Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

My Journey from Sugar Burner to Fat Burner - jenn26point2's Primal Journal

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • I don't know how much the bowling parties are around here, but my brother had bowling birthday parties for, no joke, probably about 10 years. He just loved them. We didn't go bowling at any other time basically. The last two years, he's done laser tag instead (he's 15 now, so it's fairly age appropriate).
    Depression Lies

    Comment


    • So since my brain has to always be stressing, it's stressing. Primarily over money. Brad never did text me back yesterday regarding the money that should be in furlough but isn't. I have an accomplishable plan/goal to bring the balance back up to where it needs to be by the end of May. I hate doing the finances.

      Last night in class, we discussed some stuff that really hit home with me. Some questions people asked in class that I wrote down to evalute were:

      1. Why do you react to things the way you do? Why does this make you upset? (regarding any situation you may find yourself in)
      2. What is it about ME as a person (personality) that helped this situation work well/not work so well? What did I do or not do that got us here?

      These two questions resonated with me b/c they fit any situation in life.

      So, to answer these questions regarding our financial situation... tough stuff.

      Ok. I'll start with number 2 b/c I think it will help.

      2. What is it about me that got us here? What did I do/not do? Well, I didn't tell Brad no when he wanted to eat out. I felt lazy and didn't want to cook, so we ate out. I didn't pay enough attention when using paypal to pay for the tshirts for the racing team and the money came out of the wrong account costing us $140 in overdraft fees (ouch). I did not say no to things when I knew we didn't have the money in our checking and would have to pull it from elsewhere to keep things balanced. I have never been good at saving money - tend not to be able to keep my hand out of the cookie jar.

      1. WHY do I do this? Why does this upset me so? I do this b/c I am fearful of confrontation. I do not want to say no to Brad when he wants to eat out or do something that costs money because I don't want him to resent me for our financial situation (shoot the messenger kind of situation). It's easier to let it happen and then perform the creative financing to make it work out - at the expense of our savings account/debt payoff plan. Living in the NOW instead of the future. This upsets me b/c I am failing at my goals. On paper they are not lofty... in reality, they are.

      3. What can I do to prevent this behavior in the future? Grow a set of balls... or change the goals. Does changing the goals correct our situation? No. It just delays the freedom from credit cards we both seek, while enabling us to continue spending willy-nilly. We both want to kill our credit card debt... but we want to live like we want to live too. We can't have both. Something has to give. It's time for some change, I think. And that change has GOT to be in our spending habits, and my inability to say no when I know what our financial situation is.
      Primal since March 5, 2012
      SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



      Comment


      • Gawd, I hate being broke and/or trying to save for so many different things/pay so many things off at once. Maybe I should change our financial goals - not try to pay things off so aggressively. This will require some careful consideration...
        Primal since March 5, 2012
        SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



        Comment


        • It sounds like the end goal will always be the same, just the method needs adjusting.
          Depression Lies

          Comment


          • ^ what she said. But I also think you need to have a more open conversation with Brad about finances. Do you "budget" for each category of expense? I can't imagine you don't cuz you love tracking and graphing and charting If you have X dollars in the category for eating out - and Brad can easily see that - then he should be just as responsible for saying "no, we don't have the money". You're his wife - not his mom. You're not responsible for telling him "no" --- but you can share the information with him - say, "Brad, we started the month with X dollars for eating out / entertainment - we have X dollars remaining. Are you sure you want to spend them eating out tonight?" You can make it a TEAM effort instead of having it all rest on your shoulders. And when the category says 0 dollars - he can look at that and decide if he wants to overspend in that category or wait until there are funds replenished. But overspending needs to balanced with under spending next pay period - no robbing peter to pay paul!!! That always ends badly!

            Finances are by far the worst part of making a marriage work!!!
            1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
            2. Eat to heal
            3. Move to live
            4. Embrace today
            5. Live with intention
            6. Respect my body
            7. Cultivate joy
            8. Find my passion
            9. Meditate on peace in my soul

            Comment


            • Our budget is set up weekly. We have a grocery budget, fuel budget, "blow money" that can be spent on whatever we want - right now we split it - or rather, he gets his and I forfeit mine b/c we're usually too strapped), racing, daycare, whatever bills we have, and the rest goes to debt or whatever we're saving for. Right now, any extra is going to debt, and any overtime is going to our short-term saving. Our short-term saving deal right now is his trip to a big race in September ($1,000 is what he's asked for for the two of us to go out there, race, spend the weekend, etc - it's a week long race and will require hotel room, etc. $1,000 is probably overkill, but better to have too much than not enough).

              We don't do a "monthly" budget of any kind. If we want to go out, it is supposed to come from our blow money. I have our budget on a spreadsheet, tabbed out by month. On each month is the list of bills due, broken out by what week they will get paid. He is easily confused by it, so tends not to pay much attention to it. Here's a pic of one month:

              Picture0001.jpg

              Ok, let me explain.

              What you see here is the bills due the first, second and third weeks of May and what date the paycheck arrives that will pay them. The colums on the left, in green, are the "income" columns. They show where the money comes from, when it arrives, and how much. The center column, in red, is what is actual bills. If they are shaded grey, they are paid. Pink is debt snowball. Yellow is "extra" being provided. In this case, we're making an additional deposit to our life insurance to get caught up/ahead. The left column, mostly in blue, is 'savings'. Red stuff is atypical stuff that isn't reoccuring - i.e. Makenna's birthday party, racing, paying back the furlough, etc.

              I think it's easy to decipher, but he does not. I think it's b/c he's never truly LOOKED at it. I have our finances set up like this all the way out through December 2017 - using my Outlook calendar to pinpoint our pay dates. Some months have extra money b/c we get paid bi-weekly, on alternating weeks, so there's money coming in every week. Those weeks, with no bills, are used to hammer our debts. This is how we can get things paid off in 4 years. This spreadsheet right here makes that happen - we just have to learn to keep our hands out of the proverbial cookie jar.

              I think it's a good system, but it doesn't stop us from overspending b/c TECHNICALLY there's money in our accounts, even if it's obligated. I'd make a horrible president.
              Last edited by jenn26point2; 04-25-2013, 02:45 PM.
              Primal since March 5, 2012
              SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



              Comment


              • Robbing Peter to pay Paul... story of our life.
                Primal since March 5, 2012
                SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



                Comment


                • well - what about instead of keeping your "blow money" in the account and relying on recording whats been spent --- take the money out and put it in your wallets - when its gone - the fun is done until next paycheck. So if you both start the week with $50 (or whatever it is) then Brad can actually SEE how much is left until his next "allowance". He might have a better grasp on how and what he spends his share on if he has to watch it disappear out of his wallet.

                  That's a pretty impressive spreadsheet --- maybe you should have been an accountant! Keeping track of other peoples spending.
                  1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                  2. Eat to heal
                  3. Move to live
                  4. Embrace today
                  5. Live with intention
                  6. Respect my body
                  7. Cultivate joy
                  8. Find my passion
                  9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by jenn26point2 View Post
                    I think it's a good system, but it doesn't stop us from overspending b/c TECHNICALLY there's money in our accounts, even if it's obligated. I'd make a horrible president.
                    OK... I can think of some things to quip here.....

                    Comment


                    • Our "blow money" does get pulled out of checking each week.

                      ****

                      On a different note, my husband is a fucking jerk. I'm very upset with him right now to the point that I don't care to speak to him or see him. And I hope he loses the "big one" today while fishing. Or doesn't catch a single effing fish. He's being a complete jerk and for no reason at all.
                      Primal since March 5, 2012
                      SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by jenn26point2 View Post
                        Our "blow money" does get pulled out of checking each week.

                        ****

                        On a different note, my husband is a fucking jerk. I'm very upset with him right now to the point that I don't care to speak to him or see him. And I hope he loses the "big one" today while fishing. Or doesn't catch a single effing fish. He's being a complete jerk and for no reason at all.
                        well - bummer........... on both accounts. Sorry Brad is being a jerk - men are pretty good at that sometimes! I think sometimes they just don't want to be adults anymore and revert to that little shit who doesn't play well with others.

                        Hope things smooth out as that day goes by...............
                        1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                        2. Eat to heal
                        3. Move to live
                        4. Embrace today
                        5. Live with intention
                        6. Respect my body
                        7. Cultivate joy
                        8. Find my passion
                        9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                        Comment


                        • He must be feeling bad for being a jerk. Just asked me if I want to take Monday off to go fishing.
                          Primal since March 5, 2012
                          SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



                          Comment


                          • they always come back with their tails between their legs! (or something like that)
                            1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                            2. Eat to heal
                            3. Move to live
                            4. Embrace today
                            5. Live with intention
                            6. Respect my body
                            7. Cultivate joy
                            8. Find my passion
                            9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                            Comment


                            • OH... MY GOD. I just got a call from the mortgage writer... he told me that we're closing on the 4th so I'm supposed to call and stop my auto payment that is scheduled for the 1st. He then told me our first payment isn't due until July 1... so TWO months without a mortgage payment!!! TWO EFFING MONTHS! Are you KIDDING me??? WHOO HOOOOOO!!!!

                              What do I do now?? Apply both payments to debt? Sock one away (and risk our stupid asses blowing it on stupid shit b/c we can't control our spending)?

                              Seriously, folks. This is $2,300 that we don't have going out for our mortgage now... I'm overly anxious about what to do with it... I want to use it wisely...

                              And I'm afraid of what Brad will want to do with it - save it for his big race in September (currently, he's working overtime to fund that), buy something stupid with it (luckily not a 4 wheeler as he has one of those - which hasn't been ridden in over probably 2 months, by the way)... what to do, what to do...

                              Seriously. So anxious. MAYBE I can open an ING or HSBC high interest savings account and put it there... moving money from there takes TEN DAYS (seriously) so it won't be as easy to get into and can honestly serve as an emergency account that way... *sigh* I hate these types of decisions.
                              Primal since March 5, 2012
                              SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



                              Comment


                              • Seems like a separate account that's just for accumulating and NO SPENDING would be a good idea. My first vote is always towards debt.
                                Depression Lies

                                Comment

                                Working...
                                X