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Gravyboat's Log, Stardate 59575.1

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  • Yeah, my spine has been like this for over 10 years, so there's some definite fuckery to unfuck.

    Thanks again for your guidance.

    _-J o u r n a l_--------- ---- ---- --- --- -- -- -

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    • We've managed to derail your journal almost as much as Panda's.
      “If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive.” --Audre Lorde

      Owly's Journal

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      • Lol it's fine.

        221 lbs this morning, though!!!!! WHAT. I ate like a pound of cherries yesterday! But I drank a ton of water so I should not be dehydrated? What is going on!

        35.25" / 48" !!

        I re-weighed myself about 10 times because I did not believe the scale.

        Right now I have chicken bones that have been soaking in cold water overnight in the fridge, which means today is stock day! Which means I'm about to give my body some awesome gelatinous nutrition.

        Shit, guys. I'm excited. Though seriously, I need to eat more than I have been. Yesterday I ate, in addition to cherries, a chicken thigh and 3 eggs (with coconut oil). I didn't want any more, but that's still not enough. Actually it sounds like an anorexia diary. I better not be losing muscle.. I will start eating normally again today. Starting with a big plate of bacon and eggs.

        _-J o u r n a l_--------- ---- ---- --- --- -- -- -

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        • I have up days and down days for the appetite, so sometimes I feel like I ate almost nothing, but then I make up for it by eating like a horse on others. I think it's perfectly healthy and normal as long as you have both ups and downs. If you're consistently undereating significantly, then there might be an issue.

          Also, I'm a bit of a heretic, but I'm pretty sure cherries aren't going to make you fat.
          “If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive.” --Audre Lorde

          Owly's Journal

          Comment


          • Cherries had better well not make you fat because I bought a bag yesterday and I'm going through them too. Somehow though, I don't think I got to almost 300 pounds eating too much fruit, you know what I'm sayin'...

            And I also cycle between "hungry days" and "not-hungry days" and I think this is normal, since humans evolved from a hunter-gatherer species and I'm sure we historically didn't eat the exact same amount of the exact same thing every day during our evolution.

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            • Also, I am jealous. Cherry season has not yet arrived here, and I can't bring myself to buy the California imports at the grocery store.
              “If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive.” --Audre Lorde

              Owly's Journal

              Comment


              • I'm just a little nervous because I've effectively lost like 10lbs in a couple weeks, most of it this past week, and I know I have not been eating a lot this week. Like, mostly one meal a day. Also, I've been having blood sugar weirdness, especially yesterday after all the cherries. Like, vision going black when I stand up. That kind of thing. So that's not good.

                Ate a big plate of bacon and eggs just now and I'll have some chicken soup before bed tonight. That'll be a good, normal amount.

                I'll admit it, I bought the california import cherries, and they were fucking expensive. I don't think cherry season starts here until June/July. But I saw them and wanted them. And omg, so good.


                I'm not really worried about getting fat on fruit, but I am worried about fucking my blood sugar up super bad and stalling and etc. But, shit. I lost 3lbs overnight. So I think it's probably ok. I'm REALLY excited about being able to say I've lost 40lbs soon. (Which actually is 80lbs from my highest)

                Going for a walk in the park today while my stock simmers. Gonna do weights again tonight before bed, I think. Hoping for another good weight tomorrow.

                [Edit to add: I also have a history of disordered eating in which I feel morally good about being able to survive on as few calories as possible, so I really don't want to fall back into that.]
                Last edited by Gravyboat; 05-26-2012, 09:48 AM.

                _-J o u r n a l_--------- ---- ---- --- --- -- -- -

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                • Today was pretty good! Went to the park and walked a couple miles with my friend, then went thrifting, bought some new small clothes (3 skirts, and a sweater for this fall) and some really pretty green glass iced teas (big goblets). Then we went to the beach and laid in our bathing suits on the sand and got some sun.

                  I felt a little anxious about being in my suit at the beach. It's one thing being at the pool and being able to monitor the people around you, but it's another thing laying down with your eyes closed. I was worried people were staring, and I heard every single "Ewww" and "Shit, that's nasty!" whether or not they were talking about me (which I couldn't tell because I had my eyes closed). It made me anxious, anyway.

                  My stock managed ok in my absence and is turning into soup on the stove now. It tastes real good already.

                  I'm hungry today! Ate my bacon and eggs this morning, then a banana before our walk, then a couple pickles afterward, then half a pear and some more cherries just a minute ago. My stomach is still gnawing so I'm anxious for the soup. I know that'll fill me up.

                  Been drinking water all day. Should drink another 2 glasses before bed though.

                  Oh, and my friend and I did leg lifts on the beach since we were already laying down. Lol.

                  _-J o u r n a l_--------- ---- ---- --- --- -- -- -

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                  • Shit, you guys. I make the best chicken soup in the universe. I'm not even exaggerating.

                    _-J o u r n a l_--------- ---- ---- --- --- -- -- -

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                    • 222 today, but that doesn't surprise me since I feel bloated and my period finally showed up (kinda, it's still really light).

                      Ugh, I just wanna sleep for days.

                      _-J o u r n a l_--------- ---- ---- --- --- -- -- -

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                      • Originally posted by Gravyboat View Post
                        222 today, but that doesn't surprise me since I feel bloated and my period finally showed up (kinda, it's still really light).

                        Ugh, I just wanna sleep for days.
                        Stupid period, makes me sleepy and bloaty too. There are women on here who say they have no more puffiness or anything now that they eat primal, but that magic has just not happened in my world.
                        “If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive.” --Audre Lorde

                        Owly's Journal

                        Comment


                        • Hmm... I moved my scale from one room to another and got back on it and it said 219-220. Oh scales, who can understand you!

                          _-J o u r n a l_--------- ---- ---- --- --- -- -- -

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                          • Yeah ok. So I put my scale in the other room (on carpet), got on it today and it said 213. I was suspicious so I moved it off the carpet and it said 227... Neither of those seems right to me. I currently look and feel non-bloated and my measurements are down again (35.25" / 47.75").

                            Previously I was weighing in my living room on thin carpet. If I move the scale back there it says 224.

                            Soooo. I guess i'm just going to go with 227 as my current weight, and keep the scale off any carpet from now on for accuracy. Kinda sucks because I was just getting used to the idea that I've lost 40lbs.

                            _-J o u r n a l_--------- ---- ---- --- --- -- -- -

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                            • Carpets aren't good for scales because the squishiness makes them inaccurate. But really, it's mostly just an approximation since most bathroom scales are not all that accurately calibrated. I keep mine in the bathroom linen closet and try to use it in the same spot on the floor every time. I figure that way at least the relative changes will be reflected fairly accurately.

                              Doesn't matter all that much anyhow whether it's 224 or 227--you can see the change clearly in your photos, and you are looking awesome and much stronger than in your before pic.

                              Also, I think this is kind of cool:

                              Product Review: The Zero Scale :: stumptuous.com
                              “If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive.” --Audre Lorde

                              Owly's Journal

                              Comment


                              • The Zero scale sounds like it would be really nice for a lot of people. My actual weight doesn't make me anxious, but the inexplicable fluctuations that don't seem backed up by the other data are what frustrates me. It doesn't make me actually anxious or unhappy, I just go "What the hell?? Bah."

                                I mean, nothing is going to stop me from eating this way, and I only get the urge to binge on crap very infrequently. Like the other day at the beach, the ice cream stands were open, and I felt like devouring a ton of ice cream. It used to be my #1 crap-tier comfort food, so it tempts me more than anything else does. (I deal with this by allowing myself to have it, but only if I'm with someone else and we go to one of the nice local ice cream parlors and get local ice cream made with local grassfed whole milk. Then I get a tummyache, but I don't even care.)

                                Anyway, aside from the occasional desperate ice cream wishes, I'm not being siren-song'ed off the path. So the weight will keep coming off. That's not the problem. I just want to try and understand the patterns and what = more weight loss and what = less weight loss or gain. When it doesn't make sense to me, or I'm gaining or stalling when I should be losing, that's when I get cranky.

                                Also, more weight lost = more bragging rights, so that part is nice too. And, I'm coming down toward my lowest-ever adult weight, so that part is exciting too, and any small stumbles and backtracking are making my eyebrows twitch because I'm impatient! Whine whine whine!

                                I'll get to where I should be eventually, but I WANT IT RIGHT NOW!!!JK!J!KG!ADJKGS!!!! You know?

                                _-J o u r n a l_--------- ---- ---- --- --- -- -- -

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