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Jamilyn's 30th Birthday Wish

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  • Jamilyn's 30th Birthday Wish

    Hi all,

    I am a 30 year old mother of two darling little girls. I am just about 5'1" and lets just say that I'm getting way too close to weighing almost as much as what 2 people of my height are "supposed" to weigh. I have always struggled with my body image, and have ALWAYS had a tummy. Even in high school, when I was very active in sports including tennis and track, I still had virtually no waist. It was embarrassing and very hard to find clothes that fit comfortably for my height.

    After the birth of my second daughter, I allowed myself to skyrocket to a weight that I had never even dreamed possible for me. In the time since then (about 18 months) I have struggled to lose the extra pounds. I did try paleo/primal once for about 2 weeks, and did fantastic! I even saw a hint of a curve where my waist had never really appeared before! I gave up after those two weeks because my husband is extremely unsupportive and really pushed the snacks and alcohol while on a family vacation at the end of the summer.

    This past weekend, my husband took me out with friends for my 30th birthday. The night was fun but quickly skyrocketed out of control with alcohol and all sorts of shenanigans. I woke up the next day and was pretty much non-functional for about 24 hours (the kids were with Grandma). I have never felt so rotten in my life.
    The hangover was only one part of the absolute torment that I felt. For the first time in my life, I had allowed myself to lose complete control over my choices with alcohol. I realized that I have been doing this in my life in many places and that I had, without a doubt in my mind, hit rock bottom. I spent the whole day wallowing in misery and pain as I reflected on how much of my life I am letting just "happen". It made me sick to think about what kind of example my health is showing our kids. My husband is in worse shape than I, so his story is for another day and for him to tell, but I knew that I needed to make a change immediately.

    So here I am, one week after my 30th birthday, feeling worse than I have ever felt in my life. I am self conscious, heavy, un-energetic, grumpy, and just extremely the opposite of anything that I have ever been. BUT, there is a little pinpoint of light peeking through this icky haze. That light is the awareness that I have the knowledge and power to change my existence in this world.

    I am starting this journal for a couple of reasons. First, I need a place to feel supported in my decision to go paleo/primal. I am not supported at home and I need to share my victories, challenges, opinions, and questions in a respectful environment. Second, I am hoping to use this forum as sort of a mirror so that I can see where my triggers, hang-ups, and patterns are. I have never felt more committed to doing something for me in my whole life. I hope to gain great knowledge and friends on this journey.
    My Story As It Unfolds

  • #2
    Welcome to the Journals Forum! I've found it to be a very friendly community. Good luck with primal and I hope that you're feeling better soon.


    • #3
      Welcome! This is most definitely a friendly and helpful place, and paleo/primal is the only way I ever feel *good* mentally and physically.

      Let me share one of the great bits of wisdom I acquired during my 30s (I'm 42 now):

      No one--NO ONE--has to like or accept my choices but ME. That includes my husband and the rest of my family. I love them, they love me, but *I* am the one who has to live intimately with my choices. So, my father-in-law who thinks he knows everything in the whole world because he's a brilliant physicist (he is) and who thinks I am killing myself with my food choices while he snarfs processed, low fat food and no vegetables, can stuff it. My hubby who is a rarely-eats-vegetables pescatarian (fish eating vegetarian) can stuff it too.

      This is your body, your life. Make choices that fit your needs.

      Perhaps your hubby is afraid that if you get fit and sexy, you'll leave him. Or maybe he's afraid you'll put pressure on him to change. Or maybe he already feels guilty and full of self-loathing because of his own condition, and he wants a partner to share the misery. I don't know, and unless he tells you, you don't know for sure either. But HIS choices are his to make, YOURS are yours to make.

      I assume you're the meal maker in the house. If so, just cook paleo and make a side of rice or potatoes or whatever for the hubs. My hubby knows he's in charge of his own entree if I'm not making fish, he's welcome to the veggies, and I won't nag him about the way he eats if he doesn't nag me about mine. Luckily, my hubby is more supportive of me choosing my path than it sounds like yours is, but we have tangled in other areas and I maintain that marriage does not mean I've taken on a boss.

      YOU are important. Treat yourself, your body, and how you feel that way.

      Best to you.
      I blog about living life to the fullest at The Hairy Edge. Check it out! (Or not. We can still be friends. )


      • #4
        Hi there,

        Wow! Thank you so much for the kind and powerful words! I do have a very strong feeling that eating this way is my way to health. I had a great first day yesterday and as for today, so far so good. After my yummy eggs and bacon breakfast and chicken and pepper lunch I had to ask myself, "Why did I EVER STOP THIS??"

        Aside from feeling absolutely obsessed with food and wanting to eat everything in site, I'm hanging in there and feeling great. I am looking forward to the very near day when someone looks at me and says, "Have you been doing something different? You look.. good.."

        Oh and PS, any day that I can grab an extra piece of bacon mid-morning as a snack has to be a good day : )

        My Story As It Unfolds


        • #5
          Yay for you! And bacon is the highlight of this lifestyle. Tastes so darn good.

          Don't worry about how much you're eating at first. The carb-flu cravings send the signal that you're hungry. If you consistently send it protein, veggies and fat, it will shut up eventually. I've honestly gotten to the point where I skip meals because I'm just not hungry. Had 3 strips of bacon and some coffee this morning and went without a snack until lunch 5 1/2 hours later and wasn't all that hungry. At first, though, I ate and ate and ate. Your body will fall into line soon enough.

          I make sure I never get too hungry or do anything that makes me feel deprived. I splurge on good cheese and cut off a slice and just love on it. Good quality dark chocolate too~even a half a square eaten mindfully makes me feel like I've had a big, gooey dessert. And bacon: good quality, no nitrate bacon. The thing is, my grocery bills have actually gone down even though I buy quality food. That boxed, processed crap never fills you up and is expensive. I stick something in the crock pot on Monday, eat on it most of the week, have bacon and eggs or a bunless hamburger when I'm tired of the crock pot stuff, big salads and veggies with butter or a quick cheese sauce.

          You'll see a difference quickly. I've dropped a size and a half since January 2. The jeans I could barely button and would *never* have worn anywhere are sagging in the butt and thighs, and I'm swimming in the waist. Of course none of my bras fit anymore either, and *that* I could have done without. Wish my thighs and butt would lose half as quickly as my bust!

          Keep up the good work! Drink lots of water as it really will help make you feel better overall.
          I blog about living life to the fullest at The Hairy Edge. Check it out! (Or not. We can still be friends. )


          • #6

            So an update for day number 3..

            Last night I was extremely annoyed at my husband for various reasons and I did something that I have done way too often in the past 8 years. I grabbed something to eat! I actually heard in my head, "Well he's being such an ass, I will just turn on the TV and eat this snack.." The snack was goldfish crackers (I LOVE THEM). Aside from this my day was so perfectly paleo. GRR!!

            Here's the thing though, today I am actually AWARE of what triggered my poor snacking choice and I feel as though I can head it off at the pass next time. I realize that eating in response to emotion is never good, but for just this moment I am going to keep a nice yummy batch of primal trail mix in the closet just in case.. I'll work on the emotional eating after these darn carb and sugar cravings subside.

            Today I made the mistake of not taking enough food to work for the day, so I was scrambling (won't make that mistake again!!). The old me would have gone across the street to McDonalds, the new me marched into the grocery store and bought a small thing of Sushi. I know, I know, RICE!!! But I'm calling this a fair trade from old McDonalds me. I even skipped the soy sauce due to the ingredients. So I'm going to call this a victory. Yay me!!!

            Aside from the food obsession, I am feeling pretty darn good. All of this water in my system that has replaced all soda and coffee is really making me feel great. Also, I noticed this morning that, despite my goldfish party last night, I am feeling significantly less bloated than normal and that my eyes look much less puffy this morning.

            I am ignoring the fact that my 5 year old darling girl asked me this morning if I had a new baby in my belly because it is big enough to have one and I am feeling pretty darn good about myself.
            My Story As It Unfolds


            • #7
              Ahh!! The carb hangover is gone!!!

              I feel so GOOD today! The colors are brighter, my head is clearer, my skin is prettier, and my tummy is already noticeably smaller! Yay!! Oh and the sautéed spinach, onion, bacon, egg scramble that I ate for breakfast this morning was heavenly.

              Last night, hubby came home with a big thing of coke for me. Instead of getting quietly angrier and angrier, I ambushed him during a commercial. I said to him, I really really want you to stop buying soda, beer, chips, for me. I am trying to change my eating habits and it is really hard to say no to something that I used to love right now. If you want to get these things for yourself, I'm fine with that. Just keep it in the 'man cave'. He responded with "okay dokey, I was just trying to get you a treat for doing such a great job this week." So I said to him, if you really want to get me a treat for how awesome I am, maybe you could go to the store and pick out the prettiest steak you can find for me? That would show true love!

              He laughed and the night was saved from a bitter argument and guilt of drinking some icky soda. Progress!!

              PS. We have decided to plan a big vacation to Disney in May, so now I have ultimate motivation to get to hot mom status by then. Easy peasy..
              My Story As It Unfolds


              • #8
                good stuff!! keep up the good work!


                • #9
                  It occurred to me that I never actually stated what my goals are for this journey.

                  Outward Goals:

                  To weigh 125lbs or somewhere in the vicinity at (almost) 5'1. (I am 185 right now.. gulp)
                  To stop browsing the plus size section of department stores.. Sheeh, at this point it is to just stop buying pants one size higher every 2 months.
                  To gain definition in arms, legs, and back, and to reveal that I am capable of showing a waistline (I know it's in there somewhere!!).

                  Inward Goals:

                  To improve mood
                  To gain focus and mental clarity
                  To drastically reduce alcohol consumption
                  To Gain energy for more activities with the kiddos and hubby
                  To regain a sex-drive that has been lost for years

                  I figure if I put them down here then every time I peek back into the forum they will be popping out at me. It's harder to ignore them here than it is to let them get lost in the monkey chatter of my crazy mind!!

                  And now, it is time to go eat the most unbelievably delicious beef stew that man ever created. Jeez, I wish I had of paid more attention to what I threw in there!!
                  My Story As It Unfolds


                  • #10
                    Whoa Momma!

                    Alright, so today was a BIG day for me. First of all, I feel so incredibly great! I don't care if this is attributed to my new lifestyle, the sunshine that has been blessing our area, a change in season, my cat deciding that it is no longer appropriate to sleep on my head every night or whatever! I am going to go ahead and blame it on the new diet of meat/veggie/meat/meat/veggie/fat/fat/fat. It's working. I feel... lubed up.. Not in a gross perverted way, but in a -my joints are all greased and feeling like they want to move- kind of way.. It's nice!!

                    This afternoon my mom took me out for a late birthday lunch with some old friends that we hadn't seen in a long time. We went to a regular restaurant that had pretty decent fare. I have to admit that I have NEVER in my life ordered something that wasn't exactly on the menu so I was a bit nervous. I had a seriously big craving for a burger, which is funny because I don't think I have ever ordered a burger from a restaraunt either. So I nervously asked the waiter if I could please have the smokehouse burger, medium rare, with extra jalepenos, extra onions, extra bacon, no bun, no french fries, and could he please serve it on a bed of greens... (Eyelashes batting at this point) He, along with my mom and friends looked at me as though they weren't sure if I was kidding. He said, "Wait a minute, do you want a burger and a salad?" I took a deep breath and said, "Well yeah, kinda." "Well what kind of dressing do you want?" he inquires (a relatively normal question to this insane blond asking for more bacon and less bread) I said, "Go ahead and keep the dressing, just throw the burger on top of the salad and you will have a happy girl." This got a smile out of him and my gang. Held in breaths were released, my ordering was over, and everyone was happy. I have to say, this was an OUTRAGEOUS success! I was in heaven with my meaty, salady goodness and I didn't even bat an eye (well okay and eye was batted, but a finger wasn't lifted) at the mounds of french fries set on every other plate at my table. I'm pretty sure I Mmm'd and Ooh'd throughout the meal. I'm not sure what the conversation was about. Oops!

                    Tonight, the hubby went out with friends so I got to have a girl night with my kiddos. I was so satisfied and happy from lunch that I didn't even worry about my dinner. I whipped something up for the girls, got them to bed, and then realized that I had an awesome beef stew in the fridge. A big bowl of that later and I was sitting happy. So I did what I normally do on a Friday night. I broke open a pretty bottle of sparkling wine. I had a glass, went and poured another glass, took a sip then threw the glass in the sink. What was I doing? This is NOT the me I want to be anymore! So, I promptly ran to the DVD set, dusted off the old FIRM workout box that I have had sitting since I begged my husband to buy it 2 years ago, and pulled out the 21 day transfomation plan. I then commenced to doing something that I haven't really done in a loooonnnnngggg time.. I.Worked.Out.

                    And I kicked it's butt! Well, my butt is going to be SORE tomorrow but it felt so good! So primal! So sweaty! Oooh I feel good right now! Thank you primal. Thank you Mark. Thank you Robb. I am getting a life. A good life. A great life. And now I will sleep like a baby.
                    My Story As It Unfolds


                    • #11
                      I'm glad you're doing so well with primal! Well done at the restaurant today and a belated happy birthday!!!
                      JOIN THE PANDA SHOW!!! Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS and PANDALOONERY!


                      • #12
                        Thank you so much Panda! By the way, I have been reading different threads on here and I thoroughly enjoy following you! It is wonderful to laugh while being inspired at the same time.
                        My Story As It Unfolds


                        • #13
                          First Successful Weekend

                          I must first say, I wasn't perfect. But I was darn good! I successfully survived a weekend party and didn't go crazy on the junk! I stuck to meat and pretty much shoveled down a whole veggie tray over the night, but I wasn't sad about 'missing out' on any of the desserts, or even the delicious Italian food sitting around. I DID have a tiny bite of a homemade chicken pot pie, but c'mon, I'm only human!! : )

                          After my Friday night spontaneous workout, I woke up Saturday feeling very tight, not quite sore, but I could tell I had definitely done something. I decided I better do day 2 of the workout routine, so I popped in the DVD, huffed and puffed through what those skinny girls on the tv called a "Cardio Party", and about killed myself. I'm not kidding, I wasn't in any real danger or anything, however my 5 year old came into the room and said "Mommy! Are you sure you should keep doing that? Your face is soooo red!!!" God bless her : )

                          I have to mention that my brilliant idea of working out on day 2 would have been a GREAT one except for the small fact that I had conveniently forgotten that I was taking my daughter roller skating that evening... For the first time.. And for the first time in about 16 years for me (Oh and about 80lbs heavier). By 4pm I was a little nervous as every muscle in my body was shaky and weak.. But rollerskating we went! I picked it right back up, along with my daughter, who I picked up every 45 seconds. I was exhausted but we had such a blast~

                          After, we went to a jam session at a friends house. I play the flute and sing a bit so I got to add my tunes to the guitars. It was a great night!

                          Today, Sunday, was an easy day to stay on track as I have virtually no time on Sundays to do anything. As a matter of fact, once I start IF I am going to make Sunday one of the days that I do this. I wake up early for work at a church and am there until mid afternoon. After, I usually crash for a 2-3 hour nap with my infant, but today I didn't need one! Extra energy from eating clean?? I think so! Here is the way that I can tell that this primal stuff has really knocked me off my rocker. Instead of napping, I CLEANED! I did laundry, vacuumed, and cooked. Okay, so I did all of these things while making very audible groaning noises because my quads and butt and, well, everything hurt so bad from the workouts. (Today was a planned rest day) But still, I did them! Dinner was leftover taco meat with sauteed (in butter) onions, spinach, jalapenos, and red bell pepper topped with a teensy bit of chedder cheese and sour cream. H-E-A-V-E-N. Going to bed a happy girl!

                          PS> Someone asked me today at church if I was doing something because I looked beautiful today. I told him I was eating meat and veggies pretty much only, he looked at me and said, "So you're diggin the bacon. Cool." Lol, I responded with a very enthusiastic "You know it!"
                          My Story As It Unfolds


                          • #14
                            One Week Down.

                            And I feel like a different person. I can't believe it has only been a week! My cravings are all but gone, my energy levels are through the roof, my muscles ache from good exercise, my mood has already made major improvements. I am even 5 lbs. down from last week! I feel like I am going through some major transformations on the inside too. Not sure where that is going yet, but it will be interesting to see and experience.

                            I have to say, I am not really doing strict 100% primal. But I am doing probably 90/10. I'm VERY close. In the past, I would have considered myself a failure if I slipped and ate something "bad" for me. This time around, I find that I have really been gentle with myself, and to be honest, I feel as though it has helped me make better choices.

                            It's almost like I have this part of my mind that is a bratty teenager that wants everything that I say I CAN'T have. That teenager has won in many many arguments over the years and has helped me get to where I am today. This time, I am prepared for this brat. Each time the little hellion speaks up that she want's something, I say, "Go ahead and have it. It's no biggie. You know how you are going to feel afterwards, but if you want it that bad then have a ball."

                            This throws the bratty teenage me off a bit. What's the trick here anyways?? Aren't I going to wallow in self pity and spiral further and further out of control until I am lying in a food coma on the floor, completely swollen and bloated and not even remembering what it was, exactly, that I ate?

                            "Nope," I say to the B.T. "This time, you can have whatever you want, I'll just stand by and let you have your fun. Then I am going to go right back to living this new lifestyle and feeling great." B.T. gets a little curious, then bored, then tired, and goes away. No longer set on getting what she can't have, because she is not restricted anymore.

                            This bratty teenage me seems to have gone on to find something else to do because I am no longer having these arguments with myself as to why I can't have something. As a matter of fact, over the past day or two, I don't even think I have asked myself "Why" even once. I am getting this. It is sinking in. There is nothing that I can't have, but many things that I know will make me feel better if I choose them over the junk.

                            Ahhhhh, how freeing. And what a rambling post. Oh how I am quickly becoming addicted to this journaling thing..
                            My Story As It Unfolds


                            • #15
                              It's so cool how you've had such a remarkable internal change in such a short period of time. Good for you! The same has happened to me but it's only been very recent after working to switch to the primal WOL over the past 4-5 months. I'm older and probably have a lot more ingrained bad habits and patterns to break through, though. My 'inner teenager' seems eons away.

                              Keep on keeping on!
                              Female / 5' 8" / 42 / SW: 166 CW: 159
                              Journal: Inspired by success story. Working on my own.

                              My mermish life: ENTER to WIN Real Mermaids Don't Hold Their Breath (until Mar 15)