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Gravyboat's Log, Stardate 59575.1

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  • Oh I don't believe this. 200 today, and I'm starting my period. Are you kidding me?? At least I should get a nice bloat drop at the end, but it's still going to be like another week before it's all gone.

    Not that I'm not happy to see 200 on the scale! Because that's incredible! I've lost 60lbs!! I never thought I'd actually see 200. Not on primal, not ever. And here I am!! So that's really awesome.

    Buuuutttt... I want 199! Oh well, I'll be there in a couple days!

    _-J o u r n a l_--------- ---- ---- --- --- -- -- -

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    • It is like dating 199's twin sister. Close, very close, but just not the same.

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      • Right now I'm living vicariously through your awesomeness.
        Rootin for 199~

        Really good things are happening for me too, just not much in the way of my uber-slow weight loss lately.
        I'll take the amazing medical healing in it's place for now though.
        “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
        ~Friedrich Nietzsche
        And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.

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        • Congrats on your medical healing, Cori! That's awesome.

          _-J o u r n a l_--------- ---- ---- --- --- -- -- -

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          • *******199!!!!!*******
            ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~ *~~

            Ladies and gentlemen, I am no longer in the 200s. I never believed I would make it this far when I started. It never seemed like it could actually be real. But it is real! I'm no longer 200-and-something!

            When I started eating this way, my weight goal was 200, because I literally never thought I would ever make it below that. I also thought that 200 would put me at a regular, normal size, and that it would be unrealistic to shoot under that. Today I'm 199lbs, size 16, and still have plenty to lose! I do think I'm "normal-sized" now, but on the huskier side of normal. I have a ways to go still before I'm done. I still maintain that I have a large bone structure, and I will never be waif-like, but I do want to be lean for my frame and be rid of all the large fat deposits on my arms/belly/thighs. I still think 160 is the number to hit, but I'm prepared to aim as low as 140, depending on what I see when I get there.

            The job is still unfinished, but I am proud for making it here. And I know that I will get to my final goal, whatever that ends up being. It's literally just a matter of time. My life is different now, and it's never going to be what it was again. I will be what I want to be, and I do have the power to change my life. I'm doing it. I'm proof that things can get better, even after completely believing that there was no hope and would never be any hope. Even after staring death in the face again and again, feeling that every day I lived was only wasting time until I finally succeeded in my suicide attempts. Even after spending years wading in extreme, overwhelming, unrelenting guilt even for existing, for having the absolute audacity to waste food and water and resources on myself just so I could survive another miserable day, even though I felt others deserved those resources more than I did, and that I truly deserved to die for being so worthless, selfish, and disgusting.

            Today I've lost 60lbs, I will never take psychiatric medication again because I don't need it, and I am cultivating real self esteem for the first time and actually developing a realistic sense of self. (It's some damn slow-going, but I'm doing it.) I've proven to myself that I can rise above overwhelming odds, and that nothing is unattainable if I try the right way. (Not hard enough --- the right way. Beating your head against a brick wall doesn't accomplish anything, especially if you think it's your fault that the wall won't budge.) I am believing more and more that I am a worthwhile, mature, honest, intelligent, strong, good person. The kind of person that anyone would be lucky to know. I don't need to apologize for myself constantly, or believe that everyone else is better than me and that I am a constant pathetic burden on everyone around me. People actually like me and like being around me. And that shouldn't be surprising, because I'm a friendly, gentle, sweet, perceptive, interesting person, with a lot of depth and a lot of empathy from having been through so much. It's not a curse, it's a strength. It's not something to be ashamed of, it's a sign of what I'm capable of enduring and capable of fixing, even against overwhelming odds!

            Who would have thought that all this growth would have come out of a fucking diet??? Not me.

            _-J o u r n a l_--------- ---- ---- --- --- -- -- -

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            • *throws confetti and uses noisemakers and takes off running full speed through a wall* Congratulations lady I'm excited to see even more of your progress!

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              • You rock, Lady Bear!

                I think it's actually all that other stuff that's even more amazing to me than the 199 (although that is seriously awesome). The change in your attitude toward yourself and your life is inspiring, and it makes me happy to see how much happier you are. You're a pretty cool person, and you deserve good and wonderful things.
                “If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive.” --Audre Lorde

                Owly's Journal

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                • Wonderfu,l Gravyboat, wonderful. I'm so pleased for you. You are amazing!

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                  • You. Rule. The. School. I'm so happy for you. *hugs*
                    I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

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                    • Thanks, all of you. It is so wonderful to have people out there who are rooting for me while I change my life. I often feel extremely alone, undesirable, and generally pathetic, and you've all really helped me feel like I am strong and capable, that what I am doing is meaningful and impressive. I know you're all just random people on a website, but you're important to me, and I'm really thankful you all take the time to actually read what I say and then respond with such nice and encouraging words. I know it's cheesy, but it really warms my heart to know you people have my back. Thanks.

                      _-J o u r n a l_--------- ---- ---- --- --- -- -- -

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                      • OMG I am so excited for you!!! I especially love the part about how you feel about yourself now. I have experienced a similar change. The real positive is that you are making these realizations while you are still young. Heck, I am still young too (getting younger every day) even though I am 20 years older than you. lol Yay Primal!
                        Primal since 9/24/2010
                        "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

                        Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
                        MFP username: MDAPebbles67

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                        • Ohhh Gravies!
                          I'm SO excited for you!
                          You moved to a whole new zip code girl!
                          A whole new tax bracket!!!
                          I'm as excited for you as I am for me right now.
                          There is a lot of excitement going on.
                          Pebbles, you too!
                          Happinessess for ALL!
                          “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
                          ~Friedrich Nietzsche
                          And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.

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                          • Congraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaats!
                            Man, I miss all the cool stuff on the weekends.
                            Depression Lies

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                            • Originally posted by gravyboat View Post
                              i am believing more and more that i am a worthwhile, mature, honest, intelligent, strong, good person. The kind of person that anyone would be lucky to know. I don't need to apologize for myself constantly, or believe that everyone else is better than me and that i am a constant pathetic burden on everyone around me. People actually like me and like being around me. And that shouldn't be surprising, because i'm a friendly, gentle, sweet, perceptive, interesting person, with a lot of depth and a lot of empathy from having been through so much. It's not a curse, it's a strength. It's not something to be ashamed of, it's a sign of what i'm capable of enduring and capable of fixing, even against overwhelming odds!


                              bullseye!!
                              Last edited by Crabbcakes; 09-18-2012, 10:42 AM. Reason: trouble with the smileys
                              I have a mantra that I have spouted for years... "If I eat right, I feel right. If I feel right, I exercise right. If I exercise right, I think right. If I think right, I eat right..." Phil-SC

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                              • Originally posted by Crabbcakes View Post


                                bullseye!!
                                what she said
                                I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

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