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My Journey from Sugar Burner to Fat Burner - jenn26point2's Primal Journal

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  • <3 Get it out. You'll find your own wisdom when you fully feel your feelings. <3
    My Leptin Reset Journey


    Current BF%: 43
    Goal BF%: 20

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    • Poor Jenn. I can totally relate about being poor! About 8 years ago hubby got a pink slip from a company he worked for for over 20 years...had to take a job making less than half of what he made before. Not a lot of job opportunities in the small area that we live. His age was/is against him...& no college. We get by, but that's it. Not much left after the bills are paid. My van is on its last legs & when it craters that's it. I live 23 miles out in the country from town...so I won't be walking anywhere!! lol. I too get really discouraged & down sometimes. I could go on about not having any ins or retirement...but this is your journal & don't want to bore your readers!

      I just wanted you to know that I feel your pain. Come over to my journal if you want to & we can share our woes! lol.

      Chin up sweetie, it'll get better!! Your body make be throwing off some toxins & making you feel bad. Tomorrow is new day!
      ((((Hugs))))
      Goal: Don't worry be happy!

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      • I keep trying to find a solution to our financial issue and it never works. The only thing I can think of now is separate checking accounts - then our own individual "I have no money" issues are our own problem and caused by our own doing - not the other's. BUT, when it comes down to it, I bring in more than Brad does and he'd never survive b/c the bulk of our debts are in his name - his truck, his race car, his credit card, his trailer, his boat... I have my credit card. The rest are "joint" - house, insurance, etc.
        Primal since March 5, 2012
        SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



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        • And that's only the financial issues... there are a ton of other issues that would take HOURS of counseling to work through and I'm not sure it would work. I'm afraid that the first session would leave us so angry with each other that we'd never make it.

          Life is a mess right now.
          Primal since March 5, 2012
          SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



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          • I feel ya. I need $500 for an insurance deductible for the car. Stupid effing bumper. It's my fault, too, but since we just moved and all... No savings.
            Depression Lies

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            • hhmmm Jenn...we have two accounts...one is his & he gets an "allowance" that i transfer into his acct each payday.That is for whatever he needs...oil for his truck...stuff for the yard...if he eats out at work...whatever. The other acct is our "household" acct & he doesn't have a checkbook for it...we only have the one that I carry...& he doesn't even have a debit card for that account. That account is strictly for paying the bills & groceries. If there is a little left over & I need something then I will tap it...but not very often. Cause we live absolutely paycheck to paycheck. I generally have more month than money! lol. Anyways, he knows that & always stays "in his budget". I have trimmed the household budget as much as I can...cancelled the movie channels...trimmed the cell phone bill...even trimmed the grocery budget...which is hard cause we all know how much groceries keep going up! I gripe when someone leaves lights on...keep my thermostat at 76 yada yada yada. lol.

              So the two account thing might work for you, if he stays out of the other account. My mom & her husband have the same thing...he has his account that his retirement check goes into & his paycheck goes into moms acct. (the company forced him into an early retirement & he now works for another company.). Yeah I know what you mean about being single. Sometimes I think it would be easier, sure would be easier being on a diet! But I don't have problems with my marriage...just a few of my in laws. 😉

              I hope you can work it out. Vent away when you need to!! It helps. And it's your journal!!
              Goal: Don't worry be happy!

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              • Brad says that I never accept his solutions so I told him to find a solution and I'd let him have at it. I'm done. I don't want control of the damn checkbook anymore. I hope he takes it. And I hope he develops a "chore list"... and all the shit better not be on my side!

                That said I'm going to dig out my Fly Lady binder and review her site tonight. It's time to make her system work.
                Primal since March 5, 2012
                SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



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                • Oh Jenn, I live in the same world. I hate that when I need support the most, like right now, he gets pissed at me. Being the person in charge of everything sucks.
                  Primal since 9/24/2010
                  "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

                  Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
                  MFP username: MDAPebbles67

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                  • Jenn - I think letting brad take over is absolutely the right thing to do -- step away and let him handle it ALL! If he screws up - then he can't blame anyone but himself. On the other hand -- maybe he can figure it out and get things in order? One thing for sure - it would take the pressure and responsibility OFF you. You need a break, and brad needs to step up and help out.

                    It would be really hard cuz its always been on your shoulders - but if truly let it go - and give it all over to brad - you'll be able to relax and trust him to handle things.

                    Hope things get worked out soon. {hugs}
                    1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                    2. Eat to heal
                    3. Move to live
                    4. Embrace today
                    5. Live with intention
                    6. Respect my body
                    7. Cultivate joy
                    8. Find my passion
                    9. Meditate on peace in my soul

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                    • I agree with tomi. And this is out of my area. I've been married for 39 years, & have been blessed with a great relationship. We have a few minor ups & downs (mostly about his mother). I almost feel guilty that I don't have problems like some of you poor girls. My heart hurts for you. The only advice I could give is communication communication communication. If you can't talk it out & try to work it out together it ain't gonna work. Marriage is a partnership. It takes two people willing to work at making it work, in all areas. Since I'm older than most of you guys, I'm old school & old fashioned. So I'll leave it to ya'll & just offer my ((((hugs)))) & a listening ear.
                      Goal: Don't worry be happy!

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                      • ^ what she said. P.A.R.T.N.E.R.S.H.I.P in all areas.

                        And Cajun -- I'm sure you're only a few years older than me.
                        1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                        2. Eat to heal
                        3. Move to live
                        4. Embrace today
                        5. Live with intention
                        6. Respect my body
                        7. Cultivate joy
                        8. Find my passion
                        9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                        Comment


                        • Well tomi...I'm pushing 59. Most days I feel 79!! lol. I have high hopes that getting back to a more paleo diet will reverse that. I'd love to feel more like 39!! 😅
                          Goal: Don't worry be happy!

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                          • The only thing is that I don't trust him with our finances. We are not even in the same library when it comes to financial goals. I have been setting aside money for our trip to Memphis and I'm afraid that would get squandered. He always seems to think he can make things up with overtime but it never ends up working out that way and I'm afraid he'd dip into that money and expect to make it up. Experience has taught me that this NEVER works and Memphis is not something I'm willing to take that gamble with.

                            But it's not just memphis I'm scared of losing. I'm scared that he doesn't take our debt payoff as seriously as I do and that with him running the finances we'll always be in this endless blackhole of debt. I just need to learn how to stand up to him.

                            Broke out my fly lady stuff and followed my evening routine. I really need to make the FL system stick. I know it works, I've seen it work, I just get lazy.
                            Primal since March 5, 2012
                            SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



                            Comment


                            • You might do a modified two bank- account system: one for bills, groceries, and month to month needs, and one for HIS "needs." However much "blow money" y'all get per month, half gets transferred over to his account, plus however much he may need for the month. Any overtime he pulls, 75% goes to his account, with the understanding that needs take precedence over his fun account. Key element? He has no access to pull from the main account. No more racecar loans. I think that seems to be the crux of y'all's money problems, is him seeming to think money comes out of thin air and that racecar. If he wants such an expensive hobby, he can find a way to pay for it out of HIS money, not the shared income or borrowed money.
                              Or I could just be full of shit and that could be completely the wrong path.
                              I've only been married 3 years, so I could easily be wrong on the separate but equal partnership for marriage. It seems to work for us. We each pony up a set equal amount per month for the joint bills and joint savings, which vanishes into the bill pay account that neither of us can touch without significant effort. Beyond that, our money is each of our own. My car and student loans are in my name. If I fuck that up, it's on my head, not his. That may be the way to go.
                              Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                              My Latest Journal

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                              • Well I can understand that Jenn. You have a dilemma on your hands. The two account system as I mentioned sounds like an idea for you. That way you still maintain control & he still gets some spending money & can't tap the "household" money. NK's suggestion of splitting up his overtime sounds reasonable & fair. I agree, he has an expensive hobby, but there are priorities that come first. He of course would still have "survivorship" rights to a separate acct in case something happened to you, so it wouldn't be "locked up".

                                I hope that you can figure out an agreeable solution. Is he willing to sit done & have a grown up conversation about this issue? If ya'll can't communicate what the needs are in the relationship/marriage then you will always be at odds. And that's not good for your kids. If your kids are going without because of his hobby well......does he really want that? Just my unasked for 2 cents.

                                ((((hugs))))
                                Goal: Don't worry be happy!

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