did he make an agreement with you about having it? I'm just so sorry that you're having these issues. It's hard enough to try & maintain a decent diet & then have all the marital stress. I hope that you can resolve the problem. ((((Hugs))))
        Goal: Don't worry be happy!

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        • Totally cruel and unfair (not actually suggesting this, but fun to think about), but you should tell him no racing until he loses X pounds or sticks to a financial plan that you break down for him. Then you can show him how well it all works .
          Depression Lies

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          • Originally posted by theprimalcajun View Post
            Jenn you will get that argument alot...especially from a lot of older canners... that "well I've always done it this way/that way & no body has never gotten sick". I'm not sure I understand that reasoning...botulism/food poisoning from not processed correctly food can actually kill. Why take the chance of making someone seriously sick? Especially a member of your family...including a child? For me I'd rather not take those kinds of chances, when its just as easy to it properly. When some of the older ones have said that to me in the past, I just smile & say "ah well, I'm paranoid & am gonna follow the guidelines in the book, but thank you." These are just my feelings, every one has to make their own decisions.

            I sure hope you can make your hubby see what has to be done. Does the race car bring in any money? It doesnt look like its supporting itself. Forgive me if I'm overstepping my bounds here...but WHY does he have a race car? Is it for a future investment? He already has fishing as a hobby...what hobbies do you have? Chances are they aren't that expensive. Again coming from the "old school", there have been times in our past that we barely had money for groceries & the bills much less hobbies! Our obligations have always come first. We barely get by now...he loves to smoke cigars...if he runs out of "his" spending money, then he doesn't smoke a cigar! And I'm damn sure not gonna buy any from the "household" money. Again it's all about priorities...& it sounds like you have yours in order, he needs to grow up I think. I think you've mentioned that you were against the race car to begin with, did he make an agreement with you about having it? I'm just so sorry that you're having these issues. It's hard enough to try & maintain a decent diet & then have all the marital stress. I hope that you can resolve the problem. ((((Hugs))))
            The car was in the picture before me. She's his mistress. It's what he and his dad did as a hobby LONG before I came along. He's been racing for more than 15 years. He has a race car purely for fun. No, it brings in ZERO money. It's a VERY expensive hobby - probably the most expensive one out there. I read somewhere that people with depression will seek thrills - dangerous thrills in some cases like skydiving - to get an adrenaline rush and feel that euphoria they don't tend to feel on a normal day b/c of the depression. He's on depression meds - has been for a LONG time. Before that, it was untreated - all through high school. He started racing in high school, so I do believe this is the case with his racing.

            He gets sponsors each year, but they don't provide that much in funding and it is no where near enough to keep the car running. Quite honestly, it would be sitting in the garage if the "team" had to fund it by itself. In previous years, FIL has gone $10,000 into credit card debt to get it running/keep it running. This is standard practice. MIL has been putting her foot down recently, which is why the financial burden has been coming our way more and more. Mom and Dad won't foot the bill anymore so now we have to. We've bought the last three cars and now a truck/trailer to pull the damn thing. Now it's more of a 50/50 burden.

            My hobbies???? [explosive laughter] Who has time for hobbies???


            Originally posted by namelesswonder View Post
            Totally cruel and unfair (not actually suggesting this, but fun to think about), but you should tell him no racing until he loses X pounds or sticks to a financial plan that you break down for him. Then you can show him how well it all works .
            Um.... again.... [explosive laughter] His dad has challenged him before. His dad did some chassis work on the car to lighten it up. He took 17 lbs worth of metal out of the car and challenged Brad to find another 17 lbs to pull out of the car, without using a cutting torch or a sawzall. Brad got the hint, but it never happened. In fact, I think he quickly replaced those 17 lbs his dad took out.

            That being said, last night he commented that he thinks he eats too much dairy. And instead of eggs, hashbrowns and bacon, today he only took fruit and bacon for breakfast. So maybe something's going on in his head related to weight loss...
            Primal since March 5, 2012
            SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



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            • Haha yeah, definitely not recommending you challenge him, but it's a nice dream :-p.

              He has to come around to it on his own time, I think (weight loss & financial issues), which absolutely sucks. I just wonder how he thinks of all this stuff, like how he thinks the budget works & where all the money comes from.
              Depression Lies

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              • Jenn - his weight gain could be directly related to the anti-depressants. What is he taking?
                1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                2. Eat to heal
                3. Move to live
                4. Embrace today
                5. Live with intention
                6. Respect my body
                7. Cultivate joy
                8. Find my passion
                9. Meditate on peace in my soul

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                • Zoloft, I think... he's been steadily gaining weight for the last 10 years. He's just not taking care of himself or coming even close to trying. Nightly bowls of ice cream, large plates of food, overindulgences, enough pepsi to rot your teeth... mostly just an overindulgence thing. He doesn't monitor what he consumes. I bet he's close to 3,500 calories a day, more if he's had McDonald's or something.
                  Primal since March 5, 2012
                  SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



                  Comment


                  • Hhmmm you may be fighting a losing battle. I'm sorry to hear he has depression issues. I agree that the scripts could be a factor in his weight gain. And sounds like his dad doesn't help matters by continuing to bring money to the car, but if its something they are doing together, well that might not get resolved as they have done it before you came along. May come down to you putting your foot down, however or wherever you decide to put it! 😉...I mean it's not fair that you are shouldering the burden of taking care of everything...& you do have a big say on how the money is spent...you bring in a paycheck too. Would he go to counseling of some sort? And you should definitely have some sort of hobby...just for you.

                    Don't know about your state...but mine is a community property state...can you say half! lol. And you have underage kiddos...so his half shrinks...something he should think about as your stepmom(?) pointed out, he would be hard pressed to make it without you & your income.

                    Just keep your chin up...somehow it'll work out. We are always here to rant to!
                    Goal: Don't worry be happy!

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                    • I'm sure just like every other time, this will blow over and I'll just continue on with what I'm doing. I'll be really shocked if he comes up with anything to "fix" the problem.

                      With that - re: our house and the shitstorm of mess it is. *sigh* Getting reacquainted with my friend Fly Lady.
                      Primal since March 5, 2012
                      SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



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                      • I found a FlyLady like app on Android. It's called "FlyHelper" and is based on the FlyLady practices. Kind of cool! I'm stoked. Now I can get rid of that big binder that I used to keep track of my "routines" and plug them into my phone. Yep! One less piece of "clutter" in my home.
                        Primal since March 5, 2012
                        SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by jenn26point2 View Post
                          Doubtful. He's never sat down and looked at the bills and who they "belong" to by name. They're just "our" debts. But if he were to sit down and see what the debts are and who they actually belong to, I think he'd be shocked.
                          Jenn, things differ state to state but my understanding is- debt acquired during a marriage is considered marital debt. So, just because the debt is not in your name, it doesn't mean you wouldn't be responsible for at least part of it if your marriage ends.

                          A divorce/family law attorney could let you know the rules in your state, just in case.

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                          • Thanks for the tip on the flylady app. Maybe we should do a Flylady Whole30. Lol, don't kill me Jenn.
                            Primal since 9/24/2010
                            "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

                            Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
                            MFP username: MDAPebbles67

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                            • Paula, GREAT IDEA!!!

                              marcadav, with my sister's divorce, they were split by 'ownership'. I.e. he paid his credit card and student loans and she kept her credit card eventhough it was all marital debt.

                              Now, I'm not planning divorce. It was just a point my stepmom made. I have zero interest in breaking up my family. I would just like for him to realize that while it takes two people to screw up family finances, he makes it very hard to make progress with his loosey goosey spending. That being said, I need to learn how to stand up to him and tell him no.
                              Last edited by jenn26point2; 09-09-2013, 03:32 PM.
                              Primal since March 5, 2012
                              SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



                              Comment


                              • And not to change the subject or anything, but...

                                Hi. I'm Jenn and ever since paleo, my period starts with ZERO warning. *sigh*
                                Primal since March 5, 2012
                                SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



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