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Confessions of a Serial Wagon-Jumper

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  • #61
    Ferti, good for you! Who knows how much good your confrontation and action did. That may just have been the wake-up call that guy needed to get his stuff together.

    Sabine, the thing about bullies is that they NEVER expect someone to fight back. They assume that people will just give up and give in and they will get their way. Sure, it has caused me to get into some nasty screaming matches but hey, you have to stand up to these people.

    I remember in DC, one of the two final straws of bullies...I was in the passenger side of my car, stopped at a stop light. I was drinking a bottle of water and it was maybe 6:30am. This car pulls up besides us at the light and in the driver side in the back of the car there was a man (the rest of the car was all women). He was maybe 40 years old, as were the rest of the women in the car. He looked over at me just as I took a look to my side, saw me looking at him and decided to get vulgar. He yelled out the window things that he would like me to do to his manhood. I replied by asking him what manhood, as I highly doubted he had anything filling those pants. My wife just about died right there. He got more and more vulgar and was, if you can believe it, egged on by the women in his car. I kept my mouth shut, opened my bottle of water, and as we pulled away to turn I threw the water in his face. We pulled away and I heard screaming profanity...my wife thought they would follow us and I'd get shivved....nope. Just a bully. I hope the suit he was wearing was silk. I wish my water had been coffee.

    On days like that I have a dream. In my dream world there is a 3-slap rule. Each day you can slap 3 people. In this dream world there is also a way to pull up on screen the slapping scenario and what led up to it so that if you are simply slapped for no reason you can prove it. So each person gets 3 slaps a day. I'd make sure to wear lots of rings.

    Most days I just want people to stop being so damn stupid and mean.

    Let the pregnant women sit on the train/bus! Give up your seat to the elderly and injured! Hold the door open for someone with tons of bags or a stroller, or injured, or just BECAUSE YOU WANT TO BE KIND. If the train is crowded take you backpack off your back and hold it in between your legs so you don't give the people around you a concussion. Don't cut people off when driving, don't block intersections (yellow and red do NOT mean gun it!) You see someone being a bully, say something.

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    • #62
      Enough of the anger-monster. I humbly apologize for my recent rants. I have just been inundated with rudeness in every aspect of my life lately and I am attempting to pull myself out of my anger spiral.

      My mother used to say that my real father had anger issues. I never believed her until I met the man and got to see it in full living color. What was scary about it was that I recognized some of it in me. I had moments of uncontrollable rage, simmering furiousness, etc. The difference was that I tended to go to a private place at that point and stay away from others who might be targets. Since meeting my wife these anger moments have all but ceased...but add a sprinkle of stress, a dash of incredulity, a smidge of overwhelming workload, and these feelings creep back up. I really need to start meditating again.

      On the diet front? Failure. I say this as I eat a muffin.

      I have a plan, though. I am not giving up. These are bad moments, not true failure. These are poor choices and I'm trying to really learn from them. I'm reading an interesting book about habits and how a lifetime of habits can't be stopped, but can be changed. I've begun to implement some of the book's thoughts into my own life.

      For example, instead of going home, grabbing something to eat and spending the rest of the night on the couch watching tv we have a chore list. We have a morning chore list and an evening chore list. Some mornings we get up and I clean up the bathroom, put lunches together, clean the litter-box, grab the clothes lying around and put them in the laundry. Some nights I get home and empty the dishwasher, last night I dusted the bedroom, tonight my wife will do a load of laundry and dust the living room. We've been getting up earlier to get this stuff done and I have to say...three days in...that its really nice to come home to an apartment that has no clothes and shoes strewn about, the bed is made and things are rather tidy. At night I'm more apt to clean up a bit while listening to a helpful or entertaining audiobook while dusting, picking up, folding, etc.

      I'm hoping that this new practice of ours will become a habit, and will then lead to us to make additional good changes in our life. I'm really hoping that creating this new habit of activity will help shift us into even more activity, which will also be yet another thing that will help us stick to a better way of eating. I've added an incentive for the upcoming weeks....stick to the eating plan 100% for 3 weeks and that person gets to choose a date night activity and can eat anything they want at that activity. My hope, but don't tell the wife, is that if we can stick to the primal eating habits for 3 weeks we will make better choices for our "cheat meal" or might choose to skip the cheat if we've worked really hard. The longer we can keep this going the better.

      I've also decided to start a blog in the next couple of weeks. I want to blog our attempts at changing our habits, losing weight, trying to have a baby as a married lesbian couple, and our attempts to get all primal-culinary! Recipes! I need a creative outlet as well as something to keep me honest.

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      • #63
        4 Days into my little experiment and I've noticed something about my relationship...we really do love each other. I mean, I knew it, but now that we have a list of things we're responsible for during the day I've seen my wife do one of my things because she knew I was exhausted from work. I made the bed on her day because she had taken a longer shower than anticipated. It's the little things. I made dinner last night even though it wasn't my day because she wanted to make cookies for her dad.

        This weekend will be a bit tough....we go up to the in-laws tomorrow. They do NOT eat well, have ANYTHING fresh in the house, and eat out at restaurants that we don't have a lot of options at. Needless to say, the whole family is overweight and very unhealthy. I made some paleo chicken last night and we'll be bring it with us so we have something to much on. This weekend will also keep us from our chores and we'll have to sneak in a bunch when we get back on Monday. It also curtails my plans on using my slow-cooker plans. I had hoped to start using the slow cooker more but doesn't look like that's happening anytime soon. I also wish I could find some really great recipes for the slow cooker that are paleo friendly that interest me. Oh, I've found plenty of sites with recipes, plenty...but most of their recipes would not work for us either because they involve onions as a huge ingredient, fruit, honey, or something else we can't really eat...or are a bit out there and my wife won't eat it.

        Well, back to the grindstone. Probably won't be able to get back here until Tuesday, so wish me luck!

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        • #64
          The weekend was a bust. I totally caved when put into my typical state of misery. I have, however, in the past been able to stay clean when visiting, but that has usually been after being really good for a long period of time beforehand. This will not happen again.

          I insisted on leaving first thing Monday morning for the long drive home and I'm glad I did. I couldn't spend one more meal there. We got home around 9:30am and split up to get as much done as possible. I went grocery shopping and the wife began laundry. However, by the time I got home her back was hurting a lot (had been all weekend - we painted all weekend) so I took over the gargantuan chore list. Got most done too. Laundry was done and some put away. Chicken was cooked for the week, pot roast for dinner, cleaned the kitchen a bit, emptied the dishwasher and refilled it. I even took care of my wife, providing heating pad and ice packs, ibuprofen and waters. By the end of the night I was exhausted. I probably spent about 8 hours on my feet after spending 3 hours driving. I'll admit that I was a bit pissed at my wife for being hurt (like only a married person can pull off). I think she must have sensed it because she got up early this morning and cleaned up the kitchen, and got all the lunches ready for the morning. Awwww

          Tonight I'm in charge of dinner clean up and dusting the bedroom...I'm also currently ON PLAN and will NOT be joining the coffee gals in a second coffee run of the day. I have a new-fangled water cup and I plan to use it twice today, bringing in about 32 ounces of water more than I'd usually get. I need to start seriously reducing the amount of coffee I buy...its savings time.

          This week's Goals:

          Drink more water, less coffee
          Try to IF 1 meal every other day
          Continue to adhere to my chore chart
          Get better organized

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          • #65
            Hey, you've got the perfect resource here: tell us what you can't/won't eat, and we can toss back any crockpot recipes that work. If you don't want to do it on your journal, a short, to-the-point post on the recipe thread page will get even more results.

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            • #66
              Sabine, good thought. I might do that later.

              Yesterday I was 95% good. I had a cookie after spending 6 hours putting together an interview schedule for 1 person to meet with 13 people and give a seminar. It was virtually impossible, but after talking to other admins I was able to get better times and make it work...until I got the email from one of the interviewers that NEED to participate saying that she and her whole group could not actually miss their meetings so would not be able to adhere to the schedule after all, that I need to completely overhaul it. The recruiters are being nasty little b*&ches and have handed me 5 more interviews to schedule. This means that I now have to push off all my other projects that are, to be honest, more important to ME, until I get these damn things scheduled.....I am just pissed. So freaking pissed off. I DON'T HAVE TIME to do this crap. It should be the recruiters' jobs to do this. I support 5 executives....5. I manage 5 calendars, schedule travel and reimbursements for 5 people. I manage our Admin budget, the Capital Budget, I coordinate the budget and scheduling of our huge $1.5m project budget, I assist the Finance Director with our total budget. I'm in charge of billing, of invoices, of tracking down all our current and past software and equipment purchase information, POs, and invoices and making databases to track all our service and license agreements, costs and deadlines...etc, etc, etc, etc. When do these people think I am going to have the time to spent 4-6 hours scheduling massive interviews???

              FURIOUS!!!!!!

              Now I'm going for my coffee and omelet before I kill someone.

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              • #67
                Aaaaaaaand now we are at Wednesday. It took me a week to calm down from all that. It helped a huge deal to talk to my amazing boss and have him concur with me that spending my days scheduling interviews was NOT the best use of my time and that all my other projects are/were much more important. Cut to today, I'm still stressed. I still have way too much to do. But I'm still doing my best to stay on track.

                In fact, a new hire in our office turns out to be Paleo as well and we chatted for a while about the trials and tribulations. We're on opposite spectrums, though. He's trying to gain weight, I'm trying to lose it. But now I have a buddy. Yay!

                Still struggling to lose weight, and reminding my wife on a daily basis that the scale is NOT to be her judge.

                Counting down to our upcoming week-long vacation. So looking forward to a week with not much planned. Maybe visit some friends, do some cleaning, maybe go to the beach, or some local touristy things. And sleep with NO alarm clock. REALLY looking forward to that.

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                • #68
                  Today I almost cheated several times, and its only 10:49am. I have a huge meeting at 11am and yesterday afternoon the whole thing felt like it was falling apart. A couple people had not done their jobs, budgets were in danger, figures were not meshing, and I was a giant ball of number-crunching stress-monster. All I wanted to do was shove crepes in my mouth, crepes with nutella and bananas. But I stuck with it and was a good girl. I made it through the night cheat-free.

                  Then this morning came and I found out that my exec who the meeting was with had decided that she didn't want to bother coming in so now we have to do a teleconfernece...and no one wants to gather to do it together, they all want to do it from home or at desks. I took a look at my cookie jar stuffed with happy little sugar bombs and went to the store and bought an omelet instead. Then the girls dragged me to Starbucks for coffee and I wanted, and almost ordered, the lemon loaf...and didn't.

                  So I'm sitting here, still cheat free and only 8 minutes away from my big meeting....on a message board...talking about my diet. Oh yeah, I'm prepared, and everything is out of my control. Not my favorite place to be in the world. 7 minutes away now...better get readier...is that even a word?

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                  • #69
                    You are doing great! Congratulations on the small successes. Just remember that they add up.
                    Depression Lies

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                    • #70
                      Man, oh man!

                      I can't believe it's been almost a month since I posted! I continued to stick with it for most of the time...I would say about 60% on and 40% off. Then it hit me...again.

                      So, almost 2 weeks ago I hit 260 for some hideous reason. I decided that if I was going to do it I'd better do it soon before I jumped off that wagon and gained another 10 pounds. So what did I do? I decided this was NOT a diet anymore. This is now about my health, my digestion.

                      As of Sunday, September 30th I have:

                      Given up - grains, rice, sugar, milk and all dairy forms, onions, and I am cutting way back on caffeine.

                      So far? Well, let's see. It's been 12 days and I have lost 8 pounds. I pushed through my mini-stall (253 for 4 days!) to hit 252 this morning. My wife has been following along behind me and has done everything I have with the exception of a little dairy here and there.

                      I stuck with it through some really hard things. Tough meetings, rough deadlines, my father's horrible accident (fractured neck, broken collarbone, and ripped OFF his ear!), a meningitis scare for my baby sister, another fun filled visit to the carb-hell that is my in-laws', and yet another failed insemination for us (gosh, all that in 1.5 weeks...ugh). My wife broke down at the in-laws and ate very poorly, but I stuck with it, no matter what!

                      I think my trick was having a plan. I knew ahead of time that things would be tough and planned as much as I could. When we went to the in-laws I went out immediately to a BBQ Pit restaurant and bought pounds of cooked pork, brisket, and chicken to nibble on if I got the munchies, I got some pre-cooked sweet potato fries, I brought home-made egg salad. I thought about all the restaurants we could possibly go to, what they had there that I could eat, and essentially chose my meals ahead of time. For the times I had deadlines and big meetings I knew that I would make sure to eat a hearty omelet for breakfast that morning to give me strength and I would bring with me a big salad with plenty of protein. I left my Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts cards at home so I wouldn't be tempted to go out for coffee 2-3 times a day with the office girls. I filled my fridge with food that I mostly cooked ahead of time so the days we got home late we wouldn't just call out for Chinese, rather we'd just heat up what I had made. Also, I have a huge meeting tomorrow with a reception afterwards filled with food. My secret weapon is that I agreed to take on the catering ordering so I could pick and choose all options. I chose plenty of bad foods, carb filled and sugary, but I also made certain that they would have my favorite paleo/primal favs (shrimp cocktail, bacon-wrapped scallops, antipasto platter, grilled veggie platter) so that I wouldn't be as tempted. Sure, it was a lot of work, a lot of time off of other projects I'd rather be working on, but I feel more prepared.

                      It seems to be working!

                      This weekend I plan to have a cheat day. We have planned a Halloween gathering for the girls (sisters and office pals) and while I have already planned to have several paleo/primal options at the ready I do plan to eat a couple items that are NOT on my usual menu. I even know what those items are and how much I would feel comfortable eating. My wife? She plans on both Friday and Saturday being cheat days...not me. I know how badly I will feel later so I am keeping my cheats to the night itself. It's paleo/primal up until the party begins and then back the very next day. I've even bought take-home tupper-ware containers so I can pass off all the bad foods onto our guests and not keep any in the house.

                      Fingers crossed!

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                      • #71
                        Nice to hear from you again. Good luck with your day off! Shifting the mindset of diet to health was the kicker for me too. I never really needed to lose weight, but now my health is really dependent on me sticking to this way of eating.
                        Depression Lies

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                        • #72
                          Hang in there! I also fall off the wagon from time to time and like you find one little cheat leads to another and then a day and then a week and wow look at all the weight that gets put back on! Is there any way to keep the foods you shouldn't be eating out of sight and not as a temptation in your office or on the desk? Seems like you are tempting fate a little too much. I found when I got rid of the temptations it made the PB lifestyle so much easier to follow.
                          “There are only two options regarding commitment, You’re either in or your out. There’s no such thing as life in between.” – Anonymous

                          "Das Beste oder nichts" - Gottlieb Wilhelm Daimler

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                          • #73
                            I'm so glad you're back - I've been scouring the boards for you, but couldn't remember the name of your journal. Well done on turning things around. I'm cheering you and the wife on.
                            I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

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                            • #74
                              Thanks all!

                              Since I work in a large office filled with students we ALWAYS have food around. There's just no getting around it. I made a decision a while back that I wouldn't go out of my way to push temptations away from me as there will NEVER be a world where I'm not surrounded by temptations. I'm a food addict. I will always have a problem with food. The trick now, for me, is to find a way to handle that, find ways to deal with the temptations. So far, that seems to be having a plan ahead of time. Like right now...all I wanted to do this morning was go to Dunks and get 2 croissants and a big coffee with cream and sugar. Instead, knowing it's just stress about our huge meeting tonight, I had made the plan that if I was feeling really stressed this morning I would allow myself either a little cheese on my omelet or would have homefries with it. Knowing that I could have that little piece of "naughty" without it really being bad I was able to walk right by the Dunks and not stop. The crux of that decision is that I can't get my omelet until 8am, which is almost 40 minutes after I pass the Dunks. I have that time to get my head together, think things through, and really think about whether I really even want or need that cheese or potato any more before getting my breakfast. I'm leaning towards no, but then again I wonder if I do not allow myself my little acceptable "cheat" this morning will I have the will power to stay away from the other foods tonight? Science has proven that will power is not a recycling, unending thing. People don't have LOADS of will power. If I use up my will power this morning I wonder if I will have it tonight when I need it.

                              Its the little things like this that I've notice helps. I have a lot of weight to lose...over 100 pounds...and its not going to happen overnight. I have to change the way I do EVERYTHING. I have to change my response to stress, I have to change my way of thinking about food, the way I make choices, how I plan things out, and even what I learn. I listen to podcasts and audiobooks a lot. Lately I've been listening to a lot about will power, changing your mindset, making lasting changes in your life, and loads on the role conventional food problems affect our bodies. I'm hopeful that the more I know the easier it will be for me to stick with it.

                              Thank you all for the encouragement!!! It means the world to me!

                              Now, off I go to get breakfast!

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                              • #75
                                Ah, October, how well I remember you and my amazing diet resolve.

                                This was before my strange, unexpected bouts of nausea, the exhaustion, and the need to keep my diet as bland and as simple to digest as possible. I spent a month being nauseous for no apparent reason, so I spent that month nibbling toast, slurping jello, and sipping gingerale. I did all this, gained about 10 pounds, and then found out that the nausea was NOT in my stomach but in my HEAD! I have a tumor sitting on my pituitary gland and it's causing my lady hormones to go out of whack. This is causing me to have all the symptoms of a first trimester pregnant lady with none of the baby benefits.

                                Once I knew the reason for the nausea I jumped back on the bandwagon and am now back down to a reasonable, yet still way too high, weight. 259. It's getting easier and easier every day to stick with it, and I'm branching out in my recipes. I've given up trying to help my wife make better decisions as it just gets me upset and then she gets pissed at me.

                                So, it's been a month since we discovered the tumor, I've had a multitude of tests done to judge my overall health, and it turns out (surprise to my doctors) that I'm incredibly healthy despite being over 100 pounds overweight. My doc is completely surprised that, with my diet, I'm quite healthy. My sugars and cholesterol are all well within good limits. My heart is in great shape, no blockages, valves in good condition.

                                This past Friday I began my tumor shrinking meds and while they are making me a bit tired yet unable to get to sleep well they are NOT making me violently nauseous, so I'm pretty happy about it.

                                So I'm still working Paleo/Primal, still loving the way I feel when I'm doing it, and hoping that this time there will be no wagon-jumping.

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