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Primal journal : Coll

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  • Our dog seems to be fine and her blood tests came back normal so her kidney and liver function have not be adversely affected! Phew!

    098.jpg

    I love looking up into the branches of trees
    Start weight: 225.5 lbs Feb 14th 2012. Height: 5'7"
    Primal low: 186 lbs
    Current weight: 221.4 lbs
    Goal weight: 140 lbs

    "You are free to choose, BUT you are not free from the consequences of your choices."

    Comment


    • So all the stress of trying to find a home in an impossible market has come to us deciding to just quit. Instead of trying to make something work that really is not a good fit, we are going to focus on getting back onto an even keel and resign ourselves to living in this rental for the next while. There is always room for a miracle - but that is what it is going to take. We are going to try to just appreciate where we are and make the most of the good parts. At least this house has 3 beds and 2 baths! And it is reasonably affordable especially compared to the prices of rentals now! And the landlord has said that we are probably good to stay here for another year. Taking a deep breath and making a point of thinking of the nice points. I want to get back to life as normal as possible. I want to tidy and declutter and reorganize so that I can live here comfortably. So many things have gone undone for so long because we have been constantly on the brink of moving. I can honestly say that it is a good way to get depressed! I am still going to look for houses - just occasionally, instead of compulsively everyday! I am going to take 15 minute slots here and there through the day to attack the worst areas of the house and gradually get it under control. I also want to prepare for a garage sale. We will try talking to the landlord and see if he will allow us to get a camper and park it down at the bottom of the pasture where it won't look bad. If not, maybe we can find somewhere else to store it. We need to go camping and relax together as a family after all the chaos of the last while.

      Most of the time I am okay with supporting my folks, but every now and again the reality hits... that we could be pretty comfortable and able to buy a pretty reasonable home without any trouble if we weren't shelling out a large sum of money to keep them going every month. And yet I could not fathom leaving them destitute either, so every once in a while I struggle with it and then come to the same conclusion and just keep on. We are now making more money than we ever have and yet we just can't get ahead financially because of the commitment to my folks. Sometimes it feels like a never ending struggle - like those dreams where you are trying to run and can't even though there is something big and menacing chasing you down.
      Start weight: 225.5 lbs Feb 14th 2012. Height: 5'7"
      Primal low: 186 lbs
      Current weight: 221.4 lbs
      Goal weight: 140 lbs

      "You are free to choose, BUT you are not free from the consequences of your choices."

      Comment


      • That's a hard place to be coming from, wanting to help your parents, but seeing that it means postponing or even giving up the life you want for you and and your kids. Especially with their lifestyle conditions. I feel for you.

        Don't forget bone broth or veg/meat soup for your Down Days. It can really help!

        Comment


        • I have been in that same place - not sorting things out the way I liked because I felt I was in a temporary situation - and it's not a good place! Just go for it! Of course, I need to take my own advice, I still have some boxes stashed in the closet.

          It's a tough situation with your parents. I feel horribly guilty because I don't do more for my mom. But she doesn't want money from me, and realistically my sisters are in a much better place financially than I am. In fact a couple of them are actually what you would call rich, so me pinching pennies to send a bit to my mom is kind of hard to swallow.
          My journal - The Walrus: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread108103.html

          Be silly, be honest, be kind. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

          Comment


          • Coll that tree is a real beauty.

            Trying to move is really stressful, so while deciding to quit was a tough call it sounds as if you may all be a little more relaxed.
            Annie Ups the Ante
            http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread117711.html

            Comment


            • Thanks all for your kind words. I am trying to relax and have done a bit more tidying which feels good. There is a TON to do but I am just going to take it one bite at a time or else I'll get overwhelmed which is not the point! The kids are growing sooooo fast at the moment and I got a bunch of clothes together to take to the charity bin nearby. I am no longer taking stuff to Goodwill after thinking about it. I'd rather give the stuff to some group who will work with folk who need it and will give it to them. I know there are organisations that will do that instead of selling it - I mean I appreciate being able to buy cheap stuff from Goodwill, but I know what it is like to be so hard up that you can't even buy the cheap stuff. Rather help those folks - there are plenty people stocking the shelves of Goodwill and the like.

              Our dear landlord is such a hopeless case! DH is having to print his reports out of the printer in his work vehicle as the one in his office is playing up. So while the vehicle is standing open landlord zooms by on his riding mower and sends a cloud of dust and grit into the vehicle!!! I was waiting for him to drive over the extension cord (our yard too mind you!!) but through no effort on his part he did miss it. So here we are just wrestling with the buying of a house and landlord casually states that he is planning on buying the place next door that just went up for sale and while they are talking his new bobcat is delivered. Sigh, rather like rubbing salt in the wound folks .... I don't begrudge him his stuff - I just wish we didn't have to watch. And honestly I am concerned that he is going to be going crazy with his new toy and we are going to be living in a construction zone!

              What with the chaos this week and TOM arriving etc. I fell off the wagon of UDDD fasting. Part of it was I wasn't really prepared - Sabine, your thought of the bone broth and soup was a revelation again. I really need to have that kind of stuff to resort to when I get the munchies. I was thinking of making down days a liquids day - I'll have to look up the calorie counts but maybe a cup of turmeric tea, some broth and soup and maybe a smoothie. At the moment if something solid makes it into my mouth I am ready to eat the house down. I think my blood sugar is out of whack after too many carbs lately (not a good reaction to stress!) I really need to go cold turkey on the carbs and just get over it. I am going to start on Monday again so I have time to get some good stuff set up and get rid of the stuff that is causing problems. Trying to think of better responses to stress and things I can do anytime even if the kids are needing supervision with school 1. Get my camera and take some photos 2. Do some rock painting 3. Tidy a counter or my desk 4. Crochet a few rows on my latest project 5. Do a few foundation exercises or body weight exercises 6. Go and hide in the bathroom for a few minutes and do some deep breathing 7. Have a cup of herbal tea or a glass of water 9. Stand under the cottonwood in the backyard and listen to the birds chattering and the leaves rustling. 10. Go for a walk, or bike ride, on my own when possible. Anyway, those are all better than digging in the cupboards or fridge for something to eat. Most of the time lately I am eating because I need the comfort - not because I am hungry. My DD's were the first time I have felt hungry for a long time. So, even though I failed this week, I am going to try again starting Monday. Lets hope I can get into the swing of it - just pray for no more crises next week. That will be very helpful.
              Start weight: 225.5 lbs Feb 14th 2012. Height: 5'7"
              Primal low: 186 lbs
              Current weight: 221.4 lbs
              Goal weight: 140 lbs

              "You are free to choose, BUT you are not free from the consequences of your choices."

              Comment


              • Originally posted by Coll View Post
                ...Most of the time lately I am eating because I need the comfort - not because I am hungry....
                THIS is such a stumbling block for most of us. After all, eating for comfort WORKS. It DOES make us feel better, at least in the moment. Giving that up is hard.

                Comment


                • Exactly Sabine! I need to find something else that is satisfying and comforting, but is not food!!! Sometimes I do fine without the food comfort, but lately that has been a big struggle.
                  Start weight: 225.5 lbs Feb 14th 2012. Height: 5'7"
                  Primal low: 186 lbs
                  Current weight: 221.4 lbs
                  Goal weight: 140 lbs

                  "You are free to choose, BUT you are not free from the consequences of your choices."

                  Comment


                  • This might sound kind of weird, but try embracing those feelings and cravings. They are so strong, they need to be validated. Think about them and let the thoughts run wild.

                    Also not that I know that much about Goodwill, but they do provide decent jobs for people who otherwise wouldn't have them, so even though they are selling donated items it is a good service. It is the preparation and sale of those items that provides jobs.
                    My journal - The Walrus: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread108103.html

                    Be silly, be honest, be kind. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

                    Comment


                    • Right Walrus, but I know that there are also folks who can't afford to buy the clothes there - I will probably still donate non clothing items there. Right now I am feeling so down that I am afraid to just fall apart at the seams if I let go. I am trying to put a brave face on everything for the kids and DH - he is really struggling at the moment too and I don't want us both to be on a downer at the same time! I will try to find some time to just be alone - but a stay at home mom doesn't often have that luxury. I think that is part of my struggle - I have always found time alone to be a place of rest and restoration but I barely ever get it. We just don't have ANY support so there is nobody to leave the kids with ... oh well, it's not the end of the world. But it would be nice to go on a date once in a while and actually have some time to me. This season will be over before I know it though and then I will have all the time I could want and more so I am not going to get stuck here. Moving on and taking deep breaths!
                      Start weight: 225.5 lbs Feb 14th 2012. Height: 5'7"
                      Primal low: 186 lbs
                      Current weight: 221.4 lbs
                      Goal weight: 140 lbs

                      "You are free to choose, BUT you are not free from the consequences of your choices."

                      Comment


                      • RANT WARNING: Not a good day! Had a rather unpleasant exchange with the landlord and his wife ... we had been asked to get rid of one of our vehicles since we had one too many here. We tried to sell it and no-one wanted to buy it - we spoke to the landlord and asked if he would be ok with us parking it behind a large pine tree where it is not visible. He told us that would be fine. So that is what we have been doing for the last few months. So today, they call us over and tell us that since we are in violation of our lease by having three vehicles here we need to allow their chickens to run all over our yard and crap on our front porch and eat our wild bird seed etc. etc. and not complain. The wife really showed her true colours with some very b#$% attitude and the landlord lied through his teeth. I was so mad I could have screamed!!!!!! It has been a really tough day. DH and I put up a little fence around our front porch and the bird feeders. I was very tempted to run a fence across the edge of the whole front yard since that is what we pay for, but I know he'll be here tomorrow telling me we need to change it, so that he has access to drive across our front yard. The plus side of the little fenced area, is that the landlord can no longer stand on my front porch talking to whoever he's schmoozing at the moment. I am ssssooooo done with these a#$%@** and this place. Please pray that we will find a home so we can get out of here! I feel as though I am losing it here. I have just had a major overdose of the whole situation and am really struggling. We talked to some friends who live way up in the mountains and they told us we can park our truck there for the time being. Such a relief. I wish people would just talk about things that are bugging them rather than getting nasty about it - and I also wish that they would stand by their word. Just seeing that the landlords are really not nice people and have a crap attitude - not exactly news, but they were really nasty today. I feel so trapped here - there is no where that we can buy and yet we are feeling desperate to move too. Nowhere affordable to rent either. Can't live here and can't leave! I usually adore gardening, but this year I have just not had the heart to do it. It feels so pointless and I am sick of investing in nasty people's property. We have done a lot of work here and it is completely unappreciated. Whatever.... And despite all the crap I am still going to do a DD tomorrow and I am going to darn well make some positive steps, no matter who is messing with us! I feel as though I have a mild dose of laryngitis too. It will probably be good to drink turmeric tea and broth and soup - maybe I'll kick this bug before it gets too much of a hold.
                        Start weight: 225.5 lbs Feb 14th 2012. Height: 5'7"
                        Primal low: 186 lbs
                        Current weight: 221.4 lbs
                        Goal weight: 140 lbs

                        "You are free to choose, BUT you are not free from the consequences of your choices."

                        Comment


                        • This picture I took yesterday made me think of the light at the end of the tunnel! I needed something serene and beautiful to look at - this is a better thing to look at and think about than all the other nonsense that happened today.

                          IMGP8564.jpg
                          Start weight: 225.5 lbs Feb 14th 2012. Height: 5'7"
                          Primal low: 186 lbs
                          Current weight: 221.4 lbs
                          Goal weight: 140 lbs

                          "You are free to choose, BUT you are not free from the consequences of your choices."

                          Comment


                          • Gosh, sorry to hear about these shenanigans. Renting certainly has its downside, don't I know it. Glad your friends can take your truck for awhile. What a pain!

                            When my friend came to clean my chimney last week my landlord made a big deal about his truck and made him him move it even though he had carefully parked so that everyone could get out. And he was only here for 45 minutes tops. And he was cleaning the chimney for free. And he could have moved the truck any time in case someone needed to move their car anyway. Just a stupid power trip.
                            My journal - The Walrus: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread108103.html

                            Be silly, be honest, be kind. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

                            Comment


                            • Aren't power trips just so attractive!? If these people could only see themselves through someone else's eyes, they would stop these childish behaviours pronto and be properly embarrassed! It was like looking at an adult version of their nasty child and was a revelation as to where she gets her attitude from. The miracle is the older child who is actually nice and fun to be around. Oh well, I will just continue being pleasant and firm and will keep our gates closed. No-one goes into our backyard without asking anymore so that is an improvement on the situation when we moved in here. But then it is a lot more obvious that you are intruding if you have to climb the fence since the gates are all padlocked Even they have not the gall to do that - yet!
                              Start weight: 225.5 lbs Feb 14th 2012. Height: 5'7"
                              Primal low: 186 lbs
                              Current weight: 221.4 lbs
                              Goal weight: 140 lbs

                              "You are free to choose, BUT you are not free from the consequences of your choices."

                              Comment


                              • It's definitely a downside of renting - I am being very low-key lately, I'm quiet as a mouse. I don't want to have a confrontation, it won't serve any purpose. I am seriously annoyed with the way he acted during the chimney cleaning and of course over the blanket we found in there. Landlords!
                                My journal - The Walrus: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread108103.html

                                Be silly, be honest, be kind. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

                                Comment

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