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Gravyboat's Log, Stardate 59575.1

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  • Thanks, WaylandC!

    Actually, your exercise suggestions are basically exactly what I do now. I mainly do squats, bench press, military press, rows, bicep curls, lateral raises, decline tricep extensions, and next time I go to the gym I'm starting on romanian deadlifts. (I'm scared of regular deadlifts because my shins bruise if I even look at them wrong. I still have a mark from when I cracked my shin into some metal stairs in November.. And having my shins against a bar right at the maximum-bruise-zone scares the shit out of me.) I use some machines, mainly for shoulders and arms. I squat ass-to-grass until I literally can't do another one, so the leg press is a little superfluous for me. I suuuuuuuuck at pushups for right now, but I've been trying to do them off the side of my couch. Maybe someday I'll actually be able to do burpees too. Imagine that.

    Right now I can only do about 10-15lbs per arm (30lbs together) but I'm trying hard to get stronger. It sucks not having regular access to the gym, and I've been wanting to join one so bad. I just don't have the money though so I'm stuck with occasional visits as a guest, and the 7lb weights I have at home. When I'm at home, I tend to use the weights for as many reps as I can do, switch to the next exercise, do as many reps as I can do, etc. a couple times a day. I haven't been keeping count but I probably should.

    What I really want right now is a good way to build up my lower abs. I think I see lying leg raises in my near future (like, tonight maybe)... Ughh. Those muscles are non-existent and every time I exercise them it feels like menstrual cramps. Not fun.

    I've heard about 5x5 and I think it's a good plan. Usually what I do is pick a weight I can do 8-10 reps on, then do maybe 3 sets, depending on how exhausted I feel. Sometimes I only do 1 or 2 sets, move on to another exercise, and go back to do another set or two later in the workout when the muscles don't feel as noodly. I'm not sure if that's counterproductive or not. It just feels like if I had to wait between 5 sets one after another, I'd be sitting around for more time than I'm actually "working".

    What do you think?

    _-J o u r n a l_--------- ---- ---- --- --- -- -- -

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    • 228 today, but that's fine because I exercised pretty hard yesterday. Did a bunch of super-slow lying dumbbell flies (ouch!!), dumbbell presses, hip flexor stretches, planks, and leg lifts (which turned into leg hovers, don't hate). I'm sore today!! Especially in my arms, shoulders, and lats. I also feel it in my lower abs when I tense em up, which is awesome. I like DOMS. Lets me know I'm doing it right. I would have been pretty disappointed if I wasn't sore today.

      Tonight I am going out dancing for a few hours with some friends. I'm going to make sure to stretch out my abs (side ones too) before I go because the last few times I've gotten pretty bad cramps within the first 15 minutes (side stitches) and have to sit around at the water cooler recovering and not able to breathe too deeply for a while. That sucks. Maybe if I didn't dance so vigorously, but then what's the point? I like building up a sweat and "feeling the burn". It's just about the only cardio I can tolerate, so I'm definitely riding that pony as far as it goes.

      Speaking of cardio, I'm going to see my dad on Monday, and I hope he agrees to a hike. I feel like wandering in the woods, especially with the weather being so nice. I don't think he'll go for it though because he's going to be walking around all weekend at the ham radio convention. Bah! Somebody ought to go on a hike with me.

      I'm also impatient for the pool to open!!! 3 more weeks!

      ......Holy shit, am I turning into an athletic person? Pretty sure this is the only time in my life I've actually WANTED to exercise. I ain't complaining, but holy shit.

      By the way, this article has just about the most awkward diagrams I've ever seen. NSFW?
      Last edited by Gravyboat; 05-19-2012, 07:45 AM.

      _-J o u r n a l_--------- ---- ---- --- --- -- -- -

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      • Ok I just wrote out a whole post complaining about "going dancing", which actually ended up being "standing for over an hour bored to tears until the vertebra of my lower back start to fuse up, and then dancing for maybe 10 minutes before my friend gets tired and decides she wants to leave". Then I deleted it all because no one cares.

        Sufficed to say, it sucked and was a complete waste of time. No one even hit on me, probably because I was trapped in a corner and only got to dance for like 3 songs.

        Note to self: If you want to dance, do it at home. There's no drunk/stoned people falling off the stage on you, you don't get booze splashed on you, your eardrums don't get blown out, it's free, it's not so shoulder-to-shoulder crowded you can barely move, you can be naked, and you can do it for as long as you damn well please. The only downside is that the cats will get excited and end up tripping you by rubbing against your legs, just like they love to snuggle up in your armpit while you're on the floor lifting weights. That does suck, but it's way better than EXTREMELY LOUD, extremely shitty music, assholes spilling their drinks on you, and only having 2 square feet in which to move.

        PS: Why are people entertained by drag shows? That shit is so boring I want to shoot myself in the face. JUST SHUT UP AND OPEN THE DANCE FLOOR. STOP LIP SYNCING. I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR SEQUINS AND RHINESTONES AND FAKE HAIR. GO AWAY. AHHHHHH.

        _-J o u r n a l_--------- ---- ---- --- --- -- -- -

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        • Ok, I'm getting more and more annoyed with people. Why is everyone so damn flaky? My dad is blowing off spending time with me AGAIN, and this after several other people blew me off this week.

          All I want is someone to exercise with (weightlifting, swimming, dancing, hiking, tag, jump rope, whatever) and go on adventures with. I'm not interested in going out to restaurants and spending lots of money because restaurant food blows ass and is way more expensive than it has any right being for as much ass as it blows. So, exercise and adventures. Snuggles and handholding are nice but not necessary. And I'm back to having no sex drive so that's a no-thank-you on that.

          Where the hell can I find someone who is non-flaky, down for spending a ton of time being sweaty with me, doesn't mind that I'm a primal-eating tightwad, and doesn't expect me to snork their pork to make it worth their time? I am DONE buying attention with sex. It would also be cool if they actually had things in common with me, because I haven't had a friend I had things in common with for a very long time (If ever? God, I seriously don't remember ever having a close friend I had multiple things in common with, not counting exes. That is horrible).

          UGH, where are all the local people who don't suck? My ultimate plan to move out into the woods all alone and never return is sounding better and better all the time. Can't get disappointed by people blowing you off if there's no people. Don't have to worry about sounding like a prissy asshole when I say I don't want to eat something because it has X in it, because there won't be anyone to sound like a prissy asshole to.

          I miss dating just for the companionship though. Whatever, I'll admit it. I do not want to deal with someone else's sexual needs right now though so I can't date. But if I'm not dating someone I can expect them to fit me into their schedule only sporadically and whenever they feel like it (which is barely ever). Ughhhh.

          Goddamn people.

          _-J o u r n a l_--------- ---- ---- --- --- -- -- -

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          • 227 today, I guess my body is finally losing the bloat, but I'm about to go right back into it. Today is another workout day and I should be getting my period any time now. I'm sort of looking forward to it for once because I got some sea sponge tampons and I'm excited to give them a try.

            I posted an ad on CL looking for friends who are like me: nerdy, into health & fitness, into natural living, etc. No takers.

            I think it's time I accepted that I am just a weirdo and I am never going to meet someone else like me. I should really get used to my own company because I don't think I am ever going to find someone else I'm truly and completely comfortable around and truly respect. I think I'm just so utterly different from everyone else on earth that I won't ever be really compatible with anyone.

            I don't want to resign myself to "alone for life", but I think that's pretty much how it's going to shape up. Like, I'm pretty sure I could continue finding friends I don't have much in common with, but I seriously hate that. I want to be friends with someone who actually gets me and thinks the same way I do about things. But I don't think anyone like that exists.

            Life sucks, yall. It's just one stretch of loneliness and disappointment after another.

            _-J o u r n a l_--------- ---- ---- --- --- -- -- -

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            • Hmm..that is a lot of suck in a few short posts. Sadly, I've got nothing beyond, be patient, which I am sure you do not want to hear. I've been you, well, a male version, when you wonder just when the fuck you will meet people that are not A) shallow B) crazy C) annoying as shit D) boring as hell. The truth is that they are out there. It just takes time to find them. Does that help. No, but eh, it's all I've got.

              That said, shopping for smaller clothes is good. Lane Bryant is the most annoying store ever. It seems to me they vary year to year...one year OMFG I must have everything! (the wife, not me) the next "Which circus did they rob to sew these clothes?" Then again, I have never been accused of fashion sense.

              Life sucks, but will get better.

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              • Thanks. I want to try and keep optimistic and think "It's only a matter of time, I'll meet cool people someday!" But honestly I feel like that may just get my hopes up and take away time I could be learning to just be happy being by myself. I think if I resign myself to being a freak, maybe I'll just roll up my sleeves and go "Well, no use crying about it. Might as well go do all that stuff I wanted to do, alone."

                I've had so few good friends in my life, though, that it seems really tragic to just accept that the future will bring more of the same. In my life, I have been lonely much more than I have been not-lonely. I don't really want to accept that that's just my lot in life and I better get used to it. But right now it seems like that's all I can do. Maybe if I just truly accept it it won't seem so bad anymore.

                _-J o u r n a l_--------- ---- ---- --- --- -- -- -

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                • First, going out and doing the stuff you want to do on your own IS probably the best way to find friends like you - who are doing the same thing.
                  Second, not to burst your grumpy bubble here, but much as we are all 'unique' no one is so unique that there aren't plenty of others like them (or compatible) out there. Cast your net. A thousand times if you have to. For sure you won't find them if you stay in your apartment.
                  Third, find plenty of friends who you have just a couple of things in common with, instead of holding out for the whole package. I have quilting friends, writing friends, friends through kids, sport friends(yes, even I the complete un-sport person), scrapbooking friends, library friends. You can enjoy limited time with them, they can introduce you to others, and they might turn out to be multi-purpose friends after a while. Sometimes it takes a long time to get to know and open up to a person. No reason you can't have casual fun while that is happening.
                  Fourth, invite people to things. All kinds of people, all kinds of things. In groups.
                  Thus ends my tough love post.

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                  • 225 today, 35.75" / 48.5" (new low score!)

                    Skipped dinner yesterday because I wasn't hungry. That's fine. But I also didn't drink enough water yesterday. That's less fine.

                    The lower ab exercises (leg lifts and planks) are totally working. I can easily flex to bring my spine into proper alignment now, and it is only going to get more and more automatic with additional work. My belly is also hanging down less, and that's really exciting to me. I've had a belly crease since I was like 7 or 8, no joke. At this rate it might actually go away someday, so that's awesome.

                    Just did another body fat percentage calc. 28.6%! Getting there!

                    I would be so happy if my arm fat was the next to go. I am really getting tired of these wobbly christmas hams. There's a good amount of muscle in there now when I flex, so that's good, but it doesn't seem to make any difference normally.
                    Last edited by Gravyboat; 05-23-2012, 05:50 AM.

                    _-J o u r n a l_--------- ---- ---- --- --- -- -- -

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                    • Hey. I have been nosily reading your journal after what you said on the CW Wisdom thread. You look normal and quite pretty. Demure. Slightly overweight, but not much. I don't see any facial hair at all. Maybe if someone were looking close up they might see more, but nothing out of the ordinary, so far as I can tell. Lots of women get wispy dark hair here and there, it is just more noticeable because of being brunette.

                      I really try to stay off things that don't concern me. But...

                      Last guy I dated liked to make fun of me, though, because I like to think I'm sooooo big and hairy and hulking, but he was soooo much bigger and hairier than me that I looked pathetic in comparison. (This guy was known to others as Yeti and Sasquatch.)
                      It's pretty much why I've been dating guys all this time.
                      It has always taken extremely decent sex to make me want to keep a guy around.
                      The Cleveland lesbian scene blows, seriously.
                      LOL. I think you that you are a heterosexual woman who sometimes feels attracted to other women. From what I can gather same-sex attraction works totally differently in men and women. Cultural factors make people want to join a "scene" and to belong, but nature has other ideas. Humanity has to get propagated somehow. I can see why women would find another woman attractive. Women are attractive. There are so many women on this forum who talk about being attracted to women and they are always "just happen" to be in a long term relationship to a man or they simply find men so much easier to actually have a relationship with a man. Really??? No kidding.

                      Anyway, now I have seen a picture of you and think you look fine, so don't spend lots of money on medical investigations unless you are sure you really need it. You might be a bit hypochondriac. AFAIK a lot of these hormonal things are in the same boat as insulin resistance, like cells get resistive and when there is more insulin there is more of everything else. Less insulin, less androgen, less hair, less fancying girls. Unless you are sure there is something really wrong with you, you probably don't need to investigate anything.

                      Six foot broad shouldered blokes with big blond beards and forthright opinions basically describes me. There are lots of us about and we all like sex all the time and sometimes fall off our motorbikes drunk after burning up and down the beach at 2am and roasting a whole piglet over a beach fire, probably while discussing analytic philosophy and the more red-blooded variants of political theory and generally being a modern day Neanderthal. Fancying men like that is called being a normal heterosexual woman. What I think is abnormal is all the hairless metrosexual men about who hold conformist opinions and dress in off the shelf stuff from the Gap with fake worn patches in their skinny jeans.

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                      • Way to go Gravy!!!
                        Primal since 9/24/2010
                        "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

                        Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
                        MFP username: MDAPebbles67

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                        • Waiting with baited breath. Will she, or won't she?

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                          • billip: I'm not a hypochondriac. Whether or not you think I look fine, I assure you I have actual medical problems. And, frankly, I am real sick of people telling me that my issues are all in my head. It took 6 years of badgering before a doctor actually listened to me and checked my ovaries for cysts. Lo and behold, there they were. I ain't making shit up. I live in this body every day and I know when things are wrong.

                            And seriously, what were you expecting? 5 o'clock shadow? Some kind of horrible disfigured hag with warts and a full handlebar mustache? Counter to popular opinion, it is possible to be medically hirsute and also pretty and relatively normal-looking.

                            I also don't appreciate you telling me what my own sexual orientation is. And, based on your self-description, if I met you irl I'd most likely have no attraction to you whatsoever. I don't like douchebags.

                            Seriously, though. You don't think that the entire world being based on hetero relationships would make hetero relationships vastly easier to find/engage in than the alternative? There's like 3 gay bars in my whole city. There's about EIGHTY TRILLION straight bars. It simply is easier to find hetero partners. It's a numbers game, plain and simple. And when dudes are practically falling from the sky all around you, and your first choice is nowhere in sight, or has repeatedly rejected you, and you're lonely? Yeah. You're damn right I dated dudes. Doesn't mean I'm straight. You make the best out of what you can find.

                            _-J o u r n a l_--------- ---- ---- --- --- -- -- -

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                            • Originally posted by Sabine View Post
                              Waiting with baited breath. Will she, or won't she?
                              "Baited" is the right word, for sure.

                              _-J o u r n a l_--------- ---- ---- --- --- -- -- -

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                              • And...she does!!

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